Disclaimer: All rights belong to Nickelodeon, Bryan Konietzko, Michael Dante DiMartino, and all the men and women that created the A:TLA show, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The lyrics are from the song "I Found" by Amber Run

Rating: General Audiences. Warning: some scenes contain dark themes and minor violence

Author's Note: The lyrics at the start of this chapter come from the song "I Found" by Amber Run, which I listened to nonstop while writing this chapter until the end of this first book. It's like the theme song of this part of the story. Seriously, go give it a listen. I highly recommend the version featuring the London Contemporary Voices, which is just especially fitting and powerful

Chapter 10 - Whale Tail Island

I found love where it wasn't supposed to be

Right in front of me

Talk some sense to me

Katara was expecting Whale Tail Island to be unpleasant. She wasn't expecting it to be this bad.

She was just standing on deck, hands resting lightly on the rail, when they approached the island. As they sailed closer, she saw the flag waving proudly from the tower, and a wave of horrible memories flooded over her.

She's not sure how long she stands there, frozen, until Zuko walks past and then suddenly doubles back.

"What's the matter?" he asks.

"That flag. That's the same exact flag that the people who destroyed my village had." Katara grips the railing as tightly as she can. "Those people killed my family."

He's quiet for a minute. "The people who killed your family died decades ago," he finally says. "They're gone."

Katara knows he's right. Still, she can't shake the dread that sits in the bottom of her stomach.

An hour later, when they dock, she's ready to go ashore. She has a crossbody satchel that she grips nervously. Zuko had brought her some Fire Nation clothes so that she woudn't stick out as much as she inevitably will as the only girl around. The long skirt and tight top fit perfectly but leave her feeling exposed. She misses her thick furs, or at least the long tunic of the Earth Kingdom attire.

The hardest part was taking off her necklace. She still can't exactly remember what it is from, but she's starting to think it was her mother's. Whenever she touches she gets a hint of a memory or her mom - the sound of her laugh, the flash of a smile, the feeling of a warm hand. Katara has it safely stored in her bag, but she still doesn't like not having it on her person. Her neck feels too empty without it, so she finds a gold and ruby necklace to replace it. It's not the same, though.

All the crewmen are dressed in their Fire Nation uniforms. The Firebenders have white masks on. Katara thinks the masks are terrifying. It's weird seeing the crewmen that she's slowly been getting to know as decent men just doing their job suddenly looking like the enemy she sees in her nightmares.

It's even stranger seeing Zuko and Iroh wearing the clothing of royals. They both wear simple clothes on a daily basis, so seeing them so dressed up is like seeing completely different people. Iroh always wears his hair up in the royal topknot, but Zuko hasn't since the first day she met him. She had grown used to his shaggy hair. Now it's pulled up and secured with a crimson ribbon.

He looks like a real prince. He walks with authority. And he keeps his face carefully set in a neutral expression.

The Zuko she's gotten to know is completely different than the version of him in front of her right now.

He glances at her and nods. "You look Fire Nation. Stay close to Iroh and me. No one will bother you then."

Katara has no intention of straying far from them. Her idea of a good evening would involve standing quietly in Iroh and Zuko's shadows and then returning to the ship to play some Pai Sho with the old general. Ideally she'd do some training with Zuko, but she doesn't want to reveal her waterbending ability. Especially not to the people who wiped out the Waterbenders.

The crewmen escort the three off the ship and into the harbor. The first thing Katara notices is how alive it is compared to the earth village they'd visited. The men here aren't starving and oppressed. They aren't worrying about war and being hurt. Music is playing in the air. Rugged warriors in mismatched armor are gathered in small groups, talking and drinking and gambling.

Katara sees a few women flitting around in the dark alleys. She knows exactly what they're here for and avoids their glares.

Zuko's men escort them to a large building in the center of the base. A man dressed elegantly and waited upon by a half dozen servants and guards emerges and greets Zuko and Iroh warmly.

"It is truly an honor to be in the presence of the Fire Lord's son," the man says, bowing to Zuko. "And of course, the Dragon of the West, the mighty General Iroh."

The two return his bow. "We are honored by your hospitality, Commander Ju-Long," Zuko says. His tone is full of respect and is devoid of the normal edge he speaks with. "We will relate news of your agreeability and cooperation to the palace."

Ju-Long gives Zuko a funny look. "To the palace? Does that mean you've found what you're looking for and are permitted to return home?"

Zuko's jaw tightens, a motion almost imperceptible. "Not yet. But I am close."

