A/N: So this started as an epilogue. Then it got longer and longer and more detailed, so I had to turn this into a chapter on its own. From what I have in plan now, I actually have one more chapter to go before the epilogue.
So here you go, after eight freaking years, Chapter 15 of Forever and a Day that nobody expected and nobody asked for, lol.
The chapter is just a glimpse of Mondler dealing with new parenthood. A lot of this chapter comes from personal experience and it was rather cathartic to write. I hope you guys too have a good time reading it.
Just a heads-up to anyone coming back to this fic - I reread the fic several years after writing it and have edited a few things to make it more readable and also fixed the grammatical errors that I spotted in the previous chapters. Except for a few details/dialogues (and the excessive commas and the rambling A/Ns, much like this one), the crux of the story remains the same.
My most sincere thanks to WendyCR72 for agreeing to be my beta again. You are wonderful :)
Forever and a Day
Chapter 15
Monica and Chandler decided to keep their engagement hidden from their friends since they wanted to enjoy the first months of their daughter's life without any distractions – it was just going to be their wonderful little secret.
They named their daughter Erica Bing instead of Erica Geller-Bing.
Monica happily gushed about her 'fiancé' to any nurse who came to her room. The nurses, for their parts, listened with amused smiles as the new mother rhapsodized about her to-be husband.
The young couple seemed so completely in love and utterly enchanted with their baby.
They got discharged after three days and Joey helped them vacate the room. They headed home with a drowsy Erica all bundled up in her soft, pink, polka dot blanket. Her parents had never been more terrified or excited.
Their other three friends waited restlessly for the couple to reach home and once they did, Rachel more or less pounced on the baby and carried her away from her mother. Erica had woken up on the drive home and looked disinterestedly at the faces surrounding her tiny being.
Phoebe assured Monica that they would have Erica sleeping again in no time, since she had come up with a whole bunch of new lullabies to sing for the baby and she got started right away.
Joey and Ross had fixed up the nursery completely, attending to the little things that Chandler hadn't had the time to get done.
When Chandler went to the nursery to drop off Erica's diaper bag, Ross followed him in to show the things that they had set up in there in the previous three days.
"We put up the blackout blinds that you guys wanted." He switched off the lights in the room as he spoke, showing him that the room became essentially pitch-black when the lights were turned off. A second later, he turned them back on again. "We put the changing station here so that you can just kick the door open," he demonstrated with his foot, "and head to the bathroom when there is a..." he paused, searching for the words, "let's say 'pooplosion'." When Chandler made a disgusted face, Ross nodded seriously. "Trust me, Chandler. It'll hit you when you least expect it. It's a rite of passage to parenthood," he grinned when Chandler remained steadily disgusted. "Oh, and we also set up the baby monitor," he turned it on, "there we go. Let me just quickly grab the parent unit. I want to show-" When he made a move to leave the room, Chandler gripped his shoulder so that he would turn to face him.
"Thanks, Ross," he smiled gratefully. "I don't know what to say... I really, really appreciate you guys doing all this."
"Of course, man." Ross pulled him into a hug, "I'm so happy for you both. My little sister and my best friend..." he smiled. "When I had Ben," he continued after a moment, "there were two things I heard constantly – that children are hard work and that children are such a joy." He shook his head, "What I have learned is that they are both gross understatements. Cherish it all, Chandler."
Erica wailed from the living room as if she were protesting Phoebe's musical skills.
Chandler grinned. "This is going to be a fun ride, huh?"
Ross grinned back and patted him on the shoulder. "You both should get some rest." He went to the door and gestured for Monica to join them. When she did, he motioned for them to go to their bedroom. "We will watch Erica for the next few hours. Go lie down for a bit, you're going to need it. First night back home is when the fun starts."
They heeded Ross's words and headed to their bedroom after Monica anxiously attended to every single immediate necessity of Erica's. When they finally collapsed on the bed and into each other's arms, they fell asleep to the sounds of newborn gurgles and their friends' happy chatter.
~.~
The first year of Erica's life was the hardest on her parents; The first month was, especially on Monica.
She felt like her body was leaking from everywhere and was constantly sticky and messy from milk and sweat and spit-up.
So when Chandler kept telling her that she had never been more beautiful to him, she really did not want to believe him, but the look of pure, unadulterated adoration that his eyes held whenever he was around her and their daughter made it really hard not to.
Organs in her body that she did not know could ache, ached. She cried all the time – when she was happy, when she was sad – and there were a plethora of things that made her sad.
