They were both surprised to meet the Oncologist. Doctor Jamie Fraser didn't look old enough to be a Doctor let alone a Specialist but she was lovely. Adam obviously wasn't expecting a female and he had to quickly get over his awkwardness. He just assumed that a male Doctor would look after male issues.

She ran through his history so far and was happy with the pathology and his blood tests. "However your scans do show two tiny hot spots on one of your lymph nodes."

"Okay. What does that mean?"

"It might be nothing but considering your age and quite frankly I don't want to take the risk of sitting back and watching to see if it grows or turns up anywhere else so my preference is to give you a round of Radiation therapy." Adam found it confronting that so far both the Urologist and Oncologist were so matter of fact. There was no softening the blows.

"Chemo?"

"No, I don't think we need to go down the path of Chemo. Your blood tumour markers were very low, the tumour was small but the first place it spreads to is the lymph nodes so I tend to err on the side of caution. A round of radiation should be enough, although there are no guarantees obviously." She explained. "Of course you can decide to wait and see, or get another opinion."

He looked at Kim who was as white as a sheet.

Barely a week ago they were just enjoying life, letting things play out and finding their way again and now here they were being slapped in the face with a cancer diagnosis and an uncertain future. Despite being told there was a 95% survival rate, the 5% death rate was the number that they remembered.

He decided to put his faith in this Doctor and take her advice. Adam faced two weeks of radiation, ten rounds and it was a low dose but that was the only positive they could take out of the appointment.

"You can still back out." Adam held her hand as they walked back to the car. "I won't hold it against you."

"Not happening. So we can drop this question from rotation okay?"

"At least you won't need a night light, I'll fucking glow in the dark." He muttered as held Kim's door open. "I'll need a hazard sign around my neck."

"I'm pretty sure you won't glow."

He waved the pamphlet in her face. "Sperm donation." It had been suggested that he may want to consider using a sperm bank to store his sperm in case the radiation therapy reduces his fertility. It may not happen but it was better to be safe than sorry. "That sounds pleasant."

"What you like knocking the top off, you all do."

Kim pulled out into the traffic. Not only was he now officially a cancer patient, he was talking about sperm donation and being driven around like an invalid. He felt emasculated. "Nice. I like you knocking the top off it. It seems a bit ironic doesn't it? I'm not allowed to bang you but I can sit in a room and whack off."

"You have such a way with words." Kim smirked and then turned serious. "Are you okay?"

"Not yet Kim. Can we talk about this when we get home?" He wanted to enjoy the last little bit of levity.

"Sure, okay."

"Maybe you can come with me? I mean that'd get me going, you can do a little dance or something."

"I'm not sure that's allowed."

"Maybe we get a turkey baster on the way home and give it a go. We've got a week. It only took one bang last time."

Kim peered at him from the side of her eye as she drove. "One?"

"Okay, it was three." They'd had a lot of fun that night and didn't get a lot of sleep. It may have been one night but it wasn't one time. "Not the point. One night was all it took and perhaps before I go all radioactive…"

"Stop, just stop." Kim suddenly yelled. "Stop it Adam."

"Hey, Kim. I'm joking."

"This is no joke." She pulled over to the side of the road, worried she was going to crash. "This is no joke Adam." Bursting into tears she covered her face with her hands. "I can't do this. I can't lose you, not now."

"You aren't losing me Kim, I'm not giving up."

"This isn't supposed to be happening. We've been through enough, I've had enough. I don't want to be here anymore." Suddenly anger poured out of her like molten rock.

"Where?"

"Here, in Chicago. This is a bad place, bad things happen here."

"Good things too."

"What, what good things? I can't see one fucking thing that is good."

"You met me." Adam responded simply. He wasn't surprised that Kim was falling apart at the seams right now. She'd held it all in, she'd been stoic and strong. He'd seen this pattern with her before. She held onto the pain of the miscarriage for as long as she could and eventually the walls crumbled and the same thing was happening now. He didn't expect it on the side of the road though. "And I love you and I am not giving up on us again."

