Hello, and welcome to a new story! Chris will be hosting a season with many of the characters from the Danganronpa trilogy. There will be spoilers for Danganronpa, so read at your own risk. Also, there may be a few slight changes from canon… I mean, aside from the fact that it's not a killing game. That being said, sit back and enjoy!

Total Dangan Island

Chapter 1: Day 1: Part 1: Welcome to Dangan Island

Chris stood on the Dock of Shame, looking excited as he gestured heavily. "Welcome to a brand new season of Total Drama! Now, it may come as a surprise to some of you, but we are very, very popular in Japan!" Chris started rubbing his hands together. "So for this season, we've collected twenty-two of Japan's best and brightest! No ordinary teens, mind you, but each of them is very special in their own unique way." Chris continued walking along the dock. "Each of our Japanese contestants has a special talent, one that may help them in their course on this show." Chris squinted his eyes. "Or perhaps hinder."

Chris raised his arms into the air. "So who are these weirdos we've got this season, and how will they fare? Will any of them have talents that will help them in this game?" Chris shrugged. "Probably not, but one of these contestants will win one million dollars!"

"Actually, one hundred million yen." Another person who looked just like Chris walked onto the dock, gesturing heavily.

Chris grumbled. "Take that off!" Chris sighed. "This is just one of the interns, she's not important."

The other Chris looked around in awe. "I've always wanted to come here and do this show! I'm a big fan, and I've always wanted to host a season."

Chris shoved the other Chris into the water. "Intern, not host. Know your place." Chris stood back up straight and smiled for the camera. "I apologize for that interruption. Anyway, who will will the one million dollars?"

A blue-haired girl popped her head from under the water. "One hundred million yen."

Chris shoved the girl's head back under the water. "Find out this season, coming up now, on Total Dangan Island!

Chris was standing on the Dock of Shame, smiling. "Welcome to a new season of Total Drama, or should I say, Total Dangan." Chris looked off into the distance. "And it looks like our first contestant is arriving now!"

A yacht arrived at the dock, dropping off the first contestant. A small girl with light brown hair stepped onto the dock, looking around nervously. "Hello," the girl said shyly. "I'm Chihiro Fujisaki."

"Yes, yes, we know who you are," Chris said. "We've done a lot of research on the contestants arriving this season." Chris smirked. "A lot of research. We know everything about you." Chris chuckled a mean-sounding chuckle, and Chihiro gulped nervously. "But for now, it's time to meet our second contestant, arriving now!"

Another yacht arrived at the dock, dropping off a second contestant, dressed in blue, with a lot of hair decs, and her hair in… some sort of braids. "Hi-ya!" The girl struck a aikido pose. "I'm Tenko Chabashira, and I'm going to make sure a girl wins this season!" Tenko looked at Chihiro, and quickly ran over to her. "You're adorable!" Tenko gave Chihiro a tight hug. "You are the most adorable adorable of adorableness! Tenko's going to make sure you're protected here!"

Chihiro looked confused. "Thank you?"

Chris chuckled to himself, and a third yacht arrived. A punk-looking guy with hair that looked like a cob of corn stepped onto the dock, and the guy looked angry, pounding his fists, and glared at Chris. "Five-star hotel my ass! What the fuck is this?!"

"Language, language," Chris said. "There's kids watching this." Chris took out a contract. "And besides, this is what you agreed to, Mondo." Chris turned to Chihiro and Tenko, holding Chihiro's hand. "Girls, meet Mondo Owada."

Tenko growled, pointing a finger at Mondo. "You'd better not touch a hair on this sweet innocent angel, or I will make sure you forget how to breathe!"

"What?" Mondo asked, annoyed. "You're pissing me off!"

Tenko looked back to Chihiro, looking nervous. "Don't worry, Chihiro. Tenko will protect you from degenerate males like this Mondo boy." Chihiro nodded nervously.

"Degenerate?" Mondo asked, pounding his fists. "You want to say that again?"

"Degenerate degenerate degenerate!" Tenko almost sang.

Mondo grumbled. "You're lucky I don't believe in hitting girls."

Chihiro looked up to Tenko, smiling slightly. "Thank you," Chihiro said quietly. "Mondo was kind of scary."

Tenko beamed. "No problem! I've dealt with degenerate males like him before, and I won't let him hurt you!"

"We'll see how long that lasts," Chris teased, as another yacht dropped off another contestant. A girl with a serious expression on her face stepped onto the dock, with grey hair tied in braids. "I am Peko Pekoyama."

"Hi Peko!" Tenko exclaimed, running up to Peko. "Don't worry about that guy. I'll protect you from him!"

Peko shook her head. "That shall not be necessary. I am quite capable of taking care of myself."

