Chapter 3: The Meadow

"Forever" by Idina Menzel

I was frozen as I stared at the letter. For several seconds, I didn't move at all, not even when I heard Jasper come into the room again.

"Bella?" He asked from a few feet behind me. "You were taking a while, and then I felt… What's wrong?" Without turning to face Jasper, I made my arm move. I held the letter out to him and let my arm fall back to my side as soon as he took it. I heard his sharp intake of breath when he saw the handwriting. It only took him two seconds to read the letter, and then his hands were on my arms.

"Bella, say something," Jasper ordered as he pulled me around to face him. "Anything. Say something right now."

"Edward," I whimpered the name. "How? I don't…" Wave after wave of ease and serenity poured into me from where Jasper's hands were still on my arms, the letter having been dropped on the floor. "I don't understand," I managed to continue speaking under his influence. "How could he have…? He knows he's gone. He knows I haven't hunted… How?" Sheer agony ripped at the hole in my chest, despite Jasper. I was sure my heart would be pounding against my rib cage, were I still human. I couldn't understand…

Jasper suddenly pulled me into a tight hug. I tensed for a moment, surprised, and I started to pull away. Jasper's hold on me tightened. "Don't fight me, Bella," he ordered. "Relax." Calm, ease, peace, happiness, love, joy, giddiness, serenity, contentment—every positive emotion Jasper could push into me was pouring into my body from every angle. Physical contact made his influence stronger, and he was in physical contact with as much of my body as he could manage at once. His head even rested atop mine as he held me fast. He was focusing the full power of his gift on me, and I gasped at the magnitude of it.

"Jasper, what the heck?!" Emmett was suddenly standing in the doorway behind Jasper, looking mildly agitated but also giddy… Oh. Jasper was focusing his power on me, but it was bleeding out into the rest of the house too. Rosalie appeared less than a millisecond after Emmett, and she was followed by Carlisle and Esme. Alice didn't show up, but she was out shopping. Jasper didn't release me.

"What happened?" Carlisle asked. Jasper didn't answer. He was focusing all his power and energy on me. I tried to answer Carlisle, gasping for unnecessary air as I fought through the flood of emotions to find my voice.

"The letter," I gasped. "Floor." Coherent speech was impossible, but I tried my best. Jasper growled and I realized my struggle to speak to Carlisle counted as 'fighting him'. I gave up my struggle and let his power completely envelope me again. Jasper held me for another ten seconds before, with a frustrated sigh, he released me. He turned to look at the rest of our family, and I saw the problem: Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, and Rosalie all looked crestfallen and confused, the letter in Esme's hand. Jasper was outnumbered. Everyone around him was hurting too much for him to keep up. I grabbed Jasper's hand and pulled him toward Edward's window.

"Jasper and I are going hunting," I announced to the room. Jasper jumped out the window even as I spoke. "Show Alice the letter when she gets back." I jumped out the window without looking back at my family. I needed some space, as did Jasper. I didn't want to see the way everyone was surely looking at me.

Jasper and I both took off running as soon as I landed on the ground beside him. Neither of us said a word. We just ran. I had to focus on not going too fast as I tried to keep pace with Jasper. I didn't want to lose him in the woods again. I didn't focus on where I was going, letting him lead. After about five minutes, we stopped in the middle of a meadow… Edward's meadow.

"I wasn't sure where to go," Jasper said softly, apologetically. "We don't have to stay here if you don't want to—I just thought you might want a moment, before we really hunt."

"It's okay," I spoke softly as well. "Here is fine… Thank you."

"Edward told us he brought you here before," Jasper said. I nodded.

"This was where I first saw him in the sunlight," I said. "Our first kiss was nearby, too. Of course…"

"Of course what?" Jasper prodded. I let out a resigned sigh.

"This is also where Laurent tried to kill me when you were gone, and where I first saw the wolves." Jasper let out a low growl and I turned to face him. He looked furious. With himself or Laurent, it was difficult to tell.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he said without relaxing his tightly clenched jaw. "I shouldn't have brought you here. I didn't know…" I couldn't let him beat himself up again.

