The next couple of weeks went by in a blur, Draco was keen on understanding whatever Hermione taught him during their little study sessions together. While they had covered the most from half a month of missing classes in almost a week, he still wasn't done. Draco wished that he could be a little slower— so that he could've spent a little more time making the Gryffindor witch go absolutely bonkers with useless bickering and of course, stealing a few kisses in between.
Draco had resumed his classes from that very week too, getting on quite well for someone who had missed such amount of coursework with the midterms right around the corner. Hermione, for once, was pleased with Draco at how well he had managed to handle things, from schoolwork to frequent trips to Diagon Alley, (McGonagall had grown quite fond of the Slytherin boy, sending him from time to time to Diagon Alley for even the smallest bit off stuff she required) to keeping a clean slate with her own self too, it was maddening to think that Draco had handled all of it so good.
The burn, however, hadn't subsidized for either of them, they had almost neared a full month since the Quidditch Kiss Cam fiasco and yet, here they were, the burn not even going down a notch for either of them.
Hermione didn't know if she'd complain or smile about it.
While Draco had been off her blacklist for quite some time now, she didn't want to give him the benefit if the doubt too soon. She wanted to keep her guard up, just in case. Speaking of which, Draco had indeed come around after their awkward almost sex situation to taunt her. He'd walk by her hunched figure over the table engrossed in a book and say "Oh fuck me Draco, Merlin, what would it take you to fuck me? Oh!" in a girly voice before casually walking off, leaving behind a tomato red Hermione.
But that happened only twice, thank God for that. After the second time, Draco paid little to no mind to her, though she would catch him giving her a once over sometimes.
Both of them had been extremely busy with the midterms approaching, neither one noticed how fast time was actually flying, before they knew it, it was time for exams were only a week away, followed by a much needed Christmas break. Several students were staying back like every year while more went back home. Hermione was planning on staying at the castle. Though she had been invited to The Burrow my Molly and Arthur, she just didn't feel like going. Ron still hadn't talked to her since that day she had first kissed Draco, things weren't extravagant with Harry either— though he smiled at her in their classes and made small talk very rarely at the Gryffindor table, he was still very uncomfortable with the whole idea. Hermione had given up trying to explain the whole ordeal to them. Neither one of them was ready to listen to her let alone see her for more than five minutes, it was a complete no no.
Ginny had been the only one to talk to her, she had been accompanying her through the castle halls and the common room. They talked about how her mother was probably knitting away jumpers for the whole bloody family and how the whole Weasley family was looking forward to Christmas, like always.
But when the conversation took a dangerous turn to Draco, Hermione was sure to steer clear ahead of Ginny, who, for some reason was talking more about Malfoy than any other person in the world.
Hermione would ask her how was she liking the school year so far and she'd counter back with a, "How's Malfoy in bed?" to which, Hermione would absolutely flush at. Ginny, on the other hand, just laughed it off. It wasn't uncomfortable as she had imagined in her head, talking to Ginny made her feel good, like she did, after all, have a friend other than Ron and Harry.
Now, as she lay on the huge grey four-poster bed with Draco's head in her lap, she tried to think of a distraction— anything that would make her seem less uncomfortable as she twitched ever so often. Draco was almost asleep, his golden eyelashes created half-moon shadows on his high cheekbones. His lips were slightly parted and Hermione could see his chest heaving up and down with every breath he took. His left arm was swung lazily across his eyes as he managed to catch some shut eye.
Hermione didn't know what had happened— all she remembered was coming into his room to teach him a few linear basics of transfigurations but one thing led to another, the same way some basic transfigurations led to Draco sleeping in Hermione's lap yet again, just sleep, no kisses.
Good thing was, at least they were done with all his missing work.
Being the kind witch she was, she didn't want to wake him up by moving, having already attempted that and stirring him awake, it was the last thing she wanted to do now.