Tenko looked like a child on Christmas, excitedly bobbing up and down. "You mean you're an expert neo-aikido practitioner too?"

Peko looked confused. "Neo-aikido?"

Tenko looked excited to talk about the art of neo-aikido. "Oh, it's a super advanced form of aikido, that only the pure of heart can master!"

Peko pulled some hair from her face. "I am not an expert in aikido, or this neo-aikido, as you describe, but I am quite the practiced swordswoman." Peko pulled out a sword. "This may only be a bamboo sword, but I assure you, in the right hands this can kill a man."

"It can kill men?" Tenko asked, excitedly. "I love you already!"

"We've only just met," Peko said, shaking her head.

Another yacht dropped off another contestant, a small boy with messy brown hair, and one untamed piece that just stuck up. "Hi," the boy said, waving to the others "My name's Makoto Naegi."

Tenko narrowed her eyes. "Another degenerate male." Tenko put herself in front of Chihiro, with her arms spread. "Don't worry, Chihiro, I'll protect you!"

Chihiro blinked in confusion. "But Makoto seems nice."

"Don't let his useless appearance fool you," Tenko said, still defending Chihiro. "Degenerate males who pretend to be friendly are the worst!"

"He doesn't seem degenerate."

"All males are degenerate!" Tenko glared at Makoto, pointing to her eyes, then to him. "I'm watching you." Makoto sighed.

The sixth yacht arrived, though the contestant aboard didn't step off so much as fall off, tripping in an awkward, sexual position. "I'm sorry."

"Are you OK?" Tenko asked, helping the girl up, who had uneven hair, and covered in bandages. Tenko then looked at Mondo and Makoto. "You two had better not have been looking!" Mondo and Makoto looked innocent.

"It's OK," the girl said. "It's my fault, after all. My name is Mikan Tsumiki."

Tenko hugged Mikan after she got back up on her feet. "Never blame yourself for something that a degenerate male does!" Tenko pointed to Makoto. "I'm pretty sure he tripped you!"

Makoto's eyes went wide. "What did I do?"

Mikan started crying. "Please, don't fight on account of me!"

Tenko narrowed her eyes toward Makoto. "For Mikan's sake, I'll let you live today."

Another yacht dropped off the next contestant. This was a somewhat creepy looking guy in a hat and mask, with long, pretty hair. "Keh keh keh." The guy was laughing to himself. "My, what a wondrous Canadian island. It shall be my pleasure to immerse myself in this place."

"Eek!" Mikan eeked, falling on her butt. "I'm sorry!"

"What do you think you're doing?!" Tenko yelled, getting up in the guy's face. "Apologize to Mikan."

"Keh keh keh." The guy shook his head. "Perhaps the girl is not suited for this game." The guy moved his hand up. "Regardless, I did not intend to frighten the girl. I am here merely for the experience. My name is Korekiyo Shinguji."

Chris shuddered. "Guy gives me the willies. But I'm sure everyone will be excited for our next contestant, who I'm sure will need no introduction." The next yacht dropped off a girl with strawberry blonde hair put into enormous pigtails, one with a bunny, the other with a giant red and white bow. "Hiiiii!" the girl sang. "I'm Junko Enoshima. Charmed, I'm sure."

"Hi," Makoto said, looking love struck. "I'm Makoto Nae-"

Tenko pushed Makoto aside. "I'm sorry about him, boys have no tact." Tenko started vigorously shaking Junko's hand. "Anyway, I'm Tenko, and I'm not really into fashion, but you're such a pretty girl, and like a celebrity! We have a celebrity here!"

"Totally!" Junko exclaimed. "I hope to have a good time and make friends away from my work, and who knows, maybe even win this game!"

"Tenko believes in you!" Tenko exclaimed, still shaking Junko's hand.

"You can let go," Junko said, still with a huge smile on her face.

Tenko immediately let go. "Oh yes, I'm so sorry, I'm not worthy to touch the Junko Enoshima's hand!"

Peko stroked her chin. "It would be nice to look nice once in a while."

Junko appeared right before Peko, startling her slightly. "I can totally help with that!"

The next boat arrived, dropping off a short guy with short hair, an angry expression, and a cute face. "Why did I agree to do this again?" he asked, with his arms across his chest.

Junko walked over and pinched the boy's cheek. "My, this one is cute."

"Watch out!" Tenko warned. "He's a degenerate male!"

The boy slapped Junko's hand away. "You might say that, and don't touch me!"

"But you're so cyooot!" Junko said, beaming.

"Do that again and you're sleeping with the fishes!" the boy said. "I'm Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu, you may be familiar with that name."

Tenko gasped, then clenched Chihiro tight. "Chihiro, I know I've warned you before, but you really, really need to watch out for that degenerate male. He's dangerous."

