Disclaimer: All rights belong to Nickelodeon, Bryan Konietzko, Michael Dante DiMartino, and all the men and women that created the A:TLA show, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The lyrics are from the song "My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark" by Fall Out Boy
Rating: General Audiences. Warning: some scenes contain dark themes and minor violence
Author's Note: Big chapter here! Ember Island was always one of my favorite episodes, so I hope you enjoy my version of it :)
Chapter 9 - Ember Island
Burn everything you love, then burn the ashes
In the end everything collides
My childhood spat back out the monster that you see
So light 'em up
"I'm so excited for this trip!" Ty Lee smiles widely. "Just a whole weekend of sitting on the beach, doing nothing!"
The whale seals tethered to the ship pull them quickly through the water. A warm breeze blows Zuko's hair back as he stands at the front of the ship. The smell of salt reminds him of Katara. He remembers surfing with her back before he knew she was the Avatar, back before he betrayed her. He'd been terrified, completely out of his element - but holding on to her, he'd felt safe.
"Doing nothing is a waste of time," he complains, his bad mood seeping out.
"Lighten up," Azula orders. "You've spent the last few years working nonstop. You deserve to waste time."
He knows she planned this for him. She made up some lie about Father needing to meet with his advisers alone but he knows better. He knows how moody he's been. But Azula feeling so bad for him that she planned a vacation? That's pathetic. He's not a child. He can handle his own emotions.
"Don't you guys have a house on the island?" Ty Lee asks.
"We used to come every summer when we were kids."
Zuko can hear a slight undertone of nostalgia in Azula's voice. He wonders if she remembers Ember Island trips as fondly as he does, or if she's just trying to get him to relax.
"That must have been fun!"
"That was a long time ago."
Zuko grips the railing tightly. He knows that Azula planned this trip thinking it would do him well, but he doesn't want to return to the island. He doesn't want to be reminded of better times. He doesn't want to remember when he didn't have to work to earn his parents' affection.
The island is just as beautiful as he remembers it. A row of houses belonging to nobles line the beach and cliffs. Most are empty now. Only a few other noble families who are on vacation are in residence. Zuko can see their family's house in the distance. The ship pulls up to a private dock, where their two chaperones stand.
Twin old ladies with straw hats and pink robes smile toothily as they anchor. Li and Lo.
"Welcome to Ember Island, kids," they say in harmony.
They exit the ship and enter the house in front of them. It's a lot smaller than Zuko was expecting. A quick glance at Azula shows that she's feeling the same way. He's just glad they aren't at their old house. Too many memories. Inside, the rooms are fully furnished, beautiful tapestries lining the walls and hand woven carpets covering the floors and a table with a tea pot is set.
"It smells like old lady in here," Zuko remarks under his breath.
"Gee, I wonder why," Mai replies.
Ty Lee goes up to a picture of two young ladies standing against each other in a pin-up pose. "Who are these two beautiful ladies?" she asks.
"Can't you tell?" one of them says.
"It's us!" the other one finishes. Then they copy the pose. Zuko covers his mouth in disgust. Mai watches emotionlessly. Azula smirks. Ty Lee's eyes widen.
Li and Lo then give them a tour of the house. In Mai and Ty Lee's room, the latter happily spreads out on one of the beds.
"I love this seashell bedspread! It's so colorful!"
"Are you serious? It looks like the beach threw up on it," Mai replies.
Once back in the main room, Li and Lo give them a short speech.
"Ember Island is a magical place," one says.
"It can open your mind to hidden truths," the other continues.
"And it can help you understand yourselves and each other," they say together.
Zuko tries not to scoff. He doesn't buy into this whole "magical place" idea. He understands himself perfectly fine. And he knows Mai and Azula and Ty Lee. They've known each other for years. What more can they learn about each other?
Then the old ladies suddenly throw off their outer robes, revealing way too revealing swimsuits. "Time to hit the beach!" they exclaim.
Mai mercifully covers Zuko's eyes before the image is burned into his brain forever or he pukes. See? Mai gets him.
They gather their supplies and head out not long after. Azula spies a perfect spot right by the surf. "Let's set up there."
"But there are kids building a sand castle in that spot! And they look like they've been working really hard on it," Ty Lee points out.
"They built one. They can build another one. It's going to wash away in the surf anyway." Azula walks over and steps right on the castle. She puts her hands on her hips and stares down imposingly at the kids. They cry out and run away. She smirks.
