Disclaimer: All rights belong to Nickelodeon, Bryan Konietzko, Michael Dante DiMartino, and all the men and women that created the A:TLA show, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The lyrics are from the song "Awake and Alive" by Skillet
Rating: General Audiences. Warning: some scenes contain dark themes and minor violence
Chapter 11: Wisdom of the Avatars
I'm at war with the world cause I
Ain't never gonna sell my soul
I've already made up my mind
No matter what I can't be bought or sold
"Again," Zuko orders. Katara narrows her eyes and then begins the sequence from the beginning, each punch and kick sending out a burst of flames.
"Are you remembering to breathe between each movement?" Zuko calls out from the side. "Breathing is the key."
Katara focuses on her breathing. Breathe in between the motions, breathe out during the punch or kick out. Flames need oxygen.
"Good," Zuko says when she's finished. "You're picking it up pretty quickly."
"It's a lot different than waterbending," Katara admits, wiping sweat from her forehead. "All the motions in waterbending are smooth and fluid. And we don't create water, we just manipulate it. earthbending is more abrupt like firebending, but at least I can feel the earth. Fire is something I have to feel inside of me."
Zuko nods. "That's why firebending is the most dangerous form of bending to learn. If you're not careful, you can easily lose control and burn yourself and others."
"That's why Azula's so good," Katara realizes. "She's so cold and detached. She never loses control."
Zuko nods. "I always thought my rage fueled my firebending, but it actually held it back."
Katara thinks about her experience with the Guru at the Air Temple Island. She had to release her negative feelings to open her chakras and become more powerful.
She remembers not being able to open the last chakra - and not being able to access the Avatar State. She tries to shove that memory away, telling herself that she doesn't need the Avatar State to defeat the Fire Lord.
"So, how's firebending going?" Aang asks, approaching them.
"Good," Zuko says, smiling at Katara. "She's a fast learner."
"So, you ready to start your airbending lessons, then?"
Katara feels taken aback. "What? I've barely started firebending. I'm in no shape to start airbending, too."
Aang's face falls, and she instantly feels bad. "It's not about you, Aang," she assures him. "I just don't want to mix up my elements."
"But you won't be able to firebend during the eclipse," Aang points out. "Shouldn't you learn airbending so that you have three elements to use?"
Katara shakes her head. "I wish, but the cycle of elements just doesn't work that way. I don't want to go out of order, either; there's a reason there's an order."
"Sokka's ready!" Suki says, walking into the field and interrupting their conversation. "He's finished the eclipse day plan."
Katara looks at Zuko and then Aang, their conversation instantly forgotten. They'd been putting off talking and thinking about the possible evasion of the Fire Nation, but now it's right in front of them. This war could be over in a week.
Katara could have killed Ozai by this time next week.
A small shudder runs through her body, but she bites her lip and tries to keep her expression neutral. "All right. Let's go hear what he has to say."
"After we gather our allies, we'll group together and attack here," Sokka begins, pointing on a map spread out in front of them. "I'm thinking we need to sneak in underwater - otherwise the Fire Nation will surely see us."
He looks up at Zuko to verify that; Zuko nods. "There's a blockade around the waters to the palace."
"I'm sure our inventor friend can help us with that. Once we breach the shore, there's no way to hide our presence. We'll have to fight through their defenses in time to reach the palace before the eclipse begins."
"That will be the hardest part," Suki adds. "We'll have a very tight window. If we get in too soon, we'll have to face the Fire Lord before the eclipse. If we get in too late, we'll have missed it."
"And the eclipse will only last for a few minutes," Zuko throws in. "We'll have to be fast and efficient."
"What happens after we win?" Aang asks.
No one answers. Finally Sokka says, "We'll get there when we get there. For now, we need to focus on the attack. As Suki said, our window will be very tight."
"How are we going to focus on the attack?" Toph asks. "It's not like we have to Fire Lord here to practice against."
"No, but we have his son." Sokka looks over at Zuko. "I hate to make you the bad guy, but you're the only - and the best - Firebender we have to practice against."
Zuko simply nods. "I understand."
Sokka stands. "I have some specific drills I want to run, but I also want everyone to practice bending against Zuko first, just so that we have an idea about what it's like to fight firebenders. And I know we've all fought the Fire Nation before, but the guards at the palace are going to be stronger and tougher than the soldiers we've fought in towns before. If you can stand your ground against Zuko, then you'll be fine when we invade the Fire Nation."