He just sat there with his hand on her thigh while she angrily wiped her face with her sleeves. "Sorry. I'm sorry, this is not about me."

"I hope it is in some way. I hope this is about us."

Adam was shocked when Kim pushed his hand off her leg. "No, you don't get to sit here and tell me that. When it's not about us, it's all about you. Because of you I'm the one who has to go to work every day and lie to our friends and pretend that everything is fine and it's not, it's not fine. I just want someone to tell me it's going to be okay." She slapped the steering wheel angrily. "And I hate myself. I shouldn't be angry at you but I am. I am angry that you are sick, I am angry at me for putting you through this and I am angry…"

"How are you putting me through this?"

"If I hadn't been so damn nosey. If I hadn't mucked around…"

Adam sighed. "Kim it was still there, you didn't cause it but you are making sure I am not ignoring it. I would have ignored it, you know I would've."

"I don't care, I'm still angry…"

"I'm angry too." He admitted, stopping her in her tracks. "I'm angry and I'm scared."

"I'm so scared." She sobbed. "I want to grow old with you."

"You will grow old with me, and our kids." Adam used his hand to turn her face so she was looking at him. "I promise you that."

It made Adam realise how unfair he'd been making Kim carry his secret. It was easy for him, he wasn't seeing their friends and colleagues every day and having to lie or hold it in. He was asking Kim to shoulder the whole burden of his diagnosis, his fear and his anger on her own.

Wet sloppy tear filled kisses were not anyone's favourites but they both appreciated this one sitting on the side of the road, in the middle of peak hour traffic post meltdown. It was perfect.

They did a lot of reading, trying to get their heads around the sharp turn life had taken over the past week. This wasn't what was supposed to bring them down.

He wasn't starting his treatment until the following Monday however this week was filled with appointments. He had to see the Radiation Therapist to have a simulation done so they knew where to zap him. Followed with a fertility specialist and appointments with the Sperm Bank. Usually the process to donate takes a bit longer but because he was starting his treatment soon and wasn't donating for other people to use it wasn't quite as rigorous and he didn't need to counselling relating to donating as an anonymous donor. There were more blood tests and a follow up with the Urologist to remove his stitches.

At least they knew what they were facing now, how it was all going to work and he had his sperm bank appointments over three days. His entertaining descriptions of the whole process had made Kim laugh. He flirted with her, telling her how he had to imagine that the porn they gave him was actually her, not that he needed it. He did cheekily ask her for some nude photos to use and then ducked the cushion she lobbed at him. 'All I had to do was close my eyes and think of you wiggling your ass in front of me or molesting me in the shower and things just happened.' He did admit it was uncomfortable though and felt a bit weird, but more because his wound from the operation still hadn't healed completely yet. That disappointed him, he was hoping it would feel good and that meant that maybe they could have sex again soon. He was worried that the radiation would kill his sex drive and he liked sex and he really liked sex with Kim.

Kim was flat out at work which was probably a good thing, it barely gave her a chance to worry about what was going on at home. Every day though she was eager to get home to Adam and knocked back some overtime that she was offered. Atwater looked at her strangely. "You never knock back OT. You are such a tight ass."

"I'm tired Kev, proceed with caution." She warned him. That wasn't a lie, she was tried, she wasn't sleeping well even if Adam was. How he could sleep was beyond her? Her mind wouldn't stop and all day she was thinking about work and the spent all night trying to get her head around Adam and what was going on with him. He always had a list of things to run through when she got home and he'd learnt early on that trying to brush her off or tell her he didn't want to go over it again didn't go down well.

Adam didn't even bat an eyelid when there was a knock on the door which surprised Kim, even when they just ordered take-out Adam usually disappeared and left her to deal with it. Kim jumped up to answer it and was stunned to see Kevin holding a six pack on the other side. "Someone want to tell me what this is about?" Kim quickly looked at Adam who was easing himself up off the couch. Unbeknownst to Kim Adam had sent him a message asking him to come over and that it was best if he kept it to himself.