"He's yakuza," Chihiro said. "I'll make sure to be safe."

Peko was looking half at Fuyuhiko, and half trying not to look, and had a small smile on her face.

Chris looked into the distance. "Here comes the next boat!" The next boat arrived, and dropped off a boy with messy white hair.

"I hope we can all be friends," the boy said, waving to the others. "I probably won't win, but if I can help one of you win, I'll be happy to do that. I'm Nagito Komaeda."

"Hi," Chihiro said quietly, extending a hand. "You seem pretty friendly."

Tenko narrowed her eyes. "I don't trust this boy."

Another boat came to the dock, and let off another contestant. A big, strong looking guy with glasses, but without shoes. He looked happy. "Gonta hope to make many friends here!"

"Gonta Gokuhara, everyone," Chris said, motioning toward Gonta.

"Just what we needed, another degenerate male," Tenko said.

"Gonta no degenerate!" Gonta said, worried. "Gonta gentleman!"

"Not all guys are that bad," Makoto said, nervously rubbing the back of his head.

"Liar!" Tenko shouted.

"Not all guys are that bad, though," Chihiro said nervously.

Tenko pat Chihiro's head. "It's not your fault. Degenerate males can be tricky, play mind tricks, but I'll make sure they don't get to you!"

"Remind me not to get on her bad side," Chris said, pointing his thumb toward Tenko, as another yacht dropped off another contestant. The next boy was short, wearing a lot of white, with purple in his hair."

"Ooh, this is the competition?" the boy said, with a big smile. "We're going to have so much fun!"

"Watch it, degenerate!" Tenko shouted, putting herself in front of Chihiro again.

"Degenerate?" The boy asked, then started crying. "I… I can't believe you'd say something so mean to someone you just met!"

"It's OK," Mikan said. "She's just nervous around guys. I'm sure you're not really so bad."

"Oh no, I'm totally a degenerate though!" the boy said, excited. "I'm the leader of a major criminal organization, you know! Kokichi Oma, perhaps you've heard of me."

"Never heard of ya'," Fuyuhiko said, irritated.

"That's because it's a secret criminal organization," Kokichi said, nonchalant. "We don't want to make ourselves known until the time is right."

"But you're on international TV," Peko said.

"Well, what'd'ya know, the time's right now!" Kokichi exclaimed.

"But before the end of this season, we shall have you bow down to us," Junko said, suddenly wearing a crown.

Makoto blinked. "Where did you get that from?"

"I always keep my fashion supplies close by," Junko said, smiling bright, without her crown. "You never know when you'll need to dress for the occasion."

Chris shrugged, and the next boat dropped off the next contestant. Off the boat stepped a blonde girl, who did not look to be Japanese. "I thought it was just Japanese contestants this season." Chris scratched his head.

"I am sorry," the girl said. "I was a foreign exchange student in Japan, and I was accepted when I auditioned." The girl looked to the others. "I am Sonia Nevermind, Princess of the kingdom of Novoselic."

Chris grinned. "Well, you're hot, so I'll let you stay."

Tenko immediately grabbed Chris by his shirt collar, looking him straight to his face. "We are teenagers! You are some old dude. If you hit on us again, I shall make sure you regret it."

Chris stood back up, dusting himself off. "Sheesh, some people can't take a joke."

Sonia walked up to Tenko. "I must thank you for defending me. I am… unfortunately used to guys like that."

"A pretty girl like you doesn't deserve to put up with that!" Tenko exclaimed. "Especially a princess! That's like the coolest thing ever!"

Sonia smiled nervously. "There are benefits, to be sure, but it is not all fun and games."

"But we'll have lots of fun and games here!" Kokichi exclaimed. "I mean, this is one big game after all, right?"

"Of course, little one," Sonia said, with a sweet smile. "I am sure we shall get along nicely."

Kokichi looked at his hand. "I dunno', I am evil, after all."

"It's probably best to ignore that one," Peko said.

"Driving me crazy already," Fuyuhiko said, looking away.

Chris smiled. "I think we'll like him. But will we like our next player?" Another yacht dropped off the next contestant, a guy in a white suit with red eyes and short black hair.

The boy walked up to Chris and saluted. "Kiyotaka Ishimaru, here to ensure that everyone here is in a safe environment while enriching our educational crusade!"

Chris scratched his head. "I wouldn't really call this educational. Or safe."

"It's a good thing I've arrived, then!" Kiyotaka exclaimed, and walked over to Mondo. "Hello, I am Kiyotaka Ishimaru, good sir!"

Mondo looked at Kiyotaka like some sort of freak. "Leave me alone, and I'll leave you alone."

Kiyotaka nodded. "As long as you're sure to get your studies in."

