It's funny, when it happened, when Mikey— Stopped being Mikey, everyone expected him to get angry with the whole situation. To do his usual stick of lashing out and yelling in fits of rage. Because that's what he's always done in the past; like when Shredder had severely hurt Leo or when Splinter went missing.

He had been angry those times, stressful situation usually brought out the rage in his heart because he couldn't express how he truly felt, so it only made sense that his family thought that was gonna happen this time. Or at least, that's what Raph thought, he really had no way of knowing how anyone was feeling.

And honestly, he didn't know if that was a good or bad thing. He knew his brothers like the back of his hand, knew them better then he knew himself, knew them so well he sometimes could tell what they were thinking.

Cause how couldn't he?

Even if they annoyed him sometimes, they were still his brother, family. But in the last five hours it felt like he didn't know them at all, he had no idea what they were thinking. He had ideas, such as Leo was probably doubting himself and Donnie probably was feeling like a failure. And those could be possible but Raph really had no way of knowing. All that he knew, was how he felt.

He felt... lost. He felt numb, like his mind was working and his limps were moving but his heart... his heart didn't know what to do, didn't truly know how to process this information that lay in front of him, the knowledge that Mikey was gone. Because even though no one wanted to admit it, even if his brother was alive and growling in that tank Leatherhead and Donnie built. Mikey was gone, that thing wasn't his brother no matter how much Leo said that it was.

Because the Mikey he knew wouldn't act like the way that thing is behaving.

The Michelangelo he knew was a goofball, he loved video games, pizza and his skateboard, he loved making people smile and laugh. And a few hours ago that had still been Mikey, even if he was sick, vomiting and sneezing, his Mikey had still been there.

But now he wasn't, the spirit was gone, everything that made Mikey, Mikey was gone and all that was left was a broken shell, a monster, something that Raph always thought that he'd become. Because how couldn't he with all the rage that boiled within his heart, always threatening to explode if things got too stressful, always threatening to hurt the ones his loved without him meaning too.

He woke up with jolt, his muscles spasms violently as he bolt straight up in bed. His heart was pounding in his chest so loud he could hear it in his eardrums, a layer of sweat practically drenched his entire body, in the darkness of his room there was nothing, nothing but his hitched breathing as he tried his best to get air into his lungs but his heart was pounding too fast for him to do so. Tears cascading down his cheeks as the nightmare replayed in his head over and over again. No, not just a nightmare but a memory, even though it's been months since that day, it still plagued him. That very day where had his brothers and Sensei not intervened, he would... could have severely hurt Mikey, with that lead pipe in hand.

Because that was him, that had been him. Not some creature or some enemy that was threatening his brother's life. No, that had been him, Raphael, getting ready to beat Mikey with a steel pipe because his brother had simply been teasing him.

But his nightmare made it seem like it was, it guilt ridden mind twisted the memory and morphed him into a monster, a savage creature with no remorse. The memory faded and crumbled but then came back again all at once, showing him, that he had succeeded, his family gone, with no one to stop him, he had finished what he tried to do to Mikey that very day.

Raph's body shook from fear more so then the cold. Because what if that had actually happened? What if...? A choked noise escaped his throat and everything was closing around him, the guilt and fear were slowly suffocating him. Apparently, he hadn't been keeping a tight enough lid on how loud he was being, because Leo suddenly appeared in his doorway.

"Raph? What's wrong?" His big brother asked, concern laced a crossed his features.

Raph opened his mouth, his mind trying to form words. Wanting to say that he was fine, wanting to tell Leo to buzz off, but all that came out was a weak, "M-Mikey..." as he held his hand, the very one that grasped that damn pipe. Leo's eyes widened at that and suddenly he was gone.

Raph tried not to feel the stab of abandonment, but he did.

Thankfully though, he didn't feel that way for very long because Leo quickly came back with Mikey in tow.

Upon seeing Mikey, the dam around his emotions almost shattered completely, he tried desperately to keep it from doing so, but it was hard, so very hard.

Not even a second glance at Leo, Mikey rushed forward and practically jumped on Raphael. Wrapping his arms around his torso and squeezed ever so gently. Because that's what Mikey was: gentle. From the top of his head down to his toes, Mikey was the most gentle turtle in the world.

Sure, he probably picked up from watching Splinter and probably watching Donnie too, but for Mikey his gentleness was always different, always felt different.

And to think he almost hit that gentleness, almost severely injured that kindness. He clung to Mikey, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I could've hurt ya, I could've...!"

"It's okay, Raphie. It's okay." Mikey's voice was so soft and soothing, holding no ill will for what Raph had almost done and god, that hurt even more. How could Mikey not hate him? How could his brother not be afraid of him?

He was scared of himself. Didn't trust himself around any of his brothers.

He was a monster, wasn't he?

He was bad, right?

"You're not a monster, Raph. I know monsters, and you don't fit that bill, bro. You're a good person, that is what you are."

A choked, hallow laugh escaped his throat, though it sound more like a wail of pain then anything else. He hugged Mikey tight, his heart felt lighter, but not fully healed, simply lighter. If Mikey saw the good in him, if Mikey liked him regardless of his anger and rage he had, then how bad could he be?

"Thanks, lil' brother."

Raph felt a hand drop to his shoulder, blinking he realized he had been watching TV with the screen showing nothing but static.

Leo was there, suddenly. His eyes showing a sympathy and pain that matched his own. "We'll get him back, Raph."

A lump in his throat prevents him from speaking, so he nods once eyes moving back to the TV and watching the static on the screen move. Silently, he asked, practically begged; Why it couldn't have been him? Why did it have to be Mikey? No one answered, but that was fine, he guessed.

He wasn't actually expecting a reply anyway.

I have to admit writing for Raph has never really been my strong suit. Of all the four turtles, he's not only my least favorite of the bros but also he's not my favorite to write for either, I just never think I can pull off writing for him, and his personality. But despite that I think I did a good job writing for him and the angst he's feeling.

Anyhoo, I hope you guys liked this chapter, despite it's shortness. Feedback is always welcomed and appreciated and I'll see you all soon.