I have crippling depression.

Competition

Blake watched the mess unfold before her, smirking in delight.

Sun Wukong, Adam Taurus, and Yang Xiao-Long were all participating in what Ruby called a 'Shred Off'. As in, they were all competing to see who actually had the most shredded abs.

As the three idiots yelled at each other, pointing out every little difference in contour, definition, even hardness; Blake paid no heed to any of it. Sun had even started hanging off a pull-up bar and tasked his three teammates to slap his six-pack repeatedly with wooden sticks.

"C'mon, Neptune! Scarlet and Sage are doing their fucking best." Sun said through clenched teeth. He turned to Sage, a look of pure determination on his face. "You call that a hit, Sage? Put your back into it!"

Sage grunted, pulled back and put all his strength into his strike.

"AAAAYYIIIEEE!"

Yang on the other hand had chosen to show off in a different, but just as stupid way. She was pushing herself off the ground backwards, a position known as either 'The Crab' or 'The Table'.

For the past thirty minutes.

Yang's face currently matched her eyes, both a deep shade of red, though one was in concentration and one was in exhaustion.

Ruby stood right above her, a megaphone in her right hand and a small RWBY flag in her left, cheering her older sister on. All the while Weiss nonchalantly sat on Yang's abdomen, studying her nails as if nothing ridiculous was going on around her.

Did Blake mention Weiss was on top of Yang? Well, she was and it was doing interesting things to her imagination.

"C'mon, Yang! You can do this!" Ruby cheered. "You will get that Bella-Booty!"

"Ruby."

"Sorry."

"Uhhh, guys?" Yang strained to say. "Can... Weiss get off me already?"

"No." Weiss coldly replied, never once taking her eyes off her well manicured nails.

Blake snickered and turned her attention to the last contestant, her ex and now good friend Adam. Who was at the moment having his abs electrocuted by the rest of team Alabaster. Using electric dust and Mercury's prosthetic legs.

Oh sure, they were good friends now but even Blake had to admit she was loving watching her psycho ex have volts of electricity course through his body.

"Jaune, hit me with another round of lightning dust!" Mercury gleefully ordered.

Jaune saluted, before jamming several dust in Mercury's legs. The gray-haired teen then proceeded to kick the living crap out of Adam's stomach.

"Doctor Black!" Ren called, wearing a suspiciously skimpy pink nurse outfit while checking for Adam's heartbeat, in his ear. "We're losing him!"

"CLEAR!"

Blake chuckled to herself, taking a hearty bite out of her tuna sandwich as she watched the torture continue.

"Ummm, Blake?" Pyrrha asked, seated next to her. "I don't know if all this is very, um, what's the word..."

"Safe?" Nora offered, chucking loads of popcorn in her mouth, her attention laser-focused on Ren's revealing behind.

"Sane?"

The pained cries of the three gave her enough of an answer.

Melancholy

"And that my dear Emerald, is exactly how we'll act out my nefarious schemes." Cinder said in her usual sultry voice.

Cinder Fall and her subordinate Emerald Sustrai were currently holed up in their dorm, finalizing the details of the moves they'd be making in the following months. Everything had to go smoothly, and following her plans to the letter was paramount in their success.

I can't wait to shove it in their stupid faces once I succeed here. Maybe Watts' hideous moustache will fall right off his smug face, or Tyrian will finally shut his mad ravings and finally know his place in their order.

"Um, Cinder? Cinder? Hello, boss to Remnant?"

Cinder snapped back to reality, too caught up in her fantasies. "M-my apologies," she smoothed her dress out and composed herself in her seat, "were you saying something Emerald?"

"Uh, yeah. Ma'am, I just..."

"Just what, Emerald? Are my schemes not up to your standards?" Cinder couldn't keep the slight venom out of her voice.

"No." Emerald's eyes widened, her hands shaking in denial. "Not at all, Cinder. I think your plans are foolproof. It's just, well..."

"I don't have all day, Emerald. Out with it."

"Ma'am, I think Perry isn't cut out for the job." Emerald blurted out, turning away from Cinder in fear of retribution.