They all take their turns then. Suki goes first, deftly ducking under or jumping over Zuko's flames. Aang blows Zuko's fire out and drops behind him from in the sky. Toph creates shields for herself out of rock and encases him waist-deep in the ground.
Then it's Katara's turn. She knows that everyone is wary of their match-up since the incident last time, but Katara has forgiven and moved on. She's not at risk of beating him up this time, and she's sure he won't go easy against her. This will be a clean, even skirmish.
"Just like the old days," she teases as they circle each other in the field. "Back when we were on the ship."
"Except now you have less water around you," Zuko points out.
"And more elements."
Katara whips a stream of water at him, which he dissolves with flames. He kicks a burst of fire at her, which she parts around her. Then she goes on the offensive again, stomping the ground and creating rock platforms that burst up. He hopes from secure spot to secure spot, narrowly avoiding being thrown into the sky.
His fire is hotter than before. Not as hot as Azula's, but definitely stronger and more dense. Katara herself doesn't try to use firebending as an offense, since she's still so new to the element, but knowing how to deflect it without using earth or water is a huge advantage.
Unlike the fights on the ship, when they were equally skilled at their reflective elements and neither had the advantage, Katara is able to get the upper hand. She begins pushing him more and more on the defensive.
Finally she's able to shove a rock platform forward right into him, sending him flying backwards and hitting the ground ground hard. This is the moment. This is where she defeats him. He's trying to climb slowly to his feet, but she has enough time to finish this while he's still on the ground.
She's even in position. Her hands are raised, ready to deliver the final blow. If this was the Fire Lord she was fighting, would she hesitate like this?
Zuko looks up at her, only the unscarred side of his face showing. Why does he have to look so much like his father?
Katara drops her hands and falls to her knees, breathing hard. She can't do it. She's supposed to face the Fire Lord in a week, but even the thought of having to kill him turns her knees to jelly and churns her stomach.
"Are you alright?" Zuko asks, crawling over and setting a hand on her shoulder.
"I feel so sick," she says without picking up her head. "I can't do it."
"Do what?"
She can sense the others gathered around close enough to hear. Maybe it's for the best; everyone needs to know what she's feeling. Maybe they'll be less critical of her when she fails.
"I can't kill the Fire Lord."
"You have to think about what he's done to you," Suki suggests. "You have to remind yourself of why you fight."
"But he hasn't done anything to me," Katara replies. She looks around the circle at her closest friends in the world - Zuko, Suki, Sokka, Aang, and Toph. She trusts them more than anyone else, and she knows that they understand her better than anyone else. But right now, they don't understand her at all.
"He killed your parents and your entire nation," Aang argues.
She just shakes her head. "Sozin did that, not Ozai. And yes, I know Ozai would have done the exact same thing - but he didn't do it."
"He imprisoned you," Toph points out.
Katara doesn't answer that one. While it's technically true that Ozai imprisoned her, Zuko is the one who caught and betrayed her, and Azula was just as strong a motivator as Ozai.
"I just...I can't do it. It feels so wrong. If I do this, how am I any different than Jet?"
"Jet was willing to kill innocent people. The only person you're going to kill is the Fire Lord," Sokka points out.
That doesn't make her feel any better. Katara has a dark side, yes, and she isn't sure that, with the proper motivation, she could stop her dark side from killing someone. But right now, when she's being rational, the thought of killing anyone, even Ozai, is repulsive.
"We've all had to do hard things," Toph says. "Yours happens to just be the hardest."
"We shouldn't pressure Katara to do something that she doesn't want to do," Aang says, and Katara is extremely grateful for him. "Killing someone should never be necessary."
"Look, Aang, this isn't time for one of your monk lessons," Sokka says.
The others begin arguing. Katara stares at the ground, wishing there was a better solution. Finally she looks over to Zuko. She notices that he's the only one not speaking.
"Zuko?"
The others fall silent. She continues. "Zuko, how do you feel about this?"
Zuko looks up at her with tortured eyes. She can see the pain and confusion in his brain. "He's my father," he says slowly. "He's also the only person between peace and balance in the world."
"But you don't want him to die," Katara presses. If she has Aang and Zuko on her side, then maybe the others will agree to finding an alternative option.
"I don't know what I want," he admits. "You're the Avatar, Katara. It's your decision."
Everyone is staring at her. The pressure is too much. Katara stands suddenly.
"I need to take a walk," she says.
