Disclaimer: All rights belong to Nickelodeon, Bryan Konietzko, Michael Dante DiMartino, and all the men and women that created the A:TLA show, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The lyrics are from the song "That's Us" by Anson Seabra
Rating: General Audiences. Warning: some scenes contain dark themes and minor violence
Author's Note: Zuko and Katara still have a long road ahead of them...also I'm a huge friend of Suki and Zuko as best friends
Chapter 4: The Fight
I can take the fall, the pain, the pleasure
And you can take it all, for worse, or better
But oh, what if we're wrong?
What if we're not all that we thought?
Then we won't make it along
But hey, I guess that's us
"Come on! Is that all you've got?"
Katara grits her teeth and digs her heels into the ground, pushing back harder against the wall of rock in front of her. It stops pushing her back but she can't move it backwards. Instead she twists her hands, changing the property of the rock to sand. Then she slips through and summons up rock from the ground to throw Toph into the air.
Toph laughs as she agilely jumps and creates a series of rock pillars for her to run along. "Not bad, not bad," she says before sending a rock slide Katara's way. Katara creates a platform to catch the rocks and then shoves it up, catapulting the rocks into the sky towards Toph. The girl deflects them all with rocks of her own. The dust rains down below. A few grains get in Katara's eyes and when she goes to wipe them away, Toph takes advantage of her blindness to slam a rock formation right into her side.
Katara goes flying into the canyon wall and crumples to the ground. She pulls herself up slowly. Toph lowers her platform back down to the ground and walks over.
"You're definitely getting better," she praises. "I really liked what you did with changing the rock properties. I would have just smashed through the rock or shot myself in the air on a platform, but that worked well, too."
"Maybe the earth isn't so stubborn after all," Katara says, wiping sweat off her forehead.
Toph smiles slightly. "Maybe not." She begins to walk away. "Fifteen more sets of rock kick combos and then you're done for the day."
Katara groans but does as ordered. It's a hot day and even though Katara has pulled up her hair into a bun, she's still sweating like crazy as she kicks and punches the rocks into the canyon wall. She's covered in dust and dirt and sticky and probably smelly. But she feels a bit of the satisfaction that comes from a hard workout and training session.
After she's done she heads to the small oasis nearby where she pulls her hair down, wades waist deep into the water, and then swirls it around herself. Waterbending doesn't tire her out like earthbending does. Waterbending is the opposite, relaxing her sore muscles and loosening the dirt and sweat from her skin and hair and lowering her body temperature. When she releases the water again, she's soaking wet but clean. She wades back out, squeezing the water out of her hair.
The others are sitting around the fire pit eating lunch. She takes a seat on an overturned log and Zuko leans down, offering a tray full of tea.
She takes one and smiles at him. "Finally learning to appreciate your uncle's traditions?"
"His advice, too." Zuko moves on, offering tea to everyone. Katara blows on hers and watches Zuko.
She's still trying to process everything that has happened between them, and especially what they talked about last night. She's been so eager to have him back, to be able to keep him in her sights and in safety, that she never thought about what it would be like to be around him again. She's surprised to find that it isn't as hard as she expected. That doesn't mean it's easy, though, either.
Right now he's calm and smiling, making conversation with the others and trying to get to know everyone. Other than their conversation last night, he hasn't tried to single her out. She appreciates the space, but she notes the tension. They aren't fighting but there's still something in the air between them. Unspoken words, pent-up feelings. Zuko's still feeling guilty and Katara's still holding on to a bit of her distrust.
And neither of them knows where they stand in relation to each other. Even if they do finally let go of all the negativity, where does that leave them? Katara knows Zuko won't make the first move. He feels like he doesn't deserve to be with her again. But Katara doesn't want to make the first move, either. She's always been the one who has made the first move. It was hard even when she did know how she felt about him, but now she's not sure if she can ever get to that point again.
That's the hard part now. Forgiveness and letting go is hard, but she's almost there. Deciding whether it's worth trying again - deciding whether he's worth fighting for and trusting again? That's on a whole other level. And she doesn't have time to think through it and debate it. She's the Avatar. She has to focus on her task at hand.
