Author Note: I truly want to thank everyone for your constant support and help. I loved writing this chapter. In a way, I think this is one of the chapters you have been waiting for, and I can only hope you will enjoy it. Please, feel free to let me know your thoughts about it; they help me to keep on going.
Chapter VII
Elizabeth sat down on a chair, resting her elbows on the table, and stared at the plaque in front of her. The fragrance of the library surrounded her, but the young teacher ignored it as she continued taking in the message before her.
Always do what you are afraid to do.
For some reason, on that moment, it seemed like those words were mocking her. In fact, Elizabeth could almost feel her skin itching as she observed the quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Closing her eyes, Elizabeth took a deep breath in, and went back to the moment when Nathan had given her that inscription. She had been preparing everything for little Jack's christening when he had walked inside the schoolhouse. He had looked a little awkward at their hellos, but once Elizabeth had glanced down at the plaque in his hands, Nathan warmed up a little.
I err… I made you this.
And there it had stood, in-between them, almost as if an unspoken prediction was being unfold without them knowing. Nathan had let out a nervous laugh when she had looked at his eyes, and Elizabeth remembered feeling her heart swell at his action.
You made that?
I just… hmm… I wanted to give you something to say thank you. You know, for everything you've done with Allie. It—It's for the library.
"It's perfect…" Elizabeth whispered as she recalled what she had told Nathan in return, though she remembered her breath had been blown away by his action. Her eyes remained closed as Nathan's voice tickled her ears one last time.
It's hum… It's Emerson. I remember you told me you liked Emerson.
Elizabeth took a deep breath in only to expel it seconds later. Opening her eyes, she stared at the inscription in front of her. It stood there, on top of the wall, silently mocking her, teasing her, laughing at her. It evoked so many memories from her past, but it also made her wonder about the future.
Biting her lower lip, Elizabeth stood up from her seat, but before she could move, the door behind her swung open. Looking behind her, the teacher felt her breath get stuck on her throat when her eyes met a pair of clear blue ones.
"Am I interrupting?"
"…No." Elizabeth heard herself say while shaking her head a little. Nathan took her answer as permission to remove his hat from top of his head. Out of everything she had imagined, meeting Nathan at the library had never crossed her mind.
"I just wanted to tell you that Allie will be staying with Opal's family tonight." Nathan announced, and Elizabeth blinked at that. "I know you told Allie you'd lend her a book, but I didn't want you to go over the house when no one's there."
"Did something happen?" Elizabeth asked, concerned about the expression on Nathan's face. She could see there was something bothering him. She just hoped he would at least talk to her a little about it.
"I have to go to Buxton." Elizabeth felt her insides twist and turn at that new information. Nathan looked down at his hat in his hands for a moment. "As the arresting officer, I can't say no. Bill tried to change the date, but they refused, and they are expecting us all in Buxton first thing tomorrow morning."
If Nathan had to be in Buxton the next day, then that meant they would be riding the whole night. Elizabeth honestly did not like that idea, and she unconsciously pressed a hand against her stomach as she thought about it.
"How's Allie?" she heard herself ask, and once again Nathan dropped his gaze for a second before meeting her eyes. Elizabeth felt her heart skip a beat at the profoundness of his stare.
"She's not thrilled about this. Quite frankly, I am not either. I think she would have tried to come up with a way to follow with me if Opal's mother hadn't suggested she stayed with them." Nathan explained, and for some reason Elizabeth found herself wondering why they had not thought of her first. It was not as if Allie had not stayed with her before. Still, Elizabeth forced herself to stay focused.
"That's all right. I can go visit Opal and her family, and leave the book with Allie. Something tells me she might need it now more than never." Elizabeth said with a small smile. When she realised Nathan was about to place his hat on top of his head, she cleared her throat. "So, how have you been?"
Nathan looked at her, but said nothing. Elizabeth tried not to squirm under his intense gaze. Instead, she took a deep breath, and started moving her hands in the air.
"Allie told me you have been quieter than usual." she eventually heard herself say, "She has been really worried about you. In fact, she even said she was starting to think you were regretting not going to Union City to work as an Inspector."
"That's ridiculous."
Those words had not been the ones Elizabeth had expected to hear. In fact, she did not even bother not widening her eyes in surprise, but Nathan did not say anything else. Elizabeth knew the Mountie was not going to make it any easier for her.
"She's just really worried about you, especially after… Especially after the incident." Elizabeth was quick to say, and then she paused. For some reason, she remembered the quote that was watching them from the wall behind her, and tried not to look flustered. "If I were to be honest, I'd say that I am too. We haven't really spoken since that day…"
Someone's been shot.
