A/N: Thank you, readers, for your continued patience. Life's been rough lately, and it's been a battle finding my voice again. As I said, I appreciate your understanding. I'm going to see this story through to the end, and I hope all of you have the faith to do the same. ~Beth

She awoke in a dark room. The smell of fresh paint and new linen disoriented her, but the feel of Edward's weight beside her in the bed brought her back. She rolled over to face him. He helped, cradling her weak arm as she turned.

"You hunted?"

"I did." The soft rumble of his voice in the darkness made her shiver.

"So you feel better now?"

"Yes, now that I'm here." His hand ran over her shoulder, her hip. She stretched her neck to reach for him, and his lips found hers without hesitation.

Kissing him was remembering that there was still good in the world. She needed it. His mouth moved lightly against hers, neither stopping nor pressing for more.

"Don't you ever want to... do more?" she asked, breathless, when they separated. "I mean... Don't vampires... Do they?"

He laughed, the sound little more than a soft exhalation. She felt his breath against her cheek. She thought that he would smell of blood, but he didn't. His breath smelled sweet to her.

"Vampires do," he said, his fingers toying in her hair. "And of course I want that with you, Bella. Of course I do."

"I do, too," she whispered. She stroked his chest through his shirt. "Do you think... Will it be possible?"

"Now?" His voice caught on the word.

"Not... I mean, not right now. But while I'm still-"

"While you're human?"

She nodded. It was dark, but she knew he'd see.

He was quiet for a few moments. He touched her hair, her cheek. His fingers brushed the swell of her breast.

"We would have to be very, very careful," he said at last. "It would be more prudent to wait until you've Changed."

"Because you might bite me?"

"I might," he said seriously. She felt his cool fingertips against her throat for an instant before they moved away. "The thirst for blood can be stirred up by sexual desire."

"That makes sense," she said. The thought of biting him wasn't seeming so unattractive just now.

"More than that, I'm simply much stronger than you," he continued. "I could hurt you, kill you even, without meaning to."

"Hmmm."

She knew he was right, and that she should be afraid. She tried to imagine his strength, his speed, in a moment of intimacy between them. She tried to imagine him letting go, losing control. The thought should have made her afraid, but fear isn't what rose up in her in response.

"I want to try," she said. "When I'm better. If there's time."

"Bella..." He spoke her name as though it pained him. His hand slid over her belly, over the curve of her waist. He pulled her against him. Her heart pounded in her chest, and she knew he could feel it as he leaned forward to kiss her again. Before his lips met hers, he stopped. "What do you mean, if there's time?"

"Alice and Esme talked to me, about the Volturi."

His body stiffened, and he moved away from her.

"I wish they had not done that," he said. "It's useless making you worry about such things. It's cruel."

"Edward, no. I'm glad they told me." She struggled to raise herself from the bed. "Help me sit up?"

When she was sitting back against pillows in the bed, he turned on one of the bedside lamps. The light fell on him softly; his eyes were gold again. His brow was heavy with worry.

"This is a vampire's concern, Bella. Not something for you to carry, not now."

"They're dangerous, these rulers of yours."

He hesitated and nodded.

"And you've broken their rules."

"Technically, yes, but-"

"-but if you Change me, they'll forgive you?"

His eyes met hers, angry and terrified and hopeful.

"Alice has said too much."

"No, she hasn't." She reached for his hand and squeezed the smooth, unyielding flesh.

His expression softened.

"No, she hasn't," he said, his shoulders sagging. "Bella, I don't know how you'll ever forgive me for bringing you into this situation. I'd hoped that, with a little time, it would be easier."

"It's not your fault," she said. "Edward... I know I haven't made it easy for you. I didn't know... I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry." He turned away from her and ran a hand through his hair. "You're the innocent in all this. We had no right-"

"I'm glad you did, though." She laid a hand on his arm. "I'm so glad you did. I needed you, Edward. You have to see that."

He looked back at her. "I do see it. And... It's difficult to know how to feel about that. You were hurting, alone. Did we take advantage of the place you were in? Did we take advantage of your grief?" He looked both afraid to speak the words and unable to stop them.

"You helped my grief. Because of you, there's something in the world that doesn't hurt. Something that isn't loss, emptiness, regret. Do you know what that means to me? And, if that helped you, too, then I'm glad. Because it's something I can give you. I'm glad."

He looked down at his hands.

"Alice said that, if I'd approached you before, when I first found you, that you would have rushed into my arms. You'd have felt no fear, only love. You'd have wanted this life with your whole heart, with no reservations."

She thought about the girl she'd been at seventeen, the wild desire for escape that had beat endlessly in her chest. She suspected Alice was right.

