Disclaimer: All rights belong to Nickelodeon, Bryan Konietzko, Michael Dante DiMartino, and all the men and women that created the A:TLA show, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The lyrics are from the song "In My Veins" by Andrew Belle
Rating: General Audiences. Warning: some scenes contain dark themes and minor violence
Chapter 3 - Mixed Feelings
Everything will change.
Nothing stays the same.
And nobody here's perfect.
Oh, but everyone's to blame
All that you rely on
And all that you can save
Will leave you in the morning
Oh, you're in my veins
And I cannot get you out
When Zuko emerges from his room, his ship is suspiciously quiet. He instantly gets a bad feeling about it. He grabs his pair of twin swords and quietly creeps down to the bottom of the ship, where the cells are. His first thought is to check on Katara.
He hadn't slept well last night. He had tossed and turned for hours, his mind in turmoil. When he'd finally fallen asleep in the early hours of the morning, he had slept deeply. He curses himself for this; if he hadn't been sleeping so deeply, maybe he would have heard something and woken up earlier.
He encounters no one until he reaches the hall leading to the cells. Four unfamiliar guards lounge around, playing a game. Zuko takes them out quickly and quietly. When they're unconscious, he scans their uniforms.
Standard issue. He thinks of Azula's warning and knows exactly what's happened.
He quietly takes the steps down to the cells. He can hear the gruff voice speaking.
"...just a little girl. You know, we all grew up hearing stories of the Avatar. We heard how powerful he was. And now? It was a joke. You're no threat. No wonder the prince was able to catch you."
Zuko steps in then, his swords pointed straight at the general. "You're wrong," he says. "She's strong enough to defeat you. As am I."
General Zhao laughs. "Oh, my boy, you haven't changed one bit. Still the coward who speaks out of turn and gets burned." He whips a ribbon of fire towards Zuko. The prince flashes his swords, dissipating the flames.
"I'm not the same person. I'm stronger now." Zuko crosses his swords at Zhao's throat. "The Avatar is mine. I've earned my honor. You're going to leave now or you won't like the consequences."
"What? Are you going to kill me?" The general shakes his head. "You don't have the guts."
Zuko resists the temptation to look at Katara as he says, "I've done harder things."
"Your sister wouldn't hesitate."
He narrows his eyes. "You're lucky I'm not my sister, then."
He hears footsteps pounding down the stairs. He doesn't have to turn to know that Zhao's men have come. He tightens the swords around the general's neck.
"I have you surrounded," Zhao declares. "We all know you're not going to kill me, so why don't you just put the swords down and we'll let you live?"
Why does he think Zuko won't kill him? This is his honor at stake. This is Katara at stake.
Zuko looks over at her. Her hands are clutching at the bars of her cell, her blue eyes wide. The feelings he's been pushing down well up again and his resolve strengthens. Capturing Katara had been the hardest decision of his life. The only thing that lets him sleep at night is knowing that she's being treated well in his care and that when they return to the Fire Nation, he can keep an eye on her to ensure she's still okay. But if he gives up now and lets Zhao take her, he has no more say over how she's treated.
And he'll never see her again. He'll never be allowed in the Fire Nation again. He'll be an outcast forever. And she'll be a prisoner forever.
But he also can't kill the general. He knows he can't. He thinks of his mother, his last moments with her. Never forget who are you, she'd said. He isn't cruel. He isn't a murderer.
He turns back to Zhao. "You think you can burn me? Let's settle this with an Agni Kai. Winner gets the Avatar."
A cruel smile spreads across Zhao's face. "I accept." Zuko lowers his swords from his neck. Zhao's men stand down. As the general rubs his neck, he adds, "May I ask if you'll actually fight this time?"
Zuko doesn't give him the satisfaction of an angry response. Instead he calmly says, "You'll wish I hadn't when it's over."
Zhao and his men file out of the room, shouldering him when they pass. He ignores it. He's not going to lose this fight. They'll be the ones retreating. And when he's crown prince again, they'll regret this day.
"Zuko," he hears. His head whips up and he looks in shock over at Katara. She has a worried face. "Don't die for me."