She half runs away, disappearing into the forest. She finds a secluded spot and falls to the ground, leaning against a tree. Then she closes her eyes and disappears into her mind, trying to find the connection to her former selves, to the former Avatars. If anyone would know what to do, it would be them - because they are her, and they understand her better than anyone else could.
First she seeks out the most familiar spirit - the Avatar before her, an Airbender named Saura.
"I have an important question," she says as soon as the blue figure of the former Avatar appears in front of her. Saura waits patiently. "I have to fight the Fire Lord soon, but it feels wrong to kill him. The monks are always known for their peace, so I wanted to ask you what you would do in my position."
"All life is sacred," the Avatar says.
"Yes! That's what I've been thinking. There's been so much hatred and violence and killing - even I've done some horrible things. I just want this cycle to end." Katara takes a deep breath, gathering the courage to say her next few words. "I have a terrible dark side. I'm afraid that if I kill Ozai, I'll never be able to come back. It'll take over me."
"It's not about you, Katara."
Katara stares in shock at her.
Saura looks at her almost sadly. "Many great and wise warriors have fought against making decisions that would upset their inner balance. They have found peace within their inner storms by turning their back on violence. But the Avatar can never do it, because your duty is to the world. Here is my wisdom for you: selfless duty calls you to sacrifice your personal morals and do whatever it takes to save the world."
She disappears and Katara is left staring slack-jawed at the space where she had been. Is it really selfish of her to not want to kill someone? Normally it's the other way around.
Katara isn't sure why Saura's advice unsettles her so much. Maybe because she was expecting the complete opposite. Aang comes from the same background as her but he would never give up when something went against his beliefs. Katara has always been able to count on Aang when it comes to doing the right thing. The fact that he supports her hesitation to kill Ozai makes her believe that she's doing the right thing.
She decides to talk to another Avatar. The only other Avatar she knows is Kyoshi, so she decides to get her advice. She concentrates on the Earthbender until the warrior Avatar shimmers into existence in front of her.
"In my day," Kyoshi starts without preamble, "Jin the conqueror threatened to throw the world out of balance. I stopped him, and the world entered a great era of peace."
Katara can see the images in her mind, just like the day when she visited the temple on Kyoshi Island.
"But you technically didn't kill Jin," Katara points out. "He fell to his death because he was too stubborn to get out of the way."
"Personally, I don't really see the difference." Kyoshi's face is like chiseled stone - cold and emotionless. "But I assure you, I would have done whatever was necessary to stop Jin. I offer you this wisdom: only justice will bring peace."
Of course Katara wants to bring the Fire Lord to justice. She just doesn't think that she herself has any right to kill him. But if not her, then who? And does it matter who? At the end of the day, Ozai will have been killed. What does it matter who was the one to strike the final blow?
She's still not satisfied with the answer, so she summons up an Avatar from the Fire Nation. He would understand Fire Nation culture and the background from which Ozai comes from. Maybe he could give her another option.
"In my life, I tried to be disciplined and showed restraint," the Avatar, who she learns is named Roku, begins. "But it backfired when my mercy was taken advantage of. If I had been more decisive and acted sooner, I could have stopped a war from happening. I offer you this wisdom, Katara: you must be decisive."
He disappears. Katara pounds her fist on the ground in frustration. Telling her to be decisive doesn't help at all! It's not giving her another option, not giving her advice on how to avoid killing Ozai!
She decides to consult a Waterbender. Waterbending is all about finding - or sometimes even forging - new paths. Rivers wind and twist and are ever-changing. Water adapts. Someone with her mindset might have an alternative solution.
She calls up the last Waterbender Avatar, Avatar Kuruk.
"When I was young, I was always a go-with-the-flow kind of Avatar," he tells her. "People seemed to always work out their own problems, and there was peace and good times in the world. But then I lost the woman I loved to Ko, the face stealer. It was my fault." He lowers his head in shame. "If I had been more attentive and active, I could have saved her. Katara, you must actively shape your own destiny." Good, she likes the sound of that. "And the destiny of the world."
That last part reminds her of her responsibilities. Her destiny is tied up with that of the world. It goes back to what Saura said - she doesn't have the luxury of being selfish.
Katara feels so frustrated. None of the Avatars have given her anything to work with. Their advice hasn't even been helpful.
She returns to the group in an even worse mood. The others try to give her room to think and don't bother her about it. They return to doing drills and going over Sokka's plan, as well as packing and planning for their individual trips tomorrow.
"Do you know what you're going to do?" Aang asks her after dinner.
Katara can only shake her head. "I have absolutely no idea," she admits.
And she only has one week to figure it out.