Mondo rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

Another boat came to drop off another contestant, a tanned girl with white hair, holding a paintbrush. She came bouncing and swaying toward the others. "Hi hi! I'm Angie Yonaga, and I am sure we will get along wonderfully! Atua has told me."

Mikan nervously touched her fingers together. "Atua? Is that your father?"

"In a sense," Angie said, holding her hands out with her eyes closed. "He is the father. He is our god."

Mikan shrieked. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to disrespect Atua!"

Angie appeared behind Mikan, startling her again. "Aww, don't worry, Atua is a benevolent god. He forgives you."

Mikan wore a weak smile. "Thank you."

"Angie," Makoto said, "that's an unusual name."

Angie laughed. "Well, I am not from Japan's mainland, but a nearby island. Though I do agree, it is a unique name my parents bestowed upon me."

Another yacht dropped off the next contestant. A girl with pale skin, gothic lolita clothing, and two large pigtails that looked almost like drills."Hello," the girl said, with a large smile plastered on her face. "My name is Celestia Ludenberg, but you may call me Celeste."

"Ooh, you also have a unique name!" Angie exclaimed, getting right up in Celeste's face. "Your parents gave you such a name, too! I'm Angie Yonaga!" Celeste looked annoyed with Angie getting so in her face.

"Celestia Lu… um… what was that name again?" Makoto asked.

"Celestia Ludenberg," Celeste said, putting a big smile back on your face. "But I would prefer you to call me Celeste."

Makoto smiled nervously. "I mean, you are Japanese, right? I mean, what's your real name?"

Celeste started looking a bit annoyed, speaking sweet, but with a harsh undertone. "I've already said, my name is Celestia Ludenberg, but I would like to be called Celeste."

"If she says her name is Celeste, then her name is Celeste," Chihiro said.

"Yeah!" Tenko agreed. "If a pretty girl tells you her name, only a degenerate male would give her the third degree!" Makoto sighed.

"Pretty girl," Celeste said smiling. "You have exquisite taste, I see." Tenko bobbed up and down, excited.

"Time for our next contestant," Chris said, as the next yacht dropped off the next contestant, a blond boy with glasses, who looked like he thought he was better than everyone else.

The boy hmphed. "This does not look like a luxury resort."

"It's not," Chris said. "All I promised you was a private luxury suite in your contract."

"We're staying in a luxury suite?" Junko asked, looking happy. "Like, that sounds wonderful!"

Chris smirked. "No, Mr. Byakuya Togami gets a luxury suite. He refused to sign the contract otherwise. The rest of you get to stay in some cruddy old cabins we have."

"I can make do with that," Peko said.

"We totally deserve better, though!" Junko exclaimed.

"Well, you're a celebrity," Peko said, looking down. "I am not as important as some other people here."

"Psh," Junko said, waving dismissively. "We've all got a special talent this season. I don't need to brag about myself, since everyone knows who I am, of course, but what is your talent?"

Peko took out her sword. "I am the ultimate swordswoman."

Junko looked inquisitively at the sword. "Bamboo?"

Peko smiled a bit. "Believe me, this is all I shall need for this island." Junko gave a quick nod.

Byakuya hmphed toward Peko and Junko. "A girl with a toy sword and an airhead model. You two are nothing."

"We'll show you who's nothing!" Junko exclaimed.

Tenko took an aikido pose. "All us girls will!" Byakuya ignored her.

"He'll be fun," Chris said, grinning, as the eighteenth boat dropped off the eighteenth contestant. A girl with short black hair and freckles stepped off the boat, and looked a little surprised when she noticed Junko, but didn't say anything, and just walked over toward the other contestants.

"Mukuro Ikusaba, everyone," Chris said. "A member of a terrorist organization. Might want to be careful around her."

Junko looked surprised to see Mukuro, and smirked, and walked over to the girl. "Hi Mukuro!" Junko exclaimed, putting an arm around Mukuro, who looked uneasy. "I'm sure you already know who I am, famous fashion model and all, but I bet you're not such a bad person." Junko put on an innocent smile. "So what if you're a cold-hearted murderer, I'm sure you'll make friends with everyone here!"

"No girl could be a cold-hearted murderer!" Tenko exclaimed. "If she killed anyone, I'm sure it was only-"

"Degenerate males, we know," Fuyuhiko said, sounding more annoyed. "Are you ever going to shut the hell up about that?"

"Not all males are degenerate," Peko said.

"I agree," Chihiro said, nervous. "Some of them are nice." Tenko shook her head.

"As far as I'm concerned, you're all degenerates," Chris said, chuckling to himself, as the next boat arrived. Off the boat stepped a creepy-looking guy with a purple scarf and long black coat.