"After all of you left…" That was all I managed to get out before the hole in my chest seared with pain. Jasper immediately hit me with a wave of serenity, though he looked alarmed. At least that anger was gone. I found a thick patch of wildflowers and sat down among them. I only had to look up at Jasper and he did the same, sitting close beside me. "I don't know what Edward or Alice told you. I never really gave either of them the whole story, but… Starting a few months after Edward left, I kind of went looking for trouble. Danger is really the better word for it. When I did something dangerous or stupid, or when I went somewhere that reminded me of Edward, I would—well, I'd hallucinate, I guess—I would hear his voice in my head, as if he was standing right beside me again, as if he never left.

"I'm glad you brought me here," I said. "It's kind of like it was back then. I can't hear his voice like I did then, but… I still have a sense of him here. More so, actually. When I came here while you were gone, I couldn't really feel much of him here, but I do now… I can't explain it properly. It almost feels like he's listening to me, like he's here with us right now… I can feel him, Jasper." A soft sob escaped me and Jasper wrapped his arm around me again. I turned and buried my face in his shoulder. "I want to stay here forever, just to feel like he's here with me, but when I chased those hallucinations before, I ended up jumping off a cliff. This is the thirst I can't fight. This is what burns. I know it's unhealthy, but I'm addicted to this place, because I can feel him here. Now he's somehow writing me letters—am I going crazy? Was that letter even real? None of this makes sense!"

"Shh…" Jasper murmured, stroking my hair. "It's okay, Bella. Shh… Yes, that letter was real. We all saw it. You aren't going crazy—you're abnormally stable for a newborn. We'll try to make what sense we can of all this. We all will. We'll help you… I'll help you. I'll always be here for you, Bella." Jasper hugged me tighter and I found myself clinging to him, grabbing handfuls of his long-sleeved shirt until the sound of fabric tearing reminded me to loosen my grip.

"Sorry," I murmured, pushing myself away from him a little. That was when the sun made an appearance.

I gasped when the sunlight touched my skin, making it sparkle. I pushed up the long sleeves of my sweater dress, exposing more skin to the light. It was surreal and spectacular, even while it made my heart ache. It was in this meadow that I had first witnessed this phenomenon—the image of Edward's beautiful, prismatic skin was burned into my memory, but he'd never see mine. I gasped again when I noticed the scar on my right hand—it was so defined! The effect was strange, really. The scarred skin itself looked slightly darker in the sunlight, but it glittered even more than the rest of my skin. It stood out even more than usual as the sun glinted off it. I froze as I remembered Jasper.

If it were possible for me to cry, the sight of Jasper's ravaged skin would have brought tears to my eyes. Most of his skin was covered by his clothing, but the sunlight shattered off all the scars of his hands, face, and neck. I reached up tentatively to touch the layers of scars on his neck. He didn't move. I ran my glittering fingers over the marks. "Jasper, I'm so sorry," I whispered. "What all those newborns did to you…"

"You're the first newborn to ever react like this," he said wryly. "No teeth, no venom… It's nice." He smiled at me before he added, "Is this what it was like when you first saw Edward in the sun? Hesitant touches and wonder in your eyes?" I smiled back at him.

"Pretty much," I said.

"I don't look—"

"You're stunning, Jasper," I said. "Totally and completely beautiful… My touch probably feels different to you than it did to Edward. I'm not as warm, and I don't smell as good." Jasper laughed.

"You do smell good, Bella," he said. "You smell wonderful, just not edible, and thank god for that! That human you smelled a week ago—I didn't catch their scent myself, but I can say with confidence that you smelled better when you were human. Your blood only sang to Edward, but you have no idea how sweet it smelled to the rest of us. Emmett was the only one of us who didn't count your blood as the sweetest they'd ever smelled, and that's only because he'd already found his own singer, draining them." I cringed at the image those words brought to my mind, but I was pulled away from those thoughts when Jasper grabbed my left hand, the one without a scar. It confused me at first, but then he ran a finger down my inner forearm, coming to a stop at the tip of my index finger. The glass.