Chandler held his laugh when she cried over TV commercials and held his tongue from saying stupid jokes during inopportune moments.
He had the hardest time not commenting 'Please don't cry over spilled milk, honey' when she accidentally spilled two ounces of her hard-earned, pumped breast milk and cried for a whole day just thinking about it.
She appreciated everything that he did, knowing that this was all incredibly hard on him too.
He just smiled and told her that things were going to be okay and that he loved her more than life itself.
~.~
The second month was easier when it came to the leaking and stickiness, but Erica suddenly decided that sleeping was not really her thing and her parents realized why sleep deprivation had been used as a successful torture technique for centuries.
Erica woke up every two hours, screaming bloody murder, and wouldn't calm down unless they held her for thirty minutes or so.
So they took turns tending to her. Their friends tried to help them as much as possible, but they all had full-time jobs, so the time that they could spare amounted to precious little.
Chandler had gone back to work after ten days of paternity leave. Monica's maternity leave was unpaid, so given that the sole responsibility of supporting his young family fell on his shoulders, he could not afford to take more days off.
He worked during the day and attended to the baby every four hours at night; Monica was with the baby all day long, and when Erica slept during the day, she had to cook, clean the house, and pump milk for Chandler to feed Erica during his turns at night, and this was all in addition to having to wake up every four hours at night. They barely got any sleep.
This took a toll on both of them, physically and emotionally. They snapped at each other at every turn, she cried, he sulked. He felt like crap when she cried, and it broke his heart to see her sad, but she snapped whenever he tried to comfort her too. It was a vicious cycle perpetuated by both of them, with no end in sight. With Erica's sleep worsening night by night, they just felt hopeless and miserable.
Monica set her dignity and apprehension aside and called her mother to come help them out. "I need your help, mom," she sniffled into the phone, hugging her own child close to her.
Chandler felt this was a huge mistake. Judy had been kind to Monica during the pregnancy, but he did not think being in close-quarters with Judy was a great idea, considering how Monica already seemed to be in a vulnerable state of mind. But he kept his mouth shut. He just wanted to support her any way he could.
Judy arrived the next day and was on her best behavior for two days. Then the trouble started. Monica wanted her things done a certain way, but Judy insisted that those ways were wrong. She also sneaked in barely-noticeable but rather hurtful comments into conversations with her daughter, which seemed to undermine Monica's tenuous grip on her new motherhood.
Chandler hated it. After her mother's arrival, Monica cried even more than before and was constantly despondent. And as if she knew her mom was depressed, Erica became more fussy, verging on colicky.
He tried to ignore and to not intervene in their mother-daughter dynamic; Judy was doing them a favor, after all. But he found it extremely hard not to intervene on the fourth day of Judy's presence.
"Monica, it's called breastfeeding," Judy tutted that morning, trying to 'correct' the way Monica was feeding the baby. "Not nipple feeding. Here."
Over his mug of coffee, he could see Monica trying to squirm away from Judy's intrusive touch and failing and he felt something snap in him.
Breastfeeding was one of the things that Monica had extensively researched about. She had told him that the love and bonding that she felt towards their daughter whenever she fed her was the most beautiful thing she had ever experienced.
They were having a hard enough time as it was. He really did not like Judy ruining this for Monica.
He slid his coffee mug across the table and went to where the women were seated on the couch and tapped Judy's shoulder, "Judy." At his no non-sense tone, they both turned to look at him, "I think Monica has got this," he gestured at the happy, milk-drunk baby at his fiancée's breast, "so how about we give them some space."
Judy looked at him stunned and nonplussed and then nodded, "Right! I need to get to those last night's bottles anyway."
Once she left the couch in a hurry, he felt Monica's hand slide onto his own resting on the couch's backrest. When he looked at her, she smiled at him tenderly and whispered, "Thank you."
He smiled back and leaned down to place a kiss on her temple but realized this was the first time he had seen her smile in days.
He desperately wanted to make her happy but didn't know how. He just felt like a lousy partner.
He decided that the fighting, snapping, and lashing out had to stop right away. So when she got into bed that night after getting Erica to sleep, he pulled her close and held her tight. When she laid her head on his chest, he quietly said, "I don't want to fight any more, Monica."
"Me neither." She pulled herself closer and tucked her face against his neck, pressing a kiss there. "I'm so sorry for the way things have been these past couple of weeks."
