Chapter 10: They're All Alive, I'm Not
Pronunciation note: Rinoa (rih-NO-uh).
"Innocence" by Avril Lavigne.
Hermione fell hard, just outside the Hogwarts front gates, her bottomless bag falling free of her arm and landing a couple feet away. She looked at Garus' watch immediately. It looked like a normal watch again. She picked up her bag and straightened her cloak as she stood up. She detached her otter pin from her sweater and quickly transfigured it back into the Pensive Perfume bottle. She held it out at half an arms-length and sprayed one pump of it on herself. She smiled when she found it smelled faintly of peppermint and pine, 'A fitting scent for late November and December,' she thought. She transfigured the bottle into a pin again, and just in time.
"Ms. Hermione Granger?" Hermione jumped and whirled around.
"Professor Dumbledore?!" She gasped before she could stop herself. The younger Dumbledore before her flashed a familiar benign smile. He didn't seem surprised she knew who he was, or that she seemed on edge.
"I hope you got here alright," he said. "You just lost your father, didn't you? I hope he didn't suffer."
"He didn't, Sir," Hermione said. "He died instantly. I…" A panic rose in Hermione's chest. She didn't know what else to say.
"No need to talk about it, Ms. Granger," Dumbledore said kindly. "I understand." Hermione just nodded. "We hold the sorting ceremony in the Great Hall for first years, at the start of term," Dumbledore continued, "but since we'll have to reawaken the Sorting Hat, we'll just do your sorting in my office." Hermione nodded and followed Dumbledore up the hill toward the castle, pinning her turquoise otter pin back on her sweater. As she walked, she noticed something: A member of the staff was casting cleansing spells at the Whomping Willow, several yards away.
"What's wrong with the Whomping Willow?" She asked, not thinking about what she was saying. She tensed.
"I assume you encountered the Willow when you visited the school a couple of years ago, searching for information about your mother's side of your family?" Dumbledore said, "You came during winter holiday, did you not?" Hermione nodded a little too frantically. Snape must have tempered the Pensive Perfume to cover her obvious familiarity with the school. "I wasn't here then," Dumbledore said. "I had some business to tend to in London." Hermione nodded again, not trusting herself to speak until she felt better able to censor herself.
"One of the students, Davy Gudgeon, tried to get past the Willow," Dumbledore answered her question. "He nearly lost an eye. He'll probably be confined to the Hospital Wing for another week. The Willow is quite aggressive, but it doesn't like having blood on it; it gets even more violent when bloodied. So, some brave souls among the staff are cleaning its branches."
Hermione and Dumbledore had reached the castle and were walking inside the Entrance Hall. It was almost completely deserted due to the time of night. The only other people in sight were the Head Boy and Head Girl, coming down the stairs.
"Professor Dumbledore, is this our new transfer student?" Lily Evans asked as she and James Potter came level with Dumbledore and Hermione.
"Yes, Ms. Evans," Dumbledore said. "This is Hermione Granger. Ms. Granger, this is our Head Girl, Lily Evans, and our Head Boy, James Potter. Both are Gryffindor seventh-years." Hermione shook the hands of Lily and James slowly, trying to buy herself time to squash the shock and awe that threatened to paralyze her before she had to speak.
"It's nice to meet you," she finally said.
"I heard about some of your time at Beauxbatons, Hermione," Lily said. "You were one of their top students there, weren't you?"
"I, um…." Hermione had no idea what to say. Could the Pensive Perfume really make them think they already knew some things about her?
"Oh, c'mon, no need for modesty," James said. "You're among your own. You'll probably end up in Ravenclaw, but we'll hope for Gryffindor. We could use another girl that'll boost our chances for the House Cup." Hermione smiled more comfortably. She couldn't believe how much James reminded her of Harry.
"Thank you both," she said. "I'm hoping for Gryffindor, too." Lily and James both grinned.
"Even better odds, then," Lily said. "We're done with our rounds now. Do you mind if we come with you for your sorting, Hermione? Professor Dumbledore?"
"If Ms. Granger doesn't mind, I don't," Dumbledore said with a broad smile.
"I don't mind," Hermione said. "I'd like it very much if you came along." Lily and James grinned again. They dove into talk about other professors, other students, classes, and quidditch as they walked back upstairs with Hermione and Dumbledore. James beamed at Hermione when she told him that she used to have several friends who played quidditch, a few of them Seekers, but she fell out of touch with them.
