Chapter Eighteen: Change is Everything

"You go to work the next day pretending nothing happened.
Your co-workers ask / if everything's okay and you tell them
you're just tired. / And you're trying to smile. And they're trying to smile."

-Richard Siken

Two weeks later found the Avengers united once again. This time, it was not to fight Loki, but to see him off. Tony's groupchat had sustained itself in the meantime, filled with strange jokes, updates on Clint's search for a new pizza place to frequent, Steve's occasionally confused remarks, and Tony's relentless texting of tabloid links regarding the Avengers, with headlines growing increasingly and increasingly ridiculous. "Is Lady Liberty Iron Man's Daughter?" "Black Widow and Hulk having secret affair!" "Thor's Girlfriend is Loki's Secret Lover."

Cleanup crews had begun to approach the mess that the Avengers had made. Audrey, Steve, and Thor had spent time visiting the battle sites to assist with cleanup. Tony had donated large quantities of money to help fund the rebuilding project. Pepper was already in the middle of designing an Avengers merchandise line, 100% of the proceeds of which would be donated to the New York Recovery Project.

Audrey found the new attention odd. On the subway, people took photos of her or asked for autographs. Young girls wore red capes. Reporters hassled her so much outside her apartment that she had taken to moving around every few days between her friends' places to avoid the attention.

Now, in Central Park, surrounded by SHIELD agents in black suits, the Avengers were circled around Loki, who was muzzled and handcuffed. Thor gripped his shoulder roughly, pushing him to the center of the circle.

After Selvig had packed up the Tesseract into a secure briefcase, he handed it to Thor. Audrey caught Steve's rather-unfriendly glance at the Cube, and understood. It had caused far too much damage to be kept on Earth. Within reach of humanity. They were far too careless with such power. And so was Loki, for that matter. Audrey hoped it would be destroyed back on Asgard, and that nobody else would ever have that much power again.

"Goodbye, my Lady," Thor said when he reached her. Before Audrey could answer, he was yanking her into a tight hug. The embrace dwarfed her. Thor was at least six and a half feet tall, and his arms were enormous. When he let her go, he clapped her on the shoulder. "You did well, young one. Once I am through with Loki, I shall be back, and I will bring Asgardian mead to celebrate."

Audrey wrinkled her nose at the idea, but smiled nonetheless. "Sounds good, Thor. Thank you for everything."

"It was my pleasure," he said. Audrey raised a brow, thinking that there was no way he could possibly have enjoyed fighting his brother nearly to death and then having to wrestle him back into an otherworldly court sentence, but she didn't argue.

Thor moved on, and Audrey made eye contact with Loki. "You're an asshole," she told him, remembering her promise to Darcy. She'd never actually gotten the opportunity to punch him in the face, and she doubted that now was the time to do so, but she could at least pass the sentiment on.

Natasha gave her a strange look, quirking an eyebrow inquisitively.

"Foster's intern wanted me to say...that," Audrey explained. "It was very important to her."

"I see," Natasha remarked.

When Thor joined Loki in the middle of their circle, he was holding one side of the Tesseract's case, and gesturing for him to take the other. After a quick look around, he realized he basically had no other choice but to take the handle Thor was offering him. Audrey clenched and unclenched her fists nervously as Thor twisted the case. A blue tunnel of light enveloped them both, so bright Audrey could barely look at it without her head hurting. By the time it faded, the two were gone.

It was silent for a moment. Then, Tony cleared his throat. "Anyone have plans tonight?" None of the group answered, waiting to hear him finish his thought before they agreed to anything. "Maybe we could all grab dinner. My treat. One last hurrah before we part. Where are we all going, anyways?"

Audrey hadn't really thought that far into the future. London, to see Peggy. And then...nothing. She would probably have to move, and figure out what her job actually was in the post-alien world.

"Well apparently, my hearing is basically gone in my left ear," Clint announced. "SHIELD is consoling me by buying me a puppy."

Natasha rolled her eyes, elbowing him in the shoulder and explaining, "He will be adopting a service dog."

"What she said," Clint said. He looked so serious in his sunglasses, but his words made him sound like kind of a mess. "We're gonna be laying low for a few weeks before that happens, though."

Audrey understood what that meant. It was recovery time. She remembered being introduced to that by Coulson a few months after Tac Team Q's formation. When Caroline had been sent on her first hit, she'd come back shaken. Audrey didn't blame her-a lot had gone wrong. Their intel had been spotty, and the comms had unexpectedly dropped right before Caroline went to take out the target. When they hadn't been able to reach her and tell her that plans had changed, one thing led to another and she had to pull off the job with a knife, instead of a gun. Even though Caroline knew-they all knew-that their target was a bad guy (the kind of bad guy who kidnapped children and used them as pawns), having to be in such close quarters to him as he died was painful. Caroline was on leave for the next few months, and the rest of the team worked on quietly investigating their next case, until they could locate their next target.