He felt her tears dampen his skin and pulled back immediately. "What the hell are you sorry for?" he asked her, astonished.
"For being so... unreasonable. So... moody." She wiped her tears away and looked at him confused as she wondered if he really needed an answer for such an obvious question.
"Honey," he looked at her seriously. "You just had a baby. You are allowed to be all those things." He smiled self-deprecatingly, "Me, on the other hand..."
"Chandler," she shook her head, stopping him from continuing. "Don't trivialize what you are going through. This must all be really hard on you too. And on top of everything, you need to be back at work at eight every morning, whether or not you sleep the previous night. I just... I don't even know how you do it." Fresh tears ran down her cheeks as she sobbed out her last sentence.
"Okay," he nodded, pulling her back into his arms. "Okay, I'm not going to lie and say this has been easy on me, but I am sure we will get past this. I mean, she has to start sleeping better at some point, right?" he chuckled helplessly. "Maybe we could help her somehow, I don't know. Let's get a white noise machine. Let's take her to the pediatrician again. Maybe she is struggling with something?"
"Wind, reflux..." Monica shrugged, "God, I don't know. I hope not," she sniffed. "That poor thing."
"Yes. Maybe she just isn't feeling well. We take her to the doctor. We get her checked up. If it turns out that there is nothing wrong, we just wait for this to pass. It is going to pass, Mon. Even Ross said it will."
She nodded, "Okay."
"But," he continued, looking at her meaningfully, "you have to help me with something in the meantime."
"Anything."
"I don't want to make you cry any more, Monica," he said, sounding desperate. "I can't... I don't- I don't know what to do when you cry. And I don't like it when you cry. It makes me incredibly sad. I realize you are feeling emotional and exhausted and there are hormonal fluctuations going on... But I don't like it when you cry on my account," he paused thinking his statement over, "or on anyone's account, for that matter."
She smiled, nodding. "I understand," she murmured, kissing his cheek.
"So tell me what I can do to make you happy. And what I can do to not make you cry. I promise you, I will do anything."
And they talked. She told him that they should be more patient with each other. He told her that they must never go to bed angry and that they should never carry an argument forward to the next day.
They both wholeheartedly agreed to everything.
He kissed her forehead and suddenly sat up a few seconds later to retrieve something from the drawer in his bedside table. "With everything that's been going on, I forgot to give you this." He handed her a small Ziploc bag as he laid back down.
She took it from him and squinted at it in the darkness.
"It's a picture of Erica from the day she was born," he said quietly, tugging her necklace free from her nightshirt. "For the other side of your locket."
"Chandler..." she smiled at him gratefully as she looked at the tiny, tiny picture of Erica. She clicked the locket open and inserted the picture slowly and carefully into the vacant half. "I love it," she kissed his cheek and gazed into his eyes, "I love you."
"I know," he grinned, kissing her twice against the side of her neck before pulling her half across his torso. "Good night, Mon."
"Good night, honey," she murmured back.
They fell asleep happy for the first time in what felt like several days. Life seemed a little less scary.
~.~
Judy had agreed to stay for five days and the fifth day was the next. She seemed relieved and back to her 'loving mother'-self when she said her goodbyes. "Take care, sweetie," she kissed her daughter on the forehead and turned to kiss Erica on her tiny forehead too. "Call me any time you need help," she told Monica.
Finally, she turned to Chandler and gave him a hug. "Take good care of her, Chandler."
"You know I will," he nodded back, squeezing Monica's hand. "Thank you so much for coming to help us."
The moment her mother left, Monica called the pediatrician's office to book an appointment for the next day.
Dr. Levy, a kind, jovial man in his fifties, instantly recognized Erica's absolute refusal to sleep and screaming wake-ups as symptoms of 'silent reflux'.
"Look, Mr and Mrs. Bing," he started. The couple did not correct him. "All newborns have reflux. It's just that in Erica's case, it's a bit more severe than we would like it to be. So I'm going to prescribe her something for it. Give it to her once a day, about thirty minutes before you feed her at bedtime. We will keep monitoring her until she is four months old. They usually grow out of reflux after four months, on their own."
That night, they gave Erica the medicine before they took her in for her bath and grinned as her face twisted into one of pure repulsion. She gagged dramatically, her mouth forming a cute, little 'o', and thrust her tiny tongue out.
"That's right, missy," Chandler mock-admonished her, "that's what you get for not letting your parents sleep for two weeks straight."