"Here we are," Dumbledore said when they finally reached his office. "Marauders," he said with a wink at James and Lily, and the entrance to his office opened. "You'll have noticed in your previous visit to the school, Ms. Granger, that many of the areas in Hogwarts are guarded by various, regularly changing passwords?" Dumbledore asked.
"Yes, Sir," Hermione answered more calmly than before.
"Ms. Evans and Mr. Potter are always kept informed of my password," Dumbledore said. "If ever you need to find me, you can ask them for the password."
"Thank you, Professor," Hermione kept her answers simple, as a precaution.
"So, Ms. Granger, if you'll have a seat," Dumbledore said, "I'll wake the sorting hat." Dumbledore went through an archway to an adjacent room. Hermione sat in a chair to one side of Dumbledore's desk. Lily and James stood across from her, quietly bickering about something. Hermione smiled again. They reminded her of her and Ron. Dumbledore returned, speaking quietly with the pointed, patched hat in his hands. Hermione tensed again. How was she supposed to react to the hat?
"The sorting is simple, Ms. Granger," Dumbledore said. "The hat goes on your head and, after some deliberation that only you should hear, the hat will place you in one of the four school houses." Hermione nodded, and Dumbledore lowered the hat onto her head.
'Wait a minute,' the hat spoke in her head, 'you've been sorted into Gryffindor before—'
'No, I haven't,' Hermione thought back at the hat in a panic. 'I HAVEN'T!'
'Whatever your secret is, Hermione Granger, it's safe with me,' the hat replied in her mind. 'I'll just do my job. You've made it easy enough…'
"Gryffindor!" The hat said aloud to the room. Lily and James cheered and applauded. Dumbledore removed the hat, smiling.
"Welcome to Hogwarts, Ms. Granger," he said. "Your housemates can show you to your new dormitory. You'll get your class schedule in the morning." That statement sparked another unnerving thought for Hermione.
'Oh, no!' She thought. 'I've missed three months of seventh year classes! What if I missed something important?!' Hermione had to abandon that train of thought. Lily and James were walking out of Dumbledore's office with her, towards Gryffindor Tower, and they'd returned to giving their reports about life at Hogwarts. They also questioned her about some of her past, and she told them the story she'd rehearsed with the Snape and Dumbledore from her real time.
Once they'd reached Gryffindor Tower, James broke off to head to the boys' dormitories and Hermione followed Lily up to the seventh-year girls' dormitory. Hermione was surprised to see the three girls already in the room were awake, one of them holding a crying little boy, no older than two, in her lap. Hermione already knew the boy was Bill Weasley.
"You finished your rounds late, Lily." One of the girls was looking at Lily with puffy, tired eyes that were partly covered by her long, straight black hair.
"No, we finished on time, Rinoa," Lily said, "but Professor Dumbledore was bringing our new transfer student, Hermione, in. James and I stayed with them for her sorting. You can see she made Gryffindor." Lily pulled Hermione forward so the sleepy girls could see her better. "Hermione Granger, this is Rinoa Garnet." The dark-haired girl nodded at Hermione. "The one in the back is Alice Warren." The girl Hermione recognized as the future Alice Longbottom waved at her. "And this adorable pair on the left—Molly Weasley and her son, Bill Weasley. Molly's husband, Arthur, graduated last term."
"Arthur normally keeps Bill with him," Molly said wearily, "but he has an interview for a position at the Ministry early in the morning, so I took Bill for the night." Hermione smiled at her boyfriend's future mother, partly to keep herself from crying.
"He's adorable," Hermione said, coming farther forward. "May I hold him?"
"He's really tired now," Molly said. "He might not take to a new face very well, but you can try." Molly helped Bill up, and Hermione lifted him into her arms. He cried harder at first, but Hermione began humming the tune she'd heard the voice of the woman that was supposed to be her mother singing, and his crying ceased quickly. He curled his head into Hermione's neck as she rocked side-to-side and continued the lullaby.
"Wow," Molly said, staring at Hermione with appreciative eyes. "You have a gift. Bill won't stop fussing for many people. He seems to like you, though."
"I think I've heard that song before," Rinoa said. "What is it?"
"I'm not sure," Hermione said. "I think my mother sang it to me when I was a baby. It's all I can remember about her."
"What do you mean?" Alice asked, "What happened to her?"
"I'll tell them if you'd like, Hermione," Lily said. "I think Bill wants to hear more of the song, anyway." Hermione nodded to Lily. Lily told Molly, Alice, and Rinoa the story Hermione had told her and James while Hermione continued to lull Bill to sleep.