After lunch, everyone is lounging around a bit. Katara knows she should probably do some more earthbending practice, but she doesn't feel like getting dirty again. Her hair is still damp and her clothes have just dried. Instead she watches the others chatting. Suki and Zuko are telling Sokka and Toph a story from the prison. Aang is sitting out, stroking Momo's fur aimlessly.
Zuko says, "Suki was a complete badass. You should have seen her against those prison guards. She looked almost as good as Ty Lee."
Suki gives him the side-eye look. "Almost as good? Please. I'd like to see you flip your way up three stories."
"Is that a challenge?"
"You bet it is."
Everyone sits up as Zuko and Suki move to a clear, flat area and face off.
"No bending, no weapons, no tricks. Just some good old fashioned hand to hand combat," Suki says.
"What are the stakes?"
"Bragging rights, of course."
"This outta be good," Toph says, laying her palm flat on the ground so she can "see" better.
They circle each other for a minute before Zuko springs. Suki deflects him and tries to redirect his motion to the side but he's ready for that, turning so that the momentum crashes him straight into her. She stumbles back a couple steps before regaining her footing, shooting him a smirk.
"Alright, it's not only hot coals up there," she taunts.
They go at it again, this time Suki lunging first. They trade blows, never hitting hard enough to hurt each other but also not taking it easy. They're two warriors, trained since a young age to fight. Zuko was taught to defeat an enemy. Suki was taught to defend her homeland. It's obvious in the way they fight - Zuko is more aggressive and offensive while Suki is more defensive and reserved. He uses his own strength to attack while she uses his against him. It's an interesting dynamic, one that tells a deeper story than just two allies sparring together to break up the boredom.
Suki finally gets the upper hand, flipping Zuko onto his back hard enough to knock all the breath out of him. He groans and lays there for a minute before Suki stands over him, offering a hand. He takes it and she pulls him back up to his feet.
"It was a good fight," she says. "You're not bad."
Zuko bows in respect. "You fight like a girl," he says. "And as Azula's brother, I mean that in the best way possible."
Katara finds herself standing up. "I want to fight next," she says, catching Zuko's eye.
"Have you even been keeping up since the ship?" he asks.
"No. But I've learned a few new tricks that should make up for it." She raises an eyebrow at him, silently daring him to argue. He just shrugs and takes a stance opposite of her.
This time she has to make the first move. It's annoying since she knows Zuko has always been more aggressive. Even with Suki he was! As they continue fighting, she notices that he's going easy on her. She remembers clearly how much skirmishing with him hurt before - not terribly, but certainly more than this. He's holding back because he's still nervous around her.
Well, screw that. If he's going to give an inch, then she's going to take a mile. She didn't fight against sexism in the Water Tribes to be handled like a piece of glass by a warrior who knows how competent she is.
She kicks and he blocks it with his hands but he doesn't grab her foot and pull her off balance like he should. Instead he just lets her foot fall. She uses the second that his hands are dropped to swing at his face. Her fist hits the edge of his jaw and he stumbles back. She advances on him, laying a series of quick hits that he barely blocks and then suddenly twisting around, slamming her foot into his side. He catches her next punch and directs her off to the side but instead of attacking like he should, he just steps back and lets her recover.
Her frustration mounts. Why won't he fight her? She's not some fragile little girl who can't fight. She's the Avatar. She's a warrior who has defeated many men and trained with warriors her whole life. It's an insult when people take it easy on her.
She won't take it easy on him. She's advancing again, this time more aggressive than before. She knows it's cruel, but she finds it a bit cathartic to hit and swing at him. She can almost feel her anger escaping with each punch and kick - bonus if it lands.
Kick to the ribs. That's for tying me up behind my back when I trusted you instead of fighting me with honor. Punch to the face. That's for giving me lazy and crappy excuses instead of owning up to the truth. Knee to the gut. That's for getting with your old girlfriend while I was rotting away in prison. Slap to the face. That's for putting your manipulative sister above someone who actually cares about you. Stomp on the knees. That's for betraying your uncle, who cared about you more than your abusive father ever did. And as he's falling, a knee to the face. That's for making me care and worry about you even though you stabbed me in the back.
