A/N 1: Posting continues from the Great White North!
Chapter 38
The train left Hogsmeade station the following morning, taking most of the DA – and Ginny – with it. A dozen or so DA members had informed Hermione that they would be leaving the school permanently as well, and she'd given each of them Galleons so that they could stay in touch and keep one another informed. All of the students knew when the next Potterwatch episode – featuring them – would air, and planned on tuning in with their families.
"I'm just so happy it all worked out," Ginny said, tucking her wand up her sleeve and giving Hermione yet another goodbye hug.
"Yes," Hermione answered. They stood in the Entrance Hall, students thronging around them while they waited for the thestral-drawn carriages to arrive. "We've really raised morale, so the party will keep paying off all throughout the break and afterwards."
"Are the Carrows still out?" Ginny asked, her eyes dancing in amusement.
"No, I think Madam Pomfrey brought them round this morning, but they're not even close to mended yet."
"That will give you a real break, then. Well, except, you know… for Snape," Ginny caught Hermione's eye firmly. "You're sure you have him handled, 'Mione? I worry about you with him."
"I have," Hermione answered, just as firmly. It wasn't the first time Ginny had brought Snape up since the party. Hermione embraced her one more time. "I'll keep you up-to-date on the Galleon, OK? And please send my love to your family."
And with one last blazing grin, Ginny had turned and left Hogwarts, and Hermione had gone back upstairs to the Room of Requirement, where Neville awaited her.
They were the only students staying over the holiday and the silence of the castle was a welcome change. They spent mornings together, reviewing new plans and tactics, strengthening their relationships with the DA's allies, and brainstorming new strategies for the final months of the school year. Neville took to visiting Aberforth during the afternoons, and Hermione spent her evenings walking alone in the Forbidden Forest. She'd never thought she would be in a position to seek out the dark, dangerous place, but Hermione was certain that she could handle anything that might confront her here after her duel with Carrow. Overall, the holiday was a restful time but for her ongoing friction with Harry.
"Can you please tell him to come talk to me, Ron?" she wrote furiously one afternoon, a week after the other students had left.
"I have, 'Mione. You know how stubborn he gets and… you're not the only one with a morale problem, you know."
"That's exactly what I want to talk to him about. I have news that will boost his – and your – morale!"
"Go on, then. Impress me."
"I want you two to hear it together. Listen, just tune in to Potterwatch. River is supposed to have access to a safe house sometime this weekend, and the password will be 'Albus.' Make sure you both hear it, OK?"
"I'll do what I can to get him to listen. He's stubborn, mind. All well with you over there?"
Hermione had to think her answer over for a long moment. The truth was… yes. Things with the DA were better than ever as the Carrow siblings had both been temporarily neutralized, morale was soaring, and the rest of the DA would return to find that Hermione and Neville had regrouped during the holidays with a number of plans to guide them safely through the remainder of the school year. She was also confident that the Support Harry Potter Party had shown the junior DEs what the DA could do, whilst questioning the hold the Carrows had on the castle. And yet Hermione was not content… not entirely. Not when Snape's voice rang in her head on a loop.
Some of us are damned beyond any measure of your saccharine faith.
"Yes," she wrote to Ron, shaking off her distraction and forcing the accompanying emotions – pain, desire, frustration – into a drawer within her Mind's Eye. "We've managed quite the coup this last little while. Like I said, the password for Potterwatch will be 'Albus.' Make sure you twiddle those dials!"
"They didn't even mention that we had a complete victory!" Neville shouted indignantly after the broadcast two nights later. "And all that bollocks about Hagrid having a narrow escape! I was THERE. There wasn't and never will be ANYTHING narrow about Hagrid or Grawp!"
The wireless the Room had provided was already silent, the lights behind the tuning panel extinguished. Hermione patted Neville's arm reassuringly.
"Their approach was the right one," she told him, although part of her wanted to join in his frustration. "I agree with you – it's annoying that they couldn't cover the story the way we wanted them to, with the victory full and intact, but don't forget that their audience needs to be reminded of caution first and foremost. Also, it wouldn't look like a complete win to anyone outside the DA, who didn't know the plan in full. The broadcast is still a win, and it's still going to raise morale all over the wizarding world!"
"I guess," Neville said, looking crestfallen, "I just wish they didn't put that spin on it."
"It's the way of news reporting. Sure, they're nothing like the Prophet, but people will always put their own spin on things. Anyway," Hermione looked over his shoulder at a battered grandfather clock, "I'd best be off if I'm to have a walk tonight. I'll see you in a bit."