"Bow to me! Gundham Tanaka, born of the fires of Hell!" Gundham bellowed. "Along with my four Dark Devas of Destruction, I shall conquer this game! Beg for mercy, and you may be spared."

"Dark Devas of Destruction?" Mikan asked nervously. "That sounds kind of terrifying."

Gundham snickered to himself. "Pray that you will never make their acquaintance."

"Eep!" Mikan eeped, falling down again.

"I won't allow you to hurt any of these girls, you degenerate male!" Tenko shouted.

Gundham chuckled to himself. "I assure you, that I am no mere degenerate male. I am a demon, born of Satan himself, and you shall perish! I am the degenerate male, as you say."

Another boat arrived, and another camper stepped off said boat, a girl strutting as if she were a supermodel. "You all should just give up. My golden brain and beautiful body will make it all but impossible for any of you to win." The girl made a fist. "Miu Iruma, remember that name!"

"Someone sure is cocky," Fuyuhiko spat out. "And what makes you so special? Look like a blonde bimbo to me."

Miu immediately backed off, looking afraid. "What did I do?"

Fuyuhiko shook his head. "Don't think we'll have to worry about this one."

Another boat arrived, and another girl stepped off, one with short red hair and freckles, taking a picture as soon as she stepped onto the dock. "Hi. I'm Mahiru Koizumi. I'm hoping for a nice experience and good memories."

Chris chuckled to himself. "You'll make memories, all right. Dunno' about good memories, though."

"Ugh." Mahiru walked over to the other contestants, next to Tenko. "Men."

"Oh I know, men are the worst!" Tenko agreed.

Mahiru smiled. "You said it."

"They're not all bad," Chihiro said.

"Oh, I know," Mahiru said, smiling bright. "I was just venting a little."

The final boat arrived, and the final contestant stepped off: a girl with blonde hair with musical hair decs, and one stubborn bit of hair sticking straight up. "Hi! I'm Kaede Akamatsu. I hope we can all get along!"

"I'm sure most of us can!" Junko exclaimed, walking up to Kaede. "Let me guess, a musical talent? I love music!"

Kaede nervously rubbed the back of her head. "Piano, actually. Kids used to call me piano freak growing up."

"Aww, they're probably jealous," Junko said, looking and sounding extra cute. "Some people are jealous of me too, being a famous model. It makes me sooooo sad."

"Well here, we're all equals," Kaede said, confident.

"I am not your 'equal,'" Byakuya said, with disgust in his voice.

Junko stuck out her tongue toward Byakuya, then turned back to Kaede. "He's just a jerk, just ignore him."

"Thank you," Kaede said, smiling. "I'll keep your advice in mind."

"I just want to look out for everyone here," Junko said, smiling bright. Mukuro rolled her eyes.

"Well, that's everyone," Chris said, looking at his watch. "Why don't you all stand on the end of the dock, so I can take your picture?"

"I can take it!" Mahiru exclaimed. "This is my specialty, after all."

"I kinda' need all of you in it, though."

"OK," Mahiru said, as she went to stand with the other contestants, standing at the end of the dock.

"And smile!" Chris said, then took his head up and looked annoyed. "Taka, your arm."

"It's a salute to you, for our arrival!" Kiyotaka shouted.

Chris sighed. "No, I mean, your arm, it's blocking Junko's face."

"Oh, I'm sorry, miss," Kiyotaka said nervously, turned toward Junko.

"Just an accident," Junko said, beaming. "But we do want to make sure the world gets a good view of my pretty face!"

"It really is pretty," Kaede said, smiling bright.

"Let's get on with this," Chris said. "Say cheese!" Chris took the picture, then took out a remote that collapsed the dock, and then continued to take more pictures. "OK, this is awesome!"

"I'm going to kill that man!" Fuyuhiko screamed.

"I'm OK with this," Nagito said. "We can think of this as a bonding experience."

"It's getting me all wet!" Miu shouted.

Chris stood in front of the campfire ceremony area, along with the twenty-two contestants. "Now, I'll explain this to you, but first, I need to divide you into teams." Chris gestured to his right. "If I call your name, please stand over here."

"Mr. Togami."

"Mukuro."

"Gonta."

"Taeko."

The contestants looked around, confused. "Who's Taeko?" Tenko asked. "I don't remember a Taeko." Celeste looked like she was holding a ton of anger bottled up.

"Made a mistake, my bad," Chris said, shrugging. "If I may continue."

"Nagito."

"Miu."

"Korekiyo."

"Peko."

"Kaede."

"Makoto."

"Junko."

"And Celeste. You eleven will be known as the Ugly Grizzlies!"

"Ugly," Celeste said, hiding her annoyance.