"Yes Granger, the answer is yes." His voice was tired, she looked at him in surprise, having no idea what the hell he was on about. "You asked me the other day, Granger. When you spilled tea all over me, not to mention practically forced me to heal yourself if I could do wandless magic." At this, he removed his arm from his eyes and looked at the witch above, a crimson blush making way to her cheeks.
"Being a deatheater," Hermione cringed at the word, Draco, however, seemed unfazed. Like he was used to people cringing after hearing about such an awful creature. "Has its perks. You get to learn magic no one knows about, no one even thinks about." And suddenly, he was sitting on his bed, holding her hand so tightly, one would think it was for his own dear life. "I could destroy you here, Granger, I could destroy you right now between these four walls and no one would know, do you know that? Do you know what I am capable of doing?" his eyes looked like glass balls, shiny and clear, you could see the storm brewing in them as clear as day. "You are the brightest witch of our age, Granger. But I was also the youngest death-eater to have ever been selected. Maybe it was because of my father's hideous behavior and cowardice, but that doesn't change the fact that I was." a tremor of current ran down Hermione's spine at his words, this was very new to her, this, him, everything. The moment she had started to grow even the slightest bit of soft towards him, he threw another bomb at her.
"I could destroy you Granger, right now." His hands traveled upto her neck, wrapping his fingers around her throat, he looked at her in the eye, those chocolate eyes that had made him this way in the first place. Hermione was at a loss of words, she couldn't speak, let alone comprehend what was Draco doing. Every cell in her body was screaming at her to grab her wand for her robes and throw a PetrificusTotalus at his pale figure, screaming at her to run for her precious life, to bolt out that door of his room right now.
But she couldn't bring herself to even walk a centimeter away from the boy before her.
Hermione closed her eyes, feeling the sensation of his fingers on her throat, pressing against her column and then, traveling in slow motion up to her chin, words had rendered her speechless by now.
Her eyes bore into his and she saw it, saw the fear he was housing in his lifeless gray eyes. She knew he wouldn't hurt her, not after more than one and a half month of actually knowing him she couldn't believe that he would actually kill/hurt her or anyone else. Hermione refused to push his hands away, she wanted to see what he would do.
"You made my life a living hell Granger, I don't suppose you know that," his fingers were on her throat, sliding up and down in a tease. "My fucking father," he breathed, "Beat me to death every time our exam results came. Not because I was doing bad, dear Merlin, no, it was because I couldn't beat you, a mudblood, as he'd tell me." Hermione's eyes widened slightly, this was new to her, so new. "He-" she saw him struggle for words and she didn't the only thing her heart told her to— Hermione laced her fingers with his, still on her throat. To her surprise, Draco pulled their entwined hands towards him and pressed a wet kiss to her hand, dropping the bundle of fingers right in her lap while the other grazed the flesh on her throat.
"I dreaded the exam sessions because I knew I'd never be able to beat you. Second place was not an option for me, for my father," Draco voiced, his fingers clenching Hermione's. "This will sound stupid but I even considering begging you to let me have first place just once so I could tell father that I finally did it," he chuckled dryly, "But my ego was too big for me to do that. So I— I started hating you more with every passing day. If I couldn't beat you, I started hating you, I didn't know what else to do." Draco choked on a sob and Hermione felt her tears finally roll down her face.
"I wanted to kill you, you know."
Hermione stopped shaking at those words. Her heart couldn't take it anymore, even then, she didn't let go of his fingers entwined with her own ones. Instead, she only brought them up to her lips and kissed his hand gently, her lips lingering there for just a second too longer than what was dubbed absolutely necessary.
"I wanted you to scream and beg for mercy, I wanted you to die at the tip of my wand. The girl who had brought me so much misery and embarrassment in the eyes of my father, I wanted her dead. Was that bad of me, tell me?" Her hands felt cold just when Draco pulled his fingers out of her grasp. "I was stupid, naive, idiotic." he continued to shake his head as if the his mind was plagued. "I was about to do it, you know?" his fingers were back on her throat, lightly pressing her skin slightly, Draco dipped his tongue forward in the crook of her neck, Hermione inhaled a sharp breath.
