The Three Worlds
It's a constant effort, maintaing and separating the three worlds at school. His world, Lily's world, and their world. He wants all three of them to be the same.
Severus utilizes the summer to untangle all the strings in his life. He spends every possible minute of his free time with Lily, checking and fixing the cracks that have appeared in the year gone by. One day, sitting in a park by the lake in Cokeworth, he apologizes. She hugs him, and he knows she has forgiven him. He also knows she isn't close to forgetting anything, any time soon, but for now he has fixed their world.
He reads all the books he saw Malfoy and Bellatrix flipping through during the year, essays on the roots of dark magic and the plight of the adultered Wizarding World, and learning some advanced hexes and jinxes. The wandwork on some of the most useful jinxes is quite simple. A slight flick of the wrist would easily help him grab hold of the fastest of his enemies, and another wave of his hand would be enough to send them flying to the ground from far away. A letter from the ministry isn't enough to curtail his happiness the first time he tries to hex his father and succeeds. He decides to practice as soon as he returns to the castle.
His world is in crumbles as it always has been, but the crumbs seem to be smoothly folding in together. The first time he sees them, he calls Potter's family "filthy blood traitors", announcing to everyone in the corridor, that they were one of the sources of the venemous ideologies spreading from the Ministry. Both Black and Potter are pinned to the ground before they can pull their wands out. Avery, Nott and Mulciber look on, impressed. Lupin and Pettigrew take their wands out and a four on four battles ensues.
Flitwick is the first of the professors to arrive. They all lose ten points each and receive a month of detention scrubbing the castle floors, but he has asserted his place in his world.
The four arrogant toe-rags, as Lily calls them, or rather calls one of them, get their revenge soon enough. It's an immature and philistine act of decorating the Slytherin Common room with mudblood loving posters.
They've started calling themselves the marauders. Their pranking and bullying has peaked. Potter is selected as a chaser for the Gryffindor Quidditch team, and now struts about the castle like he owns the place. Severus sniggers when Lily says she wants to claw her eyes out every time she sees Potter ruffle his hair to make it look like he has just gotten off a broomstick. Severus frowns when she congratulates Potter with a smile on his first victory. Potter is unbearable after that game. It seems the summer had boiled and stirred all their arrogance, and now they are revelling in the novelty of their wasteful thinking and self-claimed brotherhood.
It is in November of that year, that he faces the question he had begun dreading all year. He is sitting in his chair near the fireplace, silently studying a copy of "Dark Arts for survival" that he had nicked from the Library's restricted section, when Avery and Mulciber casually drop to the floor, near his chair. Severus acknowledges their presence and once again turns his gaze to the book before him. However he can't find the place where he left off, and an unpleasant lurch of his stomach tells him that he is about to have problems bigger than that.
Avery is the one who begins the wretched conversation - "Word of the grape vine is that the Dark Lord is recruiting again, this time he is looking for younger blood." His speaks so off-handedly, that he may as well have been talking about the selections for the Slug Club. Mulciber shares his own piece of information, "He already has his eye on Lucius and Bella. I bet my family's name that they'd be marked by the end of their sixth year."
"If you ask me, we finally have a real objective to work towards, a goal to channel all of our education," Avery says in a practiced tone. Severus finally looks up - "Using such intellectual philosophies isn't your cup of tea Avery, why don't you get to the point for which you prepared this speech?"
Avery abandons his neutral expression and sneers. "Both our families want us to join the forces of the Dark Lord, once we're out of here. But in order to be high up in his ranks, we need to catch his fancy."
"You seem to have a knack for hexing and duelling. Teach us. You'll get your share of the limelight too," Mulciber elaborates.
It isn't an offer though. They are telling him what needs to be done. Severus isn't oblivious to the pending recruitments and the wave of the revolution. He has himself deliberated joining the cause several times, but he didn't think he would have had to decide just yet.
"Of course," Mulciber breaks his train of thought, "there is the matter of you sticking with the mudblood Evans." Severus clenches his fists but keeps his expression calm and collected. He has worked hard to garner the awe and respect of his fellow Slytherins, his soft spot for Lily doesn't fall in line with that image. "She is an acquaintance" he says, not willing to lie altogether.
"She should know she shouldn't mingle with her superiors," Avery snorts, "someone should show her her place." Severus is horribly familiar with this statement and its implications. In the past he's helped them show several muggleborns exactly what they think of them. He has to placate them. "She knows her place. She is from my neighbourhood, and was fascinated by my ability. She begged me for my friendship, and I was simply sympathetic. Besides," he averts his eyes, "I think she may prove to be useful someday." He hates the smirks on their faces, he knows they could've only interpreted the worst from his words. But as long as his words keep them from harming her, he decides he'll use them.
"Be careful though, we wouldn't want people getting the wrong idea," Mulciber remarks before both of them get up and leave.
