Who's ready to check in on Natsu?

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As always, thanks for all the love and happy reading.

Natsu breathed deeply through his nose as he settled down on his blanket. He wasn't feeling worse for once, but he wasn't getting better, and the physician hadn't been any help, either. He knew what was wrong, but he had no way to prove or fix it.

Someone was poisoning him.

He didn't know who or why, but he hadn't eaten that day and he felt the best he'd felt since he'd started feeling sick three weeks prior.

He'd drank water straight from the nearby river, and refused every meal. He was starving, but his head was clearer than it had been for days.

He'd tried everything he could think of. Since the meals were pre-proportioned and handed out, he couldn't keep his eyes on it the whole time. He'd tried trading his pouch with others, using whatever excuse he could come up with, but it wasn't enough. Whoever was poisoning him was still getting access to his food.

He clung to his amulet and prayed again, the prayer so ingrained in his memory he didn't even have to think about it. Natsu hadn't heard from his goddess since he'd arrived with the army, but she'd warned him that would happen. Still, he hoped she could hear him.

"I'm sorry," he whispered as tears began to leak from his eyes. "I promised myself I would make it home. I promised I'd get back so you wouldn't be alone again." The tears flowed more heavily as he began to cry. His body shook as he tried to remain quiet so he wouldn't wake anyone.

He'd had things to do. He'd had things to fix. Why hadn't he told Lucy? She would have helped him. She would have known what he should do…

No. If he had told her, she would have taken care of it. She would have punished everyone involved, including his brother, indiscriminately. He closed his eyes as his chest tightened and he had to focus on his breathing. It wasn't the first time he'd had trouble breathing lately, but at least this time he wasn't fighting.

When he finally caught his breath, he got to his feet. He needed to walk, to try and calm himself enough to get some sleep. As he was passing by the main tent, he heard some of his commanding officers arguing with each other.

"It won't be enough."

"We should retreat until we can find better ground. There is a valley nearby that we could use to funnel them into us. It takes away their advantage of number-"

"Without some sort of plan, we're going to get overrun in no time. They still outnumber us two to one, if not three to one. It'll take a miracle-"

A voice silenced them all. "We are staying. This is how we are supposed to fight this."

"But sir-"

"We. Are. Staying!"

Natsu retreated when he heard movement close to him. He made his way silently to the edge of the field, finding a seat among the bushes where he wouldn't be observed as he ran his hands over his face.

This war was weighing on him. Killing wasn't in his nature, but with Lucy's protection, he had turned into a nearly invincible killing machine. Body after body had fallen in front of him, and he couldn't shake the feeling that each and every soul had followed him since, weighing his own down.

When his tears came again, they weren't silent. He mourned for the men he'd slain, and for the families that they would never return to. He mourned because they had died for a war that they had not asked for.

He wondered if his brother would miss him at all, or if he'd be thankful if he didn't return. Natsu's eyes flashed open. "Of course," he breathed.

Who else would want him dead? His brother had grown extremely wealthy over the years, at a rate that had constantly surprised Natsu. When he'd finally found out how, though, he'd been disgusted and confronted his brother about it. He'd meant to stop Zeref somehow, but they had started drafting soldiers for the war and he hadn't had enough time.

Who would suspect anything if he died in the war? With his connections, it would be easy for Zeref to find someone out here to make sure he didn't return.

Natsu stared up at the night sky, his only comfort in recent days, and named every single constellation. Taurus, Virgo, Gemini, Scorpio…

The stories replayed in his head in Lucy's voice, soothing him as he recalled the numerous nights they'd spent together watching the stars sparkle overhead. He wondered how she was doing, and if she missed him. As a goddess, he'd been taught they didn't care about individual humans often, but he knew she cared for him.

Opening his eyes, he focused once more overhead. How long could he go without food? Not nearly long enough to make it home. Even if he started walking now, he'd be caught and killed for deserting well before he could make it back.

He thought about what he'd heard at the tent and had an idea. The more he thought about it, the more convinced he was that it was the right move, especially if he was going to die anyway…

He got to his feet and made his way to his sleep roll, his hand clenched around his amulet.

I'm sorry goddess, he thought as he picked his way through the slumbering soldiers. I wanted to return, and I know I promised I would, but I think it's out of my hands. If it weren't for you, I probably would have died by now anyway. He knelt down as he found his spot and grabbed his knife and sword. After strapping them to his sides, he stood up and stared up at the sky once more.

"I'm going to do my part, goddess." He breathed in a long shallow breath. Underneath the stench of blood and death, he could just make out the smell of the earth. The same smell that had surrounded him while he spent time with Lucy in her temple; the smell of his most cherished memories.

He left quickly, ignoring the way his fatigue weighed down his limbs and the way his vision grew blurrier the longer he walked. He made his way along the edge of the battlefield, allowing his body to lead him. Without the moon, there wasn't enough light, but he instinctively knew where he could and could not step. Whenever he moved close to a sentry, his entire being honed in on them. In the dark, he would sneak up and take them out without them having any idea he was there.

Natsu mentally thanked his goddess for her protection, knowing that it was her blessing that had given him such strong instincts. He cleared out five guards before he reached the other side's camp. Their army was larger and better funded, so their soldiers were all housed within tents instead of under the stars. He thanked his luck once more as he prepared himself for what he had to do.

His fist tightened around his knife as he silently entered the first tent.