I think it's Nathan! He's been shot!
He's gone.
Elizabeth suddenly remembered the precise moment when she had run into Nathan's arms, pressing the side of her head against his chest. That was curious because even though she did not recall what had happened after that, she could easily recall Nathan's heart beating steadily against her ear.
Elizabeth took a deep breath, and looked at Nathan in the eye.
"How are you?" something crossed his eyes, and Elizabeth knew he was about to withdraw from her. Without thinking about her actions, the teacher gave one step closer to him. "Nathan, please, don't shut me out. Just talk to me."
"I'd rather not." Nathan eventually said, after a short period of silence. "All I want is to close this chapter, and move on. Once I do that, everything will be fine."
"But what about you?" Elizabeth immediately asked, and she carefully observed the way surprise appeared on Nathan's face before it vanished. It hurt her to see that the Mountie was taking care of everyone's safety, but did not even think about himself. "Will you be fine?"
Nathan dropped his eyes, clearly thinking about what she was saying. Elizabeth waited, not daring to move, not daring to do anything that could stop him from expressing himself. She really did not want him to withdraw from her.
"Once the O'Rourke siblings are behind bars for good, I will be." Nathan eventually said, still without meeting her eyes. "Unfortunately, their trial won't bring Mountie Thomas Fortin back to his family."
That was when Elizabeth understood what was tormenting him, and her heart broke. Instinctively, she walked even closer to Nathan so that they were standing one breathe away from each other. Without touching him, Elizabeth tried to make him look at her in the eye. It took a few seconds, but he eventually relented, and looked back at her.
"What happened to Mountie Fortin was not your fault." Elizabeth told him, in her teacher's voice. She knew softness would not go through him; she needed to show him that what had occurred would never be considered his fault. When Nathan tried to look away, she followed his movement with her head without looking away from his face. "Nathan, listen to me; I understand it wasn't easy for you, but you need to comprehend it was not your fault."
There was more silence, and Elizabeth pulled her lips into a thin line. Her right hand twitched because all she wanted was to touch him, to have him looking at her, telling her what was wrong.
"It should have been me." Nathan said all of a sudden, his eyes boring into hers, and Elizabeth felt her heart stop at that observation. Nathan looked down at his hat, playing with it as he thought carefully about his next words. "He would have never been shot if I hadn't gone for the rifle."
For a moment, Elizabeth could not breathe. There was something in the air; perhaps it was trust, maybe it was an ache for comfort. Whatever it was, Elizabeth knew she could not move. Any sudden movement, no matter how small, would drive Nathan away; she knew that perfectly well. The look on his face left no doubt for that.
So, Elizabeth waited, her heart hammering against her chest, pounding in her ears.
"It was a bad call." Nathan eventually continued, without breaking the eye contact. "He shouldn't have gone for his own gun, but I didn't know what he was doing at the time. When I heard the gunshot… I actually thought I had been the one to get shot."
Elizabeth swallowed hard as Nathan's words sank in, but she refused to move an inch.
"For a moment, I couldn't hear anything; the shot was ringing in my ears, but when I finally realised I was alive… I heard Bill shouting Mountie Fortin's name, and…" Nathan closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. His shoulders shook, and before Elizabeth could stop herself, her hand found his chest.
The contact sent a jolt through her hand, but Elizabeth ignored the way Nathan suddenly opened his eyes, caught by surprise by her action. Instead of meeting his gaze, Elizabeth stared at her hand, which she had rested right on top of his heart.
She could feel his heartbeat beating steadily and reassuringly against the palm of her hand.
"It was not your fault," Elizabeth breathed out, raising her eyes to look at Nathan's. "You should not blame yourself for having survived. It was a tragedy, yes, and we all understand that, but do not blame yourself for being alive while Mountie Fortin isn't. That was no one's choice. It was an unfortunate event that should have never happened."
Nathan parted his lips to speak, but Elizabeth already knew what he was going to say so she did not let him.
"I know you, Nathan," she heard herself say, her chest hurting because of what she was going to say next, "I know you would have gladly given up your life if that meant keeping everyone else safe. That's you, Nathan, but… You are here, and don't you think that means you now owe it to yourself to live your life at the best of your abilities? It's like the quote you gave me; always do what you are afraid to do. Right now, I think you're afraid of living because you don't think you're worth it."