Zuko holds up an umbrella for Mai. Her pale skin is sensitive to the sun. He also appreciates the cover. He hates how recognizable his scar makes him sometimes.
In front of him, a teenage boy rushes up to Ty Lee. "Hey! Need some help unpacking?"
She smiles. "Sure!" She dumps her bag in his arms. He stumbles back under the weight of it. Then he drops it on the ground and digs through it to find her towel, which he lays on the ground perfectly. She happily sits down and stares up at him for a minute.
"Could you scootch just a little bit to the left?" she asks. He happily obliges, standing right in the way of the sun. She grins. "Perfect. Now just stay there."
Zuko can see Azula watching jealousy. No boy is jumping to help her. It's because she's too intimidating, but he's not going to be the one to tell her that.
"Hey. Aren't you going to set up my stuff?" Mai says.
Zuko lays out their towels next to each other, overlapping just enough so that sand won't sneak between. Then he stabs the umbrella deep into the sand. She lounges underneath the shade with him, watching emotionlessly as kids run by, laughing.
He looks over and sees a beautiful shell lying in the dirt. He hands it to her.
"This is for you."
She stares at it, completely unimpressed. "Why would I want that?"
"Don't girls like this sort of thing?" he shoots back.
She rolls her eyes. "Maybe stupid girls."
He throws it away with a sound of disgust. He's trying to be thoughtful here, but if she isn't going to help him out then it isn't his problem. It's not always about the object, it's about the gesture. Katara would understand. She wouldn't reject him so harshly. And she isn't stupid.
"So what are we?" Mai asks a few seconds later. "Do you want to be my boyfriend again?"
No. "Sure."
"Cool."
Zuko doesn't hate Mai. In fact, he does quite like her. But since coming back, it's been in a completely different way than before. He appreciates that, despite her seemingly blandness, she does care about him. Like when she waited outside the war meeting for him, and when she had his back during the banquet. But he doesn't like her romantically. How can he when she doesn't even try to meet him halfway? When she doesn't know what to say to him when he needs to hear encouraging words the most?
But this is his life now, and he has to make the best of it. Mai is one of his oldest friends. She does know him well, and deep down she does care for him. So he'll give it another chance. He has nothing to lose from it.
And maybe when he's with Mai, he can forget about Katara.
As the morning goes by, nothing exciting happens. He and Mai fall asleep for a while at one point. When they wake up, Ty Lee has an entire entourage of boys surrounding her. They block the sun, fan her, and bring her drinks and food. She lounges in complete luxury. Azula sits alone, scowling.
After lunch, a group of teenagers start up a volleyball tournament. Azula watches them closely. After a while she turns to Zuko and Mai.
"We're playing next," she declares. Then she looks at Ty Lee and her eyes narrow. "Ty Lee! Get over here now!"
The girls jumps to her feet before hand-walking her over. "I love volleyball!"
"You love everything."
Zuko stands and pulls off his beach robe. Mai stands up a minute later, sighing. "My skin is going to darken so much."
"Then leave your robe on," he says.
"It's too hot."
He decides silence is the best option. They meet up and stretch together, Azula leading them.
"I'm the best spiker, so I'm going to try and play forward as often as possible. Zuko is the best setter, so he's with me. Mai, you have the strongest serve, so you start. And Ty Lee, you're the most flexible and agile. You cover the back and especially the corners. I don't want them getting even one point on us."
The game begins. The other team doesn't stand a chance. It's over in ten minutes. Zuko is a little disappointed; he was just warming up.
"Hey! You guys are really good!" the captain of the other team says.
"We know," Azula replies.
"Do you want to have a two-on-two tournament? Two of you versus two of us. Then another group of two. And then your best pair against our best pair."
Azula gets that smirk she gets when she's planning on ruining something or someone. Zuko knows it all too well.
"That sounds like fun," she replies.
They regroup on the other side of the net. "Okay. First pair will be Zuko and Mai. Then Ty Lee and I. I haven't decided on our final pairing yet."
"Aw, we get to crush people together," Mai says, laying a hand on Zuko's chest. "How romantic."
"Let's talk strategy. I noticed a couple things during the first game," Azula says. "See that girl with the silly pigtails? When she runs toward the ball, there's just the slightest hesitation of her left foot. I'm willing to bet a childhood injury has weakened her. Keep serving the ball to her left and we'll destroy her and the rest of her team. Dismissed."