"Excuse me?"

Emerald inhaled a shaky breath and steadied herself. It's for the good of the plan, she told herself. "Perry-I mean Saw, isn't exactly convincing anyone that he's actually a transfer here, ma'am. I don't think anyone's convinced that he's, well, actually a kid. Or that he's sane."

Both women turned to the other end of the room, where said Perry was lying in his bed.

He was cradling his White Fang mask, whispering sweet nothings to it. The big man, covering the lower half of his face with a black mask, cooed his old mask, as if comforting it. Every now and then, they'd hear bits and pieces of 'Kill the Schnee' and ''Our saw will tear her in half' and most terrifying was 'Adam will come back to us. We'll show him our love and devotion, then surely he'll embrace us and the Fang again.'

"I see your point." Cinder admitted. "But we needed someone from the White Fang, and he was the best option."

"Best, ma'am?" Emerald deadpanned. "No offense, Cinder, but you didn't exactly pick him. He begged to come with us." She walked over to the hulking faunus and carefully reached towards the chainsaw lying flat on the ground next to his bed.

Emerald's hand whipped back to her as Perry immediately ceased his mad whispering and growled at her. Emerald dashed behind Cinder, putting her boss between her and the crazy faunus before them.

"Alright." Cinder pinched the bridge of her nose, feeling a migraine coming up. "I'll talk to the Fang and see if we can't get a more suitable replacement."

As Perry, the Saw, continued his insane conversation with his mask and Emerald clung to her back in fear, all she could say was one thing.

"Fuck."

If only Marcus hadn't been killed.

~•~

Mercury sneezed, feeling a flash of cold wind. Was someone talking about him?

He shrugged. It was probably just a cold.

"Okay Jaune, now back to my genius plan. If you want to win Weiss' heart, then listen to me and wear the goddamn dress and address yourself as Tequila Arc."

"NO!"

Folly

The girls of RWBY were relaxing in their dorm, grateful for the lack of homework over the weekend.

Ruby was happily humming to herself as she played a video game on her scroll, Weiss was dutifully catching up on Doctor Oobleck's lectures, Blake was quietly enjoying a good book, and Yang was busying herself by lifting a weight on one arm and scrolling through her scroll in the other.

Yup, just a normal and pleasant day in their room. But Ruby realized something was missing.

"Guys, where's Zwei?"

~•~

"Oh gods, oh gods." Ren, decked out in a full chicken costume was making a mad dash across the school's courtyard, a small corgi in a smaller chicken costume clutched safely in his arms, barking happily at all the madness. It was a miracle that he wasn't tripping over the stupid legs he was wearing.

Right beside him, running just as fast but with infinitely more enthusiasm was Mercury. He was sporting a giant grin on his face, his eyes full of mad delight. Behind them, students were scrambling away, shouting in fear as they were pushed aside by one Adam Taurus, brandishing his sword and screaming for their heads. Covered in peanut butter and ham.

It had not been one of Mercury's finest plans.

"Ren! Where's Jaune?"

~•~

"LIKE A BLOODY STORM, ATSUKU LIKE A BOOODY STORM!"

Jaune Arc, sporting wireless headphones, was grooving to the music blaring in them.

His three teammates had left their dorm early, something about Nevermore experiments with Professor Port or whatever. Jaune had shrugged, bid them goodbye, and spent the next two hours dancing and singing to his favorite playlist.

It was one of the best days of Jaune's life.

Filth

"Sex is cool and all, but slitting the throat of the father who abused and broke you is euphoric."

Jaune groaned into his food. He had heard of cracking jokes to cope with your pain, but he didn't find Mercury's patricidal jokes very funny. Maybe he just had a bad sense of humor?

Looking up from his plate, he saw Ren had cradling his head in his hands, a habit he had picked up after becoming a part of their team. Next to him, his ever-present shadow was Nora, who was trying her best to smile and not cringe at Mercury's peculiar taste in jokes. Right beside Jaune was Pyrrha, who was cringing, her face a mix of frustration, sadness, anger, and confusion at the sheer audacity of the gray-haired bastard. Even the normally relaxed Flynt and bundle of joy that was Neon couldn't help but duck their heads in disappointment at his crass remarks.