Severus begins to consciously distance himself from Lily in public eye. They sit with each other in the classes they have together, but he barely speaks to her. The students of his year wait excitedly for their first trip to Hogsmeade. She goes with Marlene and Mary, he doesn't go at all. They meet in the library every now and then, and it's easy to slip into the comfort of her kind eyes and awful jokes. He is careful not to spare her more than a glance whenever Mulciber and Avery are watching him intently. He knows he isn't fooling them, but he'd rather not provoke a reaction from them either.
A day before the Christmas break, Severus walks out of his transfiguration class and finds Lily waiting for him. Her eyes are blood-shot red and strands of her hair are glued to her face at places, where surely her tears have just dried out. From the corner of his eyes he sees Nott and Avery coming up, right behind him. He grits his teeth, wondering what to do next. He tries to look anywhere but at her devastated face.
"Sev, can we talk?" Her voice is hoarse. He can feel several pairs of eyes staring at him, like daggers waiting to sever his neck.
"Not now, Evans. I'm getting late for class." He responds in as hard a voice as he can muster. He hears her silent gasp of surprise and drowns out the sob she lets out in the noises of the busy corridor.
He spends the entire period thinking about her. Her melancholy face and her emerald eyes, bright with tears. At the end of the class, he excuses himself to the hospital wing, claiming to feel sick. He knows he'll find her by the great lake, and he doesn't waste another second in getting there.
When he reaches the lake, the sight before him stops him dead in his tracks. Lily is sitting on the ground, holding her knees close to her chest, and her head is bent down. Next to her, is Sirius Black, sitting cross legged, picking out blades of grass and tossing them in the lake. He can't believe she would turn to one of them as soon as he momentarily turns his back. Severus moves quietly and hides behind the thick Oak tree near them. He is close enough to hear every word, even as they speak ever so softly.
"Even I was astounded by the change in Reg's behavior when I went home the summer after first year," Black is muttering staring in the distance. "I tried talking to him, tried playing quidditch with him, tried telling him about the pranks we played, he just pretended as if I didn't exist."
"At least he never wrote to you saying that he didn't want you to come home at all." Lily whispers looking up at him. So this is about her sister. Black shakes his head, "he might as well have. I got rather lonely at home. Reg was the only one I ever spoke to."
"How old...?" She begins, but Black cuts her off, probably knowing the direction of her question. "He is at Hogwarts. First year, Slytherin." At this, Lily gasps. He laughs a humourless laugh. "You'll never know I had a sibling."
Severus can't believe she's listening to any of the rubbish Black spits out. Black's thick skull can never absorb the magnitude of Lily's emotions. But Lily looks entirely at home, pouring her heart out to him.
"It was the fast time she wrote to me since I've gotten hear. I am so foolish, I thought she had actually begun to miss me." Her face is plastered with a sad smile. She looks at Black and then sighs, "I guess we'll never know what's worse, the hate or the indifference,". There is a single tear halfway down her cheek. Black reaches out with his left hand and wipes it away, Severus flinches."I know what is better", he says with a small smile. Lily just waits for him to continue. "It's better to have parents that love you unconditionally." Guilt flickers on Lily's face and she opens her mouth, but Black stops her again. "No need to say anything. You lucked out. I'm happy you have their love." Lily looks stunned by his words, unsure of what to say next. She doesn't have to say anything at all.
"Your sister may call you a freak, and there may be names strung carelessly at you here too, but you're a hell of a witch Red, and that means you belong here." His voice burns with sincerity, and Severus has to hand it to him that Black knows how to put up a show. Lily smiles slightly as blood rushes to her cheeks.
"And now, if you feel any lighter, it's time for a canoodle", Black announces loudly. Her surprised gasp turns into a shriek of laughter, as he lunges at her, picks her up, spins her in circles and then wraps her in a tight hug.
"So that's a canoodle?" Lily questions gasping for breath, trying not to laugh, her eyes hazy with dizziness. "Yes", replies Black indignantly, puffing his chest out. "It's what James does to me every time I feel low about my family."
One of her eyebrows have shot up. "Potter canoodles you?"
"Hey, you may have better parents, but I have better friends, Red," Black smirks.
"Severus is a good friend," she says looking at the ground. Severus feels ashamed.
"And James is the best friend one can ever have. But that's an argument we can have some other day," he says nudging her shoulder to shoulder.
"Thank you Sirius," she says, a genuine smile breaking free from her lips.
"Anytime," Black ruffles her hair. "Now how about you and I keep this conversation a secret, and I'll tell James you're doing okay."
"Why would you tell Potter anything about me?" She asks defiantly.
"Well, he saw you crying, and he was concerned. He didn't think you'd like to talk to him, and Remus is... well Remus isn't here, so I came along. Little did he know, I'll relate to you more than anyone else anyway."
Severus doesn't believe a syllable that comes out of Black's mouth. Lily can only gape at him, her eyes have gone wider than ever.
"Take care, Red." Black starts walking back to the castle, and after a moment, so does Lily.
Lily's world had been broken, and Severus only watched as Sirius Black fixed it.
It's a constant effort, maintaing and separarting the three worlds at school. His world, Lily's world and their world. The Three of them can never be the same.