They stand up from the huddle. Pigtails girl and another guy from their team are up first. Zuko and Mai take their positions.
"You can serve first!" Pigtails girl says cheerfully, rolling the ball under the net. Mai picks it up and dusts it off.
"Ready, babe?" she asks as she takes serving position.
"I'm always ready."
She serves a killer jump serve right to the left of pigtails girl. As Azula had predicted, she stumbles a bit. The ball lands right inside the line without even being touched.
"Good serve," Zuko says.
"I know," Mai replies.
Their game is over quickly. Pigtails girl manages to score three points on them. They're still cheerful when the game is over. Zuko wonders how little they think of their dignity.
Azula and Ty Lee are up next. They deliver an equally sound beating. Ty Lee uses her legs and elbows to save balls that are nearly impossible to get. Azula slams them so soundly that the other team runs out of the way of the ball instead of trying to hit it back.
The two teams regroup on their respective sides.
"Who's going to play last?" Ty Lee asks.
Azula glances over at Zuko an grins. He knows exactly what she's about to suggest.
"How do you feel about a good old sibling beat down?" she asks.
His feelings about her are mixed, but since being here on the island he feels a connection to her that he hasn't felt since they were kids. For once there's no power struggle, no competition (between them, at least), no manipulation, no veiled threats - just two siblings who are about to show their superiority.
And Azula did plan this vacation for him. It was unusually thoughtful of her. Zuko nods.
"Let's destroy them."
And they do. The other pair shouldn't have even showed up. Azula's serves are killer. Zuko sets up every ball perfectly. And, on the last point, he bumps it up high in the air, then falls to his hands and knees. Azula runs up, uses his back as a springboard, and slams the ball down from a deafening height. As it soars through the air it bursts into flames. A miniature explosion happens when it finally hits the ground, creating a crater in the sand and blowing the others to their feet.
Zuko stands up and brushes off his hands. Azula stands next to him and leans against his shoulder casually.
For a moment, they're the perfect sibling team. Powerful. Unstoppable. It's only a beach volleyball game, but Zuko gets the feeling their father would be proud to see them working together like this.
Maybe this vacation wasn't such a bad idea after all. Maybe Zuko is being too hard on his sister.
"That was a good game," one of them says hesitantly. Azula can't hold herself in any longer.
"We have defeated you for all time!" she proclaims. "You will never rise from the ashes of your humiliation!"
Then she turns to Zuko, a satisfied smile on her face. "Well, that was fun."
They turn to rejoin Mai and Ty Lee and are surprised to see a couple of boys talking to them.
"What's going on?" Azula demands.
"These boys just invited us to their party tonight!" Ty Lee says. She turns to the boy. "Sure! I love parties."
He smiles. "Great. Can't wait to see you."
"Your friend can come, too," the other boy says, nodding with his head at Mai. She doesn't respond.
Azula steps forward. "What about me and my brother?" she asks, her voice suspiciously calm. "Aren't you going to invite us?"
The boys look at each other. Azula gets a funny look on her face.
"You don't know who we are, do you?"
The lead boy scoffs. "Don't you know who we are? We're Chan and Ruon-Jian."
Zuko feels a wave of anger rising up through him. Who are these random boys to talk to his sister like that? She's the princess! They're just rich kids who throw parties. They have no honor. They have no strength. They're soft and weak.
He steps forward to say something, but Azula stops him in his tracks. "Oh?" she asks, sounding surprised.
"Fine. You're invited," Chan says. "But just so you know, some of the most important teenagers in the Fire Nation are going to be at this party so...try and act normal."
Azula gets that evil smirk. "We'll do our best," she promises.
Zuko waits until they're back at the beach house, all showered and sitting around the table, to ask the question that's been stuck in his mind.
"Why didn't you tell those guys who we were?"
"Haven't you ever wondered what it's like to be normal?" she asks. "To not have the weight of duty on your back? To not feel like you have to act a certain way to maintain your reputation, your honor?"
Zuko stabs at his sushi with his chopsticks. "I didn't spend three years fighting to restore my name only to throw it away."
"Don't be so dramatic. It's just for one evening. Besides, I'm curious how people will treat us if they don't know who we are. I'm so used to people worshipping me that I've never had the chance to experience what life is like on their level."
