Chapter 7
Beca's POV
I have no clue how this is going to go, and I'm super nervous. I'm wearing black jeans and a purple and blue flannel shirt, standing in the mirror and breathing nervously. My watch reads 4:30, and I know the Bellas will start arriving shortly. I rub my stomach, consciously looking down to see if there's a bump or anything, and I breathe a sigh of relief when I see there isn't.
"Becs, Aubrey's here already." Chloe walks in and kisses my cheek, and I sigh.
"Great. Now I have to talk to her for half an hour before I tell everyone there's a living thing inside me." I say, annoyance laced in my voice.
"Hey, don't think like that. Bree loves you." She scolds me lightly, and I nod. "What are you going to say about the father?" She's hesitant, and I rub my forehead.
"That I don't know." She nods, then slaps my butt and walks away. Once she closes the door, I sit on the bed and hold my head in my hands. God, I hate lying to her… but she can't know the truth. That I know who it is…
"Beca Mitchell, get your ass down here!" I hear Aubrey yell, and I sigh, taking one final, deep breath before I walk into the dining room. I sit next to Chloe and force a smile, and she hands me a glass of water.
"Hey Aubrey, how are you?" I ask, and she smiles.
"I'm ok, actually. Stacie and I are going to the bar tonight." She says with a dreamy expression on her face, and I choke back a laugh. "What?"
"N-nothing. Just, Stacie?" I ask, covering the laugh up. Chloe kicks me under the island, and I wince a little.
"Y-yeah, we're friends." She blushes, and this time I can't suppress the laugh.
"You liiiiiiiiike her!" I tease in a sing-song voice, and her face turns a deeper shade red.
"I do no-" She's interrupted by a knock on the door. "Saved by the door." She whispers.
"I'll get it." Chloe stands up and walks over to open the door, and I see everyone else standing there, Fat Amy in the front of the group with Emily.
"Wow Beca, you look so much better!" Emily exclaims and rushes over, wrapping her arms around me.
"Ahh, get off me." I complain, and she steps back, a worried look on her face. "Kidding," I say and pull her back into a hug (I wasn't actually kidding, but I couldn't stand the hurt look on her face).
"Alright, I'm kind of in a rush, so what's the big deal?" Cynthia Rose asks, leaning on the wall.
"What do you have to do?" Esther asks, and her voice still shocks me to this day.
"I'm meeting a girl at the beach tonight." She says, and Stacie starts choking on her juice Chloe got her.
"Stacie, oh my gosh!" Aubrey runs over and wraps her arms around Stacie from behind, himelicking her until she spits the juice out, coughing. Aubrey stands there for a minute, still against Stacie's back, then seems to come back to her senses and quickly walks away, blushing.
"Thanks Bree." Stacie smiles at her, and Aubrey smiles back.
"Anyways, Beca? Chloe?" I look at Cynthia Rose, and I sigh shakily.
"Well, there's, uh, there's two things, really." I say, and I look over at Chloe, panicking. She sees it and walks over, squeezing my hand.
"FINALLY! You've finally confessed to each other!" Fat Amy yells, and everyone else nods. Shocks ripples through me, but Chloe just laughs.
"Apparently everyone knew we loved each other," She tells me.
"That's good to know. We're still figuring it out." I say, and everyone cheers.
"So, what's the other news?" Emily asks, and my heart leaps. I feel as if I'm going to puke, but I know it's just the nerves.
"Guys… I'm pregnant." I say, and everyone goes completely silent.
"That was… unexpected." Amy finally says, and everyone else just nods in shock.
"Who's the dad?" Emily asks, which sends a shock of pain through my chest.
"I don't know." I mumble, but I can't bring myself to make eye contact with her.
"Bullshit." Stacie calls out, and everyone looks at her, shocked. "Oh, come on guys! Can you not see the guilt on her face?" She looks at me, and my jaw drops. SHIT. "So who is it?"
