Disclaimer: All rights belong to Nickelodeon, Bryan Konietzko, Michael Dante DiMartino, and all the men and women that created the A:TLA show, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The lyrics are from the song "Remind Me Who I Am" by Jason Gray
Rating: General Audiences. Warning: some scenes contain dark themes and minor violence
Author's Note: I can't believe no one mentioned that I used a HSM song lyric on the last chapter lol. Anyways, I currently don't have any plans for writing a sequel to this fic, but if I do end up continuing this storyline, consider this chapter the backdoor pilot.
Chapter 8: The Air Nomads
When I lose my way,
And I forget my name
Remind me who I am
When my heart is like a stone,
And I'm running far from home
Remind me who I am
Katara feels her heart begin to race as they coast along the wind currents towards the Southern Air Temple. Glancing over at Aang, she can see the same nervousness painted on his face. She looks away, trying to reassure herself that it will all work out. It has to.
The sound of laughter breaks through the air as they near. Katara can see orange-clad figures in the distance, gliding around the Air Temple. Aang watches them with a faraway sadness in his eyes.
He gave away his childhood to follow her. Katara knows that he doesn't regret it, but she wonders how much he misses his old life. He's never complained, but he's also never spoken about it. The horrors they've seen, the life they've lived - it isn't normal for someone his age to go through it. Especially a kid who was raised by peaceful monks - Aang has had to fight a war that he was never prepared for.
Katara's heart aches with that knowledge. She hopes the monks don't feel the same; she couldn't bear their scrutiny, too.
She doesn't regret any of the decisions she's made, but she's sick of others making her feel bad about them. In a normal world, she would never have made them; but this isn't a normal world, this is a war-torn world. Hard choices have to be made and as the Avatar, she often is the one who has to make them.
And it's not like she hasn't sacrificed just as much herself. She's still a kid, too. She's lost or given up everything.
So if those monks say anything, either to her or to Aang, she's going to give them a taste of what the rest of the world is like.
The young Airbenders raise a cry of alarm when they spot them. A monk escorts them back to the temple. Katara and Aang land a minute after them. The kids are already gone, replaced instead by a dozen master Airbenders.
One steps forward with a wide smile. Katara glances over at Aang to see it reflected on his face.
"Master Gyatso!" Aang rushes forward and hugs the man tightly.
"Young Aang." Gyatso looks down at Aang endearingly. Katara suddenly realizes that the older monk is the closest thing Aang has to a parent.
Gyatso looks up over Aang's shoulder at Katara. "Are you going to introduce your guest?" he asks.
Aang steps away, his face turning red. "Uh, yeah. Of course. Everyone, this is Katara, the Avatar. Katara, these are the monks."
Katara feels all their eyes on her. It unsettles her the way they stare at her, as if they can read deep into her soul. She forces a smile on her face and bows slightly.
"It's an honor to be here," she says.
"One hundred years has passed since Sozin began the war. Why do you only appear now?"
Katara swallows. No matter how many times she tells the story, it never gets less embarrassing. "I was frozen in the ice. I only awoke a few months ago. But I've been doing my best to fight the Fire Nation since."
"And why are you here?" another monk asks, stepping forward.
"I'm here to study the art of airbending - if you'll have me."
The monks glance at each other. Aang had said they wouldn't turn her down, but now even he appears unsure.
Katara waits while the others debate quietly. Aang returns to her side. She takes his hand, squeezing it tightly to reassure both of them that everything will be alright. No matter what happens, they'll figure it out. Katara hasn't come this far only to give up.
"I'll train her," Gyatso finally says, breaking free of the others. "It is our duty to protect and prepare the Avatar as best as we can, and she must learn airbending if she hopes to defeat the Fire Lord."
Katara bows again. "Thank you."
The others disperse, most of them glancing back at her warily. Katara doesn't understand why. She doesn't have time to think before Gyatso motions at her and Aang to follow. He leads them away from the main temple to the edge of a cliff. It's quiet here, only the sound of the wind and the birds breaking the silence. Katara glances down the cliff and sees only clouds.
