CHAPTER 10

THE MOTHER'S WORLD

She tucked herself tighter into a human ball as the horror continued to unfold just outside her barricaded door as she hid under the covers of her bed. Only two hours ago, Miki Shimizu was free and walking the streets of Tokyo, but upon her return home, her first task was to duck as an empty whiskey bottle flew past her head and shattered against the wall. It was followed by a barrage of verbal assaults from her father, and then he grabbed her by her hair and smacked her across the face countless times. Why? All because she was ten minutes late.

Because she was ten minutes late, her father had it in his mind that his daughter was sleeping around or seeing that so-called religious wacko named Hiiragi again. That young man, who charmed everyone he met and spoke of religious tolerance and goodwill among all humans, was deeply hated by Miki's father, Keisuke Shimizu. He forbade her to see him, but not even Miki was immune to the young man's charm. As a result, Keisuke beat her, as well as her mother, Hikari.

"I swear I didn't know she was going to see him again! I wouldn't have let her leave the home!" Hikari cried but vocalized her pain louder when Keisuke smacked her across the face and Miki heard the heart-wrenching scene unfold just outside her door as her mother continued to cry. "Darling, please, it hurts! I didn't mean—"

"Shut up, bitch!" Keisuke yelled, following it up with another callous smack against his wife. "You think you can lie to me?! I know everything about you and everywhere both you and the girl go! You cannot escape me!"

He continued beating his wife without mercy as she cried for help from anybody who could hear her. Miki, frozen in fear, could only let more tears fall from her eyes as she tried to tuck herself tighter while shielding her ears of the horrid noise. The pain from her father's smacks still stung her cheek. She wanted to join her mother in her cry for help but it would only make her father storm her room and beat her more. If only she had an older sibling to come to her aid that would love her and protect her. Instead, she had her brother, Itou Shimizu. Itou was also missing from the broken household, though he was probably going to spend another night sleeping on a park bench or under a bridge smoking crack or snorting whatever he could find.

Itou was less than useless in defending his baby sister. He didn't care about anyone but himself or when and where he was going to get his next high. Itou, though not that physically impressive, was taller and skinny with no muscle mass to him with poorly groomed facial hair and messy brown hair that always had dirt and dust in it. His eyes were always blood-shot from his drug addictions and his speech was slurred most of the time but he knew how to be aggressive if something was preventing him from getting high.

What made Miki's situation worse were the levels of extreme her brother would go to just for a thimble-full of crack. As Miki rested her injured self on her bed and wished for a rescuer, she remembered a time when her brother stormed her room and was on the brink of withdraw from the lack of drugs. He put a knife to her throat and ordered her to take off her most prized possession, a diamond ring given to her by her grandmother, Hikari's mother. She had owned a jewelry shop for many years. It was one of her only memories of her late grandmother, and Itou pawned it for drugs. Other times included him stealing money from her purse, and even, on one particular night of desperation, stealing her cosmetics and using the chemicals to get high.

She wished she would die as she rethought her whole life while curled on her bed and her life began to replay for her up until now. Her father hated her, her mother was a victim herself and over twenty years of abusive marriage to Keisuke had completely broken her will to escape, and her brother only saw her as an ATM. Why was this happening to her? Miki was never a bad child. She always did well in school despite having no support, she had friends, and she still tried her best every day to keep an upbeat attitude, even when her father would put her in the hospital. Whenever the police got involved, Hikari would always talk her daughter out of pressing charges or seeking help, even when Miki was little. Despite the abuse, Keisuke was able to crawl inside Hikari's mind and make her believe that neither she nor her children could survive without him. He was manipulative and monstrous like that. Even when Miki turned twenty-years-old, she still couldn't leave home. She had no money, she couldn't find a job because she couldn't go to school as her father thought it was a waste of money, and he always said Miki was too stupid for college anyway.

