Chapter Six
It had never really occurred to Cho that she wouldn't make the Ravenclaw Quidditch Team. Once she had made up her mind to return to Hogwarts to retake her final year, her mind simply imagined how that experience would look and she had never considered a different outcome. It wasn't until she had walked across the pitch to join her fellows in tryouts that she realised she had a nervous little buzz in her belly - her anticipated place as Seeker was suddenly a little less certain.
It was catching Ginny's eye that increased her nervousness, she felt a feeling of stage fright that she thought may just have had a little more to do with her friend than quidditch. Now, as then, Cho had to tear her mind away from thoughts of Ginny Weasley and focus them on the task at hand. She had made the team after all, and had easily secured the Seeker position. She and Ginny were developing a close friendship with a competitive banter, it was fun and they laughed, a lot - something both women needed and noticed.
They spent a good two hours together training every morning except for Sundays, they saw each other at weekly Prefect meetings and sometimes crossed paths during the commission of Prefect duties, in passing between classes and in the Great Hall for meals. They didn't share any classes however because Cho was in the seventh year and Ginny in the sixth. Soon they will be seeing each other on Sundays at the matches, they would either be playing each other, watching the other or spectating together.
As much time as Cho spent either being with or thinking about Ginny, she still managed to keep on top of her school work and her other responsibilities. She remained highly attentive in each of her classes, taking detailed notes, completing her homework thoroughly and steadily making her way through assessment items and essays. It was relatively easy and far more pleasant working with Hermione, they kept each other on track and up to date.
It was a pleasant change for Hermione, too who for once was working with a student who contributed to her success, she was not needed to explain subject content, to nag anyone to do the weekly readings, remind them to do homework, encourage them to begin essays and assessments. In fact, Cho
contributed to Hermione's education in the same way as she contributed to Cho's, it was an even exchange, for once.
Cho was averaging A plus in each of her subjects and although it was early days, she felt that returning to Hogwarts was a good choice and she was making good on her opportunity. She found Hermione to be as intense as her reputation gave her credit for being, but not at all unpleasant, they had both read all of their textbooks over the summer, before having even arrived on the school grounds. Cho had good relationships with all of the Professors, she perfectly understood the requirements of each of the assessment items due over the course of the term.
Cho benefited enormously from exposure to Hermione's approach to her studies, but she didn't let that give her cause for slacking off or letting Hermione down, she worked just as hard, pushing herself to go beyond the required and expected minimum responses to homework and assessment questions. She was creative, managed to find quality resources and unexpected applications for their collaborations. Hermione was impressed and enjoyed working with Cho just as much.
That Sunday night Cho wrote a long letter to her mother, she had promised to keep in touch and to be honest about her mental health, thank god for her mother, really. Cho's trouble and decline had begun with the murder of her boyfriend, Cedric Diggory. Up to that point, Cho's life had felt so easy. Her family life was simple, loving, stable, they had enough money, she did well in school, she was pretty, popular, was good at Quidditch - and then out of nowhere her boyfriend was viciously murdered by Lord Voldemort.
His lifeless body had dropped out of the atmosphere and onto the ground in front of the whole school. In front of her, in front of his father. It was the single most shocking, most devastating thing that had ever happened to her. To her! It was like a nightmare had become her reality, it had disrupted her otherwise dream of a life.
She had always believed the stuff about Voldemort, she had believed Harry Potter and the others, she had joined Dumbledore's Army and trained and prepared to fight but it had always seemed far away. Either in the past or the future, concerning other people, not her, not Cedric. On the one hand Harry's well known history and experiences brought the effects of Voldemort to certain proximity but on the other she had obviously just not understood, not comprehended. Perhaps it was her privileged life that made it possible for her to assume that such danger was of no real concern or consequence to her!
But it had started with Ced's unexpected, brutal murder. It was her inability to overcome the shock, to process the fact of it, to accept it's finality. It had been so unfair, Ced had been so beautiful, hardworking, quite clever and so brave - he had his whole life ahead of him. Perhaps not a life with her, she hadn't had those particular expectations, but she had expected him to live. Not to see his dead, lifeless, chalky white body on the ground for the whole school to see and in her thoughts and dreams. She had been startled from many a head trip and been woken a great many nights to Mr Diggory's heart wrenching screams as he leaned over the body of his dead son.
Harry Potter had been with Cedric when he had been murdered, he had brought Ced's body back from, not the maze apparently, but from wherever that had happened. Harry Potter who had been looking at Cho with dreamy heart eyes for two years. The longer she had dwelled on Cedric's death, hearing his father's screams and Harry's heroic ability to withstand Voldemort yet again, it all became confused over time. Her inability to eat, to sleep, to find any sort of peace, and her grief sort of bled into some sort of romantic muddle.