Ju-Long bows again. "I wish you only the best of luck in your search. And tonight, I have prepared a feast in your honor."

"That was not necessary," Zuko says. Iroh quickly adds, "But most appreciated."

"My servant will lead you to your chambers." Ju-Long motions to a servant standing behind him. Then the commander turns to Katara. "And who is your guest, if I might ask? Not the lady Mai."

Katara glances at Zuko, wondering who Mai is and also curious as to what he's going to say. They hadn't come up with a cover for her at all. Katara had just planned to stay as silent as possible the entire time.

"She is my bodyguard," Zuko says without hesitation. "One of the Earth Kings paid her to kill me. I offered her more money to protect me."

Ju-Long nods. Katara thinks she can see admiration in his eyes. "Of course. And no one would even think it. They would make assumptions. You really are as clever as your father and sister."

"You said you had rooms for us?"

Ju-Long waves his servant over. "This is Liang. He will be your personal servant during your stay here."

Personal servant? Feast in their honor? Their own rooms? Being royal sure has its perks, Katara can't help but think as they follow the servant to a nearby building that is smaller than the one they were just at but even more ornate. This must be where all the rich people stay.

Katara's tribe never believed in royalty or nobility or anything of the sort. Everyone was equal in terms of status. The elders were honored for their wisdom and knowledge. The adults were respected for their hard work and strength. The youth were appreciated for their energy and innocence. No one was above any other person.

Of course, they had a chief to lead the village and make the difficult decisions, but the role wasn't based off of wealth or heritage. The chief was decided on by the people as a whole. As long as he or she represented the people well, they stayed in charge. If the people started to become unhappy they chose a new chief.

The Northern Water Tribes were different. They had royalty, heredity based, but the royals weren't separated from citizens as much as this. Katara remembers being friends with the princess.

Woah. Katara doesn't remember where all that came from. Her memories must be coming back at a rapid pace now, triggered by what she experiences in real life.

She glances at Zuko worriedly. She can't let him know how much she remembers. They need to finish their quest to find the woman who will help her. Zuko needs as much of a break as he can get from his own quest.

Liang shows them into a large room with a long couch, table, and a beautifully woven carpet. Large tapestries hang from the wall. A Fire Nation flag hangs in the middle.

Iroh instantly seats himself on the couch and reaches for the tea kettle sitting on the table. Zuko passes the couch and heads towards a balcony attached to the room. Katara decides to follow him.

The prince stares out at the raider's town below them. The sounds of music and the smell of cooking meat and smoke fill the air in the distance. In the sky, the sun is setting and the horizon is starting to turn dark.

"So who's Mai?" Katara asks after a moment.

Zuko crosses his arms. "She was a childhood friend of my sister's. Came from a noble family, lived twenty steps from the palace gates. We were close, I guess."

"What happened?"

Zuko looks sideways at her. "My father gave me the mission and I left the Fire Nation."

He doesn't seem too sad to talk about Mai, but he also isn't being very open, either. Katara can't tell if it's because he just isn't usually open or because he misses her more than he's willing to admit.

But if it was two years ago, Zuko would have only been thirteen or fourteen. Kids at that age have crushes. They don't love. She knows. She had a couple of guys that she flirted with and called her boyfriend but it didn't mean anything. They weren't old enough for it to mean anything.

Katara shakes her head. She's way overthinking it. She should take what Zuko says at face value: he and Mai were close friends as kids and liked each other. Then he left and he hasn't been back for two years. He might miss here a little now and then, but he isn't actively pining for her. He's been busy with his mission. Whatever the two of them had is over now and has been for a long time.

Not that it matters. Zuko can like whoever he wants. Katara doesn't care. At least, that's what she tells herself.

She decides to change the subject. "Why did you tell Ju-Long that I was your bodyguard?"

"You were worried about how you'd be treated here. By telling him that you were my bodyguard, I implied that you are on duty and therefore off-limits, as well as that you are a skilled fighter and can easily fend off his men. No one will mess with you once word gets around."

Katara can't believe he thought of that. She remembers him telling her about the school he went to in the Fire Nation, but she still never thought of him as being clever. Then again, Iroh seems like a senile man with a tea obsession and he's one of the wisest people she knows. Apparently hidden intelligence is a family trait.

She's about to thank him when Liang reappears. He bows to Zuko and says, "The feast is beginning. Ju-Long requests your presence."

Zuko nods to him and then motions to Katara to follow. And just like that, Zuko is back to his prince act and Katara is back to her silence.