She never knew love, but she learned fear at an early age. Keisuke's parents died in a car accident unexpectedly, prompting him to take up drinking, which unleashed his inner demons. Miki remembered the first time he saw him hit her mother. It was at dinner one night and Hikari accidently dropped a bowl of rice onto the floor, making a mess. It set off Keisuke like a bomb, making him grab Hikari by her neck and he began hitting her as six-year-old Miki could only watch in terror. At the time, twelve-year-old Itou was spending the night in jail for shoplifting.

The horrors for Miki never ended. The abuse continued on her mother until she was a teenager and up until then, she thought her mother endured everything for her. When Miki was thirteen and she was alone with her mother one day, she confronted her on the issue.

"Mama, why don't we leave? Divorce him and we can go far, far away from here. I can work part-time after school and help you." She said to Hikari as she folded her husband's laundry as her hands trembled, knowing that if there was one wrinkle, it would mean physical consequences for her.

"It's okay, Miki," Hikari muttered. "I'll be okay. Your father…is just stressed…from work. He works very hard to provide for us. I'm the one that needs to be a better wife."

It was later that night that Hikari suffered more abuse at the hands of Keisuke. He found a wrinkle. Even though Miki was a teenager, her mind was growing and she was smart enough to know that what was happening to her mother was criminal. She confronted her father. She stood from the dinner table with an attitude and called Keisuke a coward. Only cowards hit women. He didn't take too kindly to it. Keisuke overturned the dinner table and threw the food everywhere as he charged Miki, grabbed the young girl, and threw her against the wall. It knocked the wind out of her fragile body and as she recovered, Keisuke put his face inches from hers.

"You little bitch! You're just like your mother with that attitude of yours! Don't you dare say that to me again or you'll find yourself out in the streets with the fucking rats eating your flesh!" Keisuke yelled as Miki continued to cry for mercy and for her mother. "Do you understand me, Miki Shimizu?!"

Miki desperately searched for salvation as she shifted her eyes around the room and found her mother watching everything from a doorway. When Hikari saw her daughter's eyes were crying to her for help, she did the unexpected. Miki's heart sank and all hope turned to dust when she saw her mother tear up, turn, and run away, leaving Miki to fend for herself. Miki released more tears from her eyes as she quickly agreed with her father.

Keisuke dropped Miki and pushed her to the floor where she landed in the spoiled food. "Now clean it all up! If that floor isn't spotless by the time I get back, by belt will be across your back!"

He stomped out of the room, leaving the devastated Miki alone as she tried to clean up the mess her father left for her. She found herself not only cleaning the food, but also her tears as they landed in front of her with every cry. It was this incident that taught Miki two lessons. The first was to never talk back to her father ever again, and the second was the most heartbreaking. Her mother wasn't going to be there for her when she would need her. Miki Shimizu was alone.

It continued like this every day for many more years. It only got worse for her when she entered high school and all her friends distanced themselves from her. They didn't want to be associated with such drama that wasn't letting up and Miki only felt more isolated. Throughout high school, Miki was always the girl that sat alone in lunch, that no one would talk to, that no one wanted to get involved with. It wasn't because they hated her or thought poorly of her, but because they were cowards themselves, just like Keisuke.

One spring day, Miki sat on a park bench alone and cried again. She was at the end of her rope and was contemplating suicide, maybe by cutting her wrists in the bathtub that night. Maybe by throwing herself from the top of a building. She couldn't decide. As she sniffled and wiped her tears, an unfamiliar voice suddenly spoke to her.

"Excuse me, miss, but are you all right?" The male's voice asked and she turned towards it.

There before her stood a young man with light black hair and brown eyes with a darker skin complexion than hers. He was dressed in a nice buttoned shirt with pressed pants and a satchel around his shoulder as he slowly approached her with a clear look of concern on his face.

Miki quickly dried her eyes and tried in vain to make herself look presentable. "Yes, yes, I'm fine."

"You certainly don't look fine," he said. "Is that a bruise on your cheek? Did someone hit you?"

Miki shook her head as fast as she could and became temperamental. "No, nobody hit me! Leave me alone!"

