Erik had known heartache and grief in his life. He knew the pain of separation due to death, knew the hurdle it was to accept the reality that the person you loved was gone and never coming back. He faced it with his mother, endless days of not understanding how a woman so lively and radiant could be snatched away so effortlessly by circumstance, leaving no one to blame. When Magda died, again, there was no one to blame. He would not be one of the men who scorned their children for their mate's death in childbirth. He had raged at the midwives and the doctors, but there was nothing to be done. With Ruth, he finally had an actual target to channel all his feelings towards. This situation was different.
Charles wasn't dead, but he was gone. He was still in the inn. He still was there at the table during meals, still played with and taught the children and cleaned up around the house, making projects out of all the broken things in Logan's inn and probably making it worse. He was still a temptation Erik wanted nothing more than to covet. However, he was not there in the same way he was before. He and Erik didn't talk anymore. Charles avoided his gaze entirely. They were never alone in a room anymore. There was no chess by the fire, no daytime excursions into the woods, no long-winded debates, no flirty banter, no offhanded facts Erik never cared for, no kisses or caresses that lit Erik's body on fire, nothing, not even salutations.
Anya was also not talking to him. She zeroed in on the tension between Charles and Erik immediately, he was sure. She had all but chosen a side. Erik didn't know how to feel about it. He now spent his days stewing in thoughts and regrets, memories, and emotions. Without the interaction with Charles and Anya, he had the time to dwell on his circumstance and how he got here. All he could think of was Ruth.
There was a ten-year age difference between them, their parents having been beset with fertility issues. Many of his siblings died in the womb or in the cradle, so Ruth was something of a miracle child. When she was born, Erik had stood over her crib and begged her to survive for their mother's sake, so he did not have to watch her mourn again. He promised to love and protect her if she would only do him that one favor. He remembered taking her on her first horseback ride, spiriting her away to the onyx caves for a swim in the sparkling pools on her birthday, making funny faces at each other during Shabbat service in the palace synagogue, sitting by her bedside when she was ill, punching the first boy who broke her heart, comforting her when she became distraught over her omega distinction, dancing with her at his wedding feast, paying respects to their mother every year, wiping Ruth's tears when Father announced her engagement, holding her as she begged him not to let her go, reading all her letters and knowing in the bottom of his heart that the words didn't belong to her, finally defying his father and the laws of the land by going to rescue her from the Shaws and being too late.
His sister was but a girl, forced to marry Shinobi when she turned sixteen and dead the very next year just weeks after her birthday. The marriage was early by Genoshan standards. Most princesses married at eighteen or later, but his father wanted to be rid of her. Her auburn hair could not cover up how much like their mother she looked. Seeing Ruth, Father felt like he was haunted by his own failures and so he banished her to a castle whose name portended the torture she endured for a year. He often went to sleep wondering if she had stayed up nights crying for him, praying for her big brother to swoop in and save her like every time before. He had promised her, he told her he would always be there, and he wasn't. He had avenged her, or so he thought when he killed Shinobi, but Sebastian Shaw yet lived.
Lord Sebastian vacillated between claiming ignorance to the nature of Shinobi and Ruth's relationship and denying his son ever hurt her. His position was that Ruth had taken a lover and that was the person who had killed her, even going so far as to execute some guardsman of his whom he claimed was Ruth's lover. Lies. His sister wouldn't and if she did, she would've told Erik. Now Shaw has taken his father from him as well.
He and Jakob had a lot of bad blood between them. There were too many conversations deferred, grievances left unaired, and feelings allowed to fester. However, he was his father and he loved him. He had wanted things to be different, but after Ruth, it felt impossible. Erik barely talked to his father after that. They didn't mourn together, they went to council meetings and held court together to save face, but there were rarely of an accord with one another. Erik even refused to reside in the same shiva house as his father, mourning elsewhere with his children. Now there would never be a chance to reconcile their differences. Shaw took it away from him. He was convinced now more than ever, he would never be able to keep his sanity as long as Shaw still walked this earth, still breathed the same air as himself and his children.