She just hopes the food is good, at least.

Zuko has been to many feasts and banquets in his sixteen years of life. It's part of being a member of the royal family. He learned from a young age to dress up, speak only when necessary, keep the appropriate expression on his face, and to respect the host no matter what. Those weren't just the rules for feasts; they were rules for any time he was around non-relatives. Prince Zuko is a completely different person than who he is inside.

He hasn't had to be Prince Zuko in a long time. Not since he violated the rules years ago.

Still, he's surprised at how easy that persona comes back to him. He fell into the act as soon as he put on his robes with the royal insignia. It was as natural as breathing.

For over two years he's been living completely free. He eats when he wants to and he eats what he wants how he wants. He dresses in whatever he feels like wearing. He wears his hair however he wants - lately these days he's just let it grow free. He speaks about whatever he wants however he wants.

But two years of being wild isn't enough to forget fifteen years of conditioning. When Liang shows them to their seats at the front of the banquet hall, Zuko doesn't even think about sitting until their host, Ju-Long, takes a seat, and then he follows suit. He doesn't have to remember which plate is for what course and which glass to drink out of. He knows exactly how much food is polite to take and how to eat it properly.

Zuko remembers it all, and he feels so out of place. For the last few years all he's dreamed of is catching the Avatar so he can return to this life. Now he's not sure if he's meant to return to this life. Yeah, he's the first born child of the Fire Lord. But he feels like an imposter right now. The Zuko who left the Fire Nation is not the same person he is now. He left a prince. What is he now?

A few of Ju-Long's noble friends come over to chat with him and Iroh. He hates the conversations. They ask about his father and sister. He has to make up something about them doing well. They ask how he's feeling. He tells them he's doing well. They ask him how long he has until he can return home. He tells them soon. Then they give him their condolences and pledge their loyalty. Zuko thanks them.

All lies. He has no idea how his father and sister are doing. They haven't once reached out to him. He's not feeling fine. He's frustrated and confused and out of place. He has no idea how long it will be until he can return home - if he can ever return home. He doesn't want their pity. He can see how they avoid looking in his eyes so they can avoid looking at his scarred left eye. They're only being polite to him out of respect to his father. He knows all too well what the nobles say about him behind his back. It's the same things they said about his mother when she disappeared.

After an hour of painful, forced conversations, Ju-Long brings in entertainers. Firebenders who specialize in tricks rather than fighting put on a show. They tell stories using animated fire figures. They juggle fire balls. They create intricate figures with flames. They make comedic skits.

Zuko finds it an insult to the art of firebending. He's seen it all a hundred times before and has no interest in seeing it again. But he looks over at Katara, who is sitting on his right side between him and Iroh, and she is watching with amazement. Of course she's never seen anything like it before. The only firebending she has witnessed is combat firebending. Zuko is glad that at least she's entertained.

After the Firebenders take their bows and exit, Ju-Long stands and proposes a toast.

"To our Prince Zuko!" he calls out. "We wish him the best of luck on his quest to regain his honor!"

The room full of warriors repeats the message. Zuko gives Ju-Long a respectful nod and drinks to the toast, but inside he feels his anger building up. Does everyone seem to have to bring up his biggest mistake? Zuko can't escape his past. Everyone either hates or pities him.

After the dessert is served and the good wine has all been drunk, the Firebenders clear the middle of the hall and host a friendly competition. Zuko decides it's an appropriate time to make his exit.

He stands. Katara looks up at him. "Where are you going?"

"I'm tired. You should stay. The Firebenders will put on a good show. You'll like it."

She opens her mouth but then closes it without saying anything. Then she says, "See you later, Zuko."

He bids goodbye to Ju-Long, orders Liang to tend to Iroh and Katara, and then exits the building as quietly as possible. The streets of the town are mostly empty, the vast majority of the raiders attending the feast and participating in the festivities. He likes the town best this way: torches lining the street the only way to see in the dark, music in the distance, and he's alone in the cool night air.

Living on a ship means he rarely has moments in which he's truly alone. There are always crewmembers around. Or his uncle. He loves his uncle, but sometimes Iroh is too nosy. Being alone is great. When he's alone, he doesn't have to pretend to be someone he's not or act in a way that's not truly him.

He wanders around for a while, not really sure where he wants to go. After some time - it could be hours, it could minutes, he's totally lost track of time - he finds himself on the deck of the ship. The ship that's been his home for the last two years. The ship that he can't escape but seems to run right back to.