"They should worship you," Ty Lee points out.
"Oh, I know. And I love it. This is just a little experiment."
Zuko doesn't buy it. He spent plenty of time in his banishment pretending to be someone else, hiding his Fire Nation royalty status. He knows all too well how people treat him without his title.
But he'll humor Azula tonight. After all, she did plan this vacation for him, and he's decently enjoyed it so far. It's the least he can do to repay her.
"Like the tide washing footprints away on the sand-" Li says.
"-so Ember Island gives everyone a clean slate," Lo finishes.
"Ember Island reveals the true you."
Zuko and Mai exchange looks. These old women are crazy. At least they aren't stopping them from going.
The house is oddly quiet when they show up. Azula confidently knocks on the door.
Chan answers, looking confused. "Why are you here so early?"
"You said partying from dusk til dawn. It's dusk. So we're here."
He frowns. "That's just an expression…"
"We are the perfect party guests. We arrive right on time. We are very punctual."
Chan shrugs and motions for them to follow him inside.
"Alright, listen," he begins. "My dad is an admiral. He has no idea I'm having this party, so don't break anything."
"That's a sharp outfit, Chan," Azula says. "Careful. You could puncture the hull of an Empire Class Fire Nation Battleship, leaving thousands to drown at sea."
Chan looks at her strangely.
"Cause it's so sharp," she explains.
"Um...thanks."
Zuko feels a little bad for his sister. She's learned firebending. She's learned military strategy. She's learned all the subjects at school. But flirting? Interacting with others? That's the one big hole in both of their educations. At least Zuko has Mai, who is just as bad at communication as he is. Azula's trying to go after a master.
They walk through the house, passing the second guy, Ruon-Jian. He's fixing his hair in a mirror. He turns around when they enter.
"Hey! First guests to arrive!"
Zuko scoffs. "He thinks he's so great."
Mai stares at the guy and doesn't say anything.
"Well?" he insists. "What do you think about him?"
"I don't have any opinion about him," Mai replies, an exasperated undertone in her voice. "I hardly know him."
Zuko doesn't like the way Ruon-Jian's eyes follow Mai. He doesn't like the way she was staring at him.
"You like him, don't you?"
She sighs and keep walking.
The other guests arrive shortly. Food is brought out and music plays. Zuko and Mai lounge on a couch together, not speaking, just watching. He sees Ty Lee surrounded by a group of jealous boys. They press in closer until she knocks them all to the ground and flips over their bodies.
She then walks over to a brooding Azula. Zuko knows this interaction isn't going to go down well. She says something to Azula, and his sister replies. Within a couple sentences Ty Lee is crying. Zuko feels bad for her but isn't surprised. Whenever Azula is upset she makes sure to bring everything else down with her.
Azula quickly reaches out and grabs Ty Lee gently. An apology, he bets. Azula is mean, not heartless. She does care about him, Mai, and Ty Lee. She relies on them. They're the only ones who will take her outbursts time and time again and not leave her. They're the only ones who not only understand her social ineptitude but also share in it. They're the only ones who will always have her back. She pretends she's strong on her own, but she needs them.
He watches as Ty Lee talks to Azula. She laughs and seems a bit surprised. She's giving Azula advice now, he thinks. Azula randomly laughs super hard. Everyone turns and looks at her. She ignores them with the dignity she's so good at showing.
Eh. She'll be fine. Zuko takes his attention off of them and gives it back to Mai.
"I'm bored," she says.
"I know."
"I'm hungry."
"So what?"
"So, find me some food."
He was perfectly comfortable sitting on the sofa. But if he's going to do this whole boyfriend thing, he needs to put in some effort. "Sure."
He heads to the large table in the middle of the room and fills a plate with food. As he's walking back, a guy who's telling a story motions wildly with his arm and knocks the food out of his hands. It spills on the floor.
Zuko feels a sudden wave of anger. "Hey! Watch it! That food was for my cranky girlfriend!"
He follows the boy's gaze to the couch, where Mai is leaning back comfortable and smiling at something Ruon-Jian is saying. And Ruon-Jian looks much too comfortable leaning over her.
Zuko is really starting to hate this whole hiding-their-identities thing.
He takes a few long strides across the room and pushes Ruon-Jian away, taking his spot by Mai. The boy recovers from the spin and glares at him.
