Doubts And Defences

His first instinct after watching Lily walk away is to dash to Slughorn's office and have his name added to the list of students staying back for the holidays. Festivals are rather meaningless in a home that doesn't have much to celebrate. Of course, that's what he tells himself. It isn't that he doesn't want to take the risk of running into Lily and facing the consequences of his behavior. Sooner or later, Lily would understand. Academics have always been a priority for both of them, she'd never expect him to miss a class for her. His excuse had been passable. Black couldn't care less about his studies, even if his grades contradicted this statement. Lily knows Severus couldn't rightly deal with her problems just then.

School reopens, and by now Severus has succeeded in pushing the feeling of impending doom to the back of his mind. He resolves to talk to her during the 'History of Magic' lesson they share in the third period. As sure as he is that his father is a Bastard, he is sure that Lily has a big heart. So when the time comes, he simply drops into the empty seat next to her's and greets her with a smile. His heart does somersaults with joy when he realizes that all his bothersome classmates are tucked in, in the last row, they wouldn't be paying any attention to him. At first she looks apprehensive, but then she beams back at him and words flow like an endless river. She tells him all about her holidays and the small Christmas party her parents had thrown. Apparently they had asked about him. Severus cannot stop grinning, a rarity, he can eternally look at her gleaming and comforting face. He wishes the moment would never end.

Five minutes after Professor Binns begins his lecture, McKinnon and MacDonald enter the class. McKinnon scowls at him, and MacDonald looks aghast. Both go unnoticed by Lily, who is still bubbling with stories whilst scribbling notes. McKinnon gives MacDonald a meaningful look, and casually strolls up to the bench occupied by Severus and Lily at the front end of the class room.

"Hey Lil, can you please sit with me on that bench and help me with my Transfiguration essay?" McKinnon says, pointing to the only empty bench in the classroom, five benches away from theirs'. "Mcgonagall will have my arse if I don't turn my essay in today." Marlene McKinnon knows how to lure Lily, acting all helpless. Severus cannot stop himself from glaring at her.

"Oh Mar, I haven't spoken to Sev in so long, can I help you after this lesson? We have a free hour."

"Lils, it isn't all that simple. I want to understand the concept as well. It'll take longer than an hour."

"Oh well, Mar, I guess then.."

"Why don't you ask Potter for help, McKinnon? He loves to show off his supposed talent in Transfiguration. Aren't you two chums?" Severus cuts in, before Lily can oblige her.

Binns is oblivious to the bickering students, just like he is oblivious to the presence of the rest of the class.

"James is catching up on his last night's sleep on his bench, not unlike everyone else." McKinnon's teeth clench as she tries to keep her tone neutral.

When Lily looks from her to Severus, and then back at her, McKinnon begins to insist - "Lily, Please." Even MacDonald seems impressed by her persistence.

"Let's meet by the lake later Sev," Lily mumbles getting up. He can't believe she is actually leaving. He doesn't respond.

As soon as the girls turn to move towards the empty bench, Severus discretely places the voice enhancing spell on them. Ever since Lily's rendezvous with Black, he had found this spell to be somewhat of a necessity. So much so, that during the Christmas break he had gone through the pain of scanning through several books in the library to find an effecient and effective spell. He needs to be aware of all the lies people around Lily, feed her. The girl is so kind and malleable, and that seems to be a popular sentiment today.

"What do you mean you don't need any help?" Lily is whispering, sounding quite confused.

"Really Lils, for someone as bright as you, you should've known Mar was making it up. She's brilliant at transfiguration." MacDonald says with half a laugh.

"Then why am I here?" Lily asks slowly.

There is a pause, and then McKinnon speaks up, "We are concerned."

"Concerned about?" Lily probes.

"You!" McKinnon exclaims.

"And Snape" MacDonald adds with a grimace.

Severus wants to punch them, they should learn to mind their own business. He can imagine the confusion flickering on Lily's face, he doesn't dare to turn around.

"Lily, you are a strong girl with dignity and pride" McKinnon screeches. "You always stand up for what is right, you help those who deserve your help, and you hex those who deserve a glimpse of the end of your wand. You call James and the others out on their bullshit, you don't listen to any of the nonsense those dimwitted purists go about preaching, nor do you let anyone best you in class if you can help it."

"Hell, you even, metaphorically speaking of course, slapped Petunia in the face by going home for the holidays just as you had intended to." MacDonald whispers furiously. They are careful that even those sitting closest to them cannot eaves drop.

"You are an unstoppable force of nature" - McKinnon ends the series of compliments. They are all undoubtedly true.

"I am flattered that both of you think so highly of me." The nervousness echoes from her voice. "I still don't understand, what is the point?"

"You let Snape walk all over you," MacDonald deadpans.

"What?"

"You let him take advantage of your friendship with him. You do as he pleases." It's McKinnon this time.

"You don't know what, or rather who, you are talking about." Lily's tone is flat, she wants to evade this argument.

"You forget I spent New Year's Eve at Potter Mansion, and Sirius is always there." Marlene says, now softer than before.

"What did Black say?" She's angry now, Severus can feel the glares that must be blazing from her eyes.

"He didn't say anything Lily. He just asked us to check on you, and write to you often while you're at home. Your best friend stays two streets away." MacDonald is trying to calm her. "It didn't take us long to put two and two together."

Severus uses all his energy to sit still. Black is nobody to talk about Lily, she doesn't need him worrying about her.

"We haven't said a word all these years." Severus has to stop himself from snorting at McKinnon's blatant lie. "The way he has been treating you is unacceptable. He abandons you when he deems fit, and he talks to you whenever it takes his fancy." Severus can feel his heart beat faster, he holds fast on to the edge of his bench, listening hard for her response.

"Sev is not my nanny," Lily starts hotly. "He is around when he can be. It's not easy having friends who do not like each other. You should know that better than anyone, given my equation with Potter." Another pause. "I know my rights, and I know my friends."

"Lils, we didn't mean to offend you." The voice is so hushed, he doesn't know which one of them is it. "We just don't want to see you get hurt."

"I know," Lily sighs. For a moment he worries she's falling for their manipulative words, but Lily is steadier than he gives her credit for - "I know you don't trust him, but you should trust my judgement."

Silence.

"I know you worry for me, but I can take care of myself. Severus is my friend, and he is a good person who has seen some ugly circumstances. Give him a chance."

Severus wants to hug her, cry to her, apologize to her, but he stays mum in his seat.

"Alright Lils, if you say so." McKinnon doesn't sound convinced at all.

Severus waves the spell off. Lily is still his best friend, and her loyalties and heart still lie with him.

He spends the rest of the day content at heart.

Severus seldom learns his lesson. Life has never really allowed him to be happy for a long time. Later that night, he is perched on his bed, scrambling in his bag for his quill, when he finds the scrunched up parchment ball. He retrieves it from the bag and flattens it on his bed. It's a moving sketch of a messy-haired, bespectacled boy on a broomstick throwing a Bludger at a skinny boy in tattered robes. Right below the part where the skinny boy falls face down on the ground, there is a note in large, rough letters - "Treat her right, Snivellus".