A wave of silence followed Elizabeth's words, and even though she was staring into Nathan's eyes, all of her other senses were fixated on his heartbeat. She could not help but feel his heart beating gently against her hand, and it was so calming. All Elizabeth hoped was that her words were as comforting to Nathan as his heartbeat was for her.
Then, Nathan spoke, and the world crashed around Elizabeth.
"I have to go." Elizabeth's breath got stuck in her throat, and all air vanished from her lungs when a warm hand settled on top of hers. Looking at Nathan's chest, she saw that he had placed his hand on top of hers. Her whole body flustered when Nathan gently squeezed her fingers. "Thank you."
Without saying anything else, Nathan dropped his hand, his warmth tickling Elizabeth's skin before it gradually disappeared. The Mountie placed his hat on top of his head, and after a short nod, left the library, taking Elizabeth's breath with him.
Dropping her eyes, Elizabeth pressed a hand against her chest, and forced herself to breathe. Unconsciously, she gave a few steps backwards until she was leaning against the table. Her heart was pounding against her chest, and before she knew it, Elizabeth was observing her right hand. The hand that had touched Nathan.
Abruptly, Elizabeth's face felt like lava.
That was also the moment when the door of the library swung open again, and Elizabeth looked at it, hoping to see Nathan. However, instead of the strong and silent Mountie, Rosemary stormed inside, looking as intense and spirited as ever.
"Elizabeth, Nathan just told me you were here!" the blonde exclaimed, as she closed the door behind her. "Well, more like nodded to the library, but I sort of understood he was answering my question. I guess he was just here? He was a tad uncooperative, but I guessed you were here, and—are you feeling all right? You look quite flustered!"
Elizabeth felt her cheeks burn under her friend's stare, and cleared her throat.
"Yes, I'm fine!" she managed to say, trying not to cringe at the timbre of her voice. "Nathan was just telling me he's going to Buxton."
"Oh dear," Rosemary's eyes widened at that, "What about Allie?"
"She's going to stay with Opal's family." Elizabeth answered, feeling the heat on her face dying down. "I actually have to go there because I promised Allie I'd lend her a book."
"Do you want me to go with you?" Rosemary offered, clasping her hands together. "This way we can talk a little bit more about the festival and little Jack's party."
Elizabeth smiled at her friend.
"I'd like that. I just need to go home for a moment. I took the book home a few nights ago." she answered, "This way I can give little Jack one big kiss."
"Sure, I don't mind." Rosemary said as she opened the door, and then she threw Elizabeth one big knowing smile. Big enough to make the teacher know trouble was about to start. "This way we have more time to talk about why you and Nathan both looked so edgy a few minutes ago."
"Rosemary, nothing happened." even though she managed not to make a face, she knew those were dangerous waters that she was about to sail right into. However, before she could even come up with something to say, Elizabeth looked in direction of the Mounted Police office, and saw Nathan talking to Bill. The O'Rourke siblings were nowhere to be see, which probably meant they had already left. Elizabeth guessed other Mounties had already departed to Buxton along with the prisoners.
Almost as if feeling her gaze, Nathan looked in her direction. Elizabeth felt her breath get stuck on her throat when he tipped his hat in her direction, but she still managed to nod in response. Rosemary hummed from next to her.
"Nothing happened, you say," Rosemary repeated, a teasing note in her voice, "but it still seems to me there's probably something you may want to share." Elizabeth looked at her, and tried not to blush. Rosemary smiled. "You know I'm going to find out, don't you?"
"Rosemary, there's nothing to say!" Elizabeth nearly laughed nervously, and then she decided to change the subject. "C'mon, let's go see little Jack. Allie is waiting for me."
With that said, Elizabeth entwined her arm with Rosemary. Still, she glanced over her shoulder in time to see Nathan and Bill riding out of town, and out of view.
A few hours later, Elizabeth arrived at home, and immediately took little Jack in her arms, cooing at him as she did. Laura did not take long to excuse herself, and leave the house while Elizabeth sat down on the settee with her baby boy on her lap.
"I missed you so much!" Elizabeth said as she kissed little Jack on top of his head. He laughed at her antics, his little hands touching her face as she talked to him. Looking at her baby boy's eyes, Elizabeth found herself thinking about Jack. She remembered his reaction when his close friend, Doug, had died in combat. Jack had blamed himself for his friend's death, saying he should have done more.
Jack had carried that burden, and Elizabeth knew Nathan was doing the exact same thing.