The only one unaffected was Adam Taurus, who nodded along nonchalantly, as if their topic was in any way sane or safe.

"But what about the feeling of removing the corrupt in power, beheading both them and their regimes, and crushing their cause with them?" Adam asked, his fork pointed at Mercury. "If anything, I feel like overthrowing an outdated form of authority would be much more orgasmic then killing your bastard of a father. I mean, not only do you slay individuals corrupted by power, you also help in setting the stage for a much better cause to rise up in its ashes."

Mercury hummed in thought. "Maybe, but it's less personal. Sex is supposed to be personal, and staging a revolution just doesn't have that intimate touch, you get me?"

"Point, point. But mine is more infectious. Not only do you get off, but so do those who accompanied you. It's like hosting the world's most successful orgy. Nothing like it."

"Valid. But like I said, what I choose is more intimate. It's like having a lover you've known for years just... touch you in all the right places."

"Then I suppose we can agree to disagree."

"Complete agreement. You do what gets you off, and I'll do what gets me o-"

"Oh my gods!"The normally collected Pyrrha couldn't handle it anymore. She had slammed her fist into the table, causing the utensils and trays to float on the table. This also garnered the attention of the rest of the students in the cafeteria.

Pyrrha, finally calming herself, relinquished her powers and let the trays fall gently back on top of the table. She gracefully stood from her seat, and stormed off.

Neon and Flynt followed suit, frustration plastered on their faces.

Nora gave a gentle pat on Ren's back before going with the rest of her team.

Mercury and Adam, bless their demented souls, were genuinely confused. Had they said something wrong.

Team RWBY arrived to see Adam and Mercury completely baffled, whispering to one another to see if they had said something offensive. Jaune had completely dunked his face into the soup, praying to the gods that it would drown it all out. And Ren was lying curled up like a ball underneath their table, weeping to himself.

Yang turned to her teammates.

"Did we miss something, or...?"

Difficulty

Yang wasn't surprised to find Ren alone in the library.

She had seen firsthand what had happened. It had been just another one his team's stupid conversations in the school's courtyard, but of course Mercury Black, being the insensitive prick that he was, had gone too far.

Yang hadn't been able to hear everything, but they had been talking about Jaune's parents, and Mercury had joked about how they must be part faunus to have such a large brood of kids. Jaune had laughed, Ren did what he could to make sure Adam wouldn't be offended, and Adam was being offended. The usual.

Then Mercury and his big mouth went on and said how lucky Jaune was, and how Mercury was just another piss-poor orphan of the world. That had caught Ren's attention, and things escalated. Mercury then went on a tirade about how not even parents and family could be trusted, and how they'd either betray or die out on you in the end. That was the point Ren had snapped and stood from his seat, and of course Mercury smelled blood and retaliated.

"The fuck is wrong with you?" Mercury growled, having stood up to face his teammate head-on.

"What's wrong with me? Nothing." Ren coldly replied, but there was bite in his words. "But you could stand to be more sensitive to piss-poor orphans."

"Oh please. What was I? I smelled of piss and shit, I was broke off my ass, and I was an orphan. Maybe you didn't know, but most orphans end up like that. But you of all people should know that, right orphan?"

Ren remained collected, but it was the first time anyone had seen him like this. His fists were clenched so hard she was afraid he might draw blood, and he was visibly shaking. "Not all of us have the privilege of being self-made, Mercury. Some of us didn't put in the time and effort to gain that title."

"Well, I mean you didn't have Marcus Black as your father beating the living shit out of you every single day. Or that my mom had just ran out on us - on me."

"Not all family is like that. Not everyone abandons their blood like that, and it's pretty fucking stupid and irrational of you to think so." It had been the first time Ren had cursed in front of any of his friends.

