She had half a mind to throw it away, but she knew she would never forgive herself if she did so she decided to at least give him a chance.

She picked it up gingerly and opened it once she was inside the agency, and began reading the handwritten note.

Ran,

I'm not really sure how to start this. Hell, I don't know if you'll even read it. I know you said you don't want to see me again, and I know that I don't really have any right to send you a letter like this, but I just couldn't bear to leave without doing so first, even if you don't read it, if only to make myself feel like I did all I could.

Anyways, I guess the right thing to do would be to just tell you the truth. After all, lying is what got me here in the first place.

And the truth is that you mean the world to me, Ran. If something happened to you, I don't even know what I would do with myself. Which is why I kept the truth from you for so long. I didn't want you to be in danger.

On top of that, I honestly didn't think it would take this long for me to turn back into myself. Obviously, that couldn't have been further from the truth and I realized a few months in that I had severely underestimated my opponents.

And that only gave me more reason to keep it from you. Because I didn't want you to be involved with something that dangerous. And if it meant that I stayed as a child forever - or even if I died - to keep you safe, I was okay with that.

I could say that my judgement was clouded or that I would do something different if I went back, but that's not the truth. Of course, if I had the chance I would've never chased after those guys at Tropical Land.

But regarding Conan, I've thought about it a lot and I wouldn't change anything about what I did. If the cost of keeping you safe is that you despise me for the rest of our lives, then I will gladly make that trade a thousand times over.

But even that is not the entire truth. I thought about it a lot more last night, and I realized how right you were, about everything. I did sit in the middle. I did take the worst of both options. I can't keep justifying my actions with protection since, like you said, if I really wanted to protect you I would've gone far away from you and never contacted you again.

I told myself that I stayed with you because I had no other choice, or because your father was a detective who could give leads to the Black Organization, but the truth is that I just couldn't leave you. I just couldn't bear the thought of being away from you, of not seeing your smile or hearing your voice. And I know that makes me sound like the world's biggest hypocrite considering I left you, and I forbid you from seeing those parts of me, but it's the truth. That was pretty selfish of me, I know that now.

I wish I could tell you that I wouldn't do that if I had a redo, but I can't. It's not the truth. I know that no matter how much I could try, I would never be able to leave you. At least not on my own accord.

I chose the worst of both options, and you were the one to suffer for it. You were the one that had no idea what was going on in my life, where I was, how I was doing, or if I was even alive. Meanwhile, I had the luxury of knowing all of that about you and more. A luxury that I didn't deserve, but still allowed myself anyway. That's how selfish I was.

I can't even imagine how much you had to go through because of me, for me. You remained faithful, patient, trusting, and hopeful despite how hard I must have made it.

You waited for me longer than anyone should ever have to wait, much less someone like you for someone like me. A part of me wanted you to forget about me and move on, so that I wouldn't be able to hurt you anymore. But another part knew that my heart would break, and likely never heal, if you did.

Is it bad that I'm happy you waited for me? Probably. But it's the truth. I'm glad. Take that how you will.

I know that with all I've done, I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I'm still asking for it. Hell, I'm begging for it. I'll do whatever it takes. I'm serious. Anything. I'll be your personal servant for the rest of your life if that's what it takes. I'll give my life without hesitation if you ask me to.

I hope you can forgive me, but I wouldn't blame you if you didn't. Even if you don't, I'm still glad I wrote this. Even if this doesn't accomplish anything or if you never even read this, I'm glad I wrote it. I guess it's true what they say: that writing about your emotions helps you deal with them or whatever. It sounds dumb, but maybe it does have some merit. Just writing this makes me feel like a 100kg weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Of course, that still leaves the 1000kg one there but I'll be carrying that one forever; I deserve it.

Anyway, come tell me that you forgive me, that you hate me, or don't say anything at all. I'll understand no matter what you choose.

But there's one more thing I need to tell you, and it's the same as what I said that night. I love you. More than words or actions could ever describe. I have for as long as I can remember, and I know I will for as long as I live. I love you, Ran.

With everlasting love,

Shinichi

She could feel tears welling up in her eyes reading his words, which she knew for a fact were completely genuine.