And the guilt she felt over that was overwhelming; she had betrayed Ced's memory and she had misled Harry. It all compounded, her marks plummeted and her performance on the Quidditch pitch took a nosedive, her emotional health became degraded, her mental health deteriorated with insomnia, depression, anxiety. Then her physical health also declined, she cried all the time, and her behaviour became unpredictable and irrational.
And that was before Dumbledore's Army; Marietta's betrayal of the group under pressure and out of fear of Professor Umbridge; her own later betrayal of her friends under effect of the truth potion Veritaserum; which was then followed up by total social ostracization which shattered her already vulnerable self. She hung in as long as she could but at some point, she hardly realised it was happening, her mother took her home, she barely remembered it now. At first it was bed rest and chicken soup, then it was exercise and self help remedies and finally it was professional first aid.
Her mother had done her best but neither of them had known how bad it was, but as soon as it was suspected, Mrs Chang had mined every resource in both the magical world and the muggle world. Cho began attending psychiatric and psychological therapies, a range of services, treatments, remedies and interventions, eventually Cho began participating and later finding results. It took time, but she began sleeping, eating, exercising. She began acknowledging, sharing and accepting.
She might not have survived if it weren't for her mother, she might not ever have regained her health. So when she wrote to her mother she kept her word, she shared in lengthy generous detail her daily routine, she could not restrain her happiness having won her place as Ravenclaw Seeker and knew her mother was proud that she had been chosen as Head Girl. It was late but Cho pushed her feet into her shoes and pulled on a coat over her pyjamas and ran through the castle and up to the Hogwarts Owlery to post her letter.
She burst rather ungraciously through the door and was caught off guard seeing someone else in the tower room. A lone student stood, looking out of the window, with her hands wrapped around her own slender waist, her dark red hair in a long loose braid hanging down her back. Cho would know that hair anywhere. Ginny Weasley. Cho stopped suddenly feeling as though she had disturbed a private moment, unsure whether she should leave and come back tomorrow.
Ginny turned slowly, coming back to reality from some apparently deep thoughts,
"Chang," she said quietly with a small dry smile.
"Sorry, it seems I have intruded," offered Cho.
"I was sending a letter home," replied Ginny.
Cho held up her own, "Me too."
"I'm the youngest of seven and Fred died in the Battle of Hogwarts, so my parents are rattling around our home, alone, grief stricken," Ginny shared what must have been her private thought.
"I'm sorry. About Fred," said Cho.
"You were here, I remember, for the final battle," Ginny eyed her friend closely.
Cho reached into her pyjama pocket and pulled out a coin, she opened her hand and showed it to Ginny, it was her DA coin. "It was hell, wasn't it?" she said, the pain evident in her voice.
"Yes. Yes it was. And my mother still feels it. She went from an energetic mother of seven, forever preoccupied with getting meals on the table, ironing, school books, making the Galleons stretch to meet our needs. How she kept all those boys in line, I will never know. Now she looks like a frail old woman who has very little to do but remember."
Cho had nothing to say. She understood distress, heartbreak, shock, grief, the inability to recover, the secret desire to not recover. She knew as well as anyone that some sentiments needed no response. Sometimes simply listening was more valuable than a clever platitude. She gave a small nod to indicate she had heard and kept her eyes on the young woman before her.
"Sorry," Ginny stood aside and moved her hand to indicate that Cho should post her letter. Cho moved forward and selected a school owl, she began tying the message to its outstretched leg,
"How does George cope?" she asked.
Ginny watched as Cho secured the message, collected the small brown owl in her hands and carried it over to the window, where Ginny was standing, and tossed him gently out. She turned to look at Ginny, wondering if she was going to answer, she could clearly see the high emotion in her face.
"He was devastated, of course," Ginny shrugged helplessly, "But he tried so bravely to carry on, for our parents sake, maybe his own. Ron works with him now in Fred and George's Joke shop in Diagon Alley, so he is not alone, that's something."
"Walk me back?" Cho asked, gently after they had stood in silence for some minutes, it was a rather ingenious way of making sure Ginny didn't stand out in the cold, alone. Not much got past Ginny, but she accepted the offer wordlessy, pushed off the wall and followed Cho out of the Owlery and down the winding staircase.
"Most people trip over themselves to fill the silence. Not you, Chang."
"I'm not unfamiliar with pain, with grief. Some questions have no answers." it was her turn to shrug now, "I did find comfort in understanding and knowing I was not alone. That was enough."
"Hmmm, sounds like an interesting story."
"It's a story, I doubt it's very interesting. Certainly not unique. Hang around, Weasley, and you may just get to hear it some day."
"I accept your invitation." The two women smiled at each other, said good night and departed for their own common rooms, to turn in.