Gyatso motions at her glider. "You have already begun to learn, I see."
"Just flying. Aang and I just started two days ago."
"And when do you plan on fighting Lord Ozai?"
"Less than two weeks."
Gyatso stares at her. "You think you can master airbending in less than two weeks? Some people dedicate their entire lives to mastering it. Airbending is not just about the manipulation of air; it's about becoming familiar with the spirit world and connecting with your true self. It is not an easy or painless path. You will discover things about yourself that you wish was kept a secret. You must face all the ugliness inside of you before you can cleanse your spirit and truly reach inner peace."
"Airbending does focus more on the self than on physical form," Aang agrees. "It won't be like learning earthbending or firebending."
Katara isn't fazed. "I've already faced the ugliness inside of me." She thinks back to the guru who tried to help her connect to the Avatar State. She had faced every horrible action, all her guilt, and all her fear. "And I will master it in two weeks because I have to. Because there will be no world left to protect if I don't."
Gyatso nods. "The comet."
"You know about it?" Aang asks, his eyes widening.
"The monk who trained me was there when it came the last time. He remembers the fires that could be seen burning for miles." Gyatso's eyes focus into the distance. "That was when they evacuated the Western Air Temple."
"So you know that Ozai is going to use it to finish his conquest. He's going to rain fire down on the Earth Kingdom and destroy the remaining Air Temples."
Gyatso bows his head. "Yes."
"Then why aren't you preparing for war?" Katara asks.
"The others believe we are safe. Years of isolation has blinded them to the truth. Their meditations have grown weak." A spark gleams in Gyatso's eyes. "Only I know the danger we're in. That's why I sent Aang down to help you."
"Can't you talk to them? Convince them of the truth?"
He shakes his head. "We are very ingrained in our ways. So much time left unbothered has weakened our people. They have developed new traditions and ways of thinking that won't be swayed by a passionate speech."
"So what I can do?" Katara can only think of the ruins that was her village. She doesn't want this Air Temple to look the same. She doesn't want Aang to witness the same destruction of his people that she did.
"The only thing you can do is learn to airbend so that you are at your strongest when you face Ozai." Gyatso motions for Katara to take a seat with him by the edge of the cliff. Aang follows. "Since Aang has already taught you some about the motions of air, we will begin with the spiritual part. Close your eyes and focus on your breathing."
Katara crosses her legs and concentrates on making her breathing steady. Although she knows Aang and Gyatso are beside her, their breathing is so silent that she can't hear them.
"What do you know about the spirit world, Katara?" Monk Gyatso asks.
A few memories flash through her mind. In her meditative state, she can see them as clearly as the day they had happened.
"The spirits are important to our way of life. Tui and La, the moon and ocean spirits, are the source of waterbending. Without them, there would be no Waterbenders. They exist only in the spirit oasis at the North Pole."
"Do you know why they've never left the oasis?"
Katara doesn't answer. In her mind, she's seeing the darkness that came when Tui was killed. She can feel the sudden loss within her as the source of waterbending was destroyed. And then a bright light flashes as Yue rises up, sacrificing herself and becoming the new moon spirit.
"The spirit oasis is a portal to the spirit world. Very few spirits can cross over into our world, and very few humans can cross over into the spirit world. Master Airbenders are some of those few. And as the Avatar, you are responsible for bridging the two worlds and bringing them into balance with each other."
Now she's seeing the Painted Lady, rising up out of the water. They had all thought she was just a myth.
"Why can some travel between the two worlds and others cannot?" Katara asks.
"That is a question you must ask the first Avatar. You must travel to the spirit world and find him. If you want to succeed against the Fire Lord, you must understand yourself. And if you want to master airbending, you must also understand yourself."
Katara retreats deep into her mind, searching for her connection to the past Avatars. The line of them appears in her mind; she passes Saura and Roku and Kyoshi and Kuruk and Yangchen and all the other Avatars whose names she doesn't know. All past reincarnations of herself - but not herself.
That is something she does not understand. How can there be so many of her...that isn't her? All of these Avatars have distinct personalities and feelings and their own views of the world. How is it that they're all the same person?