He flicked his tongue in a sadistic manner over her soft skin, the member in his pants approving of his actions everytime she let out a small moan of pleasure. Having kissed her many times, Draco knew all her sweet spots, the points where she would get maximum satisfaction.
"That night, in sixth year. Just before I had to have Dumbledore at the tip of my wand— I saw you, crying." confessions and more confessions made her head spin. "You were with Potter. I saw you send canaries at Weasley and his girlfriend. I could've killed you, it was the perfect chance." He dropped his fingers from her throat, all the way down to her shoulders, tracing the arch of her back and down to her waist as his fingers slid down and down.
Hermione bit her lip, her eyes closed. "But I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't do it." his fingers caressed her skin on her waist, after gentle grazing, he lifted her shirt just a bit, burying his hands under the fabric.
"It's our choices that define us, Draco." She threaded her fingers through his ever so soft hair, her fingertips grazing his scalp as she saw Draco close his eyes and part his lips. "It may not have been your choice to be a deatheater, but it was your choice to not kill me. You did the right thing, all of us have some light in us, I always knew you did, too." Hermione dipped her head to kiss him, "I don't know if you need to hear this but you're better than what you think of yourself and you don't even have the slightest idea of it."
"Stop being so bloody nice to me Granger." Draco clasped her hands in his, "To everyone. I certainly do not deserve your kindness, your sympathy, your pity and your— your benevolence." He hissed at the girl, "I tell you that I wanted to kill you and this is what you tell me? That I have light in me? That I have some sort of bizzare goodness in me? That I'm worthy of love and affection? That I am not a monster? That I am capable of feeling anything but hatred, agony, jealousy and selfishness? That I—"
"What I'm trying to tell you is," her heart clenched at the sight of him before her. Every word he spoke was like a sharp blow to her heart, wounding her by every passing second he spoke. She stood up from the bed, planting her bare feet firmly on the stone floor, her fists clenching. "Yes. You do, I don't know why but I do. Maybe it's foolish of me to but I don't care. I believe you can love—"
"Scared you might love me one day, eh, Granger?" Draco's words were cheeky, a grin on his face and sin his eyes.
"No, scared that you will love me one day," Her words were soft, almost a whisper but he heard it. He wasn't expecting her to retort but she did. Draco was taken aback as he watched her make her way towards the door. She paused for a moment as if she had remembered something but she didn't speak, only walking out of the room leaving behind a confused slytherin.
--
Around midnight, Hermione tossed and turned in her bed. Her mind was replaying her earlier conversation with Draco. How open he had been with her, so straightforward and blunt like always. She didn't know why he had confessed all those things to her but he did, it was as simple as that.
Maybe he had grown too attached at the possibility of having a friend, someone to confide in. While Hermione wasn't exactly his friend, she could see why she had been his first choice to confide in— they had been attached to each other in these four walls of the dorm they shared. While she had lost Ron and Harry, seeing Draco emerge from the pits of hell was almost a relief. While she knew he was no saint, he was all she had. The human mind worked dangerously, it conjured false beliefs in one's head and makes them hope, for better or for worse. The human heart was even more dangerous— it seeked love, attachment and care. It chose to confide in people, whether they be your best of friends or your worst enemies, it needed a chamber to keep its darkest secrets in, to be able to speak freely and to be loved back, it seeked the attention of someone on the loneliest nights and warmth on bright summer days.
Sadly, that person had happened to be Draco Malfoy for Hermione. The absence of her friends had led her to confide in Draco, it was odd but it was true.
For Draco, things were different. While Hermione had friends to confide in and trust, Draco never had friends to begin with so his heart had done the only thing it was avoiding all those years after he met Hermione— it wrapped itself around her aura.