The man ignored the command and continued to approach her. "You're hurt. Come on, let me take you to the doctor to get that looked at."

"I said no!" Miki shrieked as she shot up from her seat on the bench and stood before the young man with her arms folded across her abdomen as if she was cold. The man took another step towards her and she suddenly took a weak swing at him as she yelled, "Stay away from me!"

The young man continued to disregard the delirious Miki's orders and stepped forward again. "I'm not going until you let me help you, miss."

Miki continued to put up a strong and even violent front as she took another weak swing at the approaching helper, only to have her wrist grabbed by him. It sent Miki into a frenzy as she tried to use her other arm but it too was captured by him and the young distraught woman continued to thrash and squeal for him to release her. He wouldn't let her go. Instead, he let her ride it out since he could tell the poor girl was nearly drained of energy. It only took another minute until Miki slowed down and collapsed to her knees.

The young man continued to hold her by the wrists and he kneeled to the ground with her. Miki couldn't hold it in anymore and she began crying loudly as she grasped the man's shirt sleeves in an attempt to feel human warmth again. He released Miki's wrists and slowly pulled her close as she continued to cry. Through her cries and gasps for air, Miki spoke again.

"I'm so stupid…I'm so weak…I'm the worst…" Miki wanted to shout these things but lacked the energy as she couldn't even stand on her own anymore. "Please…don't bother with me…leave me here to die…"

The young man shook his head. "I cannot and will not do that. I'm taking you to the doctor."

Miki looked up at him, her eyes endless waterfalls at this point. "Why…? Why are you being so kind to me?"

"You're in trouble and you need help. I'm just doing my duty as a human." He said. "Please, let me help you. I promise you I will not leave you or hurt you in anyway. I just want to help."

Miki continued to sniff and wipe her eyes. She was still reluctant but finally agreed as the young man stood and offered his hand to hers. She gently grasped it and he pulled her to her feet and said, "My name is Hiiragi. Tadao Hiiragi."

Miki sniffed again and replied, "I'm Shimizu…Miki Shimizu."

Tadao smiled and made a bold move of wiping one of Miki's tears away from her eyes and said, "I knew it, your name really is as pretty as your face is."

The distraught young woman couldn't help but form a fragile smile across her face. Tadao escorted her to a nearby hospital and even waited there with her. She said that she was fine and that he had already done more than enough. Still, Tadao refused to leave her until he was certain that she was given a clean bill of health by the doctors. It was determined by them that it was blunt physical trauma that resulted in Miki's bruise.

When she was released later that day, Tadao knew that Miki was dealt an incredibly bad hand and that she didn't deserve such treatment. Tadao was nearly done with school and was studying to be a priest to one day take over his family's shrine in Saitama. Miki didn't know much about religion, but one thing she did know was that Tadao was definitely different from other men. She harbored a slight fear of them because of her abusive father, but Tadao Hiiragi was beginning to crack that shell.

As Tadao escorted her home, Tadao asked if she was going to be okay, which Miki revealed her talent of a charming smile and nodded. Either way, Tadao gave Miki his phone number if she was ever in trouble or needed to talk, no matter what time of day it was, he was there to listen. Miki kept trying to assure him that everything was okay but she took the number regardless. When Tadao left and Miki was back in her home, she suddenly felt a new sensation. Her palms sweated and her heart palpated in her chest as she thought about her rescuer again. She had never felt such a thing before and wondered if it was this thing called love. She had heard of it before, but never knew the feeling. Whatever it was…she liked it and she wanted more.

It was only two days later that Miki called Tadao for the first time just to talk. Her father and her brother were in a fight and it resulted in black eyes and broken noses and she was stressed after being forced to clean the blood and teeth from the kitchen floor. After Tadao found her two days earlier, she found herself in a better state of mind and was calmer and that's what she sought from him today. As she talked, her heart suddenly leaped into her throat when Tadao asked if she wanted to meet for dinner to talk about it. She agreed.