"I can imagine that. I was so restless back then. So brave. You would have seemed too good to be true."

"And now, Bella? Is that what I am now? A way to escape?" He didn't look at her.

"Maybe," she replied honestly. "Not like before, though. I'm not trying to get away from who I am anymore. And the life I've lived, my past... There's too much I love in it to want to run away from it. But having so little left does make it easier to think about breaking clean, starting again." She studied his profile, searching for a reaction. "Does that bother you?"

"No," he said. "Maybe it should, but... I'm not a proud man. Not anymore. Not when it comes to you. Anything that makes it easier, anything that makes you want to let me in... I've loved you too long, Bella. I need you too much."

She slid closer to him and leaned against his back. He twined his fingers in hers and held them against his chest.

When he spoke again, it was so quiet that she wasn't sure at first what he'd said.

"What did you say?"

"I said... Did you mean it?"

"Did I mean what?"

"What you said... about Changing. If that's even what you meant. It's fine if it wasn't-"

"Edward, stop," she said. She laid her hand on his cheek, turned his face toward her. "I'll do it. I will. I'm afraid, and, yeah. I'm a little sad. But I can't lose you. I can't be the thing that hurts you and your family."

"Bella-" He began to protest.

"It's what you need," she said. Tears welled in her eyes. "And you're what I need. And that's all there is, Edward. That's just all there is."

A sob broke loose from his chest as he pulled her against him. Her shoulder throbbed. Her heart soared.

"If I live ten thousand years," he said, his voice thick with tears, "I will still be in debt to you. How can any man carry such a debt, Bella?"

She shook her head.

"Maybe that's all that love is. A debt we didn't choose. One that we'll never repay."

"I love you," he whispered fiercely, close to her ear. "And I will be good to you. For a thousand eternities, I will be good to you."

"I know. I know you will."

She let him hold her until her shoulder's protest was too strong to ignore. He released her at once when she shifted away from him to sit up straighter.

"What can we tell my mother?" she asked. "She can't know. They'll kill her if she knows. They'll kill us."

"Does she know about your accident?"

"No. I haven't called her, and if Sue had, Renee would have shown up at my door."

"Do you have other family? Friends who will look for you?"

She thought about it. There had been friends, of course, but those relationships hadn't weathered Bella's grief for her son. They'd faded off, become loose connections. There was some distant family on both Charlie and Renee's sides, but Bella hadn't seen any of them in years. A few had sent cards after Charlie had died, but none had come to the funeral.

"No, no one will look for me."

"That makes it easier," he said. "The wolves will know, but they keep our secrets, as we keep theirs. And we may be able to let Renee believe you are alive."

"Really? Would that be safe?" she asked, surprised.

"It might, if it's only Renee. You'd have to live far from her for the rest of her life, and limit contact so that she doesn't grow suspicious. But, if it's only her, the Volturi might agree that it's actually less of a risk than faking your death. This modern world has made dying harder than it used to be. A daughter that doesn't age might seem odd, but a dead one that is spotted in the background of a photograph is odder by far."

"I want that," Bella said, clutching his arm. "It's okay if I can't see her much... She's used to me disappearing sometimes. But, I know what it feels like to lose a child. I don't know if I can do that to her."

He nodded. "I'll have Carlisle bring that up with the Volturi. If they consent to it now, Renee should be safe from them later, as long as we're careful."

"I will be. Tell them - I'll be so careful. I'll live on the other side of the world, whatever we have to do."

He smiled at her eagerness.

"For now, what we have to do is wait. Carlisle is on his way to Italy as we speak. Aros is... old-fashioned. He's more likely to hear Carlisle's petition favorably if he comes to him in person."

"Is that dangerous? Would Aros hurt him?"

"No, almost certainly not," Edward said, but his voice didn't quite hide his fear. "There will be many witnesses in the Volturi court. It's unlikely that they would execute a petitioner coming to them in good faith."

Bella closed her eyes and pressed her face against his shoulder. "Alice was right. You should have changed me before."

"You'd have hated me."

"I'd have gotten over it."

He kissed her hand and didn't answer.

Morning was hours away, but Bella didn't feel like sleeping anymore. Edward helped her wash her hair and bathe as well as she could while the stitches were still in place.

"Does it hurt?" he asked as she patted her skin dry, avoiding the lines of sutures.

"Not so much anymore. I ache, here." She touched a spot low on her belly, near the surgical incision Carlisle had made when he'd taken out her spleen. "And my shoulder hurts. The other parts are uncomfortable, but mostly they just itch."

"Carlisle will probably remove the stitches when he comes by tomorrow."