Audrey knew that Caroline's guilt had been overwhelming, and that was after killing someone who was exploiting children and engaged in human trafficking. She couldn't imagine Clint's guilt, when the people he'd hurt were fellow agents.

But still-it wasn't him. And for his sake, she hoped he would realize that.

"When are you leaving?" Steve asked.

"Tomorrow," Natasha answered. She linked an arm through Clint's.

"What about you, Tony?" Audrey asked.

Tony shrugged. "Same old. Renovating the tower. Inventing things that make the world a better place. Pep says I should start my own homeware line-I can see it already." He drew out his hands in front of him. "Stark Toasters."

"Incredible," Clint deadpanned. "The world will definitely be a better place with the addition of yet another toaster to the market."

"Laugh now, but we'll see," Tony shot back. He narrowed his eyes, mock-challenging the archer.

Audrey, unsure how to comment on the exchange, turned to Bruce. "You?"

He offered her a soft smile. "Tony's gonna give me a lab and start funding my research." He looked down at his hands, and then back up. "I'm gonna work on helping people here and figure out how to use the Other Guy for good."

So he had listened to her. Something warm and soft fluttered around Audrey's heart. She couldn't explain it. She was just happy he'd decided to stay.

"What about you and capsicle?" Tony asked.

Steve scowled, clearly displeased by the name. But Audrey quickly jumped in. "We're going to London to see my mom at the end of the month. And after that...we'll see. There's a lot of stuff to figure out. I don't know what we're gonna do after that."

"Keep working on your training," Natasha told her. "You've got a long way to go."

Exercising was literally one of the last things Audrey wanted to do in that moment. Although most of her injuries had healed, she wasn't ready to throw herself directly into an aggressive fitness regiment yet. Still, partly out of respect and partly out of fear, she nodded in agreement to the redhead's suggestion. "I will."

"So...was that a yes to dinner?" Tony interjected.

Audrey turned to Steve, who shrugged. "I don't hate free food," she said. Steve gave it a moment's consideration before nodding in agreement. "We'll be there," Audrey announced.

"I'm in, but only if we go somewhere that serves pizza," Clint added. "I mean it. And I don't want whatever bullshit flatbread they serve at fancy restaurants. I want normal, oily, pizza."

Tony snorted. "Noted. Does that mean you're in too, Romanoff?"

Natasha gave a brief shrug. "Yeah, why not?"

Audrey turned to Bruce, biting her lip and hoping he'd come too.

He met her eyes with his own. Audrey gave him a small smile. "Uh, yeah, I'll come," he said to Tony, but he didn't take his eyes off the blonde. Audrey's grin broadened until she was glowing. She liked Bruce. She liked having the company of someone who was similar to her. He felt familiar, even though they hadn't known each other for long.

"There's a diner in Brooklyn, Stan's," Audrey suggested. "They've got everything. Including pizza."

"Great!" Tony cheered, pointing to her and snapping. "Let's agree to...rendezvous or whatever at 7?"

"Sounds good," Natasha replied. She turned to Clint. "We've got that thing," she murmured.

Clint gave her a look. "That-what thing? Ow!" he cried indignantly after Natasha elbowed him in the ribs. "Ohhh...that thing. I see." He looked up at the group. "Well, we're off. We have some...official spy business to take care of."

Audrey didn't understand what was happening in the slightest, but she knew better than to try to understand Clint and Natasha's relationship at this point. They were partners-that much she knew. But she didn't know how far that partnership extended. The duo gave them parting nods, before heading back to the SHIELD-issued car that was waiting for them.

"We should probably head out, too, we've got labs to build and science to do," Tony said, throwing an arm around Bruce's shoulder. "Ready, Jolly Green Giant?"

Bruce winced at the name, but nodded. "Yeah. I'm ready."

"We'll see you later," Tony called out, already on his way to the sportscar he had parked on the curb. Bruce followed him, but waved awkwardly at Audrey before he went. Audrey waved back, a smiled tugging on the ends of her lips. She hoped that he considered her a friend. Or that he would in the future.

When the rest of the team had left, Audrey turned to Steve. "We've got a few hours to kill. Is there anything you want to do?"

"Actually," Steve said, "there is."