"Hermione, I'm so sorry," Alice whispered to Hermione when Lily had finished the story and Bill was asleep, lying beside his mother. "Losing your entire family like that? That's horrible." Hermione wasn't able to blink back the genuine tears that fell from her eyes, not because her father was dead and her mother didn't really know her, as the girls in the room thought, but because those situations did apply to some of their future children. Lily was murdered by Voldemort, along with James, when their son, Harry, was only one year old, and Alice and her future husband couldn't recognize or remember their son, or anyone else for that matter, after being tortured to insanity by Death Eaters.
Lily hugged Hermione briefly before helping her move her cloak and bottomless bag underneath the freshly conjured fifth bed in the room. "You'll be okay here, Hermione," Lily said. "You're going to love Hogwarts."
"I'm sure I will," Hermione said, but as she settled in her bed that night, she used her pillow to muffle her crying. One of the girls she was sharing a dorm with died when she, Hermione, was just a baby. Another one of the girls was as good as dead, confined to St. Mungos. The little boy she'd just put to sleep with a song sung by her fake mother was the groom at the wedding she, Harry, and his youngest brother, Ron, had fled from. How many more people would she meet tomorrow that had terrible futures ahead of them? And she couldn't warn them. The final thought Hermione had as her tear-drowned eyes gave way to sleep was, 'They're all alive! I'm not…'
Breakfast the following morning was sufficiently awkward and intimidating. It seemed everyone was staring at Hermione when she entered the Great Hall with Lily and Molly, after having gone to the Hospital Wing with them to drop Bill off with a very young Madam Pomfrey. Hermione followed Lily and Molly to a cluster of students at the front end of the Gryffindor table. Hermione recognized each one: James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, Alice Warren, and Frank Longbottom. Of course, she wasn't supposed to know most of them, so she was introduced by Lily.
Hermione guessed that James had told Frank and the other Marauders her cover story, because not one relating question was asked of her. Instead, there was a lot of talk about quidditch and classes. Hermione tried to engage in some of the conversation, but kept somewhat quiet to avoid saying something she shouldn't.
Mainly, Hermione watched people talking all around her. She couldn't believe how great Sirius and Remus looked. Sirius, not hollowed and paled by twelve years in Azkaban, was absolutely glowing, and quite handsome. Remus, though already physically scarred by the scratches and bites that were self-inflicted from when he transformed into a werewolf, looked happier than she'd ever seen him, and much more lively. Even Pettigrew, who Hermione could barely keep from cursing to pieces for what he had yet to do to his friends, looked more polished and happy, though still awkward.
Hermione looked around the rest of the hall for familiar faces. She saw a couple faces she recognized from the Order, but what really caught her attention was the Slytherin table. She felt her heartbeat jump erratically as her eyes scrolled over Lucius Malfoy, Narcissa Black, Bellatrix Black, Rodolphus Lestrange, Rabastan Lestrange, Crabbe, Goyle, Nott, Avery, and Macnair. She felt her heart completely skip a beat when her eyes were met by two boys, seated side-by-side, both looking back at her: Severus Snape and Regulus Black.
Hermione looked away quickly and accidentally knocked over her goblet of pumpkin juice. "Oh, I'm so sorry!" She squeaked as pumpkin juice splashed across the table and onto Remus, sitting beside her. She quickly dissolved the mess with a thorough cleansing spell, but she was still blushing furiously. Those around her all wore smiles.
"That's alright, Hermione," Remus said, though his cheeks were also faintly pink as he looked at her. "It's no big deal."
"What I'm interested in is what made you jump like that," Sirius laughed, craning around until he saw Snape and Regulus still looking Hermione's way, laughing at her. "Oh," Sirius said with noticeable disgust, "Regulus and Snivelus—"
"Severus Snape," Lily corrected coolly. "I thought you guys were going to stop calling him that!"
"We are," James said, all innocence. "Old habits die hard, though. Give us time, Evans."
"Regulus Black is one of a few relatives of mine in Slytherin, my brother," Sirius told Hermione. "He's not as bad as his friends, but he can definitely be a bloody git. Snape, on the other hand, is one of the worst at that table."
"Greasy, dark-arts-obsessed, egotistical, temperamental king of the Slytherin gits," James said harshly. "If Snape ever bothers you, Hermione, you come tell us and we'll put him right."
"Take it easy, Prongs," Remus said with a smile. "He just looked at her. Everyone in this entire hall has done that at least two or three times by now. At least wait until he comes within an arms-length of her before you take a swing at him." Everyone around them laughed.
