Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

Rise

Chapter 15

The last thing Sasuke expects to hear as he makes his way down a barren alleyway on his way home nearly a week later is the sound of Sakura's laugh.

For a moment he thinks his mind is playing games with him. It wouldn't be unexpected, really. Not after the brutal nightmares and merciless bouts of self-hatred. No, hallucinating wouldn't be the worst of it; Sasuke found himself half-thinking he was going mad numerous times over the last few days.

So he keeps walking, anger pulsing through his veins, sneering to himself, Idiot. Stupid. Getting your fucking hopes up over nothing—

But then he hears it again—that full, hearty laugh, cheerful and carefree. And Sasuke finds himself reeling as a result.

Because it is her laugh, and he doesn't quite know what to do with the sharp, almost painful relief that slams into him. It's akin to the feeling of whiplash; after days of vicious distress and anxiety, he finds the sudden change in emotion—the feeling of knowing that Sakura is safely back in Konoha—nearly unbearable.

He whips around in the direction of her voice, heart racing, and his world narrows down solely to the fact that she is alive. Alive and well enough to be laughing in Konoha's streets. His eyes immediately alight on her from where she stands at the alleyway's intersection to the main street just fifty feet away from him, and he's once again floored by the high he feels simply from seeing that she looks unharmed.

Sakura's smiling widely, green eyes joyous as she nods at something a passing civilian says to her. There's a bag of groceries dangling from her arm, and she's wearing a casual white shirt and navy skirt—the outfit she often wears on her days off.

It's then that Sasuke realizes that she hasn't just returned. If anything, it looks like she's been back for quite some time. Obviously enough time for her to check in with Kakashi and freshen up at home before heading out to do some grocery shopping.

The realization weighs on his chest like a physical blow—the knowledge that she would return weeks late from a mission, no word from her or her team in just as long, and begin going about her chores before thinking to let him know she was home safe.

How little, Sasuke wonders, feeling more than just a little unstable—just how little must she think he cares for her? To return quietly, letting him go for Kami knows how long worrying that something happened to her until he ran into her on the goddamn streets? Despite knowing that he's being completely irrational, he can't help but wonder if she ever thought—all those weeks she was gone—that he just might be concerned for her well-being.

He watches as Sakura clasps hands with the civilian in farewell. She waves and begins to turn away, toward Sasuke's direction, smiling all the while.

And his blood begins to boil with fury. Idiot, he seethes. Selfish, greedy idiot.

Because who is he, out of all people, to expect otherwise? Who is he—murderer, traitor, bloodthirsty good-for-nothing monster—to expect Haruno Sakura to know that he cares for her? To know that less than two years ago his hand was indeed at her throat and he had every intention of ending her life, but that despite it all now the thought of never seeing her again terrifies him to a degree he can barely comprehend?

As if she can sense his thoughts, Sakura slowly turns her head and meets his gaze from across the alley. She smiles as she recognizes him, radiant. Her eyes light up like she's received the greatest gift of her life just from seeing him.

He doesn't deserve it.

Sakura's lifeless eyes are wide as they stare blankly at the grey sky above. Her mouth is open, frozen in the beginning of a scream—

His hands flex at his side. Open, closed, open, closed. Blood rushes through his head, deafening and shrill.

"Sasuke-kun!" she calls. His heart twists at the elation in her voice.

Sakura begins to walk toward him and he takes her in with almost feverish intent, scanning her for injuries, analyzing the cadence of her step to ensure she doesn't falter in the slightest.

Nothing. Not even a scratch.

He feels he could almost fall to his knees from the force of his relief. And yet part of him can't help but think that he doesn't deserve to worry about her as he does. Doesn't deserve to feel such relief at seeing her home, safe and smiling—

"Long time no see! Where are you headed?" Sakura asks, looking up at him with delight as she comes to stand before him.

Blood runs slowly down her chin and he watches, helpless—

"I was just getting some groceries before heading home," she continues. "Everything in my fridge went bad." She waves a hand in the air, grinning. "But I really shouldn't be complaining. I'm just happy to be home."

Achingly slow, his hand lifts until it's inches from his face. It's coated in her blood, still disgustingly warm—

"Enough about me, though. Where are you headed? If you're on your way home let's walk togeth—"

She stops short. Sasuke watches as the smile falls from her face, watches as she looks at him, really and truly taking him in. The joy drains from her eyes to be replaced by heavy concern.