Of all the places Steve could've picked, Audrey wondered why he decided on a church. It was a small Catholic parish in Brooklyn that had been there since the twenties, and looked like it was on the brink of collapse. He and Audrey sat quietly in a pew as people moved in and out of the building, occasionally approaching the altar to leave a flower or light a candle.

"This is where we had my mom's funeral," Steve said, quiet. "That's where your middle name came from, right?"

Audrey Sarah Carter Rogers. "Yes. Mom said you told stories about her-your mom. She said that she wished she'd gotten the chance to meet her."

Steve nodded. "They would've gotten along well." He looked around at the altar, the pews, the crucifix. "I was baptized here, too. Bucky was baptized on the same day, but we didn't meet until we were in school. He, uh, stopped some of the kids from beating me up." Steve looked down at his shoes. "I was planning on spending a lot of time here, before I crashed." Audrey didn't understand, but she waited for him to elaborate. "This was where we would've had Bucky's funeral. He and I came here every Sunday. He was more religious than I was. I fell out of it after my ma died, but. I still went with him. I never really understood what he was...what he was praying to."

"I'm not really...religious, either," Audrey told him. "Mom was always busy. We went to Church on Christmas Eve and Easter, but that was it."

"I guess it was...I guess it's nice to feel like we aren't alone in the universe. That there's someone watching out for us," Steve remarked, shrugging the slightest bit. A beat passed. "I would've married your mother in this church," he said quietly. "I had a ring. It was cheap, but it was all I could afford. I knew she deserved much more than that, but-" He stopped, and took a deep breath. "I was going to propose to her when the war was over. I guess they never-I guess they never found it."

This was the first she'd ever heard from either of her parents about marriage. Audrey had always assumed that it would've happened, just because of Peggy's pregnancy. But she hadn't known that they'd talked about it, or that Steve had planned on it regardless of Audrey's existence. It broke her heart to watch him looking around at everything he wanted but would never have. He would've married her mother. He would've had Bucky as his best man. But Bucky had fallen from the train, and Steve had fallen from the sky. They were never given that chance.

Even now, with a second shot at life, Steve could never get back some of the things he'd lost. Bucky was still gone. Peggy was nearing the end of her life, as much as Audrey hated to admit it. Soon, all his connections to his life before the crash would be severed, and he'd have nothing but the city itself to remind him of it.

"I'm sorry, dad," she said. Audrey looked up at the stained glass, where Jesus was being crucified. "There wasn't a day that went by when she didn't love you."

Steve took a deep breath, and pulled Audrey into a one-armed embrace. "I love her. I always will." He took a deep breath, and put an arm around Audrey's shoulders in a half-embrace. "You're so much like her. I couldn't be more proud."

Audrey looked up at him. "I love you," she said quietly.

Steve squeezed her tight. "I love you too, kiddo."

Steve and Audrey were the first to arrive at Stan's.

"Two again, sugar?" the hostess, Angela, asked Audrey. Audrey knew her fairly well-enough to know that her son had his first kid last year, making her a grandmother, and her daughter was starting her junior year at NYU.

"Six this time, actually. The rest are coming."

Angela regarded her with a look of surprise. "Well alright, hon, come on." Audrey and Steve followed as she led them to a large, U-shaped booth in the back, as opposed to their usual seat by the front window. "A milk for you," she said, pointing to Audrey, "and decaf coffee for you?" she asked, pointing to Steve. The man nodded.

"Thank you, ma'am."

Angela scowled. "What have I told you about that 'ma'am' business? I am very wise, but I do not like to be treated like I'm old."

Steve flushed. "I'm sorry ma-I'm sorry. Won't happen again."

"That's better," Angela responded. "I'll bring some menus by when the rest of your people get here."

Nat and Clint arrived a few minutes later, although Audrey hardly recognized them. Natasha was decked out in a blonde wig and wearing a Culver University hoodie, while Clint looked like every other hipster taking over Williamsburg, in a blue flannel, ripped jeans, boots, and fake glasses.

"What...happened?" Audrey asked as they slid into the booth. She cringed at how judgmental that sounded. "Not...not like that, more like. You look very different."

Clint winked at her. "We're still spies, kiddo."

"I'm older than you," Audrey returned. "Just so you know."

Angela approached their table, two glasses in hand. "Milk for the lady, coffee for the gentleman."

"Thank you," Audrey said. Clint raised an eyebrow at her after Angela left, and Audrey knew he was judging her. "What?" she asked.

He nodded towards her milk. "Interesting beverage choice. Is that an attempt to fight arthritis?"

Audrey took a sip from the glass. "No. Milk is just good."

