Like It Was Nothing at All

Chapter 1: Sabrina POV

Why does my courage fail me when I need it the most?

The first time I saw you, I was curious. Finishing another romance novel to pique my want of affection, I was in the library when I looked through the window. You caught my eye instantly; a constant shadow in the middle of a clear, sunny day. Tall, dark, and handsome. As though straight out of a novel. I was used to finding treasure in stone, but it was the first time the stone itself interested me. Your gruff and rough demeanor intimidated me, but I couldn't stay away. Before I knew it, my book was on the shelf and I was only a few paces away from you.

I'm ashamed to say I was not acting in the most ladylike behavior. My father would have scolded me if he knew my goings were influenced by your schedule. The fact I even knew your schedule so well would have been troublesome.

As you walked around town, I went in circles around you. Not enough to alarm you, but hopefully enough for you to recognize my face. Either that or my entirely purple attire. Did you know we both have purple eyes? Yours is always under that black Stetson, however, while mine are shielded by these large spectacles.

Then, one day, you noticed me. During my daily walk around town (within proximity to yourself), I had lost my necklace, an heirloom from my mother. It was completely unplanned, mind you. I was most desperate in trying to recover it. The fact you even noticed me was a shock in itself, and I am eternally in your gratitude. Needless to say, I was smitten. You were my dark knight, whose soul is as pure as the white bandana around your neck. How you can ever manage to keep it so spotless and pristine, I can't even imagine. Perhaps, it's part of your magic.

After that day, we got closer. An acknowledging glance from you followed by a shy hand wave from me. Occasionally, I had the confidence to even walk up to you and start a conversation. Your answers were short and to the point, but I was happy nonetheless. You had even accepted the cookies I made as gratitude for finding my necklace. Although progress was slow, I was in complete bliss.

Perhaps that was my error.

I knew the local rancher was doing well. Although our meetings during her first three seasons were a quick 'hello' and 'how are you doing?' as she dashed on by for errands, I had developed a better acquaintanceship with her when she found herself mining during the slow winter months. Perhaps it could have even been called friendship. I'm not familiar with that sort of relation; the girls around town seemed to have mostly bonded by their outdoor occupations. Whatever it was, I was the first to identify her new findings. When she saw my excitement at her first pink diamond, she even gave it to me. I thought all was well with her.

I hadn't realized how much more sociable she had become once she settled into the farm life. My days were filled with staying indoors and following you. I had no reason to stray far from my home, much less the other islands when it was not a festival day.

So, the first day I saw the two of you talking together, I was stunned beyond belief. Her cheerful attitude influenced you; the smile I worked hard to get out of you for two... three years seemed so easy as she chattered about. You slowed your pace to match hers; steady steps accompanying a light skip and occasional hop.

I'm ashamed to say I followed you two to the beach. There was a calm lull as the waves softly crashed onto the shore. The two of you looked picturesque; hair and bandanas softly flowing in the breeze. I could hear the low bass tones of your voice rumble as you made conversation followed by her sweet soprano. You tip your hat to cover your eyes; cheeks dusted with the faintest blush. Behind the large rock I stood, frozen as my mind stopped to process what had occurred. My legs dropped at the same time as my heart, and it wasn't until long after the both of you left that I was able to pick myself up again.

I refused to leave my bed; the fluffiest stuffed animals and finest linens on the islands were my only solace. I cried, but I couldn't feel wronged reflecting on the situation. The man I had fantasized about through my window could only be considered at most a close acquaintance. His likes, his dislikes, his background. We had never talked about them, and I filled in the blanks with inference and imagination. Just those few hours at the beach had revealed to me a completely different side of him-one with many expressions. One that loved a girl who could break through his walls. I mourned a love that never even started.

A few days later, my father knocked on my door, saying he asked Chelsea to try to cheer me up. As much as it hurt me, I couldn't refuse the good intentions of my father who despaired at not knowing how to care for me after mother left. Although I knew it was irrational, I was resentful of her kindness. Her first instinct was motherly. She felt my temperature and fluffed my pillows before asking permission from father to brew some tea. Fresh herbs and flowers seemed to overflow from her rucksack; the room suddenly had a different atmosphere with piping hot tea and a beautiful bouquet on my nightstand.

"You don't have to tell me what's wrong, but is there anything I can do to help you feel better?" I gazed at the mirror behind her, trying to figure out an explanation for my puffy eyes.

"It's nothing. I, umm, read a very sad story recently, and I was too overcome with emotion." I blathered on and on to make the lie seem more believable, and she gave the occasional nod. The truth soon blended in with the lies. "... and then the story ends with the heroine's love interest falling in love with someone else. She realizes that her love was only within her imagination, and the reality was completely different."

"Wow, that's really sad." She fiddled her thumbs and looked up in thought. "I can't say I've experienced anything like that before."

Of course you haven't.

"I can understand why you'd be so upset though." She made non-related small talk, perhaps realizing that she couldn't offer any assistance after all. She wished for me to feel better enough to attend the next festival, and I bade her goodbye with the biggest smile I could muster.

The next time I ventured for a stroll, I made it a point to avoid my usual routine. I explored farther than I've ever gone before, seeing the other islands and finding the beauty within them. I said 'hello' to faces I've barely connected with their names and spent time among foliage I had only seen in illustrations. I drowned my sorrows in tea when cousin William's polite conversations turned into poetry about the treasure hunter from the East.

By the time I was ready to face him again, multiple weeks had passed. When that Monday rolled around, I was filled with the feeling of dread. I held my hand to my chest, trying to alleviate the heavy weight I felt within my core. Deep breaths. Don't immediately engage eye contact. My long skirt hid my clumsy steps as I started walking the familiar path. I left a few minutes early for a head start, but they were agonizingly long.

'He'll start being on the path now. Ok... go.' I slowly neared the entrance of my house. As I looked towards the inn, I saw him walking towards me. When I gave a slight wave, he stopped to tip his hat and nod. I quickly entered the house and went to my room. It was strange.

Because it felt like nothing at all.

Mostly written on July 11, 2015. Finished June 2020.