Chapter 61: One Year Later

JJ and Will were kid free for the night and so thrilled to be spending Valentine's out on the town together. They were barely at the restaurant ten minutes when JJ seemed to have lost her husband's attention.

"Earth to Will. What are you staring at?"

"Sorry. Sorry," he apologized. "I just thought I saw someone."

"Who?"

"It's not important. I'm here with my beautiful wife, and my attention should be on her."

"Damn right."

Every once in a while, he turned to look, but tried not to be obvious. He could have sworn that was Emily. Nothing wrong with that. If she was there, great. He hoped she was having a nice time. But he also thought he saw Hotch. And if they were both there, there was some basis to the conclusion that they were there together. That wasn't a problem either, but Will knew it could be.

JJ would have mentioned if Emily was dating Hotch. She hadn't. All JJ told him was that Emily was dating and so was Hotch. Those things weren't mentioned at the same time and their partners were never even named. It was none of his business, but it was hard to concentrate solely on his wife when there was potential drama brewing. JJ would be happy for them, he knew, but the initial blow of not being immediately informed of the pairing would hit her hard.

"I'm going to run to the bathroom. Get your head together by the time I come back."

"Sure thing," he said.

When JJ got up, she saw the snuggling couple a few tables over, their backs to her, but she noticed the familiarity of the woman. It looked like she had the same hair cut and color as Emily, even the same jacket perched on the chair.

Thinking it could be her, JJ tried to get a look at the guy. Not wanting to disturb any of the patrons and not really able to get much of a look at all, she retreated, heading into the bathroom. She didn't know that Emily got up only seconds later heading for the same place, so it was a surprise when they caught each other at the sinks.

Even more of a surprise when they walked out together…

"Hotch?!" she said. "You're here with… You and Hotch, Em? That's who you're here with? Are you dating Hotch?"

JJ looked back and forth between her friends who seemed to only be able to look at each other, a tension brewing among them all.

"JJ it's…"

Emily stopped him, walking closer to him and putting her hand in his in a show of solidarity before answering as simply as possible.

"Yes," she said. "Hotch and I are dating."

"He's the guy you told us about?"

Emily nodded.

"And she's the woman?"

"Yes," Hotch answered.

"Why didn't either of you just say that?"

They looked to each other, hands gripping tighter.

"Look JJ, I'd be happy to talk to you about this in detail any other time, but for now, I'll give you the simplified version. Hotch and I… We've always been just friends, family even, and when we got pressure from the boys and even you and Pen to try us out as a couple, it pushed us apart more than it did together. Then we decided it was something we wanted to give a shot, so we did, but we needed to do it on our own to see where it went first. We said if we made it two months, we'd tell everyone. Two weeks more, and tonight, we decided we were ready to tell the boys and then everyone."

"And to be fair, JJ," Hotch added, "You didn't tell anyone about Will…"

"For a year, and even though we all knew," Emily added.

JJ sighed. They weren't wrong, but she still wasn't happy.

"We would have been happy for you both, and super supportive."

"Are you kidding? That was never in doubt," Emily said. "Jay, we love you, all of you, and we were never hiding. We would never do that. But this was something between the two of us, for us to see if it was real without wondering if we were just egged on because of other people. It was truly just for us, and to do right by our boys."

JJ nodded. She wasn't satisfied, not completely, but they were drawing attention and she could see Hotch's agitation.

"JJ, we're sorry you feel slighted," he said. "But we did what was right for us, and you can't ask us to apologize for that. Now, I saw Will on my way over here. The two of you are probably out for a nice evening. We are too. So, we can stand here, hammer out all the details, and put a damper on our romantic evening, or we can agree to leave things where they are and pick them up at a better time."

"I vote for the latter," Emily chimed in.

"Me too," JJ agreed. "I'm sorry. I am upset, but I'm also happy for you both. Based on what you both said, I get it. I really do. So let's go about our night, but you better call me tomorrow."

"I will," Emily promised. "Enjoy your night."