Once he's on the ground, she realizes that he wasn't even fighting back anymore. He was just letting her take out her anger on him. She was so blinded by her rage that she didn't even notice. She falls to her knees in front of him, breathing hard. Now that her vision and mind are clearing, she feels empty inside. Like all those negative emotions that have been building a home inside of her heart have finally left. It's a relief but also numbing at the same time.
She notices that the others have risen to their feet. Suki has her mouth covered with a hand and Sokka is staring at her open-mouthed, and Toph's eyes are wide. Aang has come over and he puts a hand on her shoulder.
"Are you all right, Katara?" he asks. She twists up to look at him and sees that his wide gray eyes are sparkling. Even Aang, who has always followed her loyally and unwavering, is scared of her dark side.
She takes a deep breath. "Yeah. I'm okay." She looks over at Zuko, who is slowly raising his upper body on his elbows. She feels her stomach drop. What has she done?
"Give us some space," she says quietly. When Aang doesn't move, she raises her voice. "Give us some space!"
He steps back slowly and backs away. Katara shoots a desperate look at Sokka who finally nods and leads the others out of sight. Even he doesn't know her dark side, but he understands her well enough to know when she needs time and space.
Zuko has crawled into a sitting position. Katara stares at him for a minute, not fully believing the damage she's caused. One of his eyes is swollen shut, his nose is bleeding, his cheek has a cut that's dripping blood, and his jaw is swelling and splattered with a red rash of forming-bruises. She can't imagine the rest of him looks any better.
She can't help it; now that all the negative emotions are gone, she has no space for anger or irritation or pettiness. She just feels guilty because he didn't even fight back. Tears spring to her eyes and can't hold back a sob.
"I'm so sorry," she says. She knows those words aren't enough to convey how deeply sorry she is, but she can't say anything more through the lump in her throat. If she opens her mouth, she won't be able to stop the sobs. She wipes at her cheeks with her sleeve.
"It's okay," Zuko says quietly, his lips barely moving. "I deserved it."
Somehow that just breaks through whatever walls Katara had. She can't stop the sobs that come out. They rack her body so badly that she feels like her frame will burst apart. She hasn't cried this hard since she watched her parents die - and even then she didn't cry so hard because she was in shock and had to flee for her life.
She feels so guilty. Zuko has been abused his entire life and here he is now, justifying more abuse. And Katara knows what he's been through and she still laid her own abuse on him. The scar around his eye might as well have come from her. She's no better than Ozai.
The truth is that yeah, maybe he deserved it. But it's not about deserve. It's about being a decent human being. Good people don't attack and hit and physically harm others because the person disrespected them or broke their heart or betrayed them. Good people deal with the pain in a healthy way that doesn't continue the cycle of abuse.
She hit and punched and kicked him when he wasn't even fighting back. Ozai burned him when he refused to fight. What's the difference between them?
And to make matters worse, Zuko crawls over and pulls her over to him, letting her cry on his shoulder. Not only accepting abuse, but accepting his abuser. I deserved it. This is exactly the reason why they got put in this position in the first place. Zuko accepted his father's abuse by saying he deserved it for disrespecting him, for losing his honor. And Zuko is accepting her abuse.
She manages to pull herself together and sits up. Zuko is watching her with his puffed and split lip - another injury she didn't notice before - and through his swollen eye. Her own lip trembles at the sight but she forces herself to take a deep breath. Then she reaches to her side and uncaps her waterskin, letting the water flow out and into the space between them. She reaches up and places her hands around his face. The water follows.
"It might feel uncomfortable for a minute," she warns in a voice so soft she can barely hear it herself. Zuko closes his eyes and she lets her healing powers work to undo the damage she's done.
But it's only the physical damage that can be fixed. The memory of what she did to him can never be erased.
Her hands linger on his face even after the healing is done. She watches him for a long minute, still trying to swallow past the lump in her throat.