"Yes, ugly." Chris turned to the other contestants. "And if I call your name, please stand-" Mondo started walking to Chris' left side, and other contestants followed. "Uh, what are you doing?"

"This must be our team, right?" Mondo said. "Don't really need to tell us who's on this team, we already know."

"But we must follow the proper procedure!" Kiyotaka shouted. "There is an order to these things!"

Mondo rolled his eyes. "Fine. Then just fucking tell us already who's on the other team."

Chris glared at Mondo. "Thank you for your permission." Chris cleared his throat. "If I call your name, please stand over on my left."

"Kiyotaka."

"Sonia."

"Fuyuhiko."

"Angie."

"Gundham."

"Mikan."

"Kokichi."

"Mahiru."

"Mondo."

"Tenko."

"And Chihiro. Your team will be known as the Putrid Pandas."

"What's with the bear theme?" Mahiru asked. "Grizzlies versus pandas? Is there a theme to this season?"

"No, don't be stupid," Chris said, irritated. "We just randomly picked out different bears this season." Chris motioned to the campground around them, with eleven tree stumps on the ground. "Every few days, both teams will participate in a challenge. The loser of the challenge has to come here later that night." Chris shook his head. "You do not want to wind up here. If your team loses, you will have to vote out one of your own, in a special bonfire ceremony."

Confession Outhouse

Chris: And this is the confessional, where you can let out all your innermost secrets, or just vent.

Mukuro: So, I didn't realize my sister joined, too. Sis, I love you, but I was really hoping to spend some time away from you. (Mukuro sighs.) Still, I'm happy you're here.

Junko: So great, my ugly sister is here. It fills me with despair. (Junko smiles.)

Sonia: I really like bears. I've watched an American show where a princess befriends these colorful bears, and saves the world from danger. (Sonia makes a muscle.)

Tenko: Chihiro's so adorable! She's like the cutest, most adorable little girl in the world! I hope we become besties… no! We will become besties! I can do anything I put my mind to!

Peko: I am disappointed not to be on the same team with Master, but he didn't want me to tell people we knew each other, anyway, so perhaps this is for the best.

Kokichi: Now, I know I may look cute and innocent… and that's because I am! Or is it? Well, ought to be fun either way!

Chris stood in front of the cabins, before the contestants. "Campers, this will be your sleeping quarters. Putrid Pandas on the left, Ugly Grizzlies on the right. Each cabin is divided girls' side and boys' side, but we're not really going to get that hard that you're on the right side."

"Well, if any boys dare try to get on the girls' side, I'll punish them!" Tenko raised an enthusiastic fist. "Grizzlies, that goes for you too, just tell me if any of those degenerates try to sneak on your side!"

"I'm sure we'll sleep better knowing you're protecting us!" Junko exclaimed.

Confession Outhouse

Mahiru: Tenko seems like she can take care of herself, and you know how boys can be. I think I really will sleep better knowing that Tenko won't let them try anything fishy.

"We're going to dominate this season, I just know it!" Tenko said, gesturing from a top bunk.

"That would be nice," Mikan said, smiling nervously, on a bottom bunk, "but the other team has that one guy who looks really strong."

Tenko waved dismissively. "Boys are stupid, so we don't have to worry about that." Tenko tapped her chin. "Though the swordswoman and the terrorist may give us trouble, but no matter! If we lose, we can just vote off one of the degenerate males from our team! I mean, we do outnumber them, six to five!"

"I'm not sure," Chihiro said, looking nervous, on the bunk below Tenko.

"Aww, don't worry," Tenko said, smiling as she jumped down to Chihiro, patting him on the head. "I know boys can seem scary, but as long as you're strong, we can beat them!"

"I'm not strong," Chihiro said, and sighed.

"All girls are strong!" Tenko exclaimed, hugging Chihiro. "Don't ever forget that."

"Um, thank you?" Chihiro said, worried.

"We can do anything if we stick together," Mahiru said, in a top bunk, smiling sweetly. "It'll be OK, Chihiro, I promise." Chihiro smiled a bit, and Mahiru took the picture of Chihiro and Tenko. "This is really a nice one."

Sonia sat in the bunk above Mikan. "This bed is not as comfortable as I am used to. I do hope that I can sleep well."

"This is more comfortable than at home," Mikan said, then started crying.

Confession Outhouse

Mikan: Everyone seems so nice! I'll try hard so they don't hate me!

Tenko: I will protect Chihiro with every bone in my body! If anyone dares to harm her, I shall make them pay!

Chihiro: I like Tenko, but I'm a little worried that she wouldn't like me if she got to know me. (Chihiro laughs nervously.)

"Mwahahaha!" Gundham was in the top bunk of one of the bunk beds. "I am claimed this top bunk for myself, for the one deserving of this lofty position, and for my four Dark Devas!"

