Kim slipped her hand into his as they headed into the building. It looked imposing even though it was non-descript. It just had a sense of foreboding about it. Adam had been jittery all morning and Kim offered to drive but he insisted he had to do it. It would give him something to focus on.

Neither of them had eaten breakfast and Adam had nagged her about it knowing how grumpy she was if she didn't eat. The amount of food Kim could put away amazed him. How someone could rock a body like her and yet eat like him was astonishing. He appreciated it though. How could you not.

"I hate this place." He muttered as he stalked around the waiting room. Nobody else was there yet which just added to his sense of foreboding. What was the rush? "It's hell with fluoro lighting."

"We've been in worse."

That wasn't a lie, they'd visited some very dodgy medical practices over the years. It was depressing that some people were so desperate for medical care yet couldn't afford it that they were willing to risk their lives on two-bit dive joints and charlatan Doctors to get any form of help. This place was a palace compared to some of the joints they'd been in though.

"Not really the point Kim."

Her phone beeped and Kim looked at the message.

"Voight?" he looked at her quizzically. "What did he say?"

"That he'd see us when we get there and to take all the time needed."

His heart skipped a beat when he was called through. Having told Kim that he'd be fine to go in alone and she could stay in the waiting room as soon as he was called he reached for her hand and tugged on it and she followed without a word.

At least the Doctor looked like a Doctor, so that was a relief. If not a little young and he introduced himself as Doctor Provost as he ushered them into his consulting room. Adam scanned the room quickly, a habit of his. You always went into a room knowing where the exits were and this was one room he wanted to know the way out of. This room had one exit and the door closing behind him made him jump. "This is Kim, my umm…" Adam faltered for a moment. "…fiancé." He stuttered.

Kim didn't miss a beat.

She held his hand, feeling it get tighter and tighter the more questions he was asked. "And when did you first notice something wasn't feeling right."

Adam looked at Kim sheepishly. "About a week ago but I didn't think anything of it until Kim… ummm felt it the night before last."

Dr Provost ran through a few more questions and asked about any other unusual signs or symptoms. Fatigue, loss of appetite, pain, sexual dysfunction and Adam laughed nervously and told him that Kim had no complaints so far. She just stared at the floor, trust him to be joking about it. It was like he had no control over himself or what came out of his mouth.

Adam was asked if he wanted Kim to stay for the examination and she chose to wait outside. Adam felt awkward enough having another man fondle his junk, he had told her how weird and uncomfortable it was when his own Doctor did it. She didn't want him to feel like he had to hide things from the Doctor so that she wouldn't hear. That was one of her fears, Adam would pretend everything was fine so as not to upset her or have to deal with reality.

With the very little talking they did the previous evening he did tell her that he wouldn't blame her if she decided this was too much because she'd been through enough lately and didn't need this on her plate as well. Kim didn't even respond, she wasn't entertaining his stupidity.

It was a long twenty minutes while he was examined and had an ultrasound and Kim hit up the water fountain at least four times, checked her phone constantly and forensically investigated every single picture on the walls.

The Doctor did call her back in at Adam's request once it was done and she sat beside him and instantly he grabbed her hand. "Okay Adam, here's the deal. You have a small mass on your right testicle and it will need to be removed."

"It's cancer?" He almost broke Kim's hand and the tremble in his voice definitely made her heart skip a few beats.

"It's impossible to tell until we remove it."

"And if it is, what then. You take the whole thing out?"

"No, we take the whole testis right away. Unfortunately with a biopsy there is a real risk that it can spread the cancer cells throughout other parts of your body, if that is indeed what it is and it is a risk that I won't take. This is standard practice."

"Okay." He nodded and Kim glanced at him and was a little alarmed at how pale he looked.

"What then?" She asked.

Dr Provost looked at Adam and explained the course of action to him knowing full well he wasn't taking in one word of it. No matter how many times you explained the odds and the risks all they ever heard was the C word. He would also need a full body scan once the results on the tumour came back to ensure that it hadn't already spread further than his right testicle. If it was benign then no further treatment would be necessary. However if it was cancerous and had spread he may need chemotherapy and radiotherapy depending on what type of cancer and how extensive it was.

Kim struggled to focus, she was trying to listen to every word knowing that Adam had shut down already.

Despite assuring them that Testicular Cancer was very treatable and had one of the best survival rates out of all the cancers it was still a terrifying and devastating thing to be diagnosed with. It had not only pulled the rug out from under him, it was beating him with it when he was on the floor.

"Now, I'm guessing fertility would be something you would have questions about?"

Adam stared blankly at him. He was still digesting the fact that he may have cancer and that he was going to lose his right nut. Fertility hadn't entered his head at this stage.

Kim swallowed hard. Since the miscarriage it was something they had never discussed because the reality was they were pretending that they weren't actually in a relationship or planning a future. "Yes." She stunned herself. "Will this affect our chances of having children. We lost a pregnancy recently."

