Steve entered Danny's room with a smile on his face. Only, he'd put on the smile like other people would switch on a light.
"Hi buddy, how are you?" he greeted his friend.
Instead of waiting for a reply, he shook his head immediately. "Stupid me. Sorry, I shouldn't have asked. I think you're not feeling differently than just a few hours ago when I left."
Steve took the uncomfortable looking chair that didn't just look that way and sat down next to Danny's bed.
Carefully, he took Danny's hand in his and caressed the back of it with his thumb.
"Good news, buddy. We busted Daiyu Mei's sorry ass and those of her goons. Her whole world imploded yesterday evening. That was the reason I couldn't be with you. I'm sorry."
Steve seemed to swallow the last words. The guilt weighed heavy on his shoulders. When they finally got hold of Daiyu Mei yesterday, Adam had to hold him back not to shoot her point-blank.
A smile crossed his features briefly. Above all people, Adam was talking some sense into him.
"The bitch is now at Halawa and will hopefully never see the light of day, Danno. I hope she'll rot in solitary confinement."
He squeezed his friend's hand briefly and realized how cold it felt.
"You're freezing, buddy? Shall I get you another blanket? No? You're fine the way you are? Okay."
"So, how was your day?" Steve asked, partly trying to humor himself in this messy situation.
Danny's face was severely bruised, not to mention the rest of his maltreated body.
"Totally forgot to tell you greetings from the kids, Quinn, Adam, and Lou."They would have loved to join me, but I think the doctors and the nurses of the ICU ward wouldn't have been so amused. Also, Luke dropped by this morning with his daughter. She is applying for the job as a secretary at the major's office. He looked very proud. He also sends you his …"
The lump in Steve's throat was about to choke him. He couldn't keep up with the conversation.
"I'm sorry buddy, I am so sorry," he whispered. His voice was stifled with tears.
He put his head on Danny's hand and started sobbing uncontrollably. This was so much harder than he'd thought.
Seriously? Whom was he kidding? He was thankful for being alone with Danny in this room. Thankful because he could let down his guard. Steve had barely kept it together for the past few days. He'd been driven by hunting down Daiyu Mei. Now that he and the rest of the team had shattered her realm, and the rush of adrenaline subsided with every minute ticking by, he just felt hollow. The void he felt threatened to consume him. Steve had barely slept. About two hours at best. Eddie had been at his side the whole time. He felt that his handler was in a sinister mood, so, he'd put his head onto Steve's lap and waited for a proper behind-the-ear scratch. In vain.
Absentmindedly, Steve stroked his loyal companion's head as he sat helplessly on the couch and surrendered to the pain that was spreading from within. Steve had fought enough. He had given everything to realize that, in the end, it wasn't enough after all.
A few years ago, Danny had saved his life by giving him a part of his liver. He wished he could return the favor now. But that was impossible.
Steve remembered sitting in the hospital chapel, begging God for Danny's life. But God seemed deaf to him. Was it because he never went to church? Was it because he only asked him for help when he had no other way out? Or was it because he had taken Doris's life instead of leaving it to some lousy CIA double agent?
He hadn't known what he could be capable of concerning his mother until she had taken a little boy hostage and holed herself up in a dreary motel room. Doris had lost all sense of reality. Steve had tried to talk to her. However, that made things even worse. She disowned him, said he was lying, and that he wasn't her son because her son was with her. Steve could hear the little boy's sobbing—his desperate cries for help. It hurt so fucking bad when your mother didn't know you anymore and treated you like a fucking stranger, while she was screaming at you to leave her and her little boy alone. God only knew how he wanted to do her that favor, but he couldn't. Doris's condition had deteriorated more and more after the nervous breakdown. She had fallen into a veritable paranoia. He could not blame her for that either. No matter how hard he tried to hate her, he couldn't and wouldn't. Even if the woman in there was only his mother in appearance, he was her flesh and blood, too. By nightfall, they decided to storm the motel room. A blitz attack was all that was left because Doris would not come out voluntarily, let alone surrender. She was too much trapped in her own world.
The captain of the SWAT team had assured him that nothing would happen to the boy. Steve was told to be patient and stay put. He was also told that he was too emotionally involved, as this was, after all, about his mother. But Steve ignored all of this. He switched to SEAL mode, as Danny had often called it when it was about making arrests at full risk. Only, this wasn't about anyone. But that shouldn't matter as Steve would finish it. He owed that to himself and Doris.
As Steve was acting on auto-pilot, so to speak, he barely remembered what went down after they used tear gas and flashbangs to storm the motel room. Doris was crouched next to the bed, her body protecting the little boy. As soon as Steve reached out to her and his fingertips brushed her blouse, she looked up at him. Madness glowed in her eyes like a bonfire on a dark night. In an instant, she pulled out the gun she had been hiding. But she was too slow as Steve put a bullet right between her eyes before she could make a move and ended his mother's misery. Her lifeless body toppled over in front of him. Even the hardened members of the SWAT team were amazed at Steve's cold-bloodedness. He didn't have much time to think, because at that moment all that mattered was to carry the little boy outside and put him back in the arms of his desperate mother. At least one family had been successfully reunited that night.