Ruby looked pained, Weiss was anxious, Blake was close to running off to get a professor in case things escalated, and Yang was just scared.Team PNNC weren't any better. Pyrrha was holding back a clearly enraged Nora, though she was having a visibly difficult time. Flynt was helping out, standing between her and Mercury, though he couldn't keep the displeasure off his face. Neon was trying to calm Nora down.

But the members of ALBT had it worse. Jaune was gripping Ren's shoulder, trying to calm the situation but to no avail. Adam stood slightly farther off, wearing a neutral expression but his body was tensed, ready to leap in in case things escalated.

"Really? Because the evidence suggests otherwise." Mercury sniped. "I mean, Taurus over there has no fucking clue who his parents are, Nora's in the same boat, and Yang's own shitty mom ran out on her. Not exactly helping your case there, Renny."

Yang immediately saw red, and was close to snapping and just breaking Mercury over her fist when Weiss stopped her, not wanting her to be baited by his words.

"Oh but let's not forget, your own parents died on you too, right? Mama and Papa Lie oh so valiantly sacrificing themselves just so they could let their son live, and what does he do? Train up just to leap into the same fire that killed them in the first place."

Everyone was quiet, but the tension in the air served as harsh noise just fine. Everyone from the three teams waited with baited breath, their instincts knowing that a fight was about to break loose.Seconds passed, though each felt like a painful eternity.

But to everyone's surprise, Ren said nothing and marched off. No comeback, no drawn weapons. He simply walked away.And that was when Nora had broke free from her team and rushed Mercury, decking him in the face with all her might. Mercury fell back, and with her momentum Nora leaped on him and proceeded to pummel him into the ground.

Afterwards everything was a messy haze. Yang struggled to recall exactly what happened later, but she knew that she was one of the teens who had pulled Nora off Mercury, in spite of the temptation to just let her continue. She remembered Adam and Jaune dragging Mercury off, away from the rest of the students. She even remembered Mercury's reaction - disappointment.

"Hey there, bud." Yang quietly said, seating herself across Ren. "You holding up okay?"

Ren had been silent, a deep frown on his lips as he was lost in thought. Though he brought himself out of it the minute Yang had spoken.

"Oh. Hey, Yang." Ren curtly replied. "I'm fine."

Yang frowned, smelling the obvious bullshit from miles away, but choosing to call him out on it gently. "C'mon man. Maybe we aren't that close, but you really don't have to lie to me like that. We're still friends, Ren."

Ren breathed a grave chuckle. He brushed a few strands of hair from his face, his ponytail normally neat was slightly disheveled. "Yes. We are friends."

Progress. "So...?"

"I should've seen this coming, really." Ren replied slowly, still unsure of opening up. "Not everyone really understands, but Mercury isn't all... there."

Yang motioned for him to continue, letting him know she was still there and that she was still listening.

"In the following weeks after we became a team, Mercury made a habit of his quite apparent. He loved poking at people, seeing how far he could provoke them until they snapped. He succeeded with Adam quickly, if you can imagine."

"Imagine?" Yang snorted. "They were practically at each other's throats every day. Those first few months were really rough. I remember Jaune just knocking at our dorm one night just to get away from their fights."

Ren nodded. "Yes. Well, things got better but Mercury never let his habit go. He broke Jaune quickly - he was a mess between crying and just full on murdering Mercury, which would not have gone well."

"Yeah, I can tell."

"But I never rose to his provocations. Any attempt he made, I simply brushed off. I was used to Nora, so I believed I would adapt quickly to him as well."

"Buuuut, Mercury is an asshole."

"A stubborn one to boot. I'm surprised it took me an entire semester to finally just snap. But I do understand."

Yang's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Understand? He was being a dick Ren. He brought your parents into this - hell, he brought most of our families into this."

Ren hummed, but his eyes did not meet hers. "Oh, I don't deny that. Mercury is a prime example of a massive prick. But he's not hard to get. Do you know what my Semblance is, Yang?"

Yang leaned back in her chair in thought, but she could recall it easily enough. "You basically enter 'zen-mode'," she finger-quoted, "and you become super calm which also helps in hiding you from the grimm."