She could see how hard it was for him, to be able to finally given a chance to voice his thoughts and he wasn't just about to let that opportunity slip from his fingers. Even though he didn't admit it, she knew that she had grown to become a huge part of Draco's life, even if it was just for mutual benefit, too.
It was true. He had grown attached to him just as she had to him.
And it was terrifying, utterly terrifying.
Hermione couldn't sleep four hours— Draco's confessions had gotten the best of her and now, she was up on her feet. She discarded her clothes on the ground, suddenly feeling too hot. Her curls sprawled on the pillows as she laid down and tried to breath.
Sleep will come, she told herself.
But it never did.
However, what did come, was a soft knock on the door, before Hermione had the chance to respond, Draco was already walking in, his white shirt was stained with a huge ink blotch and his hair looked like someone had ran a hand through them a million times now. The room was still dark, he couldn't see her much except from the thin view of a vertical streak of light on her face, faintly making out her big brown eyes. Just as Draco moved forward in her direction, she gripped the sheet tighter against her chest, suddenly feeling too exposed.
Without uttering a word, he made his way to her bed, sitting down right next to her as his fingers touched her leg under the covers. When Hermione took a sharp breath in, he knew she was wide awake by now.
None of them spoke anything, the silence was deafening.
And then, she felt him brush her wild curls away from her face. "I am sorry," He whispered, making the hair on the back of her neck stand up. "I am so sorry," his voice broke with every syllable, just then, Hermione felt something wet drop on her arm's skin.
Fresh tears.
"I am so sorry," This time, Hermione cupped his face with one hand whilst clutching the sheet to her chest with the other. She prodded his chin up to look into his eyes, chaos and madness welcomed her like a fast friend. "I am sorry for calling you a mudblood, I am sorry for thinking of killing you," His voice died in his throat, "I am sorry for making your life miserable all those years— I am sorry, Hermione."
And that was the final straw, Hermione burst into tears, her sobs matching his as they filled the room simultaneously. She crushed him in a hug, completely forgetting about her nearly-naked self underneath, even though she had on a bra, it was nothing he hadn't seen before.
"Stop crying, stop crying." she repeated the mantra as she rocked him back and forth slightly in her arms like a child. "You're okay,"
That seemed to do the trick because after a momen or two, though his body still shook, he wasn't crying anymore.
Hermione eyed his messy self with concern, her heart and mind cludlkt believe the consequences and event of tonight. "Ink."
"What?" his voice was hoarse.
"On your shirt." she added, touching his shirt to prove her point in the darkness. Before he could say something, she was already unbuttoning his shirt, she pushed the fabric off his shoulders and hooked a finger in his belt hoop, pulling him closer. "I was just trying to work on the equations you told me and—" he gestured to the ink, trying very hard (and failing) to keep a straight face at the way Hermione's fingers grazed his torso.
"If you try anything, you're going to hear from me." She smiled shyly at him before pushing him back on her bed. Maybe it wasn't what he needed but what she needed. It took Draco minutes to decipher her words and what she was doing. His muscles felt dead by the moment his back pressed against the soft mattress. "We can talk about this in the morning, for now, sleep." she snuggled closer to the pale boy. When he didn't move, she forcefully grasped his hand and threw it over her frail body.
"Goodnight Draco," she moved only slightly and pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth.
"Goodnight, Granger." she entwined his fingers with his and pressed her lips to their closed hands.
"Hermione." she mumbled, turning to see him in the eye.
"You said it yourself today, it's Hermione from today." she smiled.
Sleep had never seemed so blissful as it did then, nothing could top it, ever, that much Draco knew.
_
Hello lovelies, I'm back! Okay, I know this is a lot to ask but can we get 150 votes for this? This is super long and super good (I know even I am proud) and the higher I set the target, the longer I can work on the next Chap lol, makes me have some time!
This is by far my favorite chapter I have written, hope you like it too and please like always, leave a review because I live for them!
Love you all, till next time xx