"What are you doing?"
"Stop talking to my girlfriend," Zuko orders.
"Relax," Ruon-Jian says in the same imperative tone. "It's just a party."
Zuko is about *this* close to pulling an Ozai on him and demanding an Agni Kai for honor. Instead he settles for shoving the kid so hard he crashes against the wall, shattering a vase.
Mai stands suddenly. "Zuko! What is wrong with you?"
He's never heard so much emotion out of her. That just makes him angrier. The only time she can summon emotion is when she's mad at him? He does so much for her! He's trying really hard to make her happy when she just throws all his attempts back in his face. This relationship isn't working out.
She is nothing like Katara.
"What's wrong with me?" he demands.
"Your temper is out of control." She shoves a finger in his chest. "You blow up over every little thing. You're so impatient, and hot-headed, and angry."
It's all the things he knows to be true. But he doesn't want to hear it from her. She doesn't understand what he's been through. She doesn't understand the suffering he endured. She doesn't understand the hard choices he had to make. She doesn't understand the consequences he has to endure because of the things he did to earn his father's love.
She doesn't understand how what he did to Katara eats him up every day from the inside out. So of course he's angry. And with that anger comes other nasty qualities.
"Well at least I feel something!" he shouts back. "As opposed to you. You have no passion for anything! You're just a big blah!"
She turns around. "It's over, Zuko. We're done."
He can hear the sadness in her voice. It's subdued, but it's there. And then he feels guilty. He's doing exactly what he criticized Azula for doing earlier - dealing out his suffering on others.
Maybe he and his sister aren't so different after all.
"Who broke my NaNa's vase?" comes Chan's cry.
Ruon-Jian doesn't hesitate in pointing to Zuko. Chan comes running over.
"That's it! You're outta here."
"I was just leaving," Zuko replies, not hiding the acid in his tone.
"Have fun by yourself, loser-boy!" Ruon calls out after him.
Zuko slams the door on his way out.
The full moon is out as he walks alone along the beach. Whenever he sees the moon he thinks of Katara. He wishes references to her weren't everywhere. He wants to get her out of his head. And not just because he knows he'll never see her again.
He knows that she would disapprove of the way he's acting. He knows she would tell him to calm down, that the whole world isn't against him, and that even if it was, he isn't fighting alone. She would tell him some legend from her tribe and stand close to him and look at him with understanding. She wouldn't sugar coat the truth but she wouldn't be cruel about speaking it, either.
But it doesn't matter what she would say or do because she's gone and it's all his fault. Not only his fault; his choice. He chose this life over her. He keeps asking himself why, but he doesn't know if he'll ever find an answer. The warmth he felt over his father's acceptance is long gone, but he can still feel the warmth of Katara's body resting along his as they watched the fireworks together. He can still feel her holding him close under the stars in the crow's nest and not being afraid or disgusted by his scar.
He looks up at sees his family's old house nestled in the cliffs. He's scared of what he'll find inside. He's terrified it will justify his doubts and make him realize that he chose wrong. And yet he feels pulled towards it, like a forbidden fruit.
Flashes of memory come back to him as he walks up to the house. Running along the grass, holding tightly to his mother's hand. His father's hand resting warmly in his shoulder. Iroh picking up a toddler Azula, who's laughing wildly; Zuko is sitting next to Lu-Ten, halfway through building a sandcastle together, pure joy on their faces.
He tugs on the door handles. Locked. Without hesitation he kicks straight through the wood. It's not like his family is ever going to use the house again. Those days of happiness are long gone. Now there is only war.
The first thing he sees is a picture of his family. He stares at it for a long time. Then he moves on. A piece of cement with his handprint in it catches his eye. He picks it up and spreads his hand over it. Was he really that small at one point? So young, so naive.
He can't get over it. He's lost so many memories. He doesn't even remember making the print. He finds himself walking and sitting on the porch, leaning against a pole and holding it tightly. He doesn't want to let go of it. It would be like letting go of the remnants of his happiness.
Deep down, he knows he already let that go. When Iroh left, when Katara was imprisoned - he threw his happiness away for honor.
He hears Azula's footsteps approaching. "I thought I'd find you here," she says, her voice uncharacteristically soft.
"Those summers we spent here seem so long ago." He sets the block down. "So much has changed."