"I'm so sorry," she repeats. As her hands slides away, he reaches out and catches them.
"I forgive you."
She presses her lips together to keep another sob from bursting out. "You can't excuse abuse, Zuko. Especially not from me."
He just stares at her. He has nothing to say. She doesn't know if that makes her feel better or worse. She leans forward, resting her head on his chest. He tangles his hands in her hair, holding her close.
Zuko was the one who always thought he didn't deserve her, but maybe they just don't deserve each other. Maybe Zuko's always destined to be caught in the cycle of abuse and Katara's destined to be caught in the cycle of betrayal. Their paths just happened to cross and it made things catastrophically worse for both of them.
And yet, maybe they found each other despite their problems. Zuko has never disregarded Katara despite seeing the darkness and power inside of her. He could have thrown her off his ship the day she went berserk when she found her village destroyed, but he didn't. She could have refused to give him a second chance even though he saved her but she didn't.
Katara isn't sure which one is true but she knows that she never wants to move. She could stay here forever, listening to his heartbeat and trying to breathe evenly.
They sit silently for a while, still trying to wrap their heads around what they had just witnessed. Aang is especially shaken. The monks taught him about peace and forgiveness. Violence is only used when absolutely necessary. Katara has always been so compassionate and forgiving, so to see her go off like that doesn't fit into his image of who she is.
He had just watched it happen - a casual fight at first, then Katara's face twisting into irritation and then anger as her blows grew harder and more aggressive. He should have stepped in, he should have stopped her but he didn't. He just watched as she beat up on Zuko. And Zuko just took it - Aang almost admires him, except that he still hasn't completely forgiven Zuko for betraying Katara.
That's the other thing Aang doesn't understand - he thought that Katara had forgiven Zuko. She was so desperate to have him back that she was willing to risk everything to get him out of that prison. She even volunteered to go herself! So why did she suddenly turn on him like that?
Sokka has his head in his hands. Suki is pacing restlessly. Toph is sitting quietly, staring sightlessly into the distance.
Aang can't take the quiet tension anymore. He knows everyone wants to talk about it but no one is willing to speak up first.
"I don't get it," he says aloud. Everyone looks over at him.
"I've never seen her so aggressive," Toph agrees quietly. "Not even against Azula."
"I've seen her like that once before," Sokka says. "When we went up to the North Pole so she could get waterbending training from a real master. They were really sexist up there and would only let girls train to be healers. Katara challenged the master and beat him so that he would train her. But even then she wasn't so…"
Cruel. No one says it but they all know that it's the only word to describe what they just saw. It was supposed to be a friendly skirmish to break up the boredom of the day and turned into a beating. A harsh one, too. Aang was surprised that Zuko was even still conscious.
"The people you care about most are the people you can hurt the most," Suki says. Aang notices that she glances sadly at Sokka. "I can understand how she had poisonous, pent-up feelings. Without an outlet they only get worse."
"Do you think she got rid of them all?" Toph asks.
Suki laughs dryly. "I hope so."
"But why didn't he at least defend himself?" Aang asks. He cares about Katara - a lot, if he's being honest - but he wouldn't let her do that to him. He wouldn't let anyone do that to him.
"Because he knew he deserved it," Sokka says, looking at Suki. "And he would do anything to make it right."
"What's going to happen next?" Toph raises her head. "Do you think Zuko is going to leave?"
It's selfish and he knows it, but part of Aang hopes so. He remembers the night of the dance party with Katara and how well they'd danced together. He remembers how close they were and how brightly she had smiled. He wonders if he should have kissed her.
The truth is, Aang likes Katara a lot. He always has. He likes her because she's kind and compassionate and she listens to him and takes him seriously. She's calm unless she has a reason to be uptight, and then she's fiercely passionate. He admires that in her. She's like a mom to them all, always making sure everyone has something to eat and a blanket at night and she always notices when someone is feeling down. She's also a great fighter and one of the bravest people he has ever met.
