20.
It was the incessant beeping that slowly woke her, an annoying sound that cut through everything. "Emry…" she groaned, reaching for her, wondering why she hadn't turned the damn alarm off yet. The movement caused fiery pain to erupt in her abdomen, and she let out an agonizing cry in response. Opening her eyes, she realized she wasn't in bed but was lying amongst the debris of the collapsed Imperial building, somehow still alive.
Recollection of what had happened flooded her mind, and she tried to sit up, to see how bad the damage to her leg was. Pain tore through her abdomen again, forcing her back down. Gritting her teeth, she tried one more time. A strong wave of nausea washed over her when she saw what was causing so much pain, and she was suddenly dizzy.
There, sticking straight up through the right side of her abdomen, was a piece of metal piping. She realized she must've landed directly on it as she fell, and wondered yet again, how she was still alive.
The pain became unbearable and she laid her head back down, her breaths coming out in short, ragged gasps as she tried not to panic. She knew it was bad, and the fact that she was starting to grow cold wasn't helping to calm her either. She'd had enough first aid training at the ISB academy to know the signs of shock, and she tried not to think about what typically followed that.
Whatever was beeping continued to do so, and she belatedly realized it was her wrist comm. Dragging her arm onto her chest, she activated it.
"Yes," she said weakly, "I'm here."
"Jaina!" Ahsoka's worried voice came through. "Where are you?"
"I'm still—" She dissolved into a coughing fit. It felt like there was a layer of dirt coating her throat and lungs. "I'm still in the building."
"You're what?!" Jaina flinched at how panicked she sounded. She heard her take a deep breath, and when she spoke again, her voice was calm. "Okay. Do you know where?"
"No. I was on the top floor when it collapsed—" she paused and thought for a moment "—northwest side maybe? I can't—" she coughed again, and tasted blood. "I'm not sure."
"Keep your comm on," Ahsoka said. "We'll use the signal to find you."
"Okay," she replied. "If it helps, I don't think I'm that deep." She paused again. It was taking all the strength she had just to talk. "I can see the sky, through a gap in the debris."
"I'll be right there. Are you injured?" Jaina hesitated, not wanting to worry her master any more than she already was, but she was growing colder by the minute and knew she was running out of time.
"Yes…" She trailed off. "Ahsoka…please hurry." She tried not to let any of the fear bleed into her voice, but it slipped in anyway.
"We will," Ahsoka said, and she could hear the panic beneath her determination.
She kept her eyes on the gap in the debris, waiting, and passed the time by trying to see if there was any more damage to her body. Both her arms worked fine, and her left leg seemed okay, but she couldn't feel her right one at all. She wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not but tried not to think the worst.
It could have been a few minutes, or it could have been thirty, she had no idea, but Ahsoka's head finally appeared in the gap, blotting out the light. Jaina raised her arm as best she could, hoping she could see her.
"Ahsoka—" she started to yell, but it sent another nauseating wave a pain through her, followed by a bout of coughing, which only increased the pain. She was starting to get lightheaded and it was becoming hard to keep her eyes open.
Smaller pieces of debris came cascading down as Ahsoka made her way down through the gap towards her. She moved slow, not wanting to cause the debris to collapse even more, and kill them both. She'd been right about not being that deep, as it only took Ahsoka a few minutes to reach her. Ahsoka knelt beside her and quickly assessed her injuries.
"Bo, I need you down here right now," Ahsoka said into her wrist comm. "Bring a medpack. Have Ursa wait at the top but keep everyone else back. And have that ship ready to go."
"Copy that. Be right there," came the reply, and Ahsoka switched her comm off.
"Ahsoka, I'm so sorry," Jaina said. "I tried to get out, I swear, but she had me trapped—" Another coughing fit hit her, and she started to shiver.
"Shh," Ahsoka said soothingly. "Don't talk. We're going to get you out of here, then you can tell me all about what happened."
More small debris came raining down as Bo-Katan made her way to them. Jaina didn't miss the shock and revulsion that passed briefly over her face when she saw the injuries. She handed Ahsoka the medpack, then knelt beside Jaina and took her hand. Jaina could see the worry in her eyes.
"Did we win?" Jaina asked her weakly.
"Yes," Bo-Katan replied with a tight smile. "We did."
"Good. And my parents? Are they okay?" Bo-Katan nodded. She glanced over at Ahsoka as the sound of her moving the debris off Jaina's leg filled the small space.
"Emry is too," she added before Jaina had a chance to ask. "Everyone is fine."
"Everyone except me," Jaina said, giving her a faint smile.