Ren smiled at the crude explanation, but made no move to correct her. "Close. But in all reality, it simply removes my emotions, basically sealing away my id. Without emotions, negative or otherwise, I am practically invisible to the monsters grimm."

"Okay, but what does this have to do with anything?"

"What I'm trying to say is that I have the power to seal away my feelings. To forcefully remove them from the equation. But I can do this by choice. Mercury can't. He's emotionally stunted, and he even admitted once that he struggled to show normal emotions. Ever since I met him, I've known that he struggles with feeling certain things. He feels anger and rage, but finds difficulty in empathizing with others who feel the same. He understands, at least at face-value, that some things that don't affect him deeply affect others."

"Like the family thing."

"Yes. I'm not saying he can't feel it, but it's difficult for him to sympathize with others. He was abused by a cruel man, and he has no idea as to what had happened to his mother."

Yang shook her head. "It doesn't excuse the shit he pulled off, though. He's still a massive piece of ass for doing those things."

"True. He's a piece of shit, and I can't forgive him every time he brings up his past. But just as I said, he's a piece of shit who's missing pieces that would allow him to stop being a piece of shit. I don't plan on forgiving him any time soon, but being his teammate and, dare I say, his friend, I have to deal with it. I want him to be better. After all these months, I want him to get away from the path he would've taken, and I know he wants to do the same. He's just... lost, and being a jerk and provoking others is his way to cope with that fact."

"Well, I guess I'm glad that you're handling this so maturely, but he still deserves to get his teeth kicked in."

Ren laughed. "Oh don't worry. I'm already devising my revenge. But anyway, I'm surprised you were the one who came to talk to me."

Yang shrugged noncommittally. "Nora was too close to this. I volunteered, since you know," she gestured to her hair, "rage is my specialty and everything."

"Makes sense. And I'll handle Mercury. This isn't the first time he's done this, it's just the first time he's gone this far with me."

"Hey, I get it. I do. But I'm still gonna wail on him once you're through."

Ren smiled at that. Maybe they weren't that close, but he knew that that was just so her. Yang's anger was akin to a wildfire - quick to start and just as quick to die out without any fuel. She didn't hold grudges, she'll simply beat the tar out of you and call it that.

"Thank you, Yang."

"No problem, Ren. I'm still a bit weirded out by how maturely you plan on handling all this."

"When you bunk with Mercury, you get used to dealing with his problems and baggage. I know he can be better, it'll just... take a while."

With all things said and done, the two rose from their seats, emotionally drained and in desperate need of a nap, but at least they had emptied out everything from before.

Besides, tomorrow was full of opportunities to destroy Mercury Black.

Ha. I used funny shitposts haha to deceive you into a lull of comfort, before BAM. Hitting you with the big guns.

So the last short was an experimental thing. If I'm gonna write "The Hands of Time", I want to have my bases covered. Especially with angst, character conflict, and dialogue. Truth be told, I drew a lot from my own experiences. I relate a lot to Mercury because to me, he's the guy that instead of dealing with his own baggage and actually moving on, he chooses to be a snide, sarcastic, man-child who takes a shot at everyone close to him because it's easier than actually facing his own crap. It's toxic and just a bad trait, but it's something I know I have.

I've made a lot of my friends pissed off and angry and just all around diss me, and I've come close to ruining relationships from both my friends and family simply because I find being an asshole easier than being mature. I regret that, and I'm either blessed or lucky enough to have friends who knew how to deal with my bullshit. I'm still flighty and immature, but at least now I have people outside of my family who won't put up with my crap and make me face the music. I wanted to show that with Yang and Ren's conversation.

I hope I did a halfway decent job at least. Constructive criticism is something I've always had a hard time dealing with, but I'm learning to welcome it. But be gentle? Hahahaha.

Also, thanks for the wonderful comments. For this story and my others. I know this is just fanfiction to many others, but to me it's a big part of my life and I genuinely appreciate being a part of it.

Anyway, tl;dr I'm an ass, Mercury's an ass, please don't destroy my ass, instead kiss my ass, but also I'm trying not to be an ass by writing an ass fic.