She cut off her tail for him.
She cut off her tail with his own sword. He could only watch as she bled out, collapsed at the Rock where he had committed his greatest sin, where he had ruined their fate so many centuries ago.
He had done too much damage already, he should stay away from her. But he needed to see her, to be at her side. He followed her to Kunlun, where he was greeted by her family. How fortunate she was, to be surrounded by so many who loved her. Even if he could not keep her safe, even if he led her, again and again, into harm's way, she had her family to look out for her. If he could only remove himself from her life, they would keep her safe. But he was a selfish god, a fact well known in all the Heavens. He could not keep himself from her side, not for all the universe.
Bai Qian scorned him, blamed him for all her niece's suffering. He knew she was right, no matter what Zhe Yan or Mo Yuan said. He had cut her more deeply than any knife, he had ruined her fate before she was even born. He didn't deserve to see her now, but they let him in, and he could not refuse. He was a selfish god.
They left him alone with her, apparently trusting him enough that he could do her no harm. Perhaps he had ruined her life enough, there was no more he could do. Or perhaps they saw how broken he was, that he was incapable of anything now. Most of his power was lost to him, having already given it up for her. So many times she had nearly died because of him. There was nothing left for him to do to her.
She leaned into him, and he wrapped his arms around her. She was delirious, rambling about the rain while she played weakly with his hair. Of course, in her suffering, she would reach for the love of her mortal husband. He only wished that he could give her that. He called her Jiu'er because that was how he thought of her. His Jiu'er. No, not his, he had no right to think of her so. She could not be his. But in the deepest part of himself, a part he no longer recognized as his own, he wished that he could call her his own.
In a moment of clarity, she recognized him as himself, and not a mortal Emperor. But she thought she only dreamt of him. She did not believe she would come to him. And how could she know, when he has never shown her his true regard? It breaks his heart, if he still possesses one, to kiss her forehead, knowing she does not, cannot know of the depth of his feelings.
When he is sure she is asleep, he lays her back on the bed and leaves. He does not look back at her, though it takes all his strength. She would not remember his coming, she was too ill. He asks that they not tell her he had come. It was better that way. He must separate himself from her. He could not trade the universe for his own desires, no matter how selfish a god he was. But to see her like this, he was nearer to breaking his vow than he had even been. He was a selfish god, and for that, he could not allow himself even the temptation. For her, he would betray the universe, and every vow he had ever made.
She cut off her own tail for him. And if he were not careful, he would destroy the universe for her.
A/N: This is my first time posting anything I've written. I'm not sure how I feel about it, but I enjoyed writing it. I hope you all liked it! ❤