Mondo was covering his head with a pillow in the bottom bunk of another bed. "Just shut the fuck up."

"Foolish mortal," Gundham proclaimed, raising his hand. "Do you not know to whom you speak?"

"Shut the fuck up, already," Fuyuhiko complained from the bunk above Mondo.

"Fine," Gundham said, crossing his arms. "I shall indulge in your petty desires today, but keep in mind that I may not be so forgiving the next day."

Kokichi peeked up at Kiyotaka, in the top bunk of his bed. "Aww, I wanted the top bunk."

"I'm sorry, but we all agreed to who would get to sleep in each bed," Kiyotaka stated.

"Aww, but I wanted the top bunk!" Kokichi started crying loudly.

Kiyotaka looked nervous. "Well, I suppose we just got here, so we don't have assigned beds yet."

"Yay! You're the nicest!" Kokichi jumped into Kiyotaka's bed, and hugged him. "You can get out now."

"I shall do just that," Kiyotaka said, leaving the top bed, and sitting on the bottom bunk.

Kokichi put his head underneath his bed, looking at Kiyotaka. "Aww, the bottom bunk sure does look comfortable." Kiyotaka sighed.

Confession Outhouse

Kokichi: Aww, Taka's so sweet! Even when I kept changing my mind, I could always get him to switch with me!

"We're missing someone," Gonta said, in the bottom bunk. "Gonta don't see Byakuya."

"Byakuya has his own private luxury suite," Makoto said. "Byakuya thinks he's better than is."

"He is better than us, though," Nagito said. "He's the ultimate affluence progeny! He's earned the right to treat us like garbage. Especially someone like me, who has no real talent.

"So what your talent be?" Gonta asked.

"Well, I'm just lucky," Makoto said. "I sent in an application, and drew one, who would get to play. And I just happened to be the one they picked."

"Amazing!" Nagito said. "I also got in by dumb luck!"

"Well, not exactly." Nagito had his hand to his chin. "I was on a plane that crashed nearby, but survived, and I found out that one of the contestants couldn't make it, so they asked me if I could take the place of the other person, and I agreed to it." Nagito laughed. "Lucky, huh?"

"I… suppose, yes?" Makoto asked, confused.

Confession Outhouse

Makoto: I mean, I feel bad for the poor guy, being in a plane crash, but I suppose his luck did bring him to the show… I hope he's OK, though.

Kaede slapped her fist on the palm of her other hand, standing inside the cabin. "I know we can do this, girls! We can dominate this show!"

Celeste giggled a little, sitting on the bottom bunk of a bed. "Well of course. I would accept nothing less."

"Of course, I'm the most useful one here," Miu said, sitting on the bottom bunk of another bed, proudly pounding her chest. "I'm the smartest, and the hottest!"

"Hotter than an actual supermodel?" Kaede asked, motioning toward Junko.

Junko, sitting in the top bunk of another bed, put on her glasses. "Statistically, that is not possible." Junko took out a calculator, and punched in some numbers. "It's basic math, after all, I've got the perfect face, the perfect hair, the perfect proportions, the perfect perfection."

"Sure, tiny tits," Miu said, laughing. "Look at your rack, then look at my rack!"

"Bigger is not always better," Junko said. "It's like comparing Aphrodite to a blow-up doll."

Miu looked disappointed. "Man, I knew I forgot to bring something." Junko rolled her eyes.

"Please do not talk of such distasteful things," Celeste said. "It makes you seem even more uncouth than you already seem."

"I cannot disagree," Peko said, sitting on the bunk above Miu, shaking her head.

Confession Outhouse

Peko: My roommates are… quirky. Kaede and Junko both seem to have a good head on their shoulders, though, and should be reliable. Mukuro hasn't said much, but I would like to know more about her, considering her line of work. We may be able to relate.

Kaede: I think Junko and I could do a good job leading our team. Even though she's a model, I can tell she's not the stereotype, and has a good head on her shoulders, and I think she could really help us to victory!

Celeste: (annoyed) I can tell that I will dislike Miu.

*smack*

"Watch it, you perv!" Mahiru shouted, slapping Teruteru, who had just touched her butt in the dining room at camp.

"I'm so sorry, miss," Teruteru said, nervously. "I-I accidentally tripped, and accidentally touched your most precious posterior."

"You'd better leave her alone!" Tenko shouted, jumping between Mahiru and Teruteru. "Don't make me hurt you!"

Teruteru smirked. "Maybe I want you to hurt me. I've been a baaaaad boy." Tenko lunged at Teruteru, and slid into the kitchen to continue the fight.

Celeste sipped a cup of tea at the table with the rest of her team. "If this were not the best milk tea I have ever tasted, I would not allow him to continue living."