Shaw was a scourge on this land, on his family. He had taken his sister from him, taken his father, taken his throne, and his dignity. Shaw was the reason his relationship with his daughter was in question. Shaw was the reason he met Charles in the first place. If Shaw never stole the capital, Erik would've never met Charles and thus hurt him. He thought of standing by his bedroom door and listening to Charles crying inside. He didn't know that he had ever heard such a beautiful creature utter such a heart-wrenching sound. His pain was so palpable that Erik was sure he could taste it on his tongue, feel it pounding in his head, twisting his insides up and constricting his heart in his chest. He almost thought Charles was projecting, but there was a noticeable absence in his mind. It wasn't Charles' Gift, it was guilt. He wanted nothing more than to comfort him. He hated himself for what he had done to him, but he hated Shaw more. He didn't know how to fix what was broken between him and Anya or him and Charles, but he knew what to do regarding Shaw. He needed to die, there was no other option. Erik needed to see to it himself to put this all behind him once and for all. There would be no peace otherwise, not in his heart, mind, or country.
He threw himself into planning then. His knights might not be back yet, but that didn't mean he had to be idle. Shaw's mutation was strong. Alongside that, he often wore a helmet made of a mixture of adamantium and vibranium stolen from Wakanda. The helmet had a strange effect on telepathy for unknown reasons. They would need to get that helmet off. It was metal, but Erik had always had an issue controlling vibranium. It was like the alloy had a mind of its own. They would have to figure out how to remove it. Shaw was at his weakest after he had expended a lot of energy so perhaps a coordinated attack from himself, Elizabeth, Heather, and a few others would be enough of a distraction for Azazel or Mortimer to get close enough to take it. Then Emma or Elizabeth would be able to use their telepathy to cut Shaw off from his power so Erik could strike him down. A part of him wanted to go after Shaw full tilt regardless, wanted the same kind of duel he had with his son, to fight tooth and nail until they were both on the brink, but he wanted Shaw dead more, wanted the finality of the action if not the satisfaction of doing it himself. If they couldn't get the helmet off, Erik would remove it one way or the other, or maybe he could just crush Shaw's head in the damn thing. Surely, he couldn't absorb that.
"Daddy, Logan's back!" Pietro shouted, pulling him from his maudlin thoughts.
He glanced out the window to see Charles and Anya greeting the grizzled man. Erik stepped out of the cabin with Pietro on his heels.
"Eisenhardt," Logan said with a nod when he came out.
Charles scoffed lightly.
"I know, Logan. The ruse is unnecessary."
Logan's face turned up in surprise at that. He looked at Erik questioningly, but he hardly had any answers to give the man. He suddenly remembered Logan's warning before he left about getting too close to Charles. Well, he bungled that up.
"We'll talk about it later, godfather. Let me take care of your horse. You're probably tired from your mission or whatever you want to call it."
Charles sounded bitter as he uttered the word. Erik bit his lip guiltily. Charles had the right to it. Logan's gaze lingered on the telepath, but he stepped aside and let him pass with the horse. Erik's eyes remained on Charles and his children as they disappeared into the stables, so he was surprised when he was suddenly grabbed by the collar, driven back and slammed into the side of the inn.
"The hell did you do?" Logan demanded.
Erik glared at him in return.
"Get your hands off me," he retorted, glaring at the other alpha challengingly.
"I know what Chuck looks like when he's angry. Instead, he looks like you just trampled his puppy in front of him. That wasn't because of a cover story to save your royal ass, that was something more. I'm asking you again, what did you do to my godson?"
Erik stayed silent for a while, but Logan pulled him forward and slammed him into the wall again. He could grab onto his belt and his boots and yank him away, but he deserved this, so he refrained. Logan's nostrils flared as Erik remained silent. The scent of Charles on him would've faded by now to anyone else's nose, but Logan's heightened senses must've picked up something because his gaze turned murderous.
"I told him right after. We both told each other the truth about ourselves."
Logan looked a little surprised but still likely to kill him.