"How did you all get here so fast?" another voice interrupted. Audrey turned around to find Tony standing at the edge of the table, Bruce to his side. "It took forever to find parking," Tony complained emphatically.

Audrey shrugged. "Steve and I walked."

Tony rolled his eyes, sliding in on the other side of the booth, next to Natasha. "What's your excuse?" he asked Natasha. The redhead shrugged, opening the menu.

"We have our ways," she replied nonchalantly. Audrey couldn't tell if she was messing with Tony or not, and she was afraid to ask for fear of looking clueless.

"Can I sit here?" Bruce asked, pointing to the space next to her on the booth.

"Yeah, of course," Audrey answered. She picked up her coat and strung it across her lap to make room. Bruce sat down next to her, his knee bumping into hers. "Oh, sorry-"

"I'm sorry, let me-" Apologies began to tumble out of his mouth.

She shifted a little bit so that he had more room. "Bruce," she assured him. "It's okay." She let her knee drop, and it rested against his solidly. Bruce tensed, and Audrey panicked again, moving her knee back to a stiff, upright position so that it wouldn't bother him.

Audrey cleared her throat. "Anyone know what they're getting?"

"I was thinking a skillet," Tony announced. Natasha said something about a sandwich, and Clint-of course-insisted on a pizza. Steve decided on his usual, a panini with double fries and double salad. Audrey decided to branch out of her breakfast-for-dinner tradition and instead try a grilled cheese.

"What about you?" Audrey asked Bruce.

"I'm not-eh, I'm not really hungry," he said. Audrey wrinkled her brow. Surely that wasn't true. "I'm vegetarian, too. There's uh, not a lot of options for me." Oh. Audrey hadn't known that. If she had, she would've thought twice before suggesting this place. She made a mental note to look up more places with vegetarian options.

"What do you want to eat?" she asked, flipping open the menu in search of vegetarian options. "They're pretty flexible here. I'm sure they could take the meat off something, or-there's soups and salads and stuff."

Bruce looked at the menu. "I, uh-" He cleared his throat. "Do you know if they have wraps here?"

Audrey flipped through the menu, but couldn't find any wraps. "They have quesadillas though? If you'd like?"

He scanned the page. "Alright, that sounds good," he agreed.

The group ordered, and then passed the time as they waited for the food listening to Tony read outrageous tabloid headlines.

Not much information had gone public about the Avengers. They knew their names-sort of. Audrey was listed simply as Audrey Carter, and it appeared that nobody had made the connection between her and Steve. Natasha was publicly named as Natalie Rushman. They knew their faces, thanks to the news coverage of the battle. And even with just that, the tabloids had managed to create absurd rumors. One claimed that Audrey and Tony were dating, which had left a gross taste in her mouth. Tony was like her brother. They'd literally known each other since his birth.

When the food arrived, the group jumped for their plates almost immediately. Audrey liked her grilled cheese. She decided that it would probably become her new regular order. Clint complained about the pizza not being up to his standards, but still ate the entire thing.

As Audrey looked around the table, she was surprised at what she found-they were bonding. She wondered if Tony had meant for this to happen when he invited them out. Yes, probably, she decided. She knew Tony well enough to know that he sought out family wherever he could on good days. He had a lot of love he didn't know how to express, or who to express it to. Things like this-buying dinner for everyone and not protesting when he didn't get to pick the restaurant-were how he showed he cared.

They were teammates, yes. But Audrey wondered if they would ever go beyond that, if they would ever become friends. Sure, they were friendly right now; but she didn't know if this dinner was an event of them getting together to celebrate an avoided alien invasion, or if it was happening because they genuinely wanted to spend time together. Maybe it was too early to tell.

Audrey didn't know if they would ever need to unite again the same way they had against Loki. She hoped that the answer was no, and that the Chitauri had been the worst of it. Really, though, she knew that the world was changing. They would never be able to return to any kind of antebellum. As much as she hated to admit it, she felt like the Battle of New York was only the beginning.

Audrey didn't know what was coming next. She certainly wasn't ready for it yet. But as she looked at the other Avengers, sitting around the table, laughing through the trauma of the battle, she knew that she would be ready by the time it came. They would all be.

a/n: We got more team bonding this chapter! Audrey and Bruce's dynamics were very fun to write, I really enjoy their relationship. What did you guys think of the team dinner? Of Audrey and Steve's scene in the church? Let me know!

Next up is Steve and Audrey's trip to see Peggy, which will feature a lot of Steggy angst! It'll be fun. I think.

Chapter Nineteen: An Ocean of Years

Peggy looked at him, her eyes welling with tears. "It's been so long. So long. I can't believe you're really here. You're alive."