"You're going to be fine," she firmly replied, squeezing Jaina's hand. "We'll have you out of here and all fixed up in no time."
Jaina appreciated her optimism but knew she was just trying to make her feel better. She couldn't hide the panic and worry that was flowing off her. She gave her cousin another faint smile.
"I guess being a terrible liar runs in the family." Bo-Katan gave her a chagrined look and glanced at Ahsoka again. Another coughing fit struck, and she nearly gagged on the blood it brought up. It was getting harder and harder to keep her eyes open, and she felt like she could sleep for weeks.
"No, no, don't do that," Bo-Katan said, shaking her slightly as her eyes closed. "Stay awake. Come on, Jaina, stay awake."
She heard the hiss of a lightsaber igniting, and she opened her eyes again. Ahsoka had one of hers out and was using it to cut the top half of the pipe off. "My lightsaber," she said, panicked. "Where's my lightsaber?"
"It's right here," Bo-Katan said calmly, placing her lightsaber on top of her chest. Jaina clutched it tightly in her hands, determined not to let it go. She needed something to focus on, and her mind inanely settled on that.
"Okay," Ahsoka said. "Last thing, then we can get you out of here. But it's going to hurt. A lot." Jaina gave her a slight nod of acknowledgment, and Ahsoka turned her attention to Bo-Katan. "I need you to lift her up, high enough that I can get underneath her with the lightsaber to cut the pipe."
Bo-Katan nodded and moved to Jaina's other side, slipping her arms underneath her shoulders and waist. Jaina braced herself as Ahsoka counted down from three.
"A lot" turned out to be an understatement. It felt as though she was being ripped in half, and she screamed as Bo-Katan lifted her. The pain was intense, tearing through every cell of her body, and she immediately passed out.
She was awoken by the terrible sensation of her insides being torn out of her, and she screamed again. She realized she was now laying on her side, and frantically reached around behind her, trying desperately to stop whatever it was that was causing it.
"Hold her still," Ahsoka growled, and someone grabbed her arm and pinned it to the ground. "It's almost out." She writhed and struggled against the hands trying to keep her immobile as the sensation and pain increased.
"Stop, please stop," she cried out, pleading with them. "Make it stop!"
Her wish was granted a moment later when the sensation finally ceased, but the pain did not. She stopped writhing and laid still, struggling to breathe through the agony. Someone picked her up, and she felt herself being carried up what felt like the ramp of a ship. Her body gave in to the pain again, and she slipped back into unconsciousness.
A soothing sound woke her up, and when she opened her eyes, she realized it was coming from her mother. She was humming, a tune Jaina hadn't heard since she was a child, and was gently stroking her forehead. It was something her mother had done when she was younger and had been woken up by nightmares or when she was sick. It had always helped calm her down then, and now, years later, it still worked. A peaceful sensation settled over her as she laid there, staring up at her mother. Her mother smiled at her, and she weakly smiled back.
Pulling her eyes away, she realized her father was sitting next to her, holding her hand in both of his. They were just as rough as she remembered, and he squeezed her hand as she looked at him. The worry was written all over his face, and she tried to give him a reassuring smile.
Just then, she heard someone calling her name. Her eyes darted around, trying to find the source, but she only saw her parents and the interior of the ship. She heard it again, and it sounded much closer this time. It was the same voice that had come to her in her vision at the temple site, and again when she'd gotten her crystal. She couldn't see him, but she could feel that he was close.
She closed her eyes and reached into the Force, trying to find him. She had the sense that he wanted her to follow him, deeper into the Force. She could hear her mother and father calling her name, but she needed to know what he wanted. His presence began to fade, and she decided to follow it. Deeper and deeper into the Force she went, following him, the sound of her parents shouting fading into the background…
"…injuries are severe…made it through the night…not out of the woods yet…the leg, can it be saved…I can't lose her…you're strong…don't give up…"
The voices floated in and out of her subconscious. She wasn't sure if she was dreaming, or dead, or some combination of the two. The fog that enveloped her mind eventually began to clear and she slowly regained consciousness. When she finally cracked her eyes open, she saw she was lying in what she assumed was the Mandalorian camp's medical facility, surrounded by machines that were softly beeping out her vital signs.
Looking down, she noticed a device attached to her midsection, right where the pipe had been. She looked further and saw that her right leg was completely encased in some sort of large apparatus, with wires and tubes coming out both sides. She sighed, happy that it appeared to at least still be there. Suddenly, she sensed someone next to her and looked over.
Ahsoka was lying on a cot next to her bed, her eyes wide open. They stared at each other for a moment, then Jaina weakly reached for her. Ahsoka didn't hesitate, quickly getting up and hugging her the best she could. Relief poured off her master, filling her senses. She was overcome with emotion, both hers and Ahsoka's, and it took everything she had to fight back the tears.
