As soon as Adam opened his eyes Kim was looking at him. She'd been awake for almost an hour and just watched him sleep. It did give her some Fatal Attraction vibes. "Good Morning. How are you? In any pain? Can I get you anything? Did you sleep okay?"

"Breathe and kiss me." Kim obliged and let it linger for a moment. "I'm good." Adam stole another quick kiss before they parted. "You are here, I'm good."

Kim ran her hand through his hair, which was sticking up seven ways from Sunday. "So?"

"Well you know what tends to happen in the morning?" Adam grimaced as he shifted a little. "Well it's happening and it's not exactly the pleasant experience it often is."

"Does it hurt?"

Adam covered his eyes with his forearm. "Yes, it hurts. Shit Kim, this sucks."

Placing a hand on his chest she felt his heart racing. "Just breathe Adam. What can I do?"

"This, just this." He held her hand in place and tried to breathe deeply as the wave of pain passed. "I'm glad you are here."

"Wouldn't be anywhere else." Kim couldn't even imagine not being around. She'd gone home briefly yesterday afternoon to pack a bag with some clean clothes and had took just a moment to catch her breath and had rushed back. She was worried that Adam would try and do too much. Because he'd had the bleed he was warned not to exert himself for the next day or two. The last thing they wanted was for him to start bleeding again and have to go back into hospital. The procedure had been day at a Day Surgery Unit but any issues meant a trip to Med and that was the last place Adam wanted to go. The gossip mill in that place was insane.

"Can you take a look? Make sure it's not completely fucked."

Kim balked and giggled nervously.

"Last night you were all up being Nurse Rachet and following the rules and now you want to abdicate your duties. Nup, not having it." He threw the sheets back and waited.

He was wearing a very attractive scrotal support but Kim could see the swelling on one side. Gently she peeled down his underwear and had a quick look being careful not to touch it. "Hmmm."

"What?"

"Still ugly but it's not purple or black so no bleeding."

"Your bedside manner leaves a lot to be desired I must say." Adam grumbled as he rolled over gingerly and pushed himself up towards the edge of the bed. He needed to take a leak, not that the thought of that thrilled him.

Kim decided to start on breakfast while Adam was in the bathroom although she wasn't hungry and she doubted he was as well. His appointment wasn't until eleven and it was barely seven now. By the time Adam hobbled out Kim had made them a coffee. "How was it?"

"Uneventful." He eased himself down onto the couch. "Are you going to eat? You didn't have much dinner."

"Not really hungry." Kim bought his coffee over and a couple of pieces of toast. "You need to eat though." Eventually Kim agreed to share his toast after much eye rolling and nagging.

The morning wore on and Adam got quieter and quieter. It got to the point where he just wanted to know one way or the other. This being in limbo was driving him crazy. Even though it had been three days, it was the three longest days of his life.

Dr Provost got straight to it after examing the wound. "So, the operation was successful and the pathology shows you have what is known as a Seminoma which is a malignant tumour." Kim felt Adam wilt beside her while she just tried to breathe. "Fortunately it was small and you caught it early and this is probably the most curable form of testicular cancer with survival rates in the high 90's."

"Okay." Adam nodded. His whole world was crashing in his head and he felt like he was going to vomit. He had convinced himself that this wouldn't be the outcome. He had refused to let himself think of the worst.

"Often it does not even require any further treatment once it is removed. However you will need to see an oncologist who will decide whether to do any further tests or treatments. I will write you a referral and send you for a full body scan which the oncologist will need. Your blood test tumour markers were negligible so I really do think you caught it very very early which gives you the best chance."

It put them on a merry-go-round that felt like it was spinning faster and faster. Their heads were exploding. Adam shut down completely. He barely talked to Kim on the way home and went straight to bed after telling her he just needed time to get digest things.

If Adam hadn't slept for three days he certainly slept now and Kim had no idea what to do. She couldn't talk to anyone, Adam had made that very clear and she didn't know how long they could keep that up. She suddenly felt the weight of not only her world on her shoulders but also Adam's.

And she cried. Sitting alone on the couch in Adam's apartment, Kim fell apart.