"If he told you, then you know how much shit he's been through. Now you dump this on his lap on top of it. What the hell were you thinking?"
"Clearly, I wasn't thinking."
Logan didn't look satisfied with that answer, but his hold was loosening. Erik sighed, not sure how to explain this other than telling the truth.
"Things went farther than I should've let them, I know that."
"You think?"
Erik shook his head at a loss for words. There was nothing he could think to say other than what he had yet to verbalize but knew in his heart to be true.
"He loves me, Logan," Erik admitted.
Logan narrowed his eyes at him, almost accusatorily.
"He didn't say it, but he didn't have to. And I think I love him too. Nothing can come of it, of course. Maybe that's why I did it. Maybe I just wanted to feel that way again, laugh genuinely with someone, share small intimate moments, and make love with someone again just once before I go back to my life and all that comes with it."
Logan craned his neck at him before letting Erik go with a distantly disgusted shake of the head.
"You fucking idiots. I knew this shit was going to happen, knew it the minute I saw you two lock eyes," Logan muttered.
Erik remained silent, not asking any of the questions that popped into his head. Why didn't Logan keep them away from each other? They would've been better off. He should've never left them alone in this inn together for so long. Erik knew he was just searching for someone to blame, but the sentiment remained true.
"What are you going to do now, bub?"
"I assume you brought back support with you."
"They're headed to the village tavern right now to meet up with your knights."
"Then I will visit the tavern, see what word has reached us from Azazel and start strategizing to march on Krakoa."
"That's all well and good, but I meant Charles."
"What can I do, Logan? You know how he'll be greeted at court. My council will make his life a living hell while the courtiers will run him out of the city if I show up claiming he is my mate. And we haven't mated at any rate, not officially."
"Firstly, if you think some perfumed assholes will run Charles out of town, you don't know him as well as I thought. Secondly, you can't just leave him here. You two are true-bonded mates."
Erik immediately rolled his eyes.
"Not this again. It's bullshit. It doesn't exist."
"I've lived a lot longer than you have, bub. I've met a few couples who had a true bond before. I know what it looks like."
"If I went back home and told them I found my true bond mate, they would think me mad. I would have to somehow convince the court rabbi to attest that it's a true bond. Even then, that may not be enough."
"You managed to get me to safety, form the Brotherhood despite opposition, marry Magda even though the entire court thought you were crazy, kill Shinobi Shaw when I thought you would lose that duel and get Charles to fall in love with a man he thought was nothing more than a blacksmith. Get your head out of your pompous ass, and figure it out because you're not just going to leave my godson here with a broken heart," Logan all but ordered before stalking into the inn.
Erik watched him go with consternation. Figure it out. That was mighty easy for Logan to say because at the end of this conflict, no matter what happened, he would return to his inn, alive and mostly unscathed. Erik had no such guarantees. He shook his head, eyeing the stables before shaking his head again. He was no use dallying here. He needed to go to the village to meet the men Logan brought and see Emma. It had been too long. He allowed himself to be distracted from his duty by his burgeoning relationship with Charles, but he needed to rein himself in and get to work.
The walk into the village was somewhat helpful. He tried to clear his mind of all thoughts of his family, the future, even the Shaws and focus on putting one foot in front of the other. His mother would always say the longest walks start with a single step every time Erik felt he was between a rock and a hard place. He missed her fiercely in this moment, missed her loving guidance and abiding faith in him. If she were here, he suspected he wouldn't be in this predicament.
"Finally remembered I existed, did you? I suppose you've been rather busy with your omega, too busy for little old me," Emma projected once he entered the village proper.
"Not now, please. Logan returned to the inn and informed me he brought the support."
"He did. Alpha Flight are ready to fight with us, for the right price, no doubt. That's not all. Azazel has arrived with Lord Helmut in tow. He is leading the Sokovian forces. We have the numbers. We can march on the capital as early as three days from now. It's time to set our battle plans."
Erik paused in his step for a moment as that reality sunk in. It was almost time to get what he wanted, what he had been craving for months. He didn't feel the elation or anticipation he thought he would. Still, there was no turning back now.