After bathing her, Monica took the baby to the nursery, dressed her up for the night, and fed her in the glider chair until Erica fell asleep. She transferred the sleeping child carefully into the crib and walked out. When she entered her own bedroom, she found Chandler already asleep on the bed.
It was just half past seven, but time held no meaning anymore. They had to sleep whenever their daughter let them.
She got into the bed beside him and fell asleep within minutes, all the while hoping that she wouldn't have to wake up again in two hours.
When she actually did wake up, it wasn't from Erica's screams, but instead from the puddle of milk under her breasts and the pain emanating from them, as if they were going to explode. She groaned in pain and leaned over the still-sleeping form of Chandler to look at the clock. It said quarter past two.
Erica had never once, in her short life thus far, slept for this long.
She smiled to herself but grimaced from the ache again. She quietly cursed to herself and left the warm bed to go force-feed her sleeping daughter to get some relief from the extreme discomfort, throwing a look of envy towards Chandler.
There was no winning in motherhood, was there?
~.~
"I really, really hope she'll sleep like she did yesterday." He yawned as they got into bed the next night. The previous night was the first time he had gotten eight hours of sleep since Monica went into labor. He still felt absolutely drained.
"I think she will," Monica nodded. "She spit up considerably less today than she usually does. I think the medicine is working."
"That's good."
"She did the cutest thing this afternoon," Monica smiled. "I was tickling her feet when I was changing her diaper and she managed to give me a teeny-tiny smile," Monica spread her thumb and forefinger apart a little bit to show him the length. "It was so adorable, Chandler."
"Aww..." he smiled back. "Isn't she a little young to be smiling though?"
"Well, she is almost six weeks now. From what I've read, they can start smiling this early."
"I miss you guys so much when I'm at work." He kissed her gently and closed his eyes, exhaustion overcoming him, but heard her speak again just when he began to drift off to sleep.
"Chandler, can I tell you something?"
That tone pulled him back into consciousness. "Of course."
"I don't think I can go back to work next month, Chandler," she said very quietly, sounding almost ashamed. She had already used up five weeks out of her twelve weeks of maternity leave, since she had to be on bed-rest for the last weeks of pregnancy. The thought of leaving Erica with someone else made her extremely anxious. "I don't want to leave her in a daycare and we surely can't afford a nanny."
He propped himself up on his elbow to look at her. "Has that been bothering you?"
"A little bit..." she nodded and then sighed when he maintained his gaze, "Okay, a lot. I don't think I can leave her this soon and head off to work. I'd like to be home with her for at least a year." Her eyes filled with tears and she futilely wiped them away. "I don't want to leave her when she is so little."
"Why didn't you tell me that before?" he queried softly as he ran the pads of his fingers across her cheeks to dry her tears.
"Because it's so stupid. How many women have the luxury of not going back to work after having their baby? What would make me so special that-"
"Monica, nothing that you feel is 'stupid'," he cut her off firmly. "If this is what you feel is right, then this is what we will do. Call the restaurant tomorrow and quit your job." When she looked at him doubtfully, he shook his head with conviction. "Don't even think about this for one more second. You are an amazing chef. I'm sure it won't be hard for you to find another job when Erica is a year old."
"You already work so hard, Chandler. I cannot ask you to support me and Erica for one more year, all on your own," she moved to turn away, hoping to bring the topic to an end. Why did she have to open her mouth?
He caught the sleeve of her nightgown between his fingers and twisted it to pull her back. "You can and you should, because that's what a husband would do for his wife and child."
She stared at him, speechless. God, she loved this man.
"Please, will you call the restaurant tomorrow? For me?"
"Okay," she sighed, her lips curving into a reluctant smile.
He leaned in again and kissed her deeply. When he pulled back, he nudged his nose against hers and yawned again. "Now, can we please go to sleep? There is a very good chance that our daughter is going to wake up screaming in about..." he twisted to look at the radium hands on clock on his bedside table, "an hour and a half."
She laid her head on his shoulder and whispered, "I love you so much."
"Oh, Miss Geller," he breathed into her hair. "You have no idea how much I love you."
~.~.~
A/N: To all the readers who reviewed/favorited/followed the Ross Geller's Weddings fic and the other fics after the last update, thank you so much. It's really encouraging to see so many responses, especially when you return to a fandom after several years :)
So, as I said, there will be one more chapter here before a small-ish epilogue. I might bump up the rating to M for the next chapter, but I don't really want to do that this far into the fic. So we'll see how that goes.
As always, thank you so much for reading :)