"It, uh…" I say, and I can feel Chloe looking at me. I look up at her, and she looks mad. "Crap. Don't be mad." I say, then look directly at Emily. "It was an accident…" She stares for a minute, then she gasps, her eyes filling with tears.
"HOW COULD YOU?!" She screams, and I sigh, hanging my head.
"Emily please it was an acc-" She cuts me off by walking over and slapping me. I gasp and grab my cheek, and she turns and walks away. "Em! Please, let me ex-" I stop talking when she walks out, slamming the door behind her. "Shit. Thanks a lot, Stacie." I glare at her and turn on my heel, storming to Chloe's room and collapsing into the bed, sobbing.
"Becs?" Chloe creeps in hesitantly, then sees me crying and immediately comes to sit next to me, pulling me into her side.
"Chloe I-I-I'm s-so s-s-sorry" I ball, sobbing into the crook over her neck, right above her collarbone. "I'm sorry I l-lied to you…"
"Beca, shh. It's ok, it's ok… I'm not mad…" She rubs my back in slow, soothing motions, and it calms me down enough to speak.
"You aren't?" I pull away incredulously, and she shakes her head.
"No… well, maybe a little bit. But that doesn't matter right now. Emily matters." She says.
"I didn't mean to upset you," I choke out, another round of tears coming down my face.
"Beca, how I feel about this doesn't matter. You need to talk to Emily. And Benji, for that matter. Does he know?"
"Of course not." I sob miserably. "It wasn't even supposed to happen. We ran into each other at a party… we were both drunk…" I bury my face back into Chloe's shoulder, sobbing without tears.
"Hey, it's ok. Mistakes happen." She whispers, holding me tightly against her.
"No it's not! I'm pregnant with Emily's boyfriend's baby!" I say, my voice breaking. I've never felt this terrible in my entire life… if only Emily would let me explain… "I need to go after her." I say, but I'm telling myself more than I'm telling Chloe.
"Yeah, you do." She agrees, and I sit up and wipe my eyes.
"Is everyone else still here?" I ask, and she shakes her head.
"No, they all left. Fat Amy took Bella, by the way." She gives me a small smile, then pecks me swiftly on the cheek. "Go fix things." She gives me an encouraging smile, which makes me feel worse.
"Thanks babe." I say, then cover my mouth, blushing. "I didn't mean…" I trial off when Chloe kisses me.
"I liked it." She says when she pulls away, leaving me momentarily speechless. "Now go!" She gently pushes me off the bed, bringing me back to reality.
"Ok, ok, I'm going!" I quickly kiss her again, then I grab her car keys and run out of the apartment, texting Emily on the way to the parking lot.
Emily plz im sorry, I quickly type, not worrying about grammar.
For what? For fucking my boyfriend? Or for hiding it from me? She responds as I climb into the car.
Agh Em both i should've told you and it never should've happened plz let me explain where are you? I go on Find my Iphone (thank gosh we installed that in her phone Senior year of high school) and find her location, just in case she doesn't respond. It shows she's at her house, which is a relief.
I don't wanna talk to you right now. She texts back. Well, too bad. I start the engine and turn onto the road, heading east towards Emily's house.
Em plz. I turn onto her street, looking for her red Mustang. I instantly see it at the end of the road, and I see Benji walking down the street. Shit. I can't do this.
No. She replies, and it reflects what my brain is telling me to do. I should run and hide, I should stay away from Benji. But I sigh and pull into the driveway, knowing I have to do this. I'll just ignore Benji…
I knock on the door, and Emily shouts something, then opens the door a second later. Her face instantly goes from curious and warm to cold, and she goes to close the door.
"I need to explain." I say, putting my foot in the doorway to prevent it from closing.
"What dumb excuse do you have, Beca? That you were drunk? Guess what, I KNOW. You can't blame all of your problems on alcohol and drugs, Beca! You were obviously sober enough to remember it!" I open my mouth to correct her, then stop and close it again.
