So, this is my entry for the BTR Writers' Support and Plot Adoption Forum's Greatest Fear Challenge. This clocked in at 935 words, which is way shorter than I wanted it to be, and I apologize for that. I've had a rough week and this is the best I could do. They're also going to be holding a Halloween challenge soon, so if anyone would like to participate, stay tuned for the announcement in the forum.

I decided to focus on Carlos for this, since I don't usually write for him. I made Logan kind of mean, but he honestly talks down to Carlos so much in the show, this is probably the most canon I've ever written him.

Also, please go check out the other entries for the challenge! They're really good!

Logan had said it once, during an argument. He'd felt terrible and apologized profusely afterwards, and obviously I forgave him. But the words hurt, I couldn't pretend otherwise.

"You're never even gonna make anything of yourself! Who are you to tell me what to do?!"

It didn't help that Mrs. Knight let Logan have it that night, after she thought James, Kendall, and I were asleep. The walls of 2J are paper thin, and I got as much of an earful as Logan.

"You know I didn't mean it!"

"It doesn't matter! You can't say things like that!"

"It's Carlos, he'll forget about it in a day!" He'd lowered his voice then, as though he thought it wouldn't carry even though he knew it would. "Besides, maybe it'll give him some incentive to do something."

...Is that what my friends think of me? That I'll never amount to anything in life?

I mean, I know I'm not as confident as Kendall. I don't jump in and try to take charge. But then again, why would I? The guys just call me stupid if I do. They tell me my ideas are no good. I think I've gotten used to keeping my mouth shut and waiting to be told what to do, since they obviously don't think I can decide for myself

I don't fuss over myself like James does (although, seriously, who does), but that doesn't mean I don't care about how I look. I just. . .well, if a girl is ever going to take any interest in me, I'd rather it be when I'm not at my best. Any girl can love a guy in a tux or a suit or whatever. It takes a special one to love a guy in sweatpants in the morning before he brushes his teeth (and I usually forget to brush my teeth anyway, so if she can't get used to that then she's not really worth it).

And I know I'm not as book smart as Logan; heck, the guy never lets me forget it. But I'm just not the kind of person that can sit at a desk and study out of a book. I need to learn with my hands; I need to learn from my experiences. I need to do, not read or recite a bunch of crap I guarantee I won't remember in a day. I do enough to pass, but that's about it. And you know what? I'm normally okay with that. Just because I don't stay up all night to study doesn't mean I'm a moron. It doesn't mean I can't focus or apply myself. And it definitely doesn't mean I don't care. I just don't want to drive myself crazy with things I know I'll never like or use anyway.

I honestly have no idea what I want to do with my life. I like singing, but I can't see myself as a solo artist for the next twenty-something years. But that's not a crime, okay?! I'm allowed to be unsure! I'm allowed to not rush into anything so that I don't make a mistake! Everybody always tell me to think before I act, and that's exactly what I'm doing.

So, why do people get mad when I tell them I'm not stressing about my future?

What's wrong with actually enjoying life most of the time? Why would anyone want to walk around with a frown on their face, constantly stressed out when they could just smile?

Just because I smile doesn't mean I'm stupid. Why is it considered stupid to be positive? Don't doctors always say people's health improves with their mood? I like making a person's day better. I like seeing people smile or laugh after something I say. I like knowing I can improve things around me.

Why does that automatically make me stupid?

I love my friends. Really, I do. They're great and supportive and funny and a million other things that I can't even put into words. But sometimes I feel like I'm here for their own amusement.

Kendall's the leader, James is popular, Logan is smart.

Every group needs an idiot, right? Maybe I'm theirs.

Maybe I really am a moron.

Because sometimes I really don't know what's going on around me. Sometimes I do try hard on a test and still don't do well. Sometimes I do look at my grades and wonder how I'll ever get into a decent college. Sometimes I do wonder if I am just lazy, when I see what a mess my room is or how easy a certain assignment is or anything like that. Sometimes I think I really will end up homeless or at a dead-end job or sleeping in my parents basement because I haven't applied myself.

Sometimes I'm afraid.

I mean, I'm afraid of a lot of things, don't get me wrong. I'm a total chicken, and I'm the first to admit that. The list of things that scare me is probably a mile long. But honestly? The only thing on there that really matters is the one I'm most afraid of.

I guess. . . I guess I'm most afraid of proving everyone right.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

God bless and much love,

—downtonabbey15