It was never meant to be a first date but it just turned out that way. Instead of talking about Miki's depraved home life, they spent the entire dinner getting to know each other. They laughed and joked together and had a great time as Miki felt these new feelings for the kind-hearted religious man becoming stronger. Tadao on the other hand found himself becoming more and more interested in the petite young woman. She wouldn't be considered "valuable" by society from an educational standpoint, but he saw her as a diamond in the rough. He could see that Miki had an unprecedented talent for caring about others and had so much love in her heart, but regrettably her heart was plagued with fear. What Miki needed more than anything was to get out of her current home life and move on.

When their date was over, Tadao walked Miki back to her home and Miki made the bold move of kissing the young man on his cheek. She thanked him very much for the wonderful night and that she wanted to do it again. Tadao too was satisfied with the night and wanted to be graced by the young woman's company again and promised to call her. When Miki walked into her dark house after Tadao departed, she felt a hostile hand wrap around her mouth, prompting her to scream but the hand muffled her outburst and the light came on, showing her father held her.

"Where the hell were you?! Who the hell was that?!" He yelled at her as he released her and forced her against another wall. "Have you been doing things with that boy? Were you spreading your legs for some random man?!"

"No…! No daddy! I promise I didn't do any—" she tried to make her case but Keisuke slapped her across her face, ripping a part of her lip open and drawing blood.

"Don't you dare lie to me you little slut! You're just like your worthless mother!" Keisuke shouted in her face. "Get your ass to your room and if I see it again tonight, I'm gonna kick it until it falls off!"

Miki quickly scurried away and hid herself in her room. She fell asleep that night to the sounds of her father beating her mother yet again for Miki's date with Tadao. She thought that she was going to one day die because of this life she lived, but little did she know that there was a strength dwelling within her that couldn't be measured. She defied her father's demand for her to never see Tadao again and she continued to go on more dates with him. Sometimes she would make it home safe while other times, she would get caught and suffer the consequences. Still, Keisuke Shimizu couldn't break his daughter's spirit as her love for Tadao Hiiragi grew.

Miki Shimizu suddenly awoke from her quasi-slumber. She was still curled into a human ball and hidden under her bed's covers as her father continued to smack, punch, and strangle his wife. Miki's face still hurt from her father's earlier assault and as she rethought everything in her mind, a thought suddenly exploded in her mind. She wasn't going to take this shit anymore. With quick actions, she pulled a small traveler's bag out from under her bed and began to pack only the necessities. A few clothes mostly filled the bag and she opened her bedroom window and dropped the bag out and watched it fall from the second story of the house. She wished she could simply jump out too but there was nothing to grab onto and jumping would only result in injury. She had no choice but to go out the front door and through the fighting.

She opened her door and saw the violent scene continue to unfold as Keisuke spat in his wife's face as she trembled on the ground while covering her head. He held an empty whiskey bottle in his hand as he swayed back and forth in his drunken stupor and he eventually released the bottle and it rolled towards Miki. She snatched it, hid it behind her back, and she knew she had no choice but to make her presence known as she stepped out of her room and closed her door, grabbing her father's attention.

"I thought I told you to stay in there until I'm done with your mother!" Keisuke yelled. "Get back in there and wait your turn, cunt!"

Miki was scared but searched deep within herself to find the strength she knew she had. She stood firm and shifted the muscles in her face to form a glare as piercing as her father's and readied for a fight. "Go to hell, you worthless piece of shit! You think it's manly to hit a woman, especially your own wife and daughter?! You're nothing!"

The outburst sent Keisuke into a frenzy as he screamed and charged towards his daughter with the intention of strangling her until she died. When her father was in range, Miki made her move. Using all the strength in her body, Miki swung the empty bottle around and smashed it across her father's face, shattering it and sending broken shards into his eyes, ears, mouth, and face. It drew blood and knocked him to the floor and to Miki's surprise, her father began to cry like a baby as he held his bleeding face as his daughter slipped past him.