"S-Sakura-chan?"

"What's wrong, Sasuke-kun?" She sounds lethal, as if she's just about ready to hunt down and murder the cause of his evident instability.

Sasuke's head whips up to find Naruto standing ten feet away. The blond's eyes are locked on the body of his lifeless teammate, wide and so utterly lost, as if he can't believe the sight before him.

"Nothing." He barely recognizes his own voice. Can only stare at her, breathless, his sense of reality clouding as the nightmare takes hold of him.

Sakura blinks, gaze fixing on him as if she can read his very thoughts. Her eyes narrow. "I think I know you better than that," she responds, adamant. Then, softer this time: "Please. Tell me what's wrong?"

Sasuke opens his mouth to answer, unsure of what to say. Then something catches his eye in his peripheral, and he makes the mistake of looking down. One moment all he sees is his bare hand curled into a fist at his side, and in the next moment it's coated crimson, dripping with blood.

His vision blurs and his head snaps up as terror rakes down his spine. Horrified of what he might find before him, of what he might have done, he nearly suffers a heart attack until he registers that Sakura is standing before him just as she was before, stubbornly concerned yet unharmed.

"Jesus, Sasuke-kun." His vision clears and he zeroes in on the widening of her eyes, the anguish reflected in them. "Are you okay? What happened?" She takes another step forward, hand outstretched as if to touch his cheek. He can only imagine how he looks to her.

Sasuke can't bear to look at him. He tries so hard to turn away and yet he can't move an inch—

Enough. Enough.

Sasuke shoves his fists into his pockets and whirls around, heart thundering in his chest, his only thought of escape lest his nightmare become reality as it's clearly threatening to do. He's never been so afraid of himself.

And he's fucking forced to watch as the disbelief in Naruto's eyes morphs into bone-chilling agony because the girl he loves is dead, and the friend he's tried for so long to save is the one who killed her—

"Sasuke."

Sakura's voice cracks, and even though he's no longer facing her he just knows there are tears welling in her eyes.

The thought is a knife to his gut, twisting and tearing. Again. Again he's hurt her. And he wants so badly to reach out to her, to tell her he's sorry, to explain himself to her and hope that she will understand—

"SAKURA-CHAN!" Naruto screams.

But Sasuke buries the thought as quickly as it came. What right does he have to ask for her forgiveness? To remain in her life, basking in the warmth she carries everywhere she goes, taking advantage of her never-ending affection day after day?

None, he thinks. He has no right.

Because Sakura is kind and selfless and caring, and he is the monster that has hurt her time and time again. He doesn't deserve her; he's not worthy of and cannot for the life of him understand her love that's lasted years of countless hardships and betrayals.

And he is too fucking afraid of himself to risk putting her in harm's way again.

"Please." Sakura's voice is nothing but a faint whisper, laced with heartbreak. "I'm not too sure what's going on, Sasuke-kun. I promise I won't push you, just—please. It kills me to see you like this. Please don't walk away from me."

But isn't that his speciality? Walking away. Showing others his back. Pushing away the people who mean the most to him, time and time again.

"I'm fine, Sakura." It's the most painful lie he's ever told, because he is quite literally falling apart at the seams and has no idea what to do about it.

"I don't believe you—"

"Just stay out of it, Sakura," he snarls. How is it so dangerously natural for a person to be cruel as he can? "It doesn't concern you."

Silence. He doesn't dare turn around.

Then: "Of course, Sasuke."

She sounds tired, weary to her very core. He tries not to think of the fact that she just returned from a month-long mission, the details of which—why are you so late why didn't you contact the village do you have any idea how worried I was?—remain unknown to him. She must be exhausted. Above anything she deserves a warm smile and a "I'm glad you're back," or a joking "What took you so long?"

She deserves to hear the truth despite it all—that he missed her, and that he is so, so happy she's okay.

Yet here he is treating her like she's nothing more to him than the dirt beneath his feet. Like the last year meant nothing to him.

"It never does concern me, does it?" Sakura says, steady and emotionless. "My apologies. Have a good night, Sasuke."

Sasuke listens to the sound of her footsteps fading away until he's left standing in the middle of the empty alleyway. Alone.

Just as he tries to tell himself he wanted.

A/N: Have faith in me, friends. This isn't all for naught. :) A huge thank you, as always, to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! I'm so excited to share the upcoming chapters with you all.

With love,

Shannon