"Neku, are you okay?"
The way those words came from her mouth seemed to have sounded like a broken record by now, he grimaced.
Neku continued to rub at her back as she continued to stoop over the toilet stool, continuing to heave out whatever remainder of dinner she had left in her stomach.
"I should be the one asking that to you." Again, this too, had sounded like a broken record to him. How many times had this same exchange been said by them by now?
Sometimes, Neku wondered just how big a heart his girlfriend had. So much, he could easily imagine a pair of angel wings behind her. She was so nice, so selfless, so forgiving. Sometimes, it even borderlined to idiocy, which was something she just did by now.
"...You really need..." Another heave to the porcelain bowl. "Sflleep..."
Neku rolled his eyes. Sure he was tired, really really tired. He knew if he looked into the mirror right now he must have looked pretty horrid. But he knew, whatever suffering he had to endure right now and tomorrow and the day after, it would be nothing compared to what had waited in store for the girl before him.
Neku's eyes could only stare at the floor in guilt as Shiki continued to dump her stomach contents into the waste. He had no idea women had to go through this much suffering. If he knew, oh, if only he knew, he would never do that to her that very night.
It was a few days ago, Neku had been busy with his job and university work as always, he remembered the pounding in his head from pulling an all-nighter the night before when he heard his phone rang. He remembered getting all his focus ruined through the day when he heard the concern in her voice when she called him to come meet her. Once his job was over, he had scrambled out of his office, apologized at least 10 times to the people he bumped at the train station, and even tripped and scrapped his knee when a dog ran up to him on the sidewalk.
When he saw her waiting for him at Hachiko, he was out of breath from all the running (why did he even have to run anyway?) He had spread out his arms when he approached her and she had flown straight into his chest, unconcerned by all the people watching them.
Her arms were encircled around his neck when she whispered the news she had been desperately trying to tell him. And his stomach sank. Sank.
"...Seriously?" He could only say incredulously.
"...I'm...I'm so sorry, Neku." She had buried her face into his chest, and he could feel moistness seep into the front of his shirt. "...It...it's my fault."
"No, it's my fault," he quickly interjected, rubbing the small of her back dazedly with all the fatigue and shock he was having. "...I promise I'll be with you through all of this."
Neku had then decided to move over to her apartment to better watch her. At the cost of him having to go through even more hassle of going to his university and workplace this time. And boy, did she need it. It had become a routine for her every morning to spend at least 30 minutes in the toilet ejecting all the food she had eaten. Neku had lost count of how many times he had to go back and forth to give her a water basin into their room when she was too weak to go to the bathroom. It was hell.
Shiki plopped to the floor trying to catch her breath with all the heaving she just had, tears glistening on her flushed cheeks. Neku was still rubbing her back.
"...Like...Neku..." she said in ragged breaths. "...are you really okay?"
Neku helped her stand up and walked her over to the sink so she could wash her face. It felt really, really good...
Once she was done, she looked into the mirror. Both of them looked awful. Their hair stood at awkward angles all over and dark bags adorned their bloodshot eyes. Still, her wary eyes were directed towards Neku.
And his towards her.
"...Can you walk?" He asked all of a sudden.
"...O-of course I can--Whoah!" Without warning, he had hoisted her up into his arms. Carrying her bridal style out of the bathroom.
"N-Neku?!" She squeaked.
Everyone that wasn't blind could tell all the exhaustion in him. All the hectic schedule he had combined with this. What was he thinking trying to carry his girlfriend to their room like this in this state?!
And predictably, once they reached the door to their room, he swayed and hit his shoulder on the doorframe, Shiki still settled on his arms.
"Ow."
Shiki stood up as her boyfriend clutched on his shoulder, hissing as he slid down and plopped onto his rump on the floor.
"You okay?!" She said concernedly, crouching in front of him.
There was silence.
"..."
"..."
"...Ha...ha...ha..."
He laughed under his breath.
And then, out of the blue, his free hand shot out and latched onto her wrist. She let out a small yelp as he pulled her into him. Once they were close, really close, his hand moved up to the back of her head and pulled her face into his.
He kissed her hard on the lips.
The kiss was long and fierce, he practically crushed their lips together, his fingers tightly curled in a fistful of her brown hair. Shiki winced, startled by the roughness. They had to catch their breaths afterwards. They both sat there on the doorway, panting. Their foreheads touching each other. The only other sound in the room was the annoying ticking of the clock on the wall.
And then she heard him sniff.
She pulled her head back to look at him, her hands rose up to catch his downcast face. She lifted his chin up and saw the tears streaming from his eyes.
"...I'm sorry, Shiki."
A thin smile graced her pale lips, a hand combing through his fatigue-matted mane. "It's okay, Neku."
"'It's okay'" he repeated in a mocking tone. "You didn't ask for this and I just did it."
"It's not your fault."
"It's because I asked you for some drinks and couldn't control myself. I should've gone to the store first or something, but I didn't. Since my stupid ass couldn't even hold on for even one damned second. Now here we are."
Admittedly, she and Neku hadn't been dating for that long, that night was their first time. And neither of them really had any experience at it before. Both being in a state of drunken stupors didn't help matters. Now, at 20 years old, they both had to face the fact that their short youth had to end earlier than expected.
And Shiki's time in the university also had to end earlier than expected.
Her pursuit of her dream had to be put on hold.
He had ruined her life.
"We haven't even told your parents about this yet..." They even hadn't told them they were dating yet. "What would they even think of me?"
Shiki planted a gentle kiss on his forehead. "They will understand." And held him close to her. "Eventually."
Neku could only bury his face into her shoulder. Hugging her tightly. Sighing. He couldn't even believe this girl sometimes. Then again, she had put up with his crap for 5 days straight back during The Game. He didn't deserve her.
And then it reminded him.
"...It's just like that time."
"What time?" She asked, still combing through his hair.
"Remember when we first met?" The memory brought a grimace to his lips. "I tried to kill you once."
"Yeah, so?" She replied. Nonchalant.
"You never even brought it up again. As if it never happened."
"Yeah, so?"
Yeah, so. He gritted his teeth in annoyance. This girl...
"Shouldn't you get mad at me or something?!" He half-screamed into her shoulder in frustration. "I was a total dick, Shiki. A total dick. You deserve someone better!"
At this, she brought her hands to the sides of his head and pulled his face into hers, pressing her own lips onto his until he melted away into her touch.
When they pulled away, he was dazed. From all the fatigue he had from working, from all the studying, from all the crying. He was tired, exhausted.
"So, what?" She replied. "You eventually put up another two gruelling weeks just for me." She giggled as she nuzzled his weary face. "And here, you tried to carry me to our room eventhough your body is out of whack."
She kissed his nose and felt him stiffen at the gesture.
"Neku, I love you."
Neku could only scowl at the statement.
Honestly, he didn't even get why she liked him in the first place. It had been her who asked him out, because he wasn't sure if she could even like him in that way after all the crap he had done to her.
"You're a moron." He said curtly.
"So a moron I am, then." Why...why does she have to sound like that? So gentle, so caring, so frustrating, so... so...
"Neku..." she stood up from the floor and beckoned him to do the same. She pulled him onto their bed as she lay down, and wrapped her arms around him.
Neku did the same, closing his tired eyes, the pang of guilt still in his chest. He almost drifted back to sleep when he heard her whisper softly into his ear.
"I love you."
His hold around her tightened and a single tear escaped his eye.