"Thank you," she said quietly. Ahsoka said nothing, and Jaina could sense she was struggling just as badly as she was with her emotions. The machines she was attached to started to beep faster, sounding their displeasure at the sudden movement, and Ahsoka released her.
"How long was I out?" Jaina asked her.
"Almost a week now," Ahsoka replied. Jaina felt her eyes widen and Ahsoka explained: "They had to sedate you, so your body could start healing. The first few days are critical, I guess. Any movement could've caused more damage."
"Jaina?" Her father's tentative voice came from the other side of her, and she turned her head. He was sitting up on a cot, hopefully looking at her. Her mother was still asleep, on the cot next to him. She smiled at him and held out her hand. He quickly shook her mother awake, and together they wrapped her in the biggest hug they could. The machines sounded in protest again, but she ignored them, along with the pain.
"I'll go get the doc, and let the others know you're awake," Ahsoka said. She hurriedly left, allowing her to have a few moments alone with her parents. She didn't waste any time, and the words she'd been wanting to say for so long came spilling out.
"I'm so sorry. For everything I ever said to you, for everything I did. I was stupid and foolish and should've just listened to you." The tears she had been holding back rolled down her face as she spoke. "None of this would've happened if I had stayed here like you wanted me to."
Her mother gave her a sympathetic, yet sad look. "It's not your fault," she said. "You couldn't have known."
"But you knew," Jaina said. "You knew what might happen if I left. And you let me leave anyway."
"Your mother and I made a choice," her father said softly. "We chose to not tell you about what you are, knowing there would be consequences for that." He sighed. "We knew we couldn't stop you if you wanted to leave. And if we had tried, what would you have done?"
Jaina looked away. He already knew the answer to that question, and so did she, but she said it anyway: "I still would've left. The fact that I knew you didn't want me to go, made me want to do it more."
"Exactly," her father said, sighing again. "But," her mother cut in, casting a sideways look at her father, "that's all in the past. You're here now, safe and alive. And that's all that matters."
Jaina smiled and gingerly grabbed them both for another hug. The door slid open just as the machines began to protest again, and she opened her eyes to see Ahsoka walk in, followed by a familiar face she hadn't seen in a year.
"Doctor Larte!" It was the last person she'd been expecting to see. She'd been the one who'd treated her injuries back on Yavin, and she was more than a little surprised to see an Alliance doctor here on Mandalore. "What are you doing here?"
"Your injuries were too severe for the limited resources available here," Ahsoka explained, "and we couldn't exactly take you to the hospital—"
"So Ahsoka called me," Doctor Larte interjected, shooting Ahsoka a small smile. She looked at Jaina and shook her head. "We've got to stop meeting like this."
Jaina smiled wryly. "Well, if the Empire would stop trying to kill me…"
"They very nearly succeeded this time," she replied, crossing over to the machines next to Jaina's bed and studying them for a moment. "How do you feel?"
Jaina thought for a moment. "Pretty sore. A little tired. Extremely grateful to be alive."
"Hm, well, you have Ahsoka to thank for that apparently," she absentmindedly said, her attention now focused on her datapad. Jaina cast a curious look at Ahsoka, and her master just shrugged. She made a mental note to ask her what she meant by that later.
Doctor Larte finished with whatever it was on her datapad and looked up. "And now, if you all please, I'd like some time alone with the patient."
Jaina's parents gave her a distressed look, and she knew they didn't want to leave her alone. She could see, now, that they looked like they hadn't slept in days, probably since the battle. She gave them a reassuring smile. "It's okay. Go get some sleep. I'm safe now, remember? I promise I'll be here when you wake up."
They hesitated, and then her father finally gave her a small nod. "We'll be back first thing in the morning." They each kissed her on the forehead and her father took her mother's hand and led her out.
"That means you, too," Doctor Larte said to Ahsoka, who was still lingering by Jaina's bed. Ahsoka hesitated, and Doctor Larte laid a hand on her arm. "You should get some rest as well," she gently said. "She'll be fine, I promise."
Ahsoka looked at her and nodded, then started towards the door. A sudden thought crossed Jaina's mind—
"Ahsoka!" she called, stopping her before she could leave. The panic was evident in her voice and Ahsoka turned around. "Where's Emry?"
Jaina's stomach knotted and her heart started racing when Ahsoka didn't answer right away. She seemed to be trying to decide what to say, and the longer she waited to answer, the more Jaina was filled with dread.