"Right," Neville muttered.
Hermione patted his shoulder before pulling on her coat, unfolding the Marauder's Map, and leaving him to his grumblings.
The Room exited onto a corridor just a few floors above the Entrance Hall, and Hermione did a quick scan of the Map, ensuring that both Carrows were still in the hospital wing, and that Snape was in his office. Probably destroying it again, if he even bothered to repair it at all, she thought to herself as she descended the grand staircase into the Hall. She'd spent many of her solitary walks thinking of the dark man and her latest encounter with him, turning what he'd said over and over again in her mind. Hermione pulled the heavy oaken doors open and stepped out into the chilly late-March evening.
An invisible new moon was rising by the time Hermione reached the edge of the forest, and she lit her wand to guide her way. Although she followed no particular pathway, her feet were confident and quiet in the undergrowth. She let herself be guided by her thoughts, allowing the emotions within her Mind's Eye to surface, and using the interface to separate them into categories: satisfaction at the DA's current status; frustration and worry for Ron and Harry; pleasure with regard to her schoolwork; never-ending concern for her parents; and, a massive emotional jumble concerning her relationship with Snape. It was to this latter tangle that she applied her Mind's Eye, so well-evolved and effective now, with alacrity, with hope and determination.
I've got to figure it out. There must be a way to deal with – that thought was interrupted by an image of his dark eyes smouldering as he laid her down on the carpet in his demolished office before kissing her senseless… the passion between them had been obvious. The love she'd felt had been there as well, pushing up into her chest with its intense, overwhelming weight as it always did when they were so close to overcoming the boundaries Snape assiduously put in place between them. He loves me back … this last thought was so powerful that Hermione stopped where she stood in a tiny maple grove and leaned against a tree, whose sap would just begin flowing as the world reawakened to the start of spring.
Beyond any measure of your saccharine faith…
The mephitic words echoed, ricocheting around her Mind's Eye, which failed time and again to file them away neatly alongside every other nasty, upsetting thing Snape had ever said to her.
It's because it's true… it's the truest thing he's ever said to me, and so I can't just file it away.
Hermione rolled the phrase around in her head, trying to weaken its potency, trying to accept the aspect of the dark man that had manifested such a heartbreaking truth. The Forbidden Forest opened around her, wide and dark and almost perfectly silent under the black new moon, and Hermione halted her walk, closed her eyes and opened herself to it in return. The energy of the wide, wild place filled her, illuminating the chakras throughout her body, energizing and invigorating. At long last, her Mind's Eye dispelled the poison from Severus's words, and revelation came upon her, complete and perfect as she began to walk once more: He might have spoken the truth as he sees it,but he contradicted it himself... he practically said it himself: words will always mean less than actions.
Hermione felt her Mind's Eye clarify at last, a new clean strength coursing through her as she tucked the words carefully away into a drawer where they belonged. After an hour of walking, Hermione turned her steps back towards Hogwarts.
The Entrance Hall echoed when the heavy oak doors closed behind Hermione. She checked the Map once more before beginning her ascent to the seventh floor, noting that most of the castle residents – a skeleton crew during the holidays – were ensconced safely in their own quarters. And it's high time I was in bed too, although there might just be enough time to –
Her thoughts were interrupted by a sudden sensation near her wrist. She peered into the secret pocket in her sleeve where she kept the twinned parchment, the vial of anti-venin, and a small number of enchanted Galleons. One of the coins was burning hot, and Hermione snatched it up quickly and brought it close to her eyes. She squinted to make out the minuscule writing that had appeared.
Potter & Weasley at Malfoy Manor. Bella questioning Ron re: sword. Dark Lord soon.
"No," a voice said in a weak croak. It was a moment before Hermione realise that it was she herself who spoke. "No, no, NO!"
Her thoughts went into a tailspin – I have to get to them! I have to get them OUT of there! How can I… back to the Room… she started to run up the nearest staircase – through the portrait, then Aberforth can let me out into his courtyard and I can Apparate somewhere close to the Manor and –
She wasn't watching the Map; she wasn't even watching where she was going as her Mind's Eye went full throttle, sorting her panic and horror and urgency ruthlessly as the sanest parts of her mind planned her escape and intervention with a fervour she could feel down to her toes.
I'll need to sneak in there somehow! If only I could Apparate there directly and get them out –
Hermione raced blindly up stairs, sorting out a plan to get to Malfoy Manor and determinedly not trying to plan out what she would do once she arrived – her mind drew a blank on that point. If I can just get there, I know I can manage -
She'd just gained the landing between the second and third floors when she collided with something dark and solid that reached out and grasped her forcefully by the upper arms.