She nodded. Today he was going to ask the Volturi not to kill her. Tomorrow he'd come by, smiling that polite doctor's smile, and ask her to give her pain a number. She opened a dresser drawer and started looking for underwear.

Edward saw her expression, but guessed incorrectly about the cause.

"He won't stay long," he said. "He knows that tomorrow is important for you."

Her hands froze. She made a sound that was part laugh and part sob.

"Of course he's thinking about that right now," she said, shaking her head. "Tell me, Edward. Is there anything Carlisle Cullen can't do?"

His mouth twitched. "He can't cook. He's worse than Alice."

She smiled and wiped her eyes.

It pleased Bella to realize that she could mostly manage dressing without Edward's help. When he reached for her hairbrush, though, she didn't stop him. The soft scrape of the bristles against her scalp made her sigh. He worked the brush slowly through each section of her hair, lifting and moving the wet strands with worshipful deliberateness.

"Do you want to dry it?" he asked when he'd finished. She straightened up with reluctance.

"No, it can air dry." Her gaze caught on his. Something in the way he was looking at her... "What? What is it?"

He waited so long to answer her that she wasn't sure if he was going to.

"I want to try, Bella," he said at last. "I want that, too." At first she didn't know what he meant, but then his eyes traveled down her body. Her breath drew in.

"Yes?" she asked.

"Yes. If there's time. And only if you're well enough."

Her face felt hot. She felt exposed in a way she hadn't when she was naked before him a few moments ago. She wasn't a child, and she wasn't afraid of sex, of attraction. She knew how to flirt, and how to know when someone wanted her. But this frank, simple desire she felt for him was unlike anything she'd experienced before. It left her with no denial, nothing to hide behind or deflect to. It simply was, and there was no pretending that he didn't know it.

"Good," she said, swallowing against the dryness in her throat. "That's good."

She left the room and descended the stairs with small, careful steps. Edward followed silently behind.

Esme had left food for Bella, a great deal of it. Bella opened cupboard doors and peeked into plastic storage containers in the fridge, trying to decide what to eat.

"When did she have time to do all this?" she asked, settling on an eggplant lasagna.

"The night before you left the hospital, and a bit in the morning before she came to drive you. I think Rose helped."

Bella shook her head as she maneuvered the lid from the container with one hand. Edward watched her closely but didn't try to help. She was grateful for it.

"It's amazing," she said. "This would have taken me days. But I suppose you get a lot done when you don't need to sleep."

"I suppose so. It's been so long since I've slept. It's strange to imagine needing it. To be... gone for so many hours every night."

"You don't know you're gone, though, when you're sleeping. It's only the awake people that can tell. Only the ones you leave behind when you go."

"Hmm."

"What do you do when I'm sleeping?" she asked as she lifted her plate into the newly-installed microwave that had replaced Charlie's ancient machine.

"I read sometimes, or do work for Second Sofia on my laptop."

"You're still involved with the company?"

"Very much so. There's much to be done before it sells."

"Alice is selling her company?"

"Yes, she needs to. It's time for us to get out of the public eye for a while. Second Sofia is doing too well to stay low profile for much longer, and, if you noticed that we aren't aging, others are bound to do the same before long. And, anyway..." He stopped short.

"It's because of me, isn't it?"

"Yes, partly. When you Change... But we would have done it soon regardless. It's time to move on, to disappear for a while. We've kept this identity for longer than we normally would."

"Because you were waiting for me."

"Yes."

The microwave beeped, and she took the plate out. It wasn't difficult performing these tasks with one hand, but it demanded her full attention. What had been automatic would be deliberate now, at least for a while. She sat down at the table and began to eat. Edward watched her from the other side of the room, his head cocked to one side.

"What's that look?" he asked after a few minutes.

She swallowed the bite she'd been chewing.

"You've taken so many risks for me. It's... overwhelming. Humbling."

"I have come to believe in a future with you, Bella. A beautiful future. Even before you knew me, even before you accepted me, that possibility was something I couldn't turn away from. And I couldn't treat it lightly."

"A beautiful future, " she repeated. Her eyes rested on him. Something in her chest pulled with longing.

He cleared his throat and turned away, toward the living room.

"Would you like some music?" he asked, sounding more like his usual, formal self.

Bella smiled down at her plate, feeling as though she may be beginning to understand this man.

It's too much for me sometimes, too, love. I get it.

"Yes, please," she said. "Pick something out for us."

She finished eating while he looked through Charlie's records. Soon music filled the house, electric piano with a funk bass. She listened, trying to place the song. Finally, it came to her.

"Jefferson Starship?" she asked as she joined him in the living room. Edward was opening the curtains, revealing a sky just beginning to turn gray.

"Yes," he said. "Red Octopus. One of their best, in my opinion."