"You too."

Emily watched her go before hugging Hotch. "Sorry about that," she said.

"Not your fault."

"Neither of our fault but sucks anyway."

"Let's not worry about it. Our food is ready."

"Would you be terribly upset if we took it home to eat?"

"I wouldn't be upset at all."

Meaning it, he had their food boxed up and they went home. They were more at ease there, playfully feeding each other and laughing together before the night took a different turn. For, as beautiful as he thought she looked in her dress and as handsome as she thought he was in that suit, neither could wait to get the other out of it.

The next day, they told the boys. They were happy for their parents but didn't really give it much more attention until they kissed in front of them for the first time and were welcomed with Jack's, "Gross. Are you going to do that all the time?"

"Yup. Better get used to it," Emily teased, running her hair through the teen's messy hair.

Happy with the boys' responses, they moved on to the next group. The team was told. JJ and Emily had their talk, and JJ understood their actions, especially when she had time to think about it.

"I was upset," JJ explained, "Because you didn't even hint at it being Hotch and we were careful not to mention him. You didn't share anything… It seemed like that, anyway. But I've had a second to cool down and think back on how each of you talked about the other and… I'm just happy for you both. You deserve happiness. I'm going to lose the bet to Penelope, but I'm happy for you."

"You guys bet on us?"

"There's an office pool on everything."

"Does Hotch know?"

"Absolutely not. And you're not going to tell him."

"My lips are sealed," Emily promised. "Thanks… For being ok with this."

"I was always ok with this, Em. I was just surprised. I can't really hold it against you, though."

"You really can't. At least we were better at hiding it."

"Yes," JJ said. "Kissing each other while seeing other people is being really good at hiding it."

"Hey now. Don't be mean."

"Sorry. Sorry. Seriously, Will and I are happy for you, and we're ready for a double date whenever you are."

"We'll set something up."

JJ was happy for them, and the rest of the team was just as happy and not so surprised, wishing them nothing but happiness and good fortune.

When it came time to tell James, they feared the worst. They feared he'd revert to his original thought that Emily was using Nate to land Hotch or bring forth the insecurities with having Hotch in Nate's life in an almost stepparent role.

But he surprised them. He proved them wrong. He was happy for them. He wished them well.

"I've come to terms with the inevitability of you two," James told them. "I've seen you date a lot way back when, and no one has ever made you as happy as he has… Not even when you two were in denial and 'just friends.' I'm not going to stand in the way of that."

Maybe it had something to do with his new boyfriend. Maybe the therapy they all did worked. Truth was that it didn't matter. Things were good.

So, their secret was out, and it felt better than they could have imagined. Things were different… Everything was in a different place. In a good way.

Even a year later, Emily and Hotch were solid. They were happy together, open with their relationship and happy to have their family involved. Yes, Penelope made it a point to gift them weird sexual things and make inappropriate jokes, but they were oddly ok with that… It wasn't like she did it in front of the boys, and it was her way of showing support. Weird, but very Penelope.

The first time they kissed in front of the team, Penelope aww-ed. Dave told them that there would be no "baby-making" in his house when they were over.

"Wouldn't dream of it," Hotch said, winking at Emily.

Honestly, the group said that the two of them together made both of their friends seem more open… now that everyone knew. They showed more public displays of affection than any of them had seen from either except for the few times Hotch and Haley were out with them, still happily married.

Even Elizabeth was thrilled. When Emily dropped by to fill her in on her love life revelation, all Elizabeth could say was a sarcastic, "No. Since when?" She called it way before Christmas, and she was happy for her daughter for seeing things through.

"If he treats you as well as he seems to, hang on to him," Elizabeth advised. "He's a looker."

So, it was good. They were happy, and things were moving along. They had their ups and downs, of course. Their first real fight was the worst. Seemingly innocuous bickering turned into a screaming match after plans were cancelled, and both said things they really shouldn't have. Emily said something about Haley, and Hotch brought up Emily's past. It was a mess, and it took a few days for them both to calm down, but then they talked like adults and made up.

