This chapter introduces a familiar face that a couple of people have asked me about, so I hope you all like it!
So far the chapters have sort of been little oneshots, but I think I'm about to hit a point where this fic possibly becomes more of an ongoing thing, so we'll have to see how that goes!
A few weeks after Rachel's birthday came the day that Shelby was both looking forward to and dreading in equal measure. Her first day at college.
"How do I look?" Shelby asked Rachel as she brushed imaginary creases from her jumper, getting a gurgle in response from the baby who was sat in the middle of the bed with a selection of toys. "Yeah" she smiled as if she'd understood Rachel's response, "I think I look okay too". She scooped the baby up into her arms, and span around, smiling at the giggle that fell from Rachel's lips, "I'm going to miss you kid" she whispered, kissing Rachel's head before taking her downstairs to put her jacket on.
It might have been Shelby's first day at college but it wasn't Rachel's first time at daycare, they'd offered a few 'settling in' sessions the week before classes started, Rachel spending a few hours, first with Shelby, and then without her, to get used to the staff and their routine. Shelby had been understandably worried about leaving her daughter, but the daycare staff had been great. They'd met with Shelby, understood her worries about Rachel being, developmentally, behind her peers due to her premature birth and, with Shelby's blessing, they'd agreed that Rachel may be better suited to the 6-12 month 'baby' room than the toddler room with other children Rachel's age, the daycare agreeing that, Rachel could move into the next room whenever she was ready. They also calmed Shelby's worries about Rachel's eating habits too, Rachel might be a year old but some days she'd refuse anything other than milk but the daycare promised that they would never let Rachel get hungry, that, whilst they'd encourage her to eat at mealtimes, they'd give her a bottle of the expressed breast milk Shelby would be providing afterwards, to make sure she was satisfied.
"She'll be fine" Rachel's key worker told the worried mother as she handed Rachel over, "she was okay last week, and if she isn't okay, we'll call you, you'll be five minutes away. And if you want to check on her, you can call us or come in if you have a free minute."
"Thank you" Shelby nodded, kissing Rachel's head, "I'll see you later Darling, have a good day."
As hard as she tried, Shelby couldn't stop a few tears falling as she walked across campus to her first class, swiping them away and trying to pull herself together as she slipped into an empty seat in the back row.
"Are you okay?" Shelby turned to see a boy sat beside her, concern on his face as she dabbed at her eyes again.
"Yeah" she nodded, taking out the things she'd need from her bag and laying them on her desk, "I'm fine thanks."
Shelby would be lying if she said she wasn't nervous, she wasn't sure how well she'd do in college, knew there'd probably come a point where Rachel got ill and she had to miss some classes, her daughter would always come first. But, for now, Shelby did her best to ignore her worries about her daughter and concentrate on her classes, on writing notes that wouldn't need to be rewritten later, on doing her best, for herself and for Rachel.
As much as she wanted to, Shelby avoided checking on Rachel in person, knowing that if she saw her daughter, she'd want to forget the rest of the day and go home with her baby. She did however allow herself one phonecall at lunch time, happy to be told that, after a grumpy ten minutes, Rachel had settled well, she'd chewed on some toast at snack time and tried a few veggies at lunch time, had a bottle and was currently napping with one of Shelby's t shirts clutched to her chest after the staff had suggested that an item of clothing worn by her Mom may help Rachel settle.
"Oh, hi again."
Shelby smiled as she took a seat in her first class of the afternoon and found herself sat beside the same boy she'd sat beside that morning. "Hi."
"I erm, I'm Will" he rubbed nervously at the back of my neck, "I want to teach Spanish."
"Shelby" she smiled, "and English, maybe music too."
"So are you living in dorms or…" Will tried to make conversation as they waited for class to start.
Shelby shook her head, "no, I took a couple of years out after high school, I've got my own place. Are you in dorms?"
"No I, I only live about 20 minutes away, well, my Mom does, I still live with her."
"I'm sure you're not the only person still living at home" she tried to reassure him when she saw his slight blush at the admission that he still lived with his Mom, "and anyway, from the stories I've heard about dorms, you're probably better off living at home."
"Yeah" Will smiled, "you're probably right."
Most of their classes that day were introductory lessons, explaining the syllabus and setting out what was to be expected of them, and Shelby was grateful that her Dad and her Brother had both offered to watch Rachel for her, knowing she'd probably need help around the time of her deadlines.
"See you tomorrow?" she asked Will as she slipped on her jacket and dropped her notes into her bag.
"Yeah" he smiled, happy that he seemed to have made a friend, "you will."
Shelby didn't realise how quickly she'd raced across campus until she found herself slightly out of breath as she pressed her thumb to the sensor outside the door of the daycare building to allow her access, "I'm here for…"
"Rachel" the woman stood by the door to Rachel's room finished for her, "I'll just get her for you."
Shelby's face lit up as she heard Rachel's excited shrieks when the baby saw her Mom, "hello you" she gently tickled her stomach as she took her from the daycare worker, "I've missed you too."
"She's had a good day" Rachel's key worker held out a book, the diary the daycare kept so parents would know about their child's day, "everything's in there, but if you have any questions as you read through, feel free to ask us in the morning."