"Oh, little Jack, what am I supposed to do?" Elizabeth mumbled before reaching out for the toy that was resting next to her. Little Jack immediately reached out for it with glee, and Elizabeth grinned at that. "I don't think Nathan actually believed me when I talked to him."
Unexpectedly, there was a knock on the door, and Elizabeth looked at her son before standing up still with little Jack in her arms. Walking towards the door, she opened it, and was actually surprised to see Allie standing on the other side with Opal's mother and Opal next to her.
"Allie! Mrs. Weise! Opal!" Elizabeth greeted in surprise. "Did something happen?"
"Allie wanted to stay with you tonight. She pretty much begged me to bring her here after you left." Mrs. Weise explained, "I didn't want her to come alone so Opal and I decided to accompany her."
"Can I, Mrs. Thornton? Please?" Allie requested, looking at her teacher with her big, clear eyes, and Elizabeth looked down at her. When she glanced sideways at Mrs. Weise, the other woman smiled apologetically at her, but Elizabeth simply smiled back. With her free hand, Elizabeth touched Allie's shoulder.
"Of course, sweetie. Thank you so much for bringing her, Opal and Mrs. Weise."
"Will I see you tomorrow at school?" Opal asked Allie, who looked back at her, and nodded. Opal's face light up with a big smile, and the little girl went to reach out for her mother's hand. After a small goodbye, Elizabeth motioned for Allie to walk inside her house before closing her door.
"Thank you for letting me stay, Mrs. Thornton." Allie thanked as she placed her suitcase on the floor. "I'm sorry if I caused any inconvenience."
"It's all right, sweetie, but did something happen?" Elizabeth asked as she sat little Jack on the floor by the settee. She crouched next to him when little Jack reached out for the sofa for support as he immediately wanted to stand up on his feet. "When I dropped the book by Opal's house you seemed OK."
"I was…. I am…" Allie quickly said before looking down. Elizabeth studied the girl's face before raising an arm in her direction. Allie noticed that, and walked closer to her. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Thornton."
"Oh sweetie, it's all right." without thinking, Elizabeth pulled the girl into her arms. "I understand you are worried about your uncle."
"Why did he have to leave?"
Elizabeth had been expecting that question. Gently, she let Allie go and reached out for little Jack. Then, she sat down on the settee, Jack playing with Dog in her arms, and Elizabeth tapped the seat next to her so that Allie could sit down as well.
"He had to go because of work." Elizabeth explained, "But trust me when I say he didn't want to go. He didn't want to leave you alone."
"What if something happens to him?" Allie asked, fear clear in her eyes, and Elizabeth rested an arm around the girl's shoulders.
"Oh sweetie, he'll be fine." Elizabeth reassured her, inwardly comforting herself. "He'll be back before you know it. I'm sure he will be riding all day long tomorrow just to come back to you."
Allie did not say anything, and Elizabeth took a deep breath. Little Jack played with Dog, babbling as he moved his arms around. Elizabeth observed her son for a moment before she looked at the little coffee table in front of her. Her eyes landed on her notebook, and suddenly she got an idea.
Then, she turned to Allie, who was looking down at her knees.
"Allie, could you go to the table by the window, please?" Elizabeth said out of the blue, and Allie looked confusedly at her. "There's a book there, with a brown cover. Could you bring it to me, please?"
Allie did what she was told, and went to grab the book. When she returned, she sat down next to Elizabeth again, who smiled at her.
"I want you to use it." Elizabeth instructed Allie, who looked down at the book in her hands. "You can write down anything you want, including your doubts and questions. You can write your fears and your wishes for the future as well. I do the same thing. It can be quite therapeutic."
"Therapeutic?" Allie repeated, and Elizabeth nodded.
"Yes, it means it works like a treatment." she explained, "Sometimes it's easier to write down our thoughts than to say them out loud. I think it will help you to write everything down."
"Do you do that?" Allie inquired, and Elizabeth nodded at that. "Then, I'll start writing before I go to bed. Can I do that?"
"Of course, sweetie." Elizabeth told her, "But don't forget you can always talk to your uncle or even me if something is bothering you, OK? Don't keep everything to yourself."
"Thank you so much, Mrs. Thornton." Allie thanked her, and little Jack took the cue to turn to her, Dog in his hand. Allie laughed as he tried to play with her, and she immediately started making dog's noises.
Elizabeth watched Allie play with little Jack for a moment before her eyes gazed at the window in front of her. It was already quite dark, and Elizabeth's mind went to Nathan. Then, she silently prayed for his assignment to end well, and for him to return to Hope Valley safe and sound.
To Be Continued