And that's a huge reason that Aang doesn't like Zuko. Every time Zuko is involved, Katara is different. He remembers the first time he met her, when he and Appa picked her, Sokka, and Suki up from the Fire Nation after their prison break. Katara had cried for what seemed like an hour. Then she'd made up excuses for Zuko, even though he was the one who put her in that decision.
Aang remembers them watching fireworks in an Earth Kingdom village. He had seen a few tears drip silently down her cheeks. She didn't say why, but he's always known it had something to do with Zuko.
In the swamp, too, when Katara thought Zuko had died. She'd been quiet and sad for days afterwards. And later, when Azula had tracked them down and threatened to kill Zuko if Katara didn't surrender herself - she hadn't even thought. She'd just given herself up. Aang had been mad at her then. Why would she give herself up for a traitor?
As far as Aang can tell, Zuko only causes Katara pain and brings out her dark side.
"They're coming," Toph says, placing her hand on the ground. She frowns. "And they're running."
Everyone jumps to their feet. Had the Fire Nation somehow followed or tracked them here? Had Azula? They ready themselves for a threat.
Katara and Zuko come into sight. They stop when they reach them. Aang notices that Zuko is healed, not a single scratch visible. Katara is breathing deeply, her hands on her knees. "Zuko," she gasps, then tries to catch her breath.
Aang narrows his eyes and readies his staff. If Zuko did something then he's ready to show him -
"I can't firebend anymore," Zuko says simply, looking at his hands helplessly.
Sokka lowers his boomerang. "What do you mean, you can't firebend anymore?"
"It's doesn't work." Zuko falls into a firebending stance and tries to throw a wave of fire into the air. But all that comes out is small sparks.
Sokka glances up at the sun. "I thought Firebenders could only lose their power in a solar eclipse."
Zuko shrugs. "I have no idea what's wrong. I've never experienced anything like this before."
"Try harder," Toph suggests.
"I am trying!"
"How long has it been since you last used your firebending?" Suki asks.
Zuko thinks for a moment. "When we were escaping from the prison I used it to dissolve Azula's blasts, but I didn't actually summon up any fire...it would have been when you escaped from the palace prison."
"That was a long time ago," Suki says.
"We were forbidden to use any bending in Boiling Rock. I didn't want to test that rule." Zuko tries to summon up more fire and sighs in frustration. "It's just...gone."
"Maybe it's because you changed sides," Katara says.
"That doesn't make any sense."
"Actually…" Toph thinks for a moment. "Fire is the most dangerous of the elements because it needs something to fuel it. Water, air and earth already naturally exist around us. We just influence them to work for us. But fire has to be created."
"She's right," Katara agrees. "If you fueled your fire using your anger, and suddenly that anger is gone, then it makes sense that it doesn't work anymore."
"Even if that is the case, then what do I do? I'm useless without my firebending." Zuko drops his hands in disgust.
"You're a good fighter, Zuko. That has nothing to do with your bending," Suki points out.
"But Katara needs a firebending master so she can start learning," Aang says. "If Zuko can't do that anymore than we need someone else."
Katara holds up her hands. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves. I'm sure there's a solution. Maybe we just need to put our minds to it and think through it." She turns to Zuko. "We'll find a way to get you your fire back."
Aang watches them, confused. What had happened since the fight and now? Katara had been savagely beating him and now she's promising to help him? Aang doesn't understand what's going on between them at all.
"Have you heard of this happening before?" Suki asks.
"No!" Zuko begins pacing, his forehead wrinkled in frustration. "And what if Azula comes? I can't defeat her without my firebending."
Aang thinks, You couldn't defeat her even with your firebending, but he doesn't say that. Instead he says, "We'll take care of any threats that come."
"Don't worry about me," Katara agrees. "Do you know anyone that might be able to help you?"
Zuko hesitates, but then shakes his head slowly. "I need some time to think," he says, walking away. Katara watches him go. Aang watches her.
When he's out of earshot, Sokka turns to Katara. "So…You guys worked it out?"
"Yeah," she says with a bit of forced lightness. "We're good."
Aang gets the feeling that they're not entirely "good".