He stands up straighter. "I don't plan to."
She stares at him for a moment longer before she releases the bars and sits in a dark corner of her cell. Zuko returns to his room, feeling confused and guilty. He can't afford to feel these things when he's about to enter into a duel.
He stands in front of the crooked mirror hanging on his wall and pulls his hair up into a proper queue. He fumbles around for a hair ribbon when his fingers feel a rolled up scroll.
He releases his hair and opens it. A second later, he drops it on the ground. The candles on his desk flare into huge columns of fire. He struggles to take a deep breath.
Dear Zuko,
I love you and will always be here for you. I cannot accompany you to the Fire Nation, however. Our paths must part here. When you are ready, come and find me.
Iroh
Zuko can't even begin to describe how he feels so he doesn't. Instead he sits on the floor and takes a series of deep breaths to clear his mind and calm his heartbeat.
He can't deal with this bombshell right now. All he can do is breathe and prepare for his Agni Kai. He has to win it. For himself. For Katara. For his honor.
The sun is just beginning its descent from the peak of the sky when they gather on the deck of the ship. Zhao's men are on one side. Zuko's men, newly freed, stand on the other. In the middle of the two groups, tied against a railing, is Katara.
Zuko wears only a pair of simple black robes. General Zhao is wearing his uniform. He grins when Zuko walks across to his side.
"So you did show," he mocks. "What an honor."
Zuko doesn't react. "I'm ready."
"So am I."
They take a few paces away and then face each other. Their men step back and make a large circle around them.
Zuko closes his eyes and remembers everything his uncle has taught him, starting with breathing. He takes deep breaths and waits.
As he predicted, Zhao makes the first move. He throws a fireball Zuko's way. Zuko cuts through it and retaliates with a fire wave. The general ducks and throws a series of quick shots. Zuko leaps over them and lands with a whip of fire.
They spar back and forth. On a normal day, Zuko would have beat the general much faster. Today, despite his meditation and deep breathing, he's being held back by the mix of emotions inside of him.
Anger at the way the general has treated him. Pain over losing Iroh. Confusion over Katara's words and guilt at the situation he's put her in. Mixed feelings about Azula's visit. Mixed feelings about going home, about meeting his father again.
Iroh always taught him that the purest firebending came from having a clear mind. How can Zuko have a clear mind after all he's been through? After all he's still suffering?
He raises his arms a fraction too slow to block a whip of fire and he goes flying back a few feet, landing roughly on the deck on his side. He sees black spots in his vision. As he blinks, he can blurrily see Zhao's polished boots slowly approaching him. And, in the distance, he can clearly see Katara watching in horror. She catches his gaze and pulls at her bonds, but they are tied too tight. He can see the worry in her eyes.
No. He's not going to die today. And he's not going to lose this fight. He is better than Zhao. He's worked harder than Zhao to find the Avatar. He's sacrificed more than Zhao can ever understand.
He is the prince of the Fire Nation. He is the rightful heir to the throne. He has an important destiny to fulfill.
Zuko flips over and does his trademark move, spinning around and kicking out a wave of fire. Zhao isn't expecting it and leaps back in surprise. Zuko jumps to his feet and delivers an unrelenting barrage of fireballs. Zhao desperately tries to block them but they are too fast, too hot, too much.
He misses one and his rhythm is thrown off. The rest of them bash him in the chest and this time he's the one to go flying back. Zuko stands over him, one hand cocked back, ready to deliver the final, burning blow.
But he doesn't. He thinks of Katara and he thinks of Iroh. He thinks of his mother. They wouldn't want him to. And he doesn't need to. He's already won. He's proven his worth, earned his honor.
This is the difference between his sister, his father, and him. Azula and Ozai wouldn't hesitate to kill him. Zuko not only hesitates, but steps back.
"I won. The Avatar is mine. Today I show mercy."
Zhao glares at him from the ground. Zuko turns around and starts walking towards his men. He hears the telltale whoosh of fire and he whirls around to see a wall of flame coming towards him, too quickly for him to react to. He closes his eyes and waits for the inevitable pain.