The line stretches out forever. Ten thousand years of Avatars pass by until she sees the end. A man with pale skin and messy dark hair stands tall, his copper eyes staring calmly back at her.
"Who are you?" Katara asks.
"I am Wan, the first Avatar." He smiles at her, a mischievous twinkle in his eye. Katara was imagining the first Avatar to be some old, serious man, but Wan appears to be the opposite.
"I need to learn about myself and the spirit world. Will you tell me about how you became the Avatar and how the spirit world works?"
Avatar Wan steps forward and the others disappear, fading away.
"The story of how I became the Avatar goes hand in hand with the story of the spirit world." Wan leads her into a strange meadow with circular pools of water. He pauses at the first one. When he speaks, images play out, reflecting his words. "I wasn't born a bender. I was a starving kid in what is now the Fire Nation. I saw the injustice that came from the rich lording over the poor, and I wanted to even the odds. During my time, the portals to the spirit world were open. I traveled there and met with the lion turtle, who gave me the gift of fire."
"The lion turtle? I thought those were myths."
"The lion turtles were the protectors of mankind. They housed our cities on their backs. In my day, they populated the spirit world and gave the power of bending to humans who asked. Each lion turtle had an affinity for each element."
"So anyone could become a bender."
"Yes, but they could not take their bending abilities back to the real world. I tried, and as a result I was banished to the spirit world."
Katara frowns. "Didn't you miss your friends and family?"
Wan shrugs. "You can't miss what you never really had."
He leads her to the next pool and continues with his story. "I traveled around the spirit world. Many spirits were unfriendly to me because I was a human, but I tried my best to help spirits in trouble. In my zeal for justice, I made a horrible mistake."
Katara watches the pool as two spirits fight one another, one white and one dark. In the image, Wan rushes over and uses his firebending to free the dark spirit from the hold of the white one. The dark one flees, leaving Wan with the white spirit.
"Raava and Vaatu. The greatest spirits in the world. Raava is the spirit of light peace; Vaatu is the spirit of darkness and chaos. I freed Vaatu, not knowing what he was."
Wan escorts her to the next pool. "I continued my journey to the next lion turtle city, which was flying. The inhabitants all had the gift of air. While there, Vaatu arrived and brought with him darkness. I did my best to fight him off until Raava appeared. Vaatu escaped again, and I noticed that Raava was growing weaker. Since I was the one who freed Vaatu, I knew I had to help Raava stop him. I requested the gift of air from the lion turtle. No person had ever before held more than one element, but with Raava's help, the lion turtle eventually gave in."
The next few pools they walk by slowly, the images not taking as long to watch.
"After I learned airbending, Raava gave me the power by passing through my body and combing our energies. It was very dangerous, but it worked. We traveled to two more lion turtle cities, gaining the water and earth elements. We had only a year before the Harmonic Convergence, a phenomenon that occurs every ten thousand years when the Northern and Southern spirit portals are connected and Raava and Vaatu fight for the fate of the world for the next ten thousand years."
He stops at the next pool, a sad look in his eyes. "Some of my former friends had relocated to the spirit world and settled there. We came upon this village and noticed there was tension between the spirits and the humans. I tried to settle it peacefully, but Vaatu appeared and turned the spirits dark. Raava and I tried to merge our energies to grow more powerful, but it was too much for my body to handle. I passed out and when I woke up, the entire village was destroyed and all the people killed."
Watching the smoking fires and the ruins in the pool brings back Katara's own memories of her destroyed village. Like him, she had woken up only to discover that she had lost everything. She understands Wan in a way she never thought she could.
He continues on to the next pool. "Raava was greatly weakened - once taller than me, she was now small enough to fit in the palm of my hand. But we couldn't give up. We traveled to the Southern spirit portal where we encountered Vaatu, coming out of the Northern spirit portal. He tried to challenge Raava, but I fought him instead. I was no match for his energy beams, and once again I had to merge with Raava. We were still not powerful enough to defeat him."