"You've been crying." Adam noticed it as soon as he came out.

"A little bit. Sorry." Kim wiped her face and stood up so that Adam could sit. "How are you?"

"Not dead yet."

"Please don't say that." She refused to believe that this was even a possibility. There was every chance that they had removed all the cancer and she was clinging to that hope.

"Kim…" he reached for her hand. "..I'm going to be fine."

"I know." She leant down and whispered in his ear. "I need you."

"Darlin' you are getting me all hot and bothered."

"Typical." Kim kissed him quickly. "One track mind."

"When it comes to you, yes." He pulled her down onto the couch next to him. "Can we talk about this?"

"What? You and me."

He took a moment to just take her in, she looked tired and stressed and he hated that. The last time he'd seen her looking like this was when she lost the baby. It hurt then and it hurt now. "Yes, you and me and the C-Bomb."

"Where do you want to start?"

"Firstly, I want you to go back to work tomorrow."

When Kim went to protest Adam stopped her. "I need you to go back to work, things that can be normal need to be normal. I'm not seeing the oncologist for another few days. The longer you aren't at work the more suspicious it will look."

They made sure they had their stories straight. Adam was Undercover and Kim had a stomach flu. She looked like shit anyway, the lack of sleep, the worry and having hardly eaten for the past three days certainly could be used to explain her absence.

"I want to keep this in-house, between us until it's all clear, I don't want people fussing and worrying, I can't stand that." Adam shuddered a little. "People will freak out and want to touch me and I don't think I can handle that."

"I am going to fuss and worry."

"Really." He gasped playfully, clutching his chest. "Color me shocked."

Kim was starting to worry that Adam was going to tell her to leave. "I want to touch you."

"You Darlin' can touch me any time you want." Adam laced his fingers through hers and lifted her hand to his lips. "Any time."

He closed his eyes and kept talking. He couldn't look at her right now. "I'm terrified Kim, I don't want to die, I want to live and I will. I'm scared about what the next few weeks and months are going to look like. The thought of Chemo is already making me feel sick. I feel out of control and I don't like feeling like this."

Kim just let him talk, she kept touching him, running her hand through his hair, using her thumb to stroke his as he hung onto her hand tightly.

"Al, Antonio and all that shit, then you and the baby and now this, it's just been one thing after another and I am trying so hard not to push you away because I feel cursed and I don't want to drag you down with me."

When you put it all together the past two years of his life had been one heartbreak after another and a lesser man would've buckled but maybe this was the straw that broke the camels back. It was hard to reconcile it all, he had his dream job, being pulled out of the Academy by Al had been the highlight of his life, he never expected his policing career to take off like it did but the flip of the coin was that his personal life was just one misstep and mistake after another. Maybe you couldn't have it all, maybe he'd always have to choose between his work life or his personal happiness. Perhaps he had to make a choice between being happy at work or happy in life.

Today, for the first time he was starting to think that he was going to choose a happy life. He'd give up work and his dream job to be happy in life and to be alive. A long time ago he'd told her that whether he was a cop or not wasn't going to change how he felt about her, she was the best thing he had going on. That had got lost for a while but right now that felt like it was truer than ever.

"You can push all you like, I am not leaving."

"You say that now."

Kim used her free hand to hold his cheek and waited until he looked at her. Adam didn't often look so scared and his eyes were cloudy and full of fear. He looked vulnerable and she knew he hated being in that position. "I'm your fiancé remember?"

"Yeah, about that…."

"And you and I will get married and have our family."

He was a bit surprised by that. "You'd finally marry me?"

Kim smiled and bought her face close to his. "I think we've proven that we are better together and we've never been able to let each other go so we'll fight this together and beat it and then I will marry you."

"With only one nut?"

"Yes."

Finally, after three days Adam let himself cry. He'd held it in, steadfastly refusing to let this get on top of him but the dam wall broke and it flowed out in an unstoppable torrent. Falling into Kim she wrapped her arms around him and told him everything he wanted to hear. That she wasn't leaving him, that she'd be beside him every step of the way, that she believed in him and was proud of him.

And then she uttered the words he'd craved for so long.

"I love you so much Adam."