"She's out," Ahsoka finally said, "on a mission with your cousin, and Sabine."
Jaina blew out the breath she'd been holding, but her relief quickly turned to hurt, mixed with a little anger. Besides her parents and Ahsoka, hers was the first face Jaina had wanted to see, and now she wasn't here? Deciding to go on some mission instead?
Ahsoka seemed to sense what she was thinking, and quickly explained. "It's not dangerous, and it has nothing to do with the war. They just…needed something to keep them occupied, until you woke up. I contacted them already, and they'll be back as soon as they're done."
She didn't like it, but it made sense. She'd probably do the same thing if the situation had been reversed, and it had been Emry laying here and not her. She gave her master a slight nod, and Ahsoka turned and left.
Doctor Larte spent the next hour with her, doing a full analysis now that she was awake. Everything seemed to be functioning normally, and she finally explained to Jaina what the devices were that were attached to her leg and abdomen. Both areas had extensive damage done to them, and Jaina couldn't help but cringe as she went over it with her.
The pipe had torn through muscles and her intestines, nicking her kidney, and narrowly missing other major vital organs. The device was there to assist her body as it slowly repaired the damage and to ensure the continuation of normal bodily functions. Until her intestines were healed enough to function on their own, she'd have to wear it.
As bad as that sounded, once she heard what happened to her leg, she was honestly surprised she still had it. It had been crushed by the debris she'd dropped on it, shattering the bones. The apparatus that now surrounded it was there to help her body regrow the bones and repair the excessive damage to it. It kept her leg suspended in bacta, to aid in the process.
"Will I be able to walk again?" Jaina quietly asked as Doctor Larte was preparing to leave.
"Of course," she said. "But you'll need to be patient. It won't be a quick process. And, I can't guarantee that you'll be able to go back to doing what you were doing before this." Jaina looked away, defeated. That's what she was afraid of.
"This is going to be a long recovery for you, and it won't be easy," she continued. "But, if I recall, you're pretty stubborn, just like your master." Jaina looked up at her and saw she was smiling. "So, I know you'll be okay."
"Thanks, Doc," Jaina said. Doctor Larte inclined her head and left the room, leaving her completely alone.
She laid her head back, listening to the faint beeping of the machines, not entirely enjoying the fact that she was now alone, with only her thoughts to keep her company. She wasn't tired at all and had no idea when Emry was going to be back, so she decided to pass the time by meditating until she got there. That would at least keep her occupied and her mind calm for a while.
She felt Emry long before she saw her. She could sense her as soon as their ship was near the base and tracked her presence as it made its way towards her. She watched the door, bracing for the onslaught of emotions she could already feel coming from her. The door slid open and Emry finally burst in. She skidded to a halt, and Jaina smiled at her as they locked eyes.
"Hey." As soon as she spoke, Emry burst into tears and ran to her. Jaina hugged her as best she could, once again ignoring the machines when they started to protest.
"It's okay," she said soothingly, trying to calm her down. "I'm okay."
"I thought I lost you," Emry said, gripping her tighter.
"You won't be able to get rid of me that easily," Jaina assured her.
After a long moment, she let go of Emry, the discomfort in her abdomen becoming intolerable. She winced as she laid back down and Emry looked at her, stricken.
"I'm sorry!" she said, her eyes filled with fear. Jaina reached up and wiped the tears on Emry's face away with her thumb. Emry leaned into her touch, but still looked terrified. "Did I hurt you?"
She shook her head and pulled Emry to her, kissing her. The same electric feeling she'd had the first time they'd kissed rippled through her again. She breathed deeply, inhaling all of Emry's presence, allowing it to fill her senses. Anything outside of the two of them quickly faded into the background.
"Well, it certainly looks like someone is feeling better," came Sabine's amused voice from behind Emry. "I can come back later, if you'd like."
Jaina groaned as Emry broke away and buried her face in her neck, laughing quietly. "You really know how to kill the mood, don't you?" she told Sabine, half-joking, but also half-annoyed.
Sabine grinned. "I do my best." The grin quickly vanished as she crossed over to the bed. Emry moved out of the way and Sabine hugged her. "I'm glad you're not dead."
"Me too," Jaina replied. She laid back down and flashed Sabine an evil grin. "So…who's the guy from Clan Eldar and when were you planning on telling me about him?"
Sabine's eyes went wide, and she shot a look at Emry, who laughed and raised her hands innocently in front of her. Just then, the door slid open, and Bo-Katan walked into the room. She smiled at Jaina.
"I'm glad to see you're finally awake," she said. She raised an eyebrow as she quickly looked around the room. "Your parents and Ahsoka?"