"That was… I don't like fighting with you."

"I don't either," Hotch agreed.

"Not talking to you was hard. The only person I wanted to talk to about what I was feeling was you."

"I picked up the phone a few times to call."

"But you didn't."

"No. I didn't. I'm sorry about what I said."

"Me too. Look. We talked a lot about your relationship with Haley and my past relationships, and we were supportive and empathetic when we talked about it. Then we used it against each other, and that wasn't fair or kind of either of us."

"You're right. We were angry and both said things that we knew would hurt the other. But I'm not ready for this to be over. Are you?"

She shook her head, "No. I don't want that. The last few days were hard. Fighting with you was hard. Being without you was harder."

"For me too, but I also know we needed the time. I don't want to say things to upset you, not purposely. I don't like how angry I became."

She could say the same.

"But I also know that I could only be that angry because I love you and I feel like I can feel anything with you."

"You can."

"We have to work on how we handle arguments."

She nodded. "The way that went down wasn't right. It will happen again, the fighting, but we'll work through it in better ways. Communication's… Something we both need some practice with."

"We'll get there."

"We will," she agreed. "I didn't mean what I said."

"I know."

"No. I need you to hear me. I know your job is important. If I didn't think Nate needed me to be more available to him and here for stability, I would still be doing that job. Sometimes, it's going to force you to cancel plans, and sometimes, I'm going to feel let down because of that. You don't need to feel guilty when that happens, and I won't use it against you, but I need you to understand where I'm coming from, too, and when it comes to late nights at the office for paper work, consider me and the boys in the choice to stay there. We don't care if you bring that home. We just want you here."

"Home, huh? Like all of our home?"

"Don't jump ahead," she said.

"I promise to always consider the three of you. I don't want to miss plans any more than you want me to miss them."

"Your job is important," she repeated, "But your job can't keep you warm at night. We need you here when you can be here. I will try to be more understanding. I know that the job did to you and Haley, and I don't want that for us. I know the toll of the job. I know what it does to families and relationships. We won't let that happen to us."

"We won't. I won't."

They made a pact to each other to work harder, to communicate their little grievances so they didn't pile up and all come out at the same time, making a small matter a big issue. It worked for them, but it took a few times to work through the kinks. Eventually, they got the hang of it.

The making up was always their favorite part, but they never enjoyed being upset with each other.

The entire year was nothing but a learning curve for them. Sometimes, things were easy. The four of them already gelled like a family and were used to doing so many things together. However, Nate was now older and less naïve, which made him understand that his mom dating Hotch made her have less time for him. While that wasn't actually the case, it did mean that he had to share her more than he was used to.

Nate had to watch Emily parent Jack, in the same way she always did when he was in her care, and think that it meant he was losing her because he had to share her in a more official way now. A child's mind was an interesting thing. She didn't think she was doing anything differently, but Jack and Hotch were over more. They all spent more time together like they had before the rift where Emily was too afraid to move their relationship in a different direction.

But Nate and Jack seemed happy about them being together, so she didn't understand his push back. He wanted to spend more time with James, which she allowed within reason, and friends, which she also allowed. It felt like he was pushing himself away, shielding himself, and she didn't like it.

She didn't like the separation when she was only just bringing their families together. So, she decided to do a Mom and Nate day, just the two of them doing something he liked. That usually meant baseball, but she managed to convince him to do something a little less physical. That meant doing something with his second favorite activity, music.

They did a guitar lesson together and Emily brought Nate to a kid's concert which he was quick to tell her that he was too old for but enjoyed anyway. Afterward, Emily took him to a bakery to pick up a bunch of treats to take home and eat later. But first, they sat down to really talk.

"So, Nate, let's have a conversation."

"About what?" he asked coyly.

"About what's going on with us and with Hotch and Jack. I thought you would be happy that Jack's over more and that Hotch and I are dating. Wasn't that what you wanted?"

"I just wanted you to be happy," Nate told her.