Miki tried to take her mother with but Hikari made her decision. With her mind completely warped, Hikari scuttled over to the bleeding Keisuke and tried to comfort him. It was the final display Miki needed to see to know that her mother was never going to come to her senses and that she would always chose her abuser over her own daughter. It pained Miki to do it, but she abruptly left the abusive household, grabbed her bag, and fled to the only man she could trust.

Despite the fact that Miki showed up at his apartment's doorstep past midnight, Tadao took her in with open arms. The two lived with each other ever since. The two took it slow initially because of the fragile state Miki was in, but it didn't take long until the two young people cemented their love for each other after Tadao's graduation with their wedding. Tadao's family loved Miki instantly and after she moved to Saitama, she never stopped smiling.

Two years after Miki and Tadao took up residence at the shrine in Saitama, Tadao returned home one day and found his wife in the kitchen cooking a big meal for the both of them as she said it was a special night. When their dinner was over, Miki stood, walked over to her husband, took his hand, and placed it on her stomach. With the same smile, she said the line that started it all. "I'm pregnant."

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Miki Hiiragi awoke from her slumber after reliving her life before her daughters. She was curled in a chair in Tsukasa's hospital room with a spare blanket wrapped around her as she stirred and suddenly spotted Tsukasa sitting up and awake in her hospital bed. Her youngest daughter had a puzzled look across her face as she observed her mother.

Miki formed her trademark smile and stood as she took the blanket off. "Did you put this blanket on me?"

Tsukasa was quick to respond with hostility. "No. Dr. Hirukawa came in a few hours ago and put it on you when you fell asleep. You were talking in your sleep."

"Really? What did I say?" Miki asked, trying to stay positive.

"Enough for me to conclude that you're a dirty liar." Tsukasa snapped.

The hostile response shocked Miki and she slowly approached Tsukasa. "Wh…what do you mean, dear?"

"Your parents never divorced each other, did they?" Tsukasa asked, making her mother raise her eyebrows and show signs of stress. "You told us that they simply lived too far away and couldn't travel. I blame myself though for not seeing it sooner and not asking more questions. Dr. Hirukawa told me about them and how you were beaten by grandpa."

Miki knew she was in a corner as she sighed. "You're right, dear. That was all a lie. My parents are still together regrettably in Nagasaki, my mother is still most likely a victim. But that's why I've been trying so hard to keep you away from any danger or any other problems since you were attacked on New Year's. I went through a lot to get your bail money and—"

Tsukasa narrowed her eyes before interrupting. "I know. Hirukawa told me everything."

Miki's expression changed again from stressed to panic as she breathed hard and clutched her heart. "You…you…you know?"

Tsukasa had no clue how her mother got the bail money for her but either way, she was about to conduct her greatest gamble. The youngest Hiiragi twin thought her freedom hung in the balance, thus motivating her by any means necessary. "I know where you got that money…and what would dad say if he found out?"

Miki's heart pounded harder and her knees began to quake as she felt nothing but fear as she stared at her youngest daughter, who still had a lifeless and stone-cold face. "Tsukasa…why would you say such terrible things? If you know…then you also know what your father would do if he found out. I could never come home. I would have nowhere to go."

"You could go back to Nagasaki." Tsukasa snarled bitterly. "But then again, I might be more reasonable than you think."

Still fighting her panic, Miki said, "What do you want, Tsukasa?"

"Dr. Hirukawa recommended that the hospital admits me as an inpatient and enroll me in a psychological program for suicidal freaks and weirdos." Tsukasa hissed. "I'll be damned if I'm gonna spend any amount of time in the funny farm so you, mother, will get me out of here."

Miki stared at her troubled daughter and weighed all her solutions and outcomes. What was she to do? Her own daughter was blackmailing her and this was a very serious matter. For Miki, it meant life or death if her husband found out where the money came from. Surely he was becoming suspicious by now and sooner or later deeper questions would be asked. At the moment, Miki had no choice but to sign her release papers and allow Tsukasa to leave the hospital. It would buy her time to try and figure out a way to distract Tadao from the financial situation and hopefully allow more time for her to replace the "borrowed" money.