He moves on to the next pool, the last one. Katara watches with wide eyes as a battle rages on. "I put my hand on the spirit portal when the Convergence began, binding my spirit permanently with Raava. This merge created the Avatar State, and in it we were powerful enough to imprison Vaatu, saving the world from ten thousand years of darkness and chaos."
"What happened after?" Katara asks.
"I closed the spirit portals and ushered the spirits out of the real world and back into the spirit world. The humans had no respect for the spirits, and the spirits didn't always have good intentions for the humans. The new position my merged spirit created was called the Avatar, and it became the Avatar's duty to keep the peace between the two worlds."
"So how do Airbenders access the spirit world? And why are some spirits in the real world?"
"Master Airbenders reach a state of spiritual enlightenment. They have respect for the spirits and their souls become unattached from their physical bodies, allowing them to travel freely between the worlds. There are also a few other individuals who can reach this state, and sometimes they become spirits themselves after death. In that case, they were not bound to the spirit world when I closed the portals and may be trapped in this world."
That must be how the Painted Lady came to be. Perhaps she was just a simple villager with a heart to help everyone around her, and when she died, she became a spirit blessed with abilities to continue her work.
"So what does this all mean for me?" Katara asks, meeting his eyes. "I'm trying to defeat the Fire Lord right now, not an evil spirit."
"I am giving you direction for when you have brought peace to your world. You must go into the spirit world and keep the peace. The next Harmonic Convergence is coming, either in your lifetime or that of the next Avatar's. You must be aware of the spirits."
"Thanks, but...that won't matter if I can't defeat the Fire Lord."
Wan turns to her and sets a hand on her shoulder. "Katara, did you listen to my story? Your journey compares to mine in a way no other Avatar's has before. Like me, you only have a year to master all four elements. Like me, you lost almost every connection to your past. Like me, you face a villain who has the potential to create darkness and chaos in the world for the next thousand years and a time limit created by a recurring phenomenon." He smiles then. "But, also like me, you have the strength and spirit inside of you to win."
Katara wipes at her eyes. She hadn't even realized she'd been crying. "But I don't have a spirit of peace and light helping me. I don't have a power boost to help me when I'm about to lose."
"Raava's spirit is inside of you, just like it is inside of all the Avatars. And if you cannot feel her, then feel the spirit of your friends around you. They are your light and peace, your strength and power."
Katara suddenly feels so ashamed. Wan is the first of her kind and the source of her power and responsibility, and she's been nothing but foolish with it. He didn't hesitate to do what he had to do to win; he knew he was risking death every time he merged with Raava's spirit but he still did. Katara knows what she has to do to access the Avatar State but she's too selfish to do it.
He's wrong. She's not like him at all.
"I can't use the Avatar State," she admits, unable to stop the sob that comes out with it. "I can't open the last chakra. I'm too weak."
Wan watches her for a moment. She's terrified that he's going to be angry with her, but he just looks upon her with a warm expression.
"Did you know that Raava and Vaatu can't permanently destroy each other?" he asks. "It's because light can't exist without darkness. The selfishness you feel is darkness inside of you, but it won't win. The light will take over when you need it most." Wan suddenly grins lopsidedly. "Trust me. I'm you."
Katara manages a weak smile. She hopes he's right. But there's a lot of darkness inside of her. Can the light fight it all off?
"It wasn't an accident, you being the Avatar right now," Wan says. "You were always destined to be the one to fight the Fire Lord. You were always destined to be asleep for a hundred years. Every choice you made has led you to this fight because it's your fight. I know when I tell you my story, you think that it's not something you could do. You think that I'm stronger than you, or that I'm better than you. The truth is that every Avatar is born with a specific purpose. Mine was to be there for the Convergence and begin the Avatar cycle. Yours is to defeat the Fire Lord. We all have different strengths and weaknesses, but the universe doesn't make mistakes." He stares straight into her eyes. "You are strong enough to win. Every Avatar in the last ten millennia has succeeded with their purpose; you will, too."
Katara breathes deeply. Everything she's learned has led her to this place. Everything she's suffered has led her to this moment. She is the Avatar. She has darkness within her, but she also has light. She is powerful and strong and she always picks herself back up again when she fails.