"I am happy, but I'm more worried about your happiness. You don't seem all that happy."

"I am," he said, "I just…"

"What?"

"I miss it being just us sometimes. It was… Like when we moved on our own just you and me, I was scared and sad that Jack and Hotch wouldn't be there. I missed them."

"I know you did."

"But then I got used to it just being us and I got to go see Dad more and we still saw Jack and Hotch all the time. It was good. And I still missed having Jack living with us and Hotch, too, but I liked it being us."

Emily let him continue to work out his thoughts, but they boiled down to just a few main points. He was affected by Val's departure. Getting attached just to have Val disappear made him a little gun shy, and he was worrying that Hotch and Jack would do the same. It didn't help that he heard some of their bickering and felt some of the tension when they were going through a rough patch. He worried about it all. Not only did he have to share his mom with Jack and Hotch, but then they could break up and they'd be starting all over again. It wouldn't be fair.

"Nate. Hotch and I talked a lot about that. We didn't want to get into a relationship and share that with you boys unless we thought it could work. I can't promise we're going to get married and live happily ever after, but we made a promise to each other and now I'm making it to you, ok?"

"What promise?"

"I promise, both Hotch and I promise, that even if we break up, we will remain friends. We will always be in your life and Jack's life. No matter what."

"But… I don't really want you to break up."

"No? Seems a little like you have wanted that. I've been a little sad," she said. "You haven't wanted to spend a lot of time with me… with us."

"I'm sorry," he told her. "I… am happy with them, but I'm just… I don't want them to leave us. I… I like being a family with them. I wish it was all the time. But I don't want him to go away like Val. I don't want you guys to breakup or Jack to hate me, and he already likes spending more time with his friends than me."

"Nate…

Aww, Emily swooned. He was adorable. As old as he seemed sometimes, he was just an 11-year-old boy who wanted unconditional love and nothing to ever change. Most of his life has been one move after another, then one change after another.

"Remember how I told you that I moved around a lot when I was a kid?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I was always the new kid. I never really made friends because I was always moving. Whenever I started getting close to people, my mom would get a new post and we would move countries. I never really felt at home."

"That's sad."

She nodded. "For a long time, I think you felt that way too."

He just shrugged.

"Now, your dad and I are just trying to make sure that you have someplace to call home."

"Like the apartment."

"No. It's not about a specific place like a house, but a home. Home is where you feel happy, where you feel connected to the people and know that you belong there no matter what."

"Where's your home then?"

"My home is wherever you are. I spent a long time searching for home. I lived in a lot of different places, and I've never felt very settled until I moved back to DC and was with the team."

"But you were living in London," he said.

"Yes. Well, something happened –"

"What?" he asked before she could finish the thought.

"Maybe I'll tell you about it when you're older. For now, all you need to know is that something happened and I felt out of place here with my friends for the first time since I started at the BAU and found people to call family. I felt like I needed a change, to reestablish what home was. Clyde offered me a job in London, and I took it."

"Did you feel at home again?"

"In some ways. It was nice being with Clyde and running my team there, but it wasn't the same kind of home that I had here. Honestly, Nate, I didn't think I'd ever find home again until you came into my life again. You made me find my roots and want to be somewhere permanently. You helped me find my home because you are my home. We're always going to have a different kind of family and we're never going to have the time we missed back, but we have each other, and we have home. Or, I do. What do you think? Have you found home?"

"I think so."

"Well, what do you think of as home?"

"I always thought home was where you lived, but I guess home used to be wherever my dads were. Now, one of my dads is gone, but he's still kind of here with me and my other dad, and I have you now too. So, home is here. I like being here in Virginia because it was the first time I got to go to a real school and we got to stay in the same place for a long time now. Home is with you and Dad and Hotch and Jack and everyone else, too."

She was so happy to hear that.

"Good," she said. "I'm happy you feel at home with me and here in general. Your father and I want you to feel that. Here's the thing though. Your home is full of a lot of people who love you and want to be there for you. I want you to know that wherever you are, home is always waiting. That home will always include everyone you have in it now. Hotch loves you. He wants you to feel at home with him."