It was only after reading the letter that she realized that he had been hurting as much as she had, if not more. He had had to be right next to her, watching her cry over him day after day, unable to do anything but stand and watch. And through it all, he had kept on a mask of strength - no matter how much it hurt him - for her sake. She couldn't even imagine the psychological toll that could put on a person, especially since he didn't have anyone to share his pain with.

She was ashamed. She was ashamed that she couldn't understand that on her own. She was ashamed that, even after 13 years of being inseparable, she apparently still didn't know him well enough to understand what he had been through and that he hadn't been selfish; no, he had gone through more than anyone should ever have to, and all for her. And she was ashamed that, when he had come to her with all his defenses down and practically pleading for her support and understanding, she had been cold and unforgiving and pushed him away, right when he needed her the most.

She had left him alone.

Wasn't that what she was complaining about this entire time? And now she had done the same thing, as if she was exacting her revenge.

But she didn't want revenge. All she wanted was him. All she wanted was for him to stay by her side, and never leave.

But he was leaving. Because she had told him to. And this time he wouldn't be coming back. Because she had told him to do that too.

Before she could even think her feet were already taking her out of the agency at breakneck speed into a sprint to the Kudo mansion. In the back of her mind she registered her father shouting about something, but she didn't care. It wasn't important.

The only thing that mattered to her was getting to his house as fast as possible. Her mind was filled with questions, each one making her more anxious and tearful than the last. What if he was already gone? What if he had left the letter on his way to the airport? What if she was too late? What if he was already gone… forever…

Her tears continued to fly backwards from her face as she pumped her legs faster, ignoring the increasing burning in them. She didn't care. She just had to get there.

Once she got to his house, she threw open his gate and fumbled with the key for several seconds before opening his door.

Once inside, she wasted no time in looking for him. Not seeing him in the living room, she called out for him.

"Shinichi!" she called out. She waited several seconds for a response. Her heart dropped when she didn't receive a response. She didn't even hear any sound at all besides her own rapidly beating heart.

She could feel the tears burning in her eyes as she called out to him again - louder than before -, not willing to accept that he was gone, forever.

No response. Had he really left already? She refused to believe it. How could he have left so soon without even giving her a chance to respond to his letter? Maybe he just didn't didn't hear her or maybe he was in the bathroom. She knew there was no way considering how loud she had yelled, but she held onto hope.

She looked around the house to check. She didn't see him anywhere, and once she stepped into the library she could feel her stomach sink. There wasn't much wrong, at least not to the casual observer, but she wasn't just anyone. She had been here hundreds, if not thousands of times in her life, and she instantly noticed what was wrong.

There were a few issues missing, no more than a dozen, but they were the ones that Shinichi prized the most. They were the ones that he would take with him if he were to leave.

In a last ditch effort, she went to his room, which is where she realized that what she had been hoping so desperately to avoid had come true. There wasn't much wrong with it; most of the furniture and clothes were still there. But the things that made the room Shinichi's, rather than just another room, were missing. And that's when she knew it was too late.

She collapsed onto her knees and began sobbing. He was gone. And this time he wouldn't be coming back. There would be no phone calls or surprise visits this time. He was gone, and it was because she told him to leave.

She was alone.

As she was sobbing and intermittently crying his name, someone opened the door. However, she couldn't hear the sound over her own sobs, nor did she hear the person begin climbing up the stairs and get closer to where she was.

"Ran?"

She froze. That voice… Was it- But he was gone… wasn't he? Her head whipped around to see two magnificent, sparkling blue eyes staring into her own. Those deep and vast blue oceans that she could so easily get lost in. She could spend hours looking into their depths-

"Ran?" His words broke her out of her trance, and it was only now that her brain was finally catching up to what was happening. He was here. He hadn't left yet. She wasn't too late.

She wasn't alone.

"Ran? What's going on?" She looked back up at his eyes and noticed the genuine concern that was filling them, probably because of her silence. She also saw an overwhelming amount of sadness, regret and guilt. That too, was because of her.