It never comes. He slowly opens his eyes to see a wall of ice in front of him, protecting him from Zhao's cowardly act. He turns and sees that Katara has one hand freed from the railing, still pointed forward.
After all he'd done, after how he'd betrayed her, she still chose to protect him.
Zuko steps around the ice wall and faces a shocked General Zhao.
"I told you that you were wrong," he says. "She is powerful. And so am I. And if you don't get off my ship in the next five minutes, I won't hesitate to unleash that power on you and your men."
Zhao sneers at him. "Vague threats from an unwanted, banished prince."
"You have no honor, Zhao. I have proved mine. And when I get back to the Fire Nation and have my inheritance restored, I will not hesitate to have you demoted. My father will not be happy that you have dishonored him by dishonoring me."
Zhao's face loses color. By cheating in the Agni Kai, he has shown great dishonor. And now that Zuko is only a couple days from restoring his own honor…
Zhao bows. "Of course, your Highness."
He and his men quickly scramble to board their own ship and sail away at full speed. Zuko turns to Katara, who is being secured again by his soldiers.
"Zuko!" she calls. "Let me go. Please!"
Thinking about how she saved him and about the pain he's put her through, he's more than tempted. He wants nothing more than to let her go. But he can't. He hasn't come all this way to throw it all away now. Not when he's this close.
He looks away and ignores her pleas as his men escort her back to the cell.
"Omashu," Azula sneers, staring up at the huge Earth Kingdom city spread out in front of her. Build on a huge plateau and accessible only by a thin wooden bridge, it's one of two strategic and important Earth Kingdom cities that has managed to hold off the Fire Nation.
That is, until last week. Even as Azula and Ty Lee watch, giant Fire Nation banners are thrown over the walls, covering up the Earth Kingdom ones. The princess smiles.
"That's better. I think a name change is fitting, too. What about...New Ozai? In honor of my father?"
Ty Lee smiles. "I think that's a great idea, Azula!"
Azula turns back to the city. "Let's go. I have a feeling our host will be more than excited to see us."
"Finally," Mai says, crossing her arms. "I've been waiting for ages. You have no idea how awful it is here."
Azula smirks. Mai hasn't changed one bit since their days at the Academy.
"You look really good, Mai!" Ty Lee says.
"I don't feel good." Mai rolls her eyes. "My parents thought it would be a great honor to volunteer as governors in the colonies. I've never been so bored in my life."
"I have just the cure for you," Azula says. "My father - "
Mai holds up a hand, stopping Azula mid-sentence. "Don't bother. My answer is yes. Anything to get me out of here."
Ty Lee claps her hands together. "This is great! The old gang is back together!"
"Not quite. We're missing one." Azula thinks of her dear brother, sailing his way to honor. She wonders if Zhao has made his grab for the Avatar yet. She's a bit sad she's missing that particular fight. It would be interesting to watch. The power hungry, eager-to-prove-himself general versus the banished prince.
"Is Zuko still trying to find the Avatar?" Mai asks, sounding slightly interested for the first time.
"He actually found her. I know, I'm just as shocked." Azula glances at her nails. A bit ragged. She'll have to get them fixed as soon as she gets back to the Fire Nation. "He should be almost to the city of Ligato by now. We'll catch up to him at the palace."
"The palace." Mai sighs happily. "I can't wait to return to proper living conditions again."
"I don't see how it's all too bad here," Ty Lee says. "But I'm excited to go back, too. It's been a few years."
Azula turns to Mai. "Do you want to say goodbye to your parents, or…?"
Mai shrugs. "I'm ready to go."
"Good. Let's go, girls."
Mai and Ty Lee fall in line behind her as she walks out of former Earth Kingdom palace. Everything is falling perfectly into place. She has her friends at her back. She's never been in better favor with her father.
The only downside is that Zuko is returning. She doesn't have anything against her brother, except that as long as he's banished, she has the right to the throne. If he returns, he'll become crown prince again.
