Absolutely no thought was put into this chapter.

Stay safe everyone!

"Winchester's a simp. You can't change my mind."

"I wouldn't think otherwise. However, Russel also simps for Cardin. I've seen the guy sneak a glance or two whenever the two of us would spar while Cardin worked out."

Adam hummed in thought. "Maybe. But Cardin?" Adam exclaimed, "Honestly, the boy can do better than that meat-headed bigot. Though he is just as much of a racist as Winchester."

Ren nodded, remembering all the instances Russel had expressed racist remarks to his faunus classmates. He had even once provoked Adam.

Only Professor Goodwitch's intervention had ensured Wilt not finding its way through Russel's heart.

It was a peaceful Saturday morning. After the beginning of the second semester, Adam and Ren had gone on to spend most of their Saturday mornings alongside one another, basking in the peace and quiet that Beacon's hectic halls rarely offered. At times they would spar, Adam almost always coming out as the winner.

Theirs was a simple routine - spar, Ren would lose, Adam would point out his shortcomings, spar again, lose again after putting up a better fight, Adam praising Ren for improving, and then relax whilst talking about whatever popped up in their exhausted heads.

Today's stupid topic was the simp. Specifically, simps in Beacon.

Neither Adam nor Ren were particularly big on social media, and they sure as hell weren't caught up in the mess that was Beacon's rumor mill. Nora was much more inclined for such things, but she could keep a secret as well as she could beat Goodwitch, which is to say that she couldn't keep a secret. She was great for gossip, but not exactly the person you'd want to confide your humiliating moments with.

"What about Neptune Vasilias?" Ren asked as he wiped the sweat from his brow.

Adam shrugged. "That blue-haired idiot from Shade? I don't think so." Adam tossed a plastic bottle of water across him, Ren catching it and giving a grateful nod to his teammate, before Adam continued. "He's garnered the affections of many of the women in Beacon, alongside the transfers. I'd say he's cool. Sage and Scarlet are fine too."

Ren smirked, "Least 'til you put Vasilias near the river."

"Or the lake."

"He'd soil himself at the sea too."

"I'd rather not think of what he'd do near the ocean."

Somewhere across Beacon, Neptune Vasilias felt chills down his spine.

"What's wrong, Nep?" Sage asked, a little worried after Neptune suddenly hugged himself and hunched over.

"I... I think someone's making fun of my visage of cool and awesomeness."

"... What?"

Back to the forest, as the laughter died down Ren asked, "Alright, but what about Sun?"

Adam sighed heavily. "Chad."

"Really?" It was an understatement to say that Ren wasn't surprised. Adam, while having changed and mellowed out since joining Beacon, was still a ball of anger and jealousy. He still had his violent tendencies, though he had been working on it alongside his teammates for months now.

It was obvious he still held feeling for Blake, and the fact that Sun had swooped in and began vying for the faunus' attention had left Adam a little sore and angry. Blake had even said how awkward it was when she had been with the two of them at the docks, though afterwards Blake and Adam had finally reconciled, and a begrudging but mutual respect had developed between him and the other faunus boy.

Adam rested his chin on his hand, a bored expression on his face. "He's a good man. He obviously really likes her, and he's been good to her. Blake has a tendency for attracting his sort."

"Besides you." Ren snorted.

Adam smiled. "Yeah. You should've seen this one girl, Ilia Amitola. She's a kind girl, and head-over-heels in love with Blake."

Ren whistled, obviously impressed. "Way to have your good looks cross the gender line there, Blake."

Adam hummed to himself. "Had I not been with Blake at the time, I wouldn't have put it past her to have asked Ilia out. She was at the very least aware of Ilia's crush then."

"Blake's bi?"

"She told me once that she was open to the possibility. It explains how she treats Yang as well."

Ren snickered at that. "I thought they were just friends?" Adam chuckled, "Those two may not have realized it yet, but they're very close with one another. I know how Blake acts and feels. She's shown signs of attraction to both those idiot blondes, though she may not have yet fully realized her feelings for Yang."

"You're not jealous are you?"

"A little," Adam admitted, a pained smile on his face, "though, I am moving past that. And no, before you ask, I haven't had any urges to decapitate them both."

"... Just recently though, right?" Ren inquired, a shit-eating grin plastered on his face.

"... Yes. Recently, at least."

Ren bursted out laughing, loving the fact that Adam had just freely admitted that he was, indeed, psychotic. Functioning, improving, but psychotic nonetheless.

"Oh Adam, friend, it seems you might be a simp yourself."

Adam flipped him off. "How about you fuck off, Ren? I'm not a simp."

"That's exactly what a simp would say."

"I think you're interested in another round, Lie Ren. This time, I swear I will shove wilt straight up your-"

"Assembly hall, everyone!" A voice called out. "Headmaster Ozpin has an announcement to make for the upcoming Vytal Festival. All students and transferees, please make your way to the auditorium in ten minutes."

Ren smiled, pushing himself from his sitting position. Across him, Adam used his sword to lift himself up. "You were saved by the bell this time, Ren. Next time, I'm getting Nora to help me."

That actually scared Ren. "I take it back. You're not a simp. You're a chad! No wait, you're a king. A king!" Ren felt himself sweat even more at the thought of Adam enlisting the help of Nora to get his revenge on him.

"You're damn right I am."

As they fixed their belongings and began making their way to the Academy, Adam turned to Ren. "What about Mercury?"

Ren shrugged. "The guy's almost as much of a psycho as you, but he prefers the thrill of battle and pranks over girls."

"Neutral then. How about Jau-?"

"Simp." Ren quickly cut off. "Just... he's simping for Weiss."

"Agreed. Poor idiot."

If you don't wash your hands, then you're a bigger simp than Volumes 1 and 2 Jaune.

Or worse...

Mordecai.

Wash your hands. Quarantine. Don't be a simp or a thot.