A soft knock tore Steve from his thoughts, and the familiar face of Dr. Ahe Kala showed up in the doorframe. Steve's heart dropped. He knew what this was all about. With tears in his eyes, he got up from the chair and left Danny's side. His feet felt like lead when he went over to shake hands with Kala.
Even the doctor was moved when he said, "It is time, Steve. Time to let your friend go. The latest test results show that there is no more brain activity. The only thing that keeps Detective Williams alive while his body is shutting down bit by bit is the machines. I am so sorry. I wished there was something I could do…" The doctor's voice trailed off.
Steve thought, "You have no idea how much I rely to you."
Together they walked over to the machine. Its beeping and blinking made everyone believe that the person in front of them was still alive. But as soon as Dr. Kala switched it off, Danny also stopped breathing. A ghostly silence filled the room. Steve's pent-up emotions swept over him like a torrent, threatening to crush him. He looked for support at the headboard of the bed. Even the doctor supported him, worried that Steve's legs would give way under the weight of grief.
All this happened only a few days ago, although, for Steve, it felt like an eternity. Now he was standing in the funeral home together with Quinn, Tani, and Lou while Adam and Junior waited outside together with officers from HPD who wanted to pay their last respects to Danny.
Steve remembered the day he'd met Detective Danny Williams, Danno. He remembered how this guy came into his life like a whirlwind and turned everything upside down. He remembered their first cases and how their invisible bond grew stronger over the years. Steve remembered the good times, as well as the shit they went through. It was a movie flashing in front of his inner eye. Steve remembered Danny's contagious laugh, quick wit, and big heart.
Even after the horrible plane crash that erased Danny's family and left him as the sole survivor of the William's clan, Danny kept his head up high. Though he was no longer laughing as much and often felt lost in thoughts, he was still having the back of his friend and the other team members.
The undertaker rolled the solid oak-colored coffin past McGarrett when Steve asked to be left alone with Danny for a moment. Steve knew that it would be their last moment alone together; the final moment before Steve would bring Danny back home to Jersey to reunite him with his family. Steve felt that his life had come, somehow, full circle. He started his job with Danny at his side about ten years ago. Steve had always thought it would be him who would kick the bucket long before his friend. Or, given Danny's visions, they would grow old together, dwelling in memories about their cases, while Danny's grandchildren would run around the garden and fill Steve's crib with life.
Never in his life, Steve would have thought that he would have to stand in front of Danny's coffin and tell him goodbye one day. Never in his life, Steve would have thought he would spend the rest of it alone. And though he wasn't ready to leave everything behind, he knew he had to. He owed it to Danny, the best friend he'd ever had, and his only true love. Steve felt the little velvet box in his coat pocket. The ring that had been inside was now on Danny's finger and would be buried with him. Actually, there should have been a big wedding when they closed the case. Instead, there was a funeral.
Steve had shed so many tears the past few days that it felt like none were left. He put one hand on the coffin, bent down, and left a final, gentle kiss on the top of the closed lid.
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Steve woke with a blow. Darkness surrounded him. Jesus fucking Christ, what the hell was that? Desperately, he reached over to the other side, where he felt Danny's body.
He shook him gently. "Danny? Danny?"
As there was no reply, he shook him harder. "Danno, Danno!"
The blond stirred in his sleep and awoke slowly. Still drowsy, he turned around to meet Steve's gaze—more or less, because Danny still refused to open his eyes.
"Babe, are you fucking nuts? What the hell is the matter with you?" Danny mumbled.
"You… you have no idea, Danno. You're the greatest blessing I have ever had in my life; I wouldn't want anyone to take you away. I love you so much."
Now Danny got suspicious and propped himself up on his elbow, yawning.
"Gonna tell me what this is all about?" he asked. His voice was still sleepy and gruff and sexy as hell.
"Oh, nothing. Nothing," Steve tried to reassure him a bit too fast. "Going to take a leak, 'kay?"
Before Steve could roll away, Danny snagged him with one strong arm and pulled him back against his chest.
"Don't you dare go anywhere," he whispered into Steve's ear. Steve felt the hot breath of his lover ghosting over his skin. Steve knew he could escape easily with a gentle shove or roll. Danny's grasp wasn't binding; it was merely persuasive. Heavy, warm, and comfortable. Steve gave in and laid his head on the pillow, staring away from Danny while the blond held him close and started showering him with tiny kisses from his ear down to his neck.
"I dreamed that you died," Steve blurted out.
Danny stopped what he was doing immediately and sat up straight, throwing a confused glance over his shoulder. Slowly, his eyes adjusted to the dim-lit room as the moonlight tried to find a way through the blinds.
"Come again," was all that Danny could muster. He kept staring at Steve's naked body, partly covered by one of the crumpled sheets.
to be continued...
Notes: It happened last week that my friend woke me in the middle of the night desperately. I knew something was off. The next day he told me that he'd dreamed that I died. I was sleeping like a log that night and it really took him some time to wake me. I felt so sorry for him. Aside from Alex's Interview, this nightly event caused my muse to go into overdrive.
Here is the link to Alex's s10 final interview /442465216 (copy-paste).