There's a chilly wind on the water. He creates a small flame in his hand to keep himself warm and then just stares out over the waters. He thinks of home. He thinks of his father and his sister and of Mai. He thinks of them and he thinks of how they belonged to another person in another life.

He's spent so long searching for the Avatar that he never stopped to think about whether he wants his old life back. He's changed. Tonight has proven that to him. He can go back to being the prince, but he's not sure it will make him happy. Problem is, he isn't sure what will make him happy. At least there he had stability. Security. Anything he wanted was his.

But he also had to constantly work for his father's approval. His father, who never showed him affection. Who constantly tried to hide him. Who favored his sister over him every time. Who was never satisfied, never proud, never loving.

"Ju-Long was a little disappointed you didn't stay around to compete," he hears a familiar voice say behind him. He turns and sees Katara approaching, a pile of blankets in her arms.

"Fire isn't something you play with." He turns back to staring out over the waters. Katara comes to stand next to him.

"What happened?" she asks. "You told me you hadn't been home in over two years. You didn't tell me that you couldn't go home."

"I was sitting in a war meeting. The general was proposing to use young, inexperienced Fire Nation soldiers on the front lines as a distraction. They would have all died. I spoke out and told him it was wrong."

"It was wrong," Katara agrees.

"No. It was wrong of me to speak out. It was disrespectful. The general challenged me to an Agni Kai - a duel to the death between Firebenders. I had to accept. When I showed up, it wasn't the general I had to fight. Because the general was trusted by my father, it was my father that I had really disrespected."

He glances over at her. She's staring at him with wide eyes. Wide eyes full of horror. She may have lost her village, but she's still so innocent. At least she has real enemies that she can be angry at. Her nightmares are of faceless Fire Nation Raiders. Zuko's nightmares look himself in the mirror.

He drops his eyes. "I refused to fight him. He was my father, and he was the Fire Lord. I had no chance. He told me I was a coward for not fighting and that I had no honor. He banished me and gave me a mission, and only if I completed the mission could I return home and have my honor restored."

Zuko's hand tightens into a fist at his side. The anger has never faded, even after all these years. "Oh, and he burned off half of my face. Can't forget that."

For a minute, there's just the sound of the ocean. Then he feels her hand gently loosen his fist and she intertwines their fingers. He looks at her in surprise. She isn't looking at him with pity or disgust like everyone else. There's only understanding and compassion in her eyes.

"You're not a coward," she says. "Sometimes it takes more courage to back away from a fight. And it always takes courage to speak up for what you believe is right."

There's a strange feeling inside of him that he can't give a name to. He doesn't know what to say so he looks out again. He isn't sure why he told her the truth, but he's glad he did. His anger just seems to dissipate around her. She has such a safe and calming presence.

"I came out here because Ju-Long is setting off something called fireworks," she says after a minute. "I don't know what they are, but Iroh said I'd like them. And also that the best view would be from the ship. Do you want to watch them with me?"

He's so relieved she's changing the subject. And while he doesn't really care for fireworks, he remembers how in awe she'd been of the Firebender show earlier.

"Sure," he says. Katara lays out the blankets she'd brought on the deck and then sits down. He takes a seat next to her.

"So what exactly are they?" she asks. "Are they dangerous?"

Zuko can't help but smile. Just a little one, but a smile nonetheless. "No. They're like exploding stars."

A loud popping sound comes from the island. Katara flinches. A second later, the sky explodes into brilliant colors.

"Those are fireworks," he says, pointing. "If you lay down, you don't have to crane your neck to see them."

He lays down. And then he does something that feels completely natural even though it's completely impulsive: he spreads his arm straight out, inviting Katara to come closer. And she does. She curls right up into his side, resting her head right next to his shoulder. Her skin is colder than his but there's a different kind of heat between them. A kind that transcends physical temperatures. It spreads from where they're touching to his whole body.

He can't describe exactly what he's feeling. All he knows is that he's not angry or confused or frustrated - in this moment, he's completely content. Happy, even.

Unlike at the feast, where he felt out of place, he feels completely whole right now. He knows that he's right where he's meant to be.

He turns his neck to look at her. The sparkling embers of the fireworks in the sky are reflected in her eyes, wide open in amazement. Even her mouth is open just a little.

She's so beautiful. He's noticed it before, but never appreciated it. And it's not just her appearance - it's the softness and compassion in her eyes when she talks to him, the strength and flexibility of her body when she waterbends, and the brightness of her teeth when she smiles or laughs.

She watches the fireworks. He watches her.

They both change that night.