"Come in Kev." Adam had stood up and he beckoned him to come in.

Adam took a beer from his buddy and tossed the cap on the bench. He was enjoying the last couple of days of alcohol. They were both going cold turkey once the treatment had started, Adam wanted to do all he could to make sure it was successful and Kim would do anything to support him. Kim accepted one but she was still confused and getting over the shock of seeing Atwater, Adam had said nothing about it. He rested his hand on Kim's back and guided her back to the couch.

"Right, let's just rip the band-aid off." Adam didn't know how else to do it, he hadn't had to tell anyone yet so he was brutal about. Even Voight was left up to Kim. "I've got cancer man."

"What? What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Nut cancer. I had my right nut taken out almost two weeks ago and it's cancer."

"Bullshit." Kevin refused to believe it.

"I wish. I start Radiotherapy on Monday for two weeks and then hopefully that should be it."

Kev just stared at them both. "Why didn't you tell me?" He looked at Adam first and then at Kim. "You should've told me." Not surprisingly Kevin sounded angry.

"All along we were hoping that it would just be benign and once the op was done it would be over. All that happened really quickly. Anyway, doesn't matter now." He leant on Kim for a moment. "We asked Voight to keep it to himself but I thought I'd be off for two weeks at most, but it's probably going to be another month."

"You still should've told me Bro." This is what Adam didn't want, Kevin's anger subsided and now he could see pity in his eyes.

"Hey Kev don't look at me like you are sorry for me or think I'm going to die, I just need you to make sure this one is okay." He tapped Kim's leg. "That's what I need from you."

"Sure, she's my girl too."

Adam smiled at Kim. "Love of my life."

The only reason Adam called Atwater was because he knew he was being unfair to Kim asking her to pretend this wasn't happening while she was at work. The next two weeks were going to be rough, he had radiotherapy every week day and he'd been told that while the side effects weren't as bad as Chemo it was still likely to knock him around and cause fatigue, some nausea or at the very least make him feel really crappy. He was worried about how Kim was going to handle it, she was already looking tired and stressed.

"We've known that for years."

"Yeah well, I had to convince her." Adam just needed to be in touch with Kim and his fingers were stroking her inner thigh close to her knee. "Even with one nut she still seems to like me."

Kevin shook his head. "Shit man."

"It's all good Kev. A couple of weeks and I will be back driving you batshit crazy again." Adam had to hang onto that hope. "It's curable, one of the most curable cancers and I got onto it early so we are trying to be positive and I am banking on that from you too."

"Got it." Kev nodded. "And you girl, how are you?"

Kim appreciated that Kevin asked and Adam pulled her closer for a moment. "I'm doing okay. It's been a big couple of weeks but we are good, I think."

Adam kissed her temple.

"Why did you do that?" Kim asked him as soon as Kevin left. It was late and they had polished off the six pack easily. Kevin got a bit emotional before he left, hugging them both and reminding them how much he loved them. He also told them how much he loved them together and knew what was going on because they were both happy for a change and that they had to continue…or else.

"It was getting too much for you." Kim went to protest and Adam stopped her. "It was getting too much for me. As much as I want to hide this from everyone, I can't. It's not fair on you and I don't want you to resent me."

"I wouldn't resent you Adam. It's your choice."

"It is, and this is the choice I've made. I feel better already knowing that Kev is going to look out for you at work. It's usually me looking out for you and the past few weeks I haven't been there to do that and I sit here and worry about you every day. I know Kev will do a good job."

Kim snuggled into his arms. He was being amazing and strong for her while his world was crumbling and when Kim asked him why his response was simple and immediate.

"Because being here with you is making me more determined to beat this. I'm not going to hurt you again and me dying from this would hurt you, so that's not happening."