"You're right, Emily. Everything you said, it's all true. And I hate myself for it. If it weren't for you guys… I'd have killed myself a long time ago." I admit, shocked at myself. That's something I swore to never tell anyone, not even Chloe. I shock myself again by continuing. "I tried, once. I hung myself. Theo found me and saved me, but I made him promise not to tell anyone, or else I'd fire him." Emily just looks at me, shocked.
"Beca… I had no clue…" She tries to give me a hug, but I take a step back.
"No, Em, I don't deserve your pity. I did this to myself. But I need you to understand that what happened between Benji and I was a terrible, terrible accident. Nothing more. I don't feel anything for him, and he doesn't feel anything for me. I took advantage of him in the moment, and I never should've done that. I know it's shitty, blaming what happened on my problem, but it's-" Emily cuts me off by wrapping her arms around me, and I give in, hugging her back and letting a single tear slide down my cheek.
"Honestly Beca, I'm still pissed, but I'll get over it. You're family. As for Benji and I… I don't know. But I need you to promise never to try to kill yourself ever again. If not for me, for Chloe at the least." She pulls away, forcing me to look at her, and I nod.
"I promise." She lets go of me and pushes me away.
"Right, I'm still mad, so… I need time to think right now. I need to talk to Benji about all of this." She says, averting my eyes. "Tell Chloe. She needs to know." She turns and walks back into her house, closing the door behind her. Jeez, Chloe's going to flip…
I sigh and get out of the car, my stomach churning at the thought of the conversation I'm about to have. I deliberately take the stairs up to Chloe's apartment instead of the elevator, stalling as much as possible. When I finally get to her door, I debate knocking, then decide against it and just walk in.
"Beca! Emily called me…" Chloe's sitting on the dining room table, obviously waiting for me. Well, I guess there's no avoiding this… "She said you have something to tell me, and this was her way of making sure I find out?" I walk over and sit next to her, instinctively taking her hand in mine.
"Yeah, uh… you aren't going to like this. Like, at all. So I, uh, I need you to, uh, not freak out?" She gives me a worried look.
"Becs, you're scaring me. What happened?"
"This happened a really long time, but I need you to promise you won't get mad, or overreact. Ok?" She nods, and I squeeze her hand, taking a deep breath, "I mentioned that the drugs really fucked with my head, right?" She nods. "Well, I, uh, I tried, once, to, uh, to kill myself." I stutter, and Chloe gasps.
"You what? Beca, why the hell would you do that?! Did you not think about anyone else, how this would affect us? How it would affect me?" I wince at her sudden outrage, and her face softens. "Sorry. I know I said I wouldn't freak out, but suicide, Becs…" A tear goes down her cheek, and I lift a hand up to wipe it away.
"Yeah, I did think about how it would affect everyone else… I thought you'd all be better without me." I chuckle humorlessly.
"Beca Mitchell, that is not funny!" She whacks my arm. "It's not true, either. We love you. I love you." She whispers, and my heart starts racing. I know I should say something, but words bail on me. She seems to sense it, because she gives me a cocky smile and leans in, so close I can feel her breath on my lips. "This is where you say it back." She whispers seductively, and it gives me goosebumps.
"I love you too." I breathe, and she gives me a quick smile and wink before closing the space between us, smashing her lips against mine quickly. I immediately respond, kissing back and wrapping my arms around her waist, pressing her against my body as tightly as possible. One of her hands land on my chest, and the other tangles into my hair, slightly pulling. She climbs onto my lap without breaking the kiss, and I welcome it, resting a hand on her outer thigh. Suddenly, there's a knock on the door, and I pull away, sighing.
"I'll get it." She climbs off of me and walks over to the door, straightening her hair and clothes before opening the door. "Oh, hey-" She starts, and the mystery figure behind her pushes her out of the way and glares at me. I sit in shock at seeing him, and his face is pure fury.
"Were you going to tell me you're having my baby?"