But that's a problem for future her to deal with. Their father still has many years on the throne to come. And with lots of time comes lots of opportunities for Zuko to screw up again.
Azula knows her brother too well.
Katara had been scared when the general showed up outside her cell. He told her he'd taken the ship captive and that she would be next. She was afraid something bad had happened to Zuko - after all, Iroh isn't here to protect him anymore. She was also afraid for herself. The way Zhao taunted her, she knew he would treat her poorly.
She had been so relieved when Zuko had showed up. She may have her issues with him right now, but she'd rather be his prisoner than anyone else's. At least she knows Zuko has integrity, even if he's hidden deep down. And she knows he isn't cruel. Everything she's seen of Zhao shows otherwise.
She'd been worried that Zuko was going to kill the general. And when the general's men came and surrounded him, she was worried he was going to die. She didn't want to watch but she couldn't look away, either.
Katara is still so upset at Zuko. She was glad that he never tried to look her way. But that doesn't mean she wants harm to come to him. She doesn't have Iroh's faith in him, but she trusts Iroh and Iroh said Zuko just needed time to realize that he's on the wrong path. Katara wants him to find the right path. She wants him to transcend the pain of his past.
Because, underneath all her anger, she still has feelings for him. Maybe those feelings are why she's so angry. She saw the vast potential for good in him. She saw his bright destiny. And it hurt her when he threw it all away.
When Zuko proposed the Agni Kai, all she could think of was Zuko's duel with his father. Why would Zuko put himself in that position again? Last time he fought a fire duel, he ended up burned and disgraced.
He seems so confident. Katara knows otherwise. He's always seemed confident. It took her weeks to break down his walls and learn the truth. Now she can't unsee the truth - that in many ways, he's the same scared boy who learned he had to duel his own father.
When Zhao and his men leave, Zuko is still standing in the same place, staring down at the ground, his fists clenched at his sides. He seems so vulnerable and alone in this moment that for a split second Katara forgets about her anger.
"Don't die for me, Zuko," she can't stop herself from saying.
He looks over and she can see the resolve inside of him harden. "I don't plan on it."
The moment ends and Katara remembers how he betrayed her. She retreats to the back corner of her cell, hating herself and hating him and hating Zhao and hating this whole situation.
When the guards take her up on the deck, she's not sure if she's glad or upset that they're making her watch the Agni Kai. On one hand, she wants to see what happens with her own eyes. On the other hand, she doesn't want to watch. Especially if it ends badly for Zuko.
They tie her to the railing on the port side of the ship. She immediately begins to wiggle her wrists, trying to loosen the rope.
She stops when Zuko and Zhao face off. She can't tear her eyes off the battle. She's practiced bending with Zuko a dozen times but it's different watching two Firebenders battle. She can see how Zuko's moves are much more complex and cleanly executed than Zhao's. His fire is weaker, though, despite his superior skill.
He must have figured out that Iroh left. Fire is the one element that is weakened by strong emotions, not strengthened. She remembers Iroh telling Zuko during his training that having a clear mind produces the strongest fire.
She watches with increased concern as Zhao sends a punch of fire that knocks Zuko over. For the longest second of her life she watches as he lays still. Zhao starts to take slow, victorious steps towards him. Zuko's eyes crack open. She thinks he makes eye contact with her.
Get up, get up, get up, she chants in her head. You said you wouldn't die for me!
And then Zuko suddenly springs around, kicking his legs in a circle to summon a whips of fire before sending it straight at the general. When the general flinches and struggles to deflect it, Zuko leaps up and sends a stream of fire at him.
Katara can breathe again when he's standing over the general in victory. She returns to trying to tug out of the ropes fastening her to the ship.
Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Zuko turn around and start walking towards his men. And then she sees Zhao quietly stand up, an expression of pure hate and anger on his face. He summons a fireball and she knows all too well what's about to happen.
She glances frantically at Zuko, but his back is turned. He has no idea.
Panic sets in. She wrenches her right hand out of the bonds, ignoring the pain, and summons a stream of water. She watches as Zuko finally turns. His eyes widen and then he throws up his hands in front of his face.