"Come down to the beach with me," she says. For once, it's not a demand or an order. He has a choice. But he chooses to follow her, if only because they fully understand each other in this moment.
Mai and Ty Lee are sitting on logs on the beach. Zuko tries to ignore Mai as he walks past. He still feels incredibly guilty about how he acted but he's too proud to apologize. And, if he's being totally honest, he's still a little upset about how she knew he was jealous of Ruon-Jian and still flirted with him. That's pretty low.
"Hey," Mai says.
"Where's your new boyfriend?" he can't help but ask, but there's no malice in it. When she turns her face away, he feels that guilt rise back up. Maybe she wasn't flirting with him. Ruon could have just walked over to talk to her and she was being polite. Zuko was only gone a minute. He's probably just being overly dramatic about it. And now Mai is hurting.
He already hurt one girl he cared about; he's not about to make the same mistake twice.
Zuko walks over and sits by her. "Are you cold?" he asks. She slaps his hand away when he reaches out for her.
"I'm freezing!" Ty Lee exclaims.
Zuko looks her way. "I'll make a fire," he offers. A sudden thought occurs to him and he smiles. It's a cold smile. "There's plenty of stuff to burn in there."
They all follow his gaze to the old family house up the hill.
The first thing Zuko burns is the family portrait. He watches emotionlessly as the fire eats up the edges and then his mother's, his father's, Azula's, and then finally his face.
"What are you doing?" Ty Lee asks, concern in her voice.
"What does it look like I'm doing?" He crosses his arms over his chest.
"But it's a painting of your family."
"You think I care?"
"I think you do," she says quietly.
He's never felt so exposed. "You don't know me! So why don't you just mind your own business?" He turns around and takes a step towards the beach. He can just barely hear the girl say under her breath, "I do know you."
He whirls around. "No, you don't! You're stuck in your little Ty Lee world where everything is great all the time!"
"Zuko!" Mai's voice cuts through the air. "Leave her alone."
"'I'm so pretty, look at me, I can walk on my hands!'" Zuko mocks, unable to keep his anger in check. First Ty Lee is pretending she knows his struggles, and now Mai is trying to be all righteous again? He tried (okay, kind of tried) making up to her and she literally hit him away. Now she thinks she has the right to criticize him again?
He falls on his back on the sand. "Circus freak."
Azula laughs.
"Yes, I'm a circus freak," Ty Lee replies, an edge of anger in her voice. "Go ahead and laugh all you want. You want to know why I joined the circus?"
Azula sighs. "Here we go."
"Do you have any idea what my home life was like? Growing up with six sisters who look exactly like me? It was like I didn't even have my own name!" Her voice breaks. "I joined the circus because I was scared I'd spend the rest of my life as part of a matched set. At least I'm different now. Circus freak is a compliment."
"I guess that explains why you need ten boyfriends, too," Mai remarks.
"I'm sorry, what?"
"Attention issues. You couldn't get enough attention when you were a kid so you're trying to make up for it now."
Ty Lee half laughs. "Well, what's your excuse, Mai? You were an only child for fifteen years. But even with all that attention your aura is just dingy, pasty...gray!" She trails off.
Mai isn't fazed. She almost never is. Sometimes it's great. Sometimes it's frustrating. Right now it's frustrating. Why can't she just feel something? Ty Lee, the always positive one, is crying. Azula, usually the dominant one, is listening quietly. And even Zuko, the angry one, is calmly laying on the ground right now. He doesn't understand how Mai can just take everything in stride when everyone else is falling apart.
"I don't believe in auras," she says.
Zuko can't take it any longer. He stands and faces her. "Yeah. You don't believe in anything."
"Oh, I'm sorry I can't be as high strung and crazy as the rest of you."
"I'm sorry, too. I wish you would be high strung and crazy for once instead of keeping all your feelings bottled up inside." He motions to Ty Lee. "She just called your aura dingy. Are you gonna take that?"
She lays back against the rock. "What do you want from me? You want a teary confession about how hard my childhood was? Well, it wasn't. I was a rich, only child who got everything I wanted." She looks away. "As long as I behaved. And sat still, and didn't speak unless I was spoken to. My mother said I had to keep out of trouble. We have my dad's political career to think about."
"Well, that's it, then," Azula says. For once there's no cruel undertone to her words. "You had a controlling mother who had certain expectations and if you strayed from them, you were shut down. That's why you're afraid to care about anything. And why you can't express yourself."