"Sleeping," Jaina replied. "The doc made them go away."
Bo-Katan nodded. "Good. They needed it. They haven't really slept since we got back from the outpost." She eyed Jaina closely. "How are you feeling?"
"Okay," Jaina replied. "Sore mostly. Annoyed that I'm stuck in this bed for the foreseeable future. But mainly, just happy to be alive." She looked her cousin in the eye. "Thank you, for getting me out of there."
Bo-Katan inclined her head. "You're welcome. But you have Ahsoka to thank for being alive." Jaina cocked her head in confusion.
"The doc said that, too. Why? Because she was able to find me so quickly and get me out?"
Sabine, Emry, and Bo-Katan all exchanged looks, which only added to her confusion. No one seemed to want to speak until Bo-Katan finally broke the silence.
"Jaina, you died on the way back here. Or, you came as close to it as anyone can."
Jaina stared at her, completely stunned. No, that couldn't be right. She racked her brain, trying to remember what she could about that day. She remembered the fight with the Inquisitor. The explosions, the building collapsing. Waking up in pain, still inside the building. After that, everything seemed like a dream; she could only recall flashes of images, feelings. She closed her eyes, thinking harder.
An image came to her, of her mother. She had been looking at her, inside the ship. She remembered now. There was the voice, from her vision. It called to her and she had followed it, deep into the Force. After that, she couldn't remember anything. There was nothing. She swallowed hard. If Bo-Katan was right…she shivered as a sudden chill crawled up her back.
"What happened?" she asked, opening her eyes again.
"I honestly have no idea," Bo-Katan said, shaking her head. "Your father said one minute you seemed fine, then the next you were gone. Ahsoka ran over to you and—" she stopped and took a deep breath. "I don't know what she did, but after a minute or two, you started breathing again. She hasn't left your side since."
Now it made sense why Ahsoka had seemed so reluctant to leave when Doctor Larte had told her to. She had no idea what to say, so she just sat there, staring at the bed. A whole mix of emotions was flooding through her and she had no idea how to deal with them. She finally looked up at her cousin.
"Thank you, for telling me." Bo-Katan inclined her head once more and glanced at her wrist.
"We should let you get some rest. It's late." Jaina nodded and gave Sabine a quick hug, watching her and Bo-Katan as they left. She stared at the door after it closed, her mind still trying to process what her cousin had told her. She felt Emry stand up to go, and she turned her head back to her and grabbed her hand.
"Stay. Please." Her eyes pleaded with Emry, and Emry gave her a conflicted look.
"Are you sure?" Jaina nodded. She really didn't want to be alone right now. She patted the bed next to her, the side that wasn't attached to machines, and Emry raised an eyebrow at her. "What if the doctor comes in? I doubt she'll be happy."
"Then you can blame it all on me, and say I forced you into bed with me," Jaina replied, giving her a half-smile. "Please…I just want to be near you right now."
Emry finally relented and took her jacket off, laying it on the cot Ahsoka had been sleeping on and set her gun belt on top of it. After kicking her boots off, she came around and climbed into the bed, curling up next to Jaina. Jaina put her arm around her as Emry laid her head on her chest. They both sighed happily, and Jaina kissed the top of her head.
"I love you," she said softly.
Emry lifted her head and looked at her, a familiar intensity in her eyes as she studied Jaina's face. It was a look that never failed to make Jaina's heart skip a beat every time she saw it.
"And I love you," she replied, the intensity in her words matching her eyes.
Jaina smiled and kissed her. Emry settled her head back down onto Jaina's chest, and soon after, she was sound asleep. Jaina laid awake, listening to the soft beeping of the machines, feeling the soothing calm of Emry's presence.
I died. The words played on a loop in her mind. I died and somehow Ahsoka brought me back. The terror she had felt earlier, when Bo-Katan had told her, was now gone, replaced, surprisingly, by guilt. What had she done to deserve a second chance? The things she'd done over the last several years…to her, they were unforgivable. And she had done them out of some misplaced loyalty to an organization who had never really cared about her. An organization she'd only joined just to spite her parents.
Granted, she was no longer part of the Empire and had since tried to make up for some of those actions, or so she thought. But the more she thought about it, the more she realized she hadn't done anything of the sort. Her focus over the last year had been singular, only on herself.
Emry's question came back to haunt her: What good were all the things Ahsoka had taught her if she wasn't willing to use them? Ahsoka had said the Force wanted her to be trained, but she hadn't known why, until now.
The Force had decided she deserved a second chance. Laying there, in the quiet of the room, she promised that she wasn't going to waste it. And she would start right here, at home.