"I haven't heard these in forever."

He sat down on the couch and beckoned her to join him. She lowered herself carefully, not quite balanced without the use of her right arm. He wrapped Charlie's old afghan around both of them and wrapped his arms around her. His embrace was like iron. If there was any safe place left on this earth, this was it.

She closed her eyes and listened with him to the song that played.

But from that very first look in your eyes

I knew you and I had but one heart

Only our bodies were apart...

The singer went on, describing in some detail just how he'd like his body and his lover's to come together. Bella shifted in her seat. The feel of Edward's chest against her back, the friction of her body and his, even in that one little movement...

"What did Alice think would happen, the two of us in this house alone?" Edward murmured. He pressed his face again her hair and inhaled deeply. "I could lose my mind for you, Bella. I truly could."

"Do you want me to sit somewhere else?" she asked, hiding her smile.

"Certainly not. I'll survive, probably."

The music played on. Bella's thoughts wandered.

"How will it happen?" Her voice broke into the easy silence between them.

Edward didn't pretend not to understand her question. He spoke calmly, carefully, when he answered her.

"First, we'll finish our business here, in this place, as these people. Alice will sell her company. Carlisle will resign his position at the the hospital, refer his patients out. Jasper will close his practice. Not all at once, mind you. We don't all go at once if we can help it. It attracts less notice if we spread it out. But we'll all go, and then we'll settle anew in the place we choose."

"What place?"

"I don't know yet. Somewhere remote, far from human activity... from their blood. You won't be able to resist them in the beginning. It's better to be far away."

She felt mildly queasy at his words.

"Okay. Then what happens?"

"All of us will hunt, on that day. No one must be thirsty. When we're ready, Carlisle, myself, and probably Rosalie will be with you. The others aren't so strong. I'll send them away. The scent of your blood..." He trailed off.

Bella nodded.

He was quiet for a moment, and she wasn't sure he'd tell her more. After a moment, though, he spoke again. There was a tightness to his voice now, a new tension in his body against her.

"Carlisle is the one who will do it. He won't kill you. I'm... I'm sure of it. To be absolutely safe, Rosalie will stay in case she needs to stop him. In case he can't..." He swallowed hard.

"And what will you be doing?"

"I'll be holding you, every moment, until it is done."

She imagined it, Edward's arms around her, Carlisle's teeth on her neck.

"Alice said it was like fire."

"Fire... yes," he replied. "And more than that. Your blood, your muscles, your bones... The venom spares nothing, Bella. You... will suffer." He spoke the words with enormous effort.

"I'll be awake for all of it?"

He nodded against her hair.

"Yes. Others have tried to find ways around the pain. Narcotics, sedatives... Nothing's worked. Medication doesn't take the pain. It only paralyzes the victim, silences them. Those who've experienced such a process, that kind of suffering with no way to move, to cry out..." He drew in a slow breath. "They were not the same after. It's better without the drugs."

She hated the pain in his voice. Part of her wished she hadn't brought the subject up at all, but now that she had, she found she couldn't leave it.

"I'll scream, Edward. Won't I?"

"You will." His voice broke on the words. "You'll beg for it to end. For me to kill you. Everyone does."

She squeezed her eyes shut.

"You shouldn't be there. I have to endure it, but you shouldn't. It's too awful."

He responded with a bitter laugh. "Do you honestly think I would be anywhere else? That any force on earth would make me leave you alone in that?"

"No." Of course he wouldn't.

They were quiet again. When the record ended, Edward got up and put another one on. The sky grew lighter, revealing frost on the lawn, in the trees. The day was beginning in truth. She laid her hand on her belly, feeling the rise and fall of her own breath.

A year ago, she'd woken knowing that something was different. She couldn't have put into words the shift she'd felt, and she hadn't said anything to Jacob at first. But the contractions that had started an hour later hadn't surprised her.

Edward returned to the couch, and Bella lifted the afghan and let him in. She curled against his chest and remembered those first moments, when only she and the unseen being within her knew what was beginning. She remembered the thrill of that secret knowledge, when she alone had known what was coming upon her, a magic both ancient and new.

First she was alone inside that magic. Later, she was alone in the pain, and it was no less magnificent. It was no less sacred.

Edward held her, and she knew that this moment was the same as on that morning a year ago. It was the lull before the agony, the lucidity before the abyss.

"Edward... These next few days..."

"I know."

"I'm probably gonna lose my mind a little bit. I... I think I might come apart."

"It's okay," he said, cradling her close. "I'll be here."

A/N: Your reviews mean a great deal to me. I don't think I can tell you what a gift it is to know that something I've written has affected someone in some way. If this story has made you feel something, I would love to hear about it.