Her ice wall solidifies just in time for Zhao's fireball to dissolve harmlessly against it. He looks in shock at it. His eyes cut over to her. She narrows her eyes at him.
She watches at Zuko stalks over and trades words with the general. Zhao bows quickly and he and his men retreat.
Katara's attention is taken away from him as two Fire Nation soldiers suddenly grab her arms, securing them behind her back again before she can defend herself.
"Let go," she cries, trying to twist out of their grasp. She looks over and sees Zuko watching her.
"Zuko! Let me go! Please!"
She can see him hesitate. He's more conflicted than ever. If there's ever a time for him to take the right path, it's right now. Once they get to the Fire Nation, he's lost forever. She knows it. He knows it.
He turns away. Katara is dragged away again. This time she has no words for him. All the pity and the worry she felt for him disappears. She is only human; she only has so great a capacity for forgiveness.
A cold anger fills her. She knows she promised Iroh she'd give him a second chance, but she's not sure she can keep that promise. She's saved his life three times now and he can't find it within himself to let her go. He struggled with his choices and he still chose wrong, time and time again.
Iroh was wrong. There isn't enough good left in him. Maybe there never was enough good in him.
After all, he is the Fire Lord's son.
Sokka and Suki are taking advantage of the warm weather by practicing outside. Suki is showing him some tips for using his surroundings to his advantage. Sokka is trying to focus but he ends up just admiring the atmosphere.
"Sokka," she says, breaking through his latest daydream.
He sits up quickly. "Yeah?"
"Did you hear what I just said?"
He tries to think. He completely blanks. He smiles sheepishly. "Well...no."
She crosses her arms but she's smiling. "What am I going to do with you?"
He leans back against a sun-warmed rock. "You can sit with me," he suggests. "And enjoy the weather."
She walks over and sits next to him, leaning her head back. "Okay. What now?"
"Shh," he advises. "Just listen."
In the silence of their voices the song of the birds comes out. The waves in the distance crash thunderously against the shore. The wind rustles through the grass and trees.
And then a bird flies down, flapping its wings in Sokka's face. He shrieks and jumps to his feet, swatting it away. Suki holds a hand to her mouth to try and contain her laughter.
"Get off!" Sokka shouts, covering his face and hopping around.
"Sokka! Relax! It's a messenger falcon!" Suki stands, still smirking, and holds out her arm. The bird flutters away from Sokka and perches on her arm. He uncovers his face and watches as she unties a wrapped scroll from the birds leg. As soon as the letter is detached, the bird takes flight again.
"The wonderful sounds of nature," Suki says sarcastically. Sokka feels his face turn red.
She opens the scroll and her expression turns from amusement to confusion. She looks over at him. "It's for you," she says.
"For me?" Sokka holds out his hand. She passes it to him. Who could have sent him a letter? Everyone he knows is long dead.
The scroll isn't addressed to him by name. It reads, To The Boy From The Water Tribe.
"Your sister, Katara, is alive," Sokka reads out loud. "She is captured by the Fire Nation and probably in a prison deep in their territory as you read this. No one else knows she's alive. No one else can help her."
Sokka looks over at Suki. "No signature. Just a picture of some flower." He squints at the paper but sees nothing else.
"What flower?" Suki takes a look over his shoulder. "That's a white lotus, I think."
"What does it mean?" Sokka doesn't want to get his hopes up about the message. Who else even knows he's alive? He hasn't met anyone except for the people on Kyoshi Island. And who would know if his sister is alive?
And even if his sister is alive, how did she end up in the Fire Nation?
"I'm not sure," Suki admits. She looks over at him sadly. "It's too good to believe, isn't it?"
He nods. "But what if it is true? I can't just abandon her."
Suki nods. "You're right. We have to find out if this is true." She thinks for a moment. "We can ask Oyaji. He's good with symbols. He might know what this flower means, if it means anything."
"Thank you, Suki."
She half smiles. "Of course, Sokka. This is important to you, so it's important to me, too. Let's go."
As he follows her back into the village, he isn't sure whether he wants it to be true or not.