A/N: I loved this one, enjoy!

#4 Awkward kiss

JJ had been watching Emily closely all night. They had only been officially dating for a few months, and tonight they were making their first public appearance at one of the Ambassador's events.

Everyone important to them already knew, had been relieved that the two had finally stopped running long enough to find each other. Emily's mother was a different story.

She had always been dismissive of Emily's attraction to girls, and was sure that her daughter was just trying to do anything she could to spite her. As the years had gone on, she had stayed apathetic towards her daughter's love life, taking a 'don't ask, don't tell' approach.

The three women had exchanged a few words of polite greeting when they had arrived a few hours ago, before Emily had grabbed JJ's hand and quickly whisked her away towards the other side of the vast ballroom.

They were both dressed to the nines- floor length gowns and tasteful jewelry highlighting all of their features. The image of them together, with their comfortable touches and soft smiles, drew the attention of almost everyone in the room.

Something was off, though, and JJ could sense it. Emily's entire being was radiating anxiety, and the younger woman could see the tension she was holding in her jaw and shoulders. She was always like this when her mother was around, could never seem to shed the weight of expectations that had held her down her whole life.

They had been having fun, Emily introducing JJ to some people around their age that were also children of diplomats. All of them were kind, each regaling stories of a wild teenage Emily that had them all laughing by the end. They were protective over Emily, who seemed to be the youngest of their little group, and JJ felt her heart surge that the brunette had at least had some people looking out for her over the years.

It wasn't until an older man had come to say hello to Emily that things had taken a turn. He had seemed nice enough at first, congratulating Emily on her position with the BAU, and introducing himself to JJ as one of Ambassador Prentiss' colleagues.

Then he had noticed the way Emily's hand still rested on JJ's lower back, his tone changing immediately to one laced with condescension and disappointment. Emily caught the change, quickly dropping her hand from JJ's back and stepping away from the blonde.

As he walked away, JJ pulled Emily over to the side of the room to a high top table, setting their things down slowly and running a hand down Emily's arm. The brunette's eyes seemed distant still, scanning the room, seeming to be making a mental list of everyone she knew.

"Hey," JJ said softly, squeezes Emily's hand to get her attention.

Emily turned her head slowly, with a smile on her face that seemed sad and forced. For all the boldness she carried around on a daily basis, all JJ could see now was a child that had never known unconditional love, and she felt her chest clench at the thought.

She couldn't stop herself from pulling Emily in closer, lifting up her free hand to run her thumb softly across a pale cheek, and touch her lips to the older woman's. She felt Emily stiffen, every muscle in the brunette's body going rigid.

She pressed her lips into Emily's again, hoping to ease some of the anxiety that JJ knew was coursing through Emily. Instead she was met once again with uncomfortable stillness from her girlfriend, not quite the reaction she had been hoping for.

JJ pulled back slightly, watching Emily shift awkwardly in her heels, before stepping back a few feet. She had never been unsure of herself in their relationship, had always felt safe and confident in what they shared. Emily was usually an open book to her, and JJ had gotten good at knowing how to calm her down or assure her when needed. Right now, though, a sliver of doubt was making its way through her body.

JJ wanted to be enough for Emily, in every way- enough to make her feel safe and loved, to make her never question her worth or value to everyone around her. She wasn't sure she could ever be that for Emily, but she knew she wouldn't ever stop trying.

Emily's eyes were closed, her breath slow as she tried to work up the courage for something JJ couldn't quite figure out. JJ watched as brown eyes opened, and she could see the tears that were close to falling. JJ knew that Emily had to stay, that her mother wasn't giving her speech until later in the night, and she wasn't sure how to make this better.

"I can leave," JJ was unsure as she spoke, "if that will make this easier."

She would leave, if Emily asked her to, and would try her best not to let her own insecurities eat her alive. Emily's eyes widened in panic, and JJ felt relief wash over her at the fact that her absence would only make it worse.

"Please don't," was all Emily could manage, still working to control her breathing and sort through the overwhelming and conflicting emotions running through her head, attempting to squash the little voice in her head that told her JJ wanted to leave.

Being with JJ was the best thing that had ever happened to her, she knew that, and hoped that she adequately expressed that to the blonde. Usually, Emily couldn't contain herself around the blonde, the joy of knowing JJ loved her back overshadowing anything else. She had felt more sure of herself the last few months than ever before, and she knew being here tonight would be difficult, but Emily hadn't expected to feel like this.

"Can we just…" Emily said softly, vaguely guestering to the open doors to the right that led onto the expansive back patio.

They walked slowly, Emily taking JJ's hand in hopes that the blonde would understand she was wanted and needed by the older woman. When she felt JJ squeeze her hand gently, Emily felt herself relax.

When they were hit with crisp, fall air, they both let out breaths they didn't know they were holding. Emily pulled JJ over to the far corner of the patio, walking up to the edge that overlooked the courtyard below. It was secluded, and the loud roar of the ballroom had dwindled to a low hum.

Leaning softly back against the railing, Emily took in the woman in front of her. She could tell that JJ was unsure of herself, and was sure that her own face reflected the tension she was looking at.

"I don't want to be here," Emily started firmly. "It has nothing to do with you, please tell me you know that," her voice wavering as she continued.

"I know, Em," she replied after a moment, and she did. "I'm sorry that this is so hard for you."

"Being with you is easy," Emily said as she pushed off of the railing behind her and started pacing. "It's these people that are hard."

JJ could tell she was annoyed at herself for letting these people get to her, that it had made things awkward between them tonight. She watched Emily walk back and forth for a minute or two, letting her release some frustration and anger that had been bottling up over the last few hours. JJ reached out a hand when Emily was close enough, stopping the brunette.

Emily turned to face her, walking closer and stepping in close and letting a hand come up to rest on JJ's hip. Leaning forward, Emily gently let her forehead fall to the blonde's, taking in a deep breath and letting herself be calmed by the familiar feel and smell of the woman in front of her.

JJ wanted to have the right thing to say, some string of words that would ease all of the pain and hurt that Emily carried with her. Something that would take away the uncertainty and shame she knew the older woman felt when she was around her mother, but she couldn't come up with anything.

Instead she just spoke the truth, letting an I love you, Em fall out of her lips and assure Emily that she wasn't going anywhere. Emily smiled at that, letting it ground her to the reality that she was here, with the woman she loved, and everything else was background. They had finally made it to the same place, at the same time, a place she never wanted to leave.

Emily closed the few inches between them, placing a tender kiss to JJ's lips, hoping that the younger woman could feel every ounce of love and admiration and thanks that she was pouring into it. One day Emily would figure it out, how not to let this get to her.

Right now though, she had JJ, and an inkling that maybe the love they shared would be the key to it all.