It was the first time she'd said it out loud, that they had lost a pregnancy together. Usually it was just that she had lost a baby.

"I'm very sorry to hear that." Dr Provost responded. "There is no reason to expect any fertility issues if it's just a simple orchiectomy. However if it is malignant then we would recommend seeing a fertility specialist and perhaps storing some sperm in a sperm bank prior to commencing treatment. We can cross that bridge when we come to it though."

Adam finally managed to speak. "When?"

"Adam, I think we need to get this out as soon as possible." He tried to be as gentle as he could. "I can get you in tomorrow."

"What's the rush?" He thought he'd have time to digest it and decide what he wanted to do.

"Sooner the better Adam, I know this is a shock but what I do know is that knowing that this is inside your body, growing and changing is not good for your mental health or your physical health."

It was all happening so fast their heads were spinning. By the time they left the Doctor's office Adam was booked for surgery the next day, they'd looked at prosthetic testicles and had been given reams of paperwork and information to read. Life had kicked them in the nuts again, and for Adam at least, quite literally.

"Do you want me to take you home? I can call Voight for you." Kim waited until they were in the car together. Adam had opened the door for her, he always did when they weren't at work and he was acting on instinct at the moment. He hadn't said a word since they left the Doctors office.

"No, it's okay Kim. We need to get to work, we've got a case on."

"Adam, Voight will understand."

"Yeah, hey sorry boss I'm not coming in today, or tomorrow or maybe ever again. They are taking my nut out. Catch ya later." Kim was prepared for some kind of reaction, at some point he had to explode. Right now he was so tightly wound. "Don't look at me like that?"

"Like what?"

"Pity, I don't need to see your pity. I don't want pity."

There was no point arguing with him but she wanted him to know that pity hadn't even entered her head. "I'm scared Adam; for you, for me, for us."

"Us? There is no us, not anymore." He spat at her bitterly and it killed him because he didn't mean it. He wanted them more than anything and now he wasn't sure about anything. Leaning forward he rested his head on the steering wheel. "Fuck."

Kim touched his back and he flinched. "Don't, don't Kim please."

"Okay." She clasped her hands in lap. "I'm not going anywhere Adam."

He sat up and gave her a twisted smile, it was something at least. Straightening up he started the car. "Let's go to work."

Adam knew that everyone was watching him, all day and he was like a bear with a sore head. Pretending to be fine when he was anything but was exhausting and the strain was evident when he missed a few things that he could always be relied upon picking up. Voight quietly asked Kim to double check everything.

He knocked on his Boss's door at the end of the day. He'd hung around, claiming he had CI paperwork to catch up on until everyone else had left except Kim and she was waiting by his car. They'd come together and that had raised eyebrows and they did joke that people probably thought she might be pregnant again.

"So what's the deal Ruzek?"

"I need a couple of weeks off." He was told it would take up to two weeks to recover. He couldn't drive or do any heavy lifting or anything that would put pressure on the wound.

"Okay." Voight dropped his pen on the desk and reached for his bottom drawer. "Okay." Pulling out his bottle of whiskey he poured two glasses and noticed Ruzek's hands shaking as he took the offered glass.

Rolling the liquid around the bottom of the glass he had no idea if he could even swallow it and Voight just watched him.

"They've found a lump, on one of my nuts." He told him bluntly. "It's coming out tomorrow. The whole fucking ball and dice."

"Cancer?"

"Don't know yet Boss." He finally knocked back the whiskey and it burnt at his throat and he had to swallow hard to stop it coming back up. "Anyway." He put the glass back on the desk. "Apparently a couple of weeks and no heavy lifting or …" he shrugged. "..a couple of weeks."

He stood up and Voight reached out and shook his hand. "Anything I can do, let me know."

"Thanks." He paused at the door. "Can you keep it to yourself?"

"Won't leave this office. As far as anyone else knows you are on an Undercover Op and we'll see you in a week or two." Ruzek just nodded his thanks. "Oh and tell Burgess I don't need her tomorrow."

Ruzek was about to respond when Voight held up his hand. "It's either Burgess or me? Choose wisely."

Kim was leaning on his car talking on the phone. He could tell it wasn't a pleasant conversation and figured she was talking to Nicole. They hadn't discussed whether she was still planning on spending the weekend with Nicole, he didn't want to ask her not to go because that wasn't fair but deep down he wanted her to choose him. For once. He felt that he was always her back up plan and that was okay because everyone needed a plan B, and when you loved someone as much as he loved her he'd wait forever until she was his plan A.

"You okay?" He asked when she quickly hung up and reached for the bag at her feet.

"Yep." Waiting until he opened the door she climbed in. "Told Nicole I wasn't coming up this weekend. It didn't go down well."

"You can go if you want. I'll be fine."

"I don't want to go. I can't deal with her drama right now."

"But you are okay with my drama?"

"Yes, yes I am."

He turned his head to face her and smiled his first genuine smile in days. "Thank you." Kim just nodded. "Oh and Voight doesn't want to see you tomorrow."