"I do."

"He also wants you to know that he and Jack aren't going anywhere."

She made a mental note to have Hotch reinforce this talk. What she said to Nate were Hotch's feelings too, but it wouldn't hurt for Nate to hear it from him.

"Even if we broke up, even if we left here, for whatever reason, and right now that's not happening," she assured him, "All of the people you love will be family and that means you will always have a home here and with them."

"I like that."

"Me too. Meeting these people, Hotch, Pen, JJ, Spencer, Derek, and Dave… They changed my life. They gave me the first family I ever had, and I really want you to feel that same love."

"I do," he said. "Because I have you… And you gave me them."

Emily damn near cried at that.

"You have no idea how happy I am to hear that. No matter how old you are or where you are, you'll always have home with me."

"I know."

"So, how are you feeling about the situation? Are you still worried about Hotch and Jack?"

"Not really."

"Oh Nate… I'm new to this whole mom thing still. There are going to be times when I get it wrong, and I think I did with Val. I pushed off allowing him to meet you because I was worried that you'd get attached and then we'd break up, which we did. I know you were hurt by that. I know it seems scary to get attached to people that might leave us, but that's not going to happen with Hotch. He's in our lives forever, no matter what. You can't live your life afraid of getting attached to people. I promise, life is so much better when you let people in."

"I'm not afraid," he insisted.

"Great," she said. "You know, Hotch said he'd like to have a Nate day."

"Is that kind of like a Mom and Nate day… A… A dad and Nate day?"

Biting her lip for a quick second, she answered, "Yes… Something like that. Up for that?"

"Yes. Maybe he can take me to the BAU? Can he do that?"

"I think we can arrange something. Why do you want to go there?"

"Because that's part of your home," he explained, "And I love everyone there."

"That's a great answer. We'll figure something out. In the meantime, I'm ready to head back home. What about you?"

"Me too."

When they got home, Hotch was there waiting. Nate greeted him with a big hug.

"He seems in better spirits."

"We had a good talk," Emily said. "I think he'll be ok, but there's something I'd like to talk about later. Stay over tonight?"

"A sleep over? Are you sure?"

"It's not the first time."

"No… But we've only slept over each other's places when we didn't have the kids. Usually, it was you over at my place while Nate was with James or vise versa. Or when I snuck in at night after returning from a case and, by then, the boys were already asleep."

"Please?"

"You don't have to convince me," Hotch said. "I just wanted to make sure it's really what you want."

"It's what I want. I think it'll be good for us… and for the kids."

"Then yes. Jack and I would love to stay the night."

She kissed him. It wasn't a big deal, not really. Like he said, they had spent the night at each other's place with the kids too, but it felt different, like it was the step to something more. And it was.

That night, after all the pastries were eaten and the boys were staying up past bedtime playing video games in Nate's room, Emily and Hotch settled in for a quiet evening cuddling in bed.

"They didn't seem to care much that we were having a sleep over."

"They didn't," Hotch agreed, "But we did start with you and Nate living with us, so it prepared them for this."

"Yeah…"

"Going to tell me what's on your mind? You said you wanted to talk."

"You still see us going somewhere, right?"

"What? Yes, of course. Why? Do you not?"

"I do," she quickly clarified. "I just… We haven't wanted to rush things… Or maybe I haven't, but…"

"But?"

"You made a joke about moving in together… the four of us. Did you mean it?"

"Did I mean a joke?"

"Is it something you'd want?"

"Of course," he said. "I'd love that. But I'm not trying to rush it. When we're ready… you didn't seem ready a few days ago."

"I think I've been ready since the moment we agreed to do this, but I was still hesitant because of Nate and Jack."

"And that changed?"

"Yes."

"Ok… What changed though? I feel like I'm out of the loop."

"Kids have a way of making us face our own issues," she laughed. "Nate and I had a good talk today."