Mondo shrugged, over at the table with his team. "Guy's a creep, but he can cook, at least."

"We really should thank Atua for this divine meal," Angie said, praying over her food.

"This really is divine," Sonia said, her eyes lighting up as she put spaghetti on her fork, only for it to slip off. "This spaghetti is tricky, though."

Mahiru smiled, sitting next to Sonia. "You just need to wrap it around your fork. It's all in the wrist."

"My, how wonderful!" Sonia said, and took a bite. "This does make it easier to eat." Mahiru lightly giggled to herself.

"I'm so happy we have such delicious food!" Mikan quietly shouted. "I never get food like this at home! I don't know what I've done to deserve this meal, but thank you!"

Over at the other table, Gonta looked confused. "Where is Byakuya?"

Makoto shrugged. "He refused to eat with us."

Junko leaned back in her seat. "He won't last very long if he doesn't try to get along with the rest of his team."

"If he has no value for us, we shall vote him off," Peko said.

Confession Outhouse

Peko: I am not exactly a people person myself, but I also know not to alienate the rest of the team. (Peko sighs.) I really wish I was on the same team as Fuyuhiko, though. I hope he does not make enemies with his team. (Peko closed her eyes) He is going to blow it.

Fuyuhiko: My team sucks!

"Buzz off!" Fuyuhiko yelled, with sauce stains on him.

"Jeez, it was an accident!" Mahiru yelled back, pointing to Mikan on the floor, in a compromising position. "She didn't mean to trip and spill her food on you!"

"I'm sorry!" Mikan cried. "Please forgive me!"

Fuyuhiko smirked. "An accident. In my line of work, we have to deal with accidents sometimes." Fuyuhiko snarled. "I'd recommend not having another 'accident,' or I might just have an 'accident' of my own!"

Mikan started bawling her eyes out, and Mahiru shook her head, putting her hands on her hips. "I swear, boys are the worst."

Confession Outhouse

Mahiru: Jeez, what's that guy's problem? Sure, Mikan does seem a bit clumsy, but that's no excuse for him going off on her the way he did. (Mahiru giggled.) Tenko probably wouldn't mind voting him out first.

"Everyone have a good meal?" Chris said, standing at the front of the cafeteria, grinning.

"It was hella' awesome!" Sonia exclaimed.

"Good. Now that everyone's filled up, it's time for our first challenge."

"All right!" Kaede exclaimed. "Our team is ready for anything!"

Confession Outhouse

Kaede: I said anything, and I meant anything! I've seen the show before, I know Chris tries to murder us every year, so I was expecting it. I just… wasn't expecting something so unoriginal.

Chris was standing in front of the two teams, at the top of the thousand-foot cliff. "Now, for this challenge-"

"You expect us to jump off the cliff," Celeste stated, then yawned. "Really, do you have the contestants do that every season?"

Chris shrugged. "What? It's a classic!" Chris cleared his throat. "Both teams must have as many people as possible jump off this cliff."

"And if we refuse?" Celeste asked.

Chris looked at his hand. "Your team will probably vote you off tonight."

"I am more of an intellectual," Celeste said. "Not one for physical challenges."

"So whichever team has more people jump off wins?" Mahiru asked, scratching her head. "What if everyone on both teams jumps?"

Chris smirked. "After you land, you must stay underwater as long as possible."

Kaede raised her hand. "And the team with the member who stays underwater the longest wins?"

"No!" Chris shouted. "And don't raise your hand, this isn't school!" Chris gestured his hands upward. "The time everyone spends underwater will be added up, and the team that held their breath underwater the longest, all together, wins! So if you don't jump, you get a zero."

"That's a long drop," Mikan said, looking down the cliff. "Are you sure it's safe?"

Chris shrugged. "Maybe. I dunno'. Now, we'll have you all jump in a random order. Celeste, you get to go first."

Celeste blinked. "You're kidding."

"Nah, it won't be so bad."

Celeste looked down the cliff. "I am not jumping."

Byakuya hmphed. "Gonta, Celeste needs your help to get down, so why don't you help her down the cliff?"

Celeste blinked. "You are joking."

"Don't worry!" Gonta said. "Gonta help you get down!" Gonta picked up Celeste, who was clearly annoyed.

"Put me down immediately, or I shall do something unimaginably painful."

"Of course, Gonta gentleman." Gonta dropped Celeste down the cliff.

Chris shook his head. "I didn't say to go yet. We were going to wait for after the commercial break, then have everyone jump." Chris shrugged. "I guess we'll have to have Celeste jump again."

"What," Celeste said, pretty loudly, from the water.

"So which team will win the first challenge? Which team will lose, and who will be the first person going home? Find out, next time on Total Dangan Island!"