"Granger!"
She stared up into the white, almost bloodless face of Severus Snape, and felt a mixture of relief and exasperation, which she shunted away. No time! She pulled away roughly, and made to step around him.
"Get out of my way!" she hissed when he sidestepped, blocking her path once more. Without thinking, she planted her palms on his chest and made to shove him. Snape seized her wrists and pulled her close.
"NO." the dark man stated with such force that Hermione glared at him. He was paler than she'd ever seen him, dark circles making his eyes seem deeper-set than usual. His hands trembled where they held her wrists in a firm, almost painful grip. "You must come with me."
"Get your hands off me!" Hermione snarled, her panic transmuting seamlessly into outrage. "I will warn you once Snape. Let me GO!" With the last word, she attempted to twist away from him, but he held her fast, bringing her closer still so that her hands began to ache.
True to her word, Hermione shifted her weight back half a step before driving her knee up, aiming straight between his legs. Snape shifted with her so that Hermione stumbled forward, her knee hitting nothing but air. The dark man stepped neatly behind her to wrap his arms around her shoulders, one hand pinioning both of her wrists together.
"I do not wish to overpower you, Hermione," he murmured into her ear, the stubble of his jaw scraping against her cheek, "but I will if you force my hand."
"GOD DAMN YOU, LET ME GO!" she yelled, struggling against him, but he tightened his grip on her wrists, and his free hand plunged into the left-hand sleeve of her robes to withdrew her wand. "NO!"
Her wand disappeared from her view as Snape pocketed it.
"As I said, I do not wish to overpower you any further, but I will Stun you if you continue to resist."
Hermione sagged against him.
No choice, a nattering voice rang out in her mind, no choice, no choice.
His free hand fumbled in her sleeve once more before withdrawing the Map, which he examined for a moment before propelling her forcefully up the stairs and into the adjacent corridor. Less than a minute later, they arrived before the stone gargoyle.
"Whitesnake," Snape said curtly, and a moment later he was pushing her up the stairs and into his office.
She felt rather than saw as he waved his wand, securing the office, before he finally let go of her wrists. Blood rushed back into her hands, which pricked and ached in response. Hermione rubbed them together, and turned to face the dark man, blue sparks already trailing from the ends of her wild hair. Snape regarded her warily, still clutching the Map in one hand, slipping his wand up his sleeve.
"Draco told you." Fury rasped in her voice.
In reply, Snape withdrew a Galleon from a pocket and held it out between his index and middle fingers. Hermione snatched it and read the message, which was even tinier on this coin than on hers: Potter & Weasley at Malfoy Manor. Bella questioning Ron re: sword. Dark Lord soon. Granger informed. It was the last two words which drew Hermione's eye, and which made the wrath almost choke her.
"Goddamn ferret," she growled, barely registering the ice within her own voice. "He will pay for this."
"For informing his allies of crucial developments?" Snape returned. Contrasted to her own demeanour, he seemed almost calm.
"For informing on me to you!"
"Contrary to what you may believe, Granger, you are not in charge of every single affiliation between the factions of this castle."
"So – what? You take it upon yourself to make every single decision at a time like this? And look at the decisions you make!" She waved her arm sarcastically at the perfect office around them. "You disarm me and then force me to sit and wait while my friends – the only hope for the Wizarding world – face torture and summary execution!"
Snape stepped close to her.
"And you, Granger?" he demanded. "You would leave the safety of this castle in favour of dying at Malfoy Manor? Was that your plan? Or had you some idea of assembling an eleventh-hour army to accompany you? Because that, Granger, is the only way you would have succeeded in anything except summarily killing yourself!"
"It's not your choice to make!" She shoved him again, planting her hands on the hard planes of his chest. "It's NOT!"
He stood before her, steady and calm, but she did not miss the way his nostrils flared, and Hermione could feel an answering rise of emotion building within her chest alongside the incandescent rage. Sorrow and longing and…
"It is," Severus said, his voice measured and quiet. His hands smoothed over hers, pressing her palms more firmly against the wool covering his chest, which heaved in a sigh. "It is, Hermione... when I'm the only one who has any idea of what you are going through."
"You don't!" she retorted, but the venom had escaped her voice, and she felt her fingers curling beneath his as her eyes filled with tears, as the tide of his magic – dusky and cool and immeasurably comforting – slid into her skin. "You have no…" she heard her voice break, took a deep breath before continuing, "you have no fucking idea, you bastard."