"You seem like a good enough sort, Hermione," Sirius said. "You might as well know about the Marauders." Sirius dropped the Marauders' Map on the table in front of Hermione. "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good," he said, and tapped the parchment with his wand so that the map Hermione knew all too well filled out before her eyes. As Hermione examined the map, trying her best to fake awe and surprise, James picked up the explanation where Sirius left off.
"We're just some good-natured mischief-makers," he said with an impish glint in his eyes. "That map is our masterwork. I'm Prongs, Sirius is Padfoot, Remus is Moony, and Peter is Wormtail. You see, we chose those nicknames based on our animal forms—we're animagi." Hermione didn't have to fake awe at this point. For one thing, animagus transformation was very advanced, impressive magic that usually takes years to master. For another, she was surprised and flattered by how open James and his friends were with her. Was the Pensive Perfume making them feel close to her?
"I can change into a stag," James continued. "Padfoot's a dog, and Wormtail's a rat…" Hermione noticed James' sudden realization that he'd talked himself into a corner when it came to covering for Remus' darker secret, but Hermione had an idea. It was risky, but she went with it, lowering her voice and leaning in so only their close-knit group could hear her speak.
"And Moony's a werewolf, right?" Frank, Alice, Lily, Molly, and the four Marauders gaped at her. Remus went very pale. "I caught a glimpse of someone who looked like Remus crawling under the Whomping Willow, looking very ill, when I visited the grounds before," Hermione explained with a shrug. "The full moon was coming up that night, and on the map here it shows there's a tunnel off the grounds underneath the Willow. Then there are those scars of yours, Remus. From scratching and biting yourself, right?" Remus just nodded, still wide-eyed and blushing slightly. "It's no big deal," Hermione continued. "Werewolves are just like everyone else. They just had really bad luck one day, when they got bitten. Likely by Fenrir Greyback, the way that monster acts." Remus' eyes somehow widened even further. Hermione frowned, though she'd deliberately mentioned Greyback. "Oh, no," she said, "he bit you?" Remus nodded again, still very tense. He relaxed slightly when Hermione's hand touched his. "I'm so sorry," she said. "Were you really young?"
"Nine," Remus answered softly. Hermione looked at the other Marauders.
"Is that why you became animagi?" She asked, still in hushed tones, "To keep him company during full moons, since he would attack humans?"
"Yeah," James said, looking at Hermione with slightly watery eyes. Tears of sadness or joy, it was hard to tell. "Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Madam Pomfrey are the only ones on the staff who know what we did. They help Remus however they can, but they're glad that we can go be with him—in the Shrieking Shack—that's where the tunnel goes. McGonagall actually came with us once, recently. She's an animagus too, a cat." Hermione nodded.
"You all are great friends to each other," she said, biting her tongue to keep from saying, 'except that traitor, Wormtail.' James and Sirius smiled broadly at Hermione. Lily was positively beaming at her.
"You see, Remus," Lily whispered kindly. "More people than you think hold nothing against werewolves."
"Still not many, Lily," Remus said. "Hermione's another special case." Remus smiled at Hermione in a way that melted her heart. If only she could tell him how many people cared so much for him in her time, in spite of his curse.
"And a sharp one, too," Molly chimed in. "The way she figured everything out so quickly? If she's this clever at breakfast, I can't wait to see her in classes."
"If you need a partner in Potions, Hermione, I'll be glad to help out," Sirius said slyly, and everyone laughed again.
"By the way, Hermione," Lily said, "if you don't mind my asking, how did you do on your O.W.L.s?"
"E in Defense Against the Dark Arts," Hermione said, "and O's in all my other classes." Everyone's eyes widened again.
"I saw her first!" James said.
"Actually, I did," Lily said.
"We were there together!" James contested.
While James and Lily continued sparring, and while everyone else laughed, Hermione's heart gradually sank. Among these Gryffindors, she felt so unbelievably peaceful, and she smiled and laughed so much that her cheeks ached, but her mission was to get closer to the Slytherins, particularly Regulus. If she was ever going to get that Horcrux with Regulus within four months, she would have to ration her time with these wonderful people that she longed to become closer to, devoting more time to holding the flicker of attention Snape and Regulus had already given her, and building on it. She had to stay focused. Her performance here would ultimately win or lose the war with Voldemort for her side. She had to remember what the older Snape had told her.
"Choose your battles wisely," she whispered to herself as she followed her year-mates off to her first class.