"He told you why he was so…"

"Standoffish?" she finished. "Yes. It was exactly what I thought. I screwed things up with him when I introduced him to Val. I… I loved Val, in a different way than I love you. But I was always holding back with him. My feelings for you clouded that relationship. Having him meet Nate felt like what I needed to do to make the relationship more real… more tangible, but I shouldn't have when I was having reservations."

"You're acting as if you scarred him for life. He was hurt by Val, and if Val ever shows up again, I'll punch him in the face for it, but you didn't make that happen."

"I was at fault… to an extent. But that's not really the point here. The point is that I'm not afraid with you. My home is with you and our boys. I've been hesitant because I didn't want a repeat of the Val situation where if we break up, Jack or Nate get hurt, but I think that my actions had the reverse effect. My hesitancy has made Nate weary. I don't want that."

"Me either, but that's not really a reason to move in." It was, he knew, but it wasn't the only reason he wanted her to have.

"Just let me finish. Alright?"

He nodded his consent.

"I love you," she began, "And if it weren't for Jack and Nate, I think I would have taken chances with you much earlier. I would have jumped all in from the start. I've been taking things slower on some fronts because I already messed up with Nate and I don't want to hurt either of our boys, but I realize, I'm just going to the other extreme. I know what I want. I want this," she motioned between them, "us to work. I want us to have everything, and I want our family to have something permanent. Nate and Jack deserve that. We deserve that."

"Why Emily Prentiss, are you telling me you want it all with me?"

She pouted and pushed him. "I think I made that obvious. Don't be a jerk."

"I'm not. I'm just happy to hear this."

"Growing up, I never felt that I had a home. But when I came to the BAU, after a while," she added pointedly, "I found one with you guys. Home wasn't a place or a thing, but the people. Still, an apartment feels so… fleeting. I want our boys to have a real home to go along with that feeling of home… Anyways, my point is, would you and Jack consider moving in with us? We can talk to the boys and make sure they're ok with it, but… I'm ready if you are."

"I've been waiting on you," he said, pulling her to his side. "Let's do it. Let's move in together."

"Yeah?" she asked with a big smile.

"Yes. Absolutely."

They spent the rest of the night picturing their new home. The apartments served them well, but they wanted something new and theirs. A fresh start for the family to begin together.

"Cul de sac?" Hotch asked.

"No. Something different."

He took note of that, adjusting their list of likes and dislikes for their future house hunt. They would add Jack and Nate's ideas into it later, but first, they wanted to plan on their own.

"For the record," Hotch said as they planned. "I didn't really find home until the BAU either. I had my mother, but she had problems that drove a wedge between us, and the distance of boarding school didn't help. I had her and, I guess, when he was younger, I had my brother. But the family I chose, that's where my heart is. My mother's gone, my brother is doing his own thing, Haley is gone, but I still have family and now, we're making our own, separate but connected family. I'm excited for that."

She leaned back into his chest. "Me too. Think the boys will be happy about this?"

"I think so. Jack's getting older. He's in high school. Soon he'll be in college. I'd like him to see how a happy family can be before he gets even more involved with life outside of us. I want him to experience us, together as a couple and family before he goes out into the world and becomes like Morgan."

"He wouldn't… But he's at that age, nothing but friends and parties and…"

"None of the things you did as a teen, I hope," Hotch teased.

"They're both better kids than I ever was."

"Don't say that."

She laughed. "It's true. I'm completely ok with that. We got better kids than we deserved."

"Speak for yourself," he huffed. "I was an angel."

"Sure. Sure… Actually, I believe that."

"You should."

"Such a stickler for the rules. Even today."

"Hey."

"It's ok. I like it. You make the rules. I break them. It works out."

"I can be a rule breaker," Hotch insisted.

"Yeah? Prove it."

"Oh I will," he said, hand trailing down her side.

They did, indeed, break one of their rules that night. Neither of them was upset about it. And they would continue to break that rule over and over again. Living in sin would be fun.