He took a step towards her with his arms slightly outstretched. She flinched, as the action pulled her out of her thoughts again. He stopped moving and pulled his arms back, clearly thinking she still didn't want to be near him.

How could he think that? She was here, in his room, wasn't she? She had been crying his name, hadn't she? How could he still think she didn't want him near her? How could he be so damn dense? Then again, maybe he just didn't want to hurt her again by doing something she wasn't comfortable with.

She knew she should say something, anything to let him know it was okay and that she wanted him. But no matter how hard she tried, her vocal chords refused to cooperate. Her silence was clearly giving him the wrong idea as he became slightly more reserved and straightened back up.

He stayed standing and she could sense his gaze on her even though she couldn't hold it herself. He sighed and looked away from her, and she knew he was wishing, pleading for her to say something, anything, since he clearly wasn't sure what she wanted him to do.

"Shin-ichi…" That was about all she got out before her throat closed up again. His head turned back to watch her - though she still wasn't looking at him - in anticipation, waiting for her next words.

She was sure that he had a pretty good idea of what she wanted to say, but she also knew that he would want confirmation before coming any closer. She so desperately wanted to give it to him, and finally decided to give up on talking and just show him through her actions.

Rapidly - so as not to give herself time to think and hesitate - she rose, closed the distance between them, and then pulled him into a tight embrace.

"R-Ran?" he said, stiffening slightly. She gave no response except to push herself tighter against him, wordlessly begging with him to return her embrace and to understand what she couldn't say.

Thankfully for her he got the message and wrapped his arms around her. Hesitant at first, her lack of withdrawal made him more confident; he moved one hand to her waist to pull her closer and the other to the back of her head, gently guiding it to lie in the crook of his neck.

"I love you," he said softly, just barely loud enough for her to hear. There was a hint of uncertainty in his voice, as if he still wasn't entirely sure if she felt the same way.

"I love you, too," she said after a brief moment of silence.

A few moments passed as she leaned peacefully against him, relishing in the warmth and comfort only he could provide her. Then he moved his hand from the back of her head to her chin and tilted it up slightly so that they were looking into each other's eyes.

She looked up at him, confused. She saw the soft look in his eyes, and it instantly made her relax. She looked into his sparkling blue eyes, able to see the pure ecstasy and relief in them despite his stoic expression; she had always been able to do that about him, and the ability was definitely mutual, if anything he was better at it than she was. They simply understood each other in a way she was sure no one else ever would.

She almost fell into a trance just looking into his eyes, knowing that she could spend forever just looking, observing, if he let her. She thought to herself how foolish she had been to think she could live knowing she pushed those eyes, pushed him, away. Whatever. It didn't matter now. He was here. And he-

Her thoughts were cut short as he quickly closed the distance between their lips in a gentle kiss. Slightly startled at first, she didn't react and her hesitation made him pull away. He looked at her and she could see the confusion in his eyes as if he didn't understand how he could've misread the situation.

To give him his answer, she put her hand behind his neck and pulled him down to give him a kiss of her own. What started out as gentle and shy quickly became intense and passionate as they gave each other everything they had been so desperate to give over the past year.

There was so much they wanted to say to each other, but it didn't matter now. Both of them were more than happy simply being this close together, enjoying how the other's body felt pressed up against their own. And the only thing that did matter, she already knew. And so did he.

Neither of them would ever again be alone.

Hey guys! That concludes my first ever fanfiction story! First off, I'd like to thank you all so much for reading till the end, I really do appreciate it! Second off, I would appreciate it even more if you could leave a review letting me know what you think, good or bad. Personally, I think this is much better than the first chapter, but I know I've still got a long way to go so I'd love to know what you guys think!

As for future prospects for me, I've got a couple ideas of other stories to write. Mainly one-shots or other 2 to 3 chapter stories like this one, since I don't quite trust myself enough to commit to anything large-scale just yet. Even with a story this short, I changed my mind about the direction of the plot at least 5 times(one of the reasons it took so long). I'm hoping it shouldn't take too long to upload something else since I already have a couple half-finished drafts(another reason this took so long), but I said that about this one too so no promises XD.

Keep an eye out since this is definitely not my last story!