In that moment, she can feel the spirit of Raava inside of her. The light bursting from her veins, threatening to make her explode. The sense of peace settling into her mind after months of fear and anger and frustration and questioning.
She turns to Wan and bows to him in respect. "Thank you, Avatar Wan. I understand now."
He returns the bow. "The task you have been given is not easy. Many Avatars would fail. But the universe gave it to you because you are strong enough to succeed. You have my respect, Avatar Katara."
Avatar Katara. She feels it deep within her veins for the very first time. Even when she'd been unlocking the chakras she did not feel it so truly and assuredly.
She opens her eyes and is once again staring at the clouds gathering at the edge of the cliff. To her left, Monk Gyatso is still meditating with his eyes closed. To her right, Aang is watching her closely.
"Did you find him?" Aang asks.
"Yes."
"What did he tell you?"
She smiles peacefully. "What I needed to hear."
Aang and Monk Gyatso sit on a hill overlooking the training fields. Down below, Katara is training with some young Airbenders. Aang's eyes are glued to her as she interacts with the others, helping them when they need it, accepting help when she needs it, and laughing along with them. In the hours since they've been here, Aang has already seen her make tremendous progress with airbending.
Gyatso clears his throat, and Aang's eyes shoot over to him.
"You're supposed to be meditating," Gyatso reminds him gently.
Aang's face reddens and he quickly sits up straight and closes his eyes. "Sorry."
"Something is distracting you."
Aang opens his eyes to see his mentor watching him carefully. Gyatso knows him better than anyone else. There's no point in hiding it.
"Yeah," Aang admits, looking back over to where Katara is using her staff to create a wall of wind. It's a weak wall of wind, but it's there. "I really like her. And I keep running into signs that point to us being together. But for some reason she keeps choosing Zuko over me. I just don't understand it."
"Are they really signs or are you seeing things that aren't there to justify what you think is right?"
Aang drops his head. "I don't know. I was so sure of it. We have these moments where it feels like we're connected on a spiritual level. And there was this fortune teller we met who said that if I trusted my heart, I would be with the one I loved - she must mean Katara! And then she told me to take control of my own destiny, so I was going to tell Katara how I felt but I just haven't found the right time. And there's been moments, like when we flew together for the first time, or when we danced, that I was sure she felt the same way about me. But what if she doesn't? I don't want to ruin our friendship."
Gyatso lays a hand on his back. Aang jumps a little, surprised by the physical touch. The monks don't reach out like that very often.
"You're still young, Aang," he says. "I know you've been through so much this past year that it feels like forever, but you have a whole life ahead of you. Even if you read those signs right - and I'm not saying you did - it may be years before it comes to pass."
Aang frowns. That wasn't the positive reinforcement he was hoping to hear. "So what are you saying?"
"I'm saying that there's no point in trying to rush the future. What we have is what is happening now." Gyatso spreads his arms. "If Katara is with someone else right now, then there is no point in pursuing her. If your friendship is so good, why try to make it something else?"
He's right. Aang doesn't want to admit it because it means letting Katara go - at least for now - but he's tired of being bitter or jealous about it. Katara doesn't owe him anything. He didn't join her team to earn her love, he joined it because he believed in her and what she was doing.
"It sounds to me like you're jealous of Zuko as well." Gyatso gives Aang a stern look. "I know we've taught you better than that."
Aang looks away. It's true that he's been harsh on Zuko. Zuko has been nothing but loyal since he joined their team. And Katara is happy with him. That should be enough to bring Aang peace.
"I miss being here with you," Aang admits, pulling his knees up to his chest. "Sometimes I feel like I've forgotten my way."
"Just because you've let some negative influences in doesn't mean you've lost your way. All you have to do is meditate and you'll find us again." Gyatso closes his eyes. "You have done good, Aang. I'm proud of you."
Aang feels his heart swell up in his chest as he returns to a meditative state. This time he's able to forget about Katara and let his mind flow freely, connecting with the peaceful aura of the Air Temple.
It's good to be home.