"Thanks" Shelby nodded, dropping the diary into her bag before asking, "can I feed her before I take her home?" she wasn't sure how she'd made it through the day without her chest exploding, she probably should have thought about pumping but she wasn't entirely sure if she'd be able to find anywhere private enough.
"Of course, we've got a nursing room, have you been shown it?" Shelby shook her head, "it's just down here, there's room for a couple of Moms in there but it doesn't get used very often, and there are curtains if you want some privacy" she said as she showed Shelby to a small room, the lights dimmed down and a comfortable rocker at either side of the room, with, as she was told, curtains to close around each of the chairs. "If you ever want to come and pump during the day you're more than welcome to use this space too" the woman explained before telling Shelby, "I'll leave you to it, you know where we are if you need anything."
"Thanks" Shelby smiled, making use of the pack and play in the room to set Rachel down for a moment, "I know, I know, just give me a minute" she cooed when Rachel began to whine unhappily, "let me take my jacket off so we can get comfortable." She put her jacket and her bag down before picking Rachel up, settling herself in the chair and letting her daughter feed, "shall we have some quiet time when we get home?" she asked as Rachel tugged at her ear, a sure sign she was getting tired, "we can lay down together and relax a bit before dinner, I'm tired and I know you'll have had a busy day and I bet you're feeling a bit overwhelmed aren't you?" Rachel looked up at Shelby, "I know, but you'll get used to it kid, we'll both get used to it, I promise." She smiled as she felt Rachel's little hand splay out against her breast, "we can snuggle skin to skin when we get home, I'd like that too" she whispered. Rachel pulled away from Shelby's breast to give her a milky smile and Shelby felt tears pricking at her eyes, "yeah", she kissed Rachel's forehead, as she went back to her milk, "I'm happy to see you again too kid."
Rachel fell asleep on the drive home, Shelby not at all surprised, "come on" she cooed softly, Rachel stirring as she was lifted from her car seat, "let's go and lay down". Rachel grizzled into Shelby's shoulder as she was carried inside, Shelby murmuring reassurances to her, humming in her ear and holding her close to try and settle her.
Shelby briefly thought about settling Rachel in the sling as she made dinner before changing her mind, Rachel had been separated from her all day, so Shelby decided that she was going to have at least half an hour where her attention was focused only on her daughter.
They laid together in Shelby's bed, Shelby in just her underwear and Rachel in her diaper under the covers, "is that better?" she cooed gently as Rachel let out a quiet whine before settling down, nuzzling her face against Shelby's chest, "okay, okay" she adjusted her bra, Rachel latching onto her breast, Shelby able to tell that Rachel was nursing for comfort not for hunger and she knew she could easily reach over and grab a pacifier from Rachel's crib by the bed but she didn't, happy to give Rachel whatever she needed to help her settle.
Shelby didn't intend to fall asleep but she was woken almost an hour later by Rachel's hand against her cheek, opening her eyes slowly to see Rachel put her hands on her Momma's shoulders and push herself up like she was doing a press up, "hey kid" she smiled as Rachel giggled before dropping down and nuzzling her face against Shelby's neck, "have you decided it's time for me to wake up?" she asked, kissing her daughter's head.
She didn't bother to get dressed, just wrapped a blanket around them both, changing Rachel's diaper in the nursery before heading downstairs, "do you want to play while I make us some food?" Shelby asked, as she sat Rachel on the floor. "Okay, okay" she moved to get the sling from her bag as Rachel reached out to her and began to cry as she was sat on the floor. "Oh Darling" Shelby turned to see Rachel had crawled across the room with her and knelt on the floor to be closer to her daughter as she wrapped the fabric around her body, Rachel whimpering and stretching her arms out as far as she could, getting more worked up as Shelby didn't pick her up immediately. "You're okay" Shelby picked Rachel up once she'd adjusted the sling, "I've not gone anywhere Darling" she wiped at Rachel's tears with her thumbs and kissed her softly, "come on, let's get you settled". She got Rachel settled in the sling and kissed her hair as she nuzzled into her, "that's better isn't it?" She hummed softly to Rachel as she took leftovers from the refrigerator and put them in the microwave, "are you going to try some pasta?" she asked softly as she rocked with Rachel and stroked her back, "you didn't want to try anything yesterday did you hey? Shall we see if you're in a better mood tonight?"
Shelby lifted Rachel from the sling and sat the baby on her lap as they sat at the table, knowing Rachel wouldn't be happy sitting in her highchair right now. She tipped a little of the pasta into a plastic bowl and put it on the table beside her own bowl, pulling a wide toweling bib over Rachel's head before passing her a small plastic spoon and fork, she knew the chances of Rachel feeding herself were slim, but she still wanted her to get used to sitting at the dining table at mealtimes.
Rachel poked at the pasta in her bowl, not eating anything herself but accepting the odd mouthful that Shelby fed her, mother praising her daughter each time she ate. Shelby kissed Rachel's nose when the baby tipped her head back to look up at her for the third time in as many minutes, almost as if she was checking Shelby was still there. "I'm not going anywhere baby" Shelby stabbed some pasta with a plastic fork and held it out to Rachel, "good girl" she smiled when she opened her mouth for the food, "I promise you" she kissed Rachel's hair as the girl looked up at her again, "I don't know if you understand this, but I promise you, if I leave I will always, always come back. It's me and you against the world kid. I wouldn't want to be anywhere without you."