Mai sits up. "You want me to express myself?" She stands up. "Leave me alone!"
Zuko can't help but smile. He's never seen her so passionate about something. He's never heard her voice when she wasn't being monotone or sarcastic. For a brief moment, she reminds him of Katara.
He walks over to her. "I like it when you express yourself."
She shoves him away. "Don't touch me. I'm still mad at you."
That gets him upset again. Here he is, trying to reach out to her, trying to meet her half way, and she just keeps pushing him away. How can she expect to make up with him when she won't even let him talk to her?
"My life hasn't been that easy, either, Mai.".
"Whatever. That doesn't excuse the way you've been acting."
Before Zuko can protest, Ty Lee cuts through.
"Calm down, you guys. This much negative energy isn't good for your skin. You'll totally break out."
"Bad skin?" Zuko can hardly believe what he's hearing. He's always known Ty Lee lives in a different reality, but this is just too much. "Normal teenagers worry about bad skin. I don't have that luxury." He leans closer. "My father decided to teach me a permanent lesson - on my face!"
She looks down in shame. "Sorry, Zuko. I…"
He turns around. "For so long I thought that if my dad accepted me, I'd be happy. I'm back home now, my dad talks to me. Huh. He even thinks I'm some hero! Everything should be perfect, right? I should be happy now. But I'm not! I'm angry! I'm angrier than ever and I don't know why!"
He does know, though. Deep down he knows exactly why he's so unhappy.
Azula, now lounging against her log, speaks up. "There's a simple question you need to answer, then. Who are you angry at?"
"No one!" he says. "I'm just angry!"
"Yeah. Who are you angry at, Zuko?" Mai asks.
Iroh, for leaving him at his moment of victory. Katara, for being so kind and compassionate and then turning out to be his enemy. His father, for scarring him and banishing him. His mother, for leaving him. Mai, for not trying to meet him halfway.
"Everyone!" he yells. He grabs his head. "I don't know!"
"Is it Dad?" Azula asks quietly.
He realizes that he was wrong. He can't honestly answer yes to that question, even though it makes sense and it would be understandable. "No."
"Your uncle?" Ty Lee asks.
"Me?" Azula says.
"No, No!" The more he thinks about being angry at those people, the more he realizes that he's not really angry at them.
"Then who?"
"Answer the question, Zuko."
"Come on, talk to us."
"Just tell us."
He looks back and forth between the girls as they load the questions on him. He doesn't want to answer. He's ashamed at the answer. It hits too close to home. He doesn't truly trust them enough to answer.
All the excuses bombard his brain just like their questions. Finally he can't keep it inside.
"I'm angry at myself!"
He throws his fists down and the bonfire explodes high into the sky. When it dies down, they all look at him sympathetically.
"Why?" Azula asks softly.
Because of Katara. Because he betrayed her, and by betraying her, he betrayed himself. But he can't tell them that. He can't admit what happened between the South Pole and Azula's visit. He can't tell a soul.
"Because I'm confused," he says instead. "Because I'm not sure I'm making the right decisions in life anymore."
He hears a scoffing sound. "You're pathetic," Azula says.
Mai walks up to him and lays a hand on his back. "I know one thing I care about," she says. "I care about you."
Zuko is so lonely, so worn out from his admissions, so raw and vulnerable - and those few words are enough to offer him healing. He turns and kisses her.
Azula claps sarcastically. "Well, those were wonderful performances everyone."
He narrows his eyes at her. The perfect princess, their father's favorite. She's even more privileged than Mai was. "I guess you wouldn't understand, would you?" he asks. "Because you're just so perfect."
Her expression doesn't change. "Well, yes. I guess you're right. I don't have sob stories like all of you. I could sit here and complain about how our mom liked Zuko more than me but" - she shrugs - "I don't really care."
The way she stares intensely into the coals makes Zuko think she's lying just as much as he was when he said he wasn't angry at anyone.
"My own mother," she continues, "thought I was a monster."
For a moment, everyone stares at her. Then she lifts her head and her voice picks up it's usual zing.
"She was right, of course, but it still hurts." Azula stands up. "All right. I'm done with this sappy stuff. Let's go have some fun."
Ty Lee perks up immediately. "What do you have in mind?"
Azula smirks. "I'm in the mood for crashing a party."