In response, Snape met her eyes squarely and, with a conscious effort she would never have perceived before all of their Friday nights together, he took down his formidable Occlumency defenses. Where before his eyes had been empty, now they filled so intensely and suddenly that Hermione could not look away: she saw worry, dejection, and, so obvious it was painful to behold, apology within the black depths. Hermione felt the tears falling down her cheeks as the rage subsided at last, opening a vacuum within her chest that was filled with everything she saw reflected in Severus's eyes.
"What do we do?" Her voice was pleading, but quiet. "What do we do, Severus?"
"We wait," his deep voice vibrated the warm chest beneath her hands. "We watch. I…" he hesitated for a moment, "I have reason to believe that help has already been dispatched directly to Potter and Weasley."
Hermione felt her eyes widen, and her mind made the jump so quickly that she reeled for a moment as her own previous thoughts rebounded through her Mind's Eye: If only I could Apparate there directly and get them out. The perfect, simple brilliance of it struck her.
"You sent Dob–"
"Hush!" Severus pressed warm fingertips to her lips. "I called him, yes, but he did not answer. Someone else – don't ask me who – must have gotten word to him."
Hermione turned his hand so that it cupped her cheek.
"Of course," she murmured, her panic and horror running together with a spark of hope. "Only Harry would take higher priority over the Headmaster of Hogwarts."
She met his eyes again and let her feelings and thoughts shine through for a moment before she pulled away from him, withdrawing the twinned parchment from its place in her sleeve. Snape's eyes grew puzzled as Hermione unrolled the parchment against the surface of his desk. She checked her watch and the Galleon once more. No news from Malfoy.
"Come on," Hermione said to the parchment. She reached for a quill, and then threw it back down impatiently and turned to Snape, who had sidled up next to her at the desk. "This is no time for longhand. Give me my wand, will you?"
The dark man obliged, and watched as Hermione tapped the parchment while thinking the words of the message she would send: "Otter to terrier and stag – aware of your location and waiting for news." And then, willing it to be so: "I hope Dobby has gotten you out safely. I love you both. Send word when you can."
Snape watched the parchment, puzzlement evident on his features.
"A government-issued Muggle Birth Certificate?" he asked in an undertone.
"No. You can't read what's really here. It's the wizarding equivalent of email. Hopefully they'll be able to answer soon."
The dark man gave no rejoinder, but placed his own Galleon on the desk beside the parchment. Hermione sighed, stood back on her heels and, hardly knowing what she did, slipped an arm around his waist. Severus shifted closer, his arm gliding over her shoulders a moment later, pulling her close. Arm in arm, they stood vigil over the coins and parchment.
Time passed. A half hour, then another. The two figures sank down onto a conjured bench, where they huddled together against the cold of the darkest hour of night, their arms around each other, watching the magical implements. The vigil came to an abrupt end when two things happened almost simultaneously: one of the Galleons glowed, and Snape let out a long, pained hiss.
"What is it?" Hermione asked, her voice hoarse from disuse. But she thought she already knew.
"Check Draco's message," Severus answered, getting to his feet, already rolling up his left sleeve.
She jumped to her feet, wobbling a little from sitting down for so long.
"You're leaving! You can't –"
"Hermione, the message!"
She snatched up the coin and read the text aloud.
"'Both escaped with other hostages' – oh no – 'Bella killed elf. Dark Lord enraged. Hide Granger.'"
"It's as I thought, then," Severus said, and she shivered at how calm and cool his voice was.
Dobby! her mind cried out, Dobby is dead. The knowledge sent grief rising in her chest. After everything he's done for us… the most innocent of us all…
Severus finished rolling up his sleeve, and Hermione saw the blackened Dark Mark standing out on his pale forearm. A flick of his wand, and the dark man stood before her in full Death Eater mode: travelling cloak across his shoulders, Dark Mark exposed, face set into grim lines, eyes completely empty.
"You will return to the Room of Requirement through the door in my quarters. You will seal the Room. No one goes in, no one goes out – until I give the word personally. Understood?"
She wanted to ask a thousand questions, but she just nodded instead.
"Be careful, Severus."
The corners of his mouth twitched.
"Always," he whispered, something soft filling his eyes for a fleeting second.
He was gone a moment later, crossing the room in two long strides, throwing the window open, and diving out into the night. Hermione ignored the tears streaming down her face, snatched up her things from the desk, and did as Severus had ordered.
A/N 2: I'm WAY behind on review responses, but that doesn't mean I don't read them. And love them. And obsess over them. (So please do keep writing them!)