"It was an accident, and it was no more your fault than it was mine," I insisted. "You can say it was your fault for not controlling your thirst, but I can say it was my fault for not being more careful and getting that stupid papercut. I was a klutz as a human and you're an empath—you felt what everyone in that room felt, and I was Edward's singer. It was an accident, nothing more... We can work on it together, alright? I'm starting from the beginning, and you're starting over. Clean slate." Jasper smiled at me, and his sparkling face seemed to light up from within.

"Deal," he said, picking up my right hand for a quick handshake. He turned my hand over in his and he ran a finger along my solitary bite scar, tracing it absently for several seconds.

"Pretty insignificant, compared to all of yours."

"None of mine were inflicted while I was still human," he said. "I would say that makes your one scar equal about thirty of mine."

"Thirty?" I scoffed. "No way!"

"Twenty?" Jasper offered.

"Jasper! You survived fighting several armies of newborn vampires. I was bitten by one older vampire!"

"Beaten and bitten," Jasper argued. "Fifteen."

"Two!" I retorted.

"Bella," Jasper groaned exasperatedly.

"Fine," I growled. "Five."

"Ten," Jasper said.

"Six," I said.

"Deal," Jasper conceded. "Your one is equal to six of mine."

"Jasper?" I asked, forcing my voice to sound light and innocent. Jasper looked down at me, surprised by the sudden change. I twisted my upper body to face him directly, and with no further warning, I tackled him. Jasper took a moment to react, stunned as he was by my sudden attack, but he regained his composure quickly.

Jasper rolled beneath me, using my strength against me, so I was thrown to the side. I lost my grip on him as he shifted under me, and before I knew I was on the ground and Jasper was on top of me, pinning me down, holding my arms together over my head. I pushed against his hold and broke it. I lifted myself up like I was doing crunches and Jasper fell off me, only to turn and lunge at me from the side. The boom of our collision was only drowned out by our playful growls as I tried to fight him off. Knowing he was experienced with fighting newborns, I knew I never stood a chance. It only took Jasper a few seconds to pin me again, but when lips briefly touched my neck in a mock bite, I froze underneath him and he immediately pulled away.

"Are you okay? I didn't hurt you, did I?" I didn't answer right away, giving Jasper time to jump to conclusions. "You saw Victoria and Edward—of course this would make you remember—even if you did start it, I should've stopped it." I blinked. I hadn't really been thinking of that, but the reminder sure helped. I fought down a sob that tried to rise from my chest and I pushed the unwanted mental image from my mind.

"It's okay," I said, sitting up and facing him. "I wasn't thinking about that. I just…" I wasn't really sure what to say. I wasn't really sure how I felt about what had happened, so I changed the subject. "I was just wondering… How do I smell to you now?" Jasper blinked, surprised.

"Haven't you become familiar with your own scent?" He asked. I frowned. I hadn't thought of it that way.

"I guess not," I said slowly. "This past week, I wasn't really focusing on things like that—scents, sounds—I guess I tuned all of that out for a while there. Should I know my own scent better?" I asked. "I've noticed all of yours by now. You smell like sandalwood, rain, and aloe." Jasper grinned at me and nodded.

"Just try to focus on your own scent, Bella," he encouraged. "Hold your hand up to your face and smell." I did as he instructed, holding my scarred right hand close to my nose. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply through my nose. Eucalyptus, rain, and smoke—a good kind of smoke, the kind of smoke you smelled coming from people's chimneys on cold days… It was a comforting smell. I opened my eyes to see Jasper had closed his.

"I smell like rain too," I told him. He nodded without opening his eyes. "And eucalyptus and smoke." I said. Jasper nodded again, finally opening his eyes.

"Like I said, you smell wonderful," he said to me. "I love your scent. It's invigorating and inviting." Jasper smiled at me and I couldn't help but grin back. We sat in silence for a moment, and I watched the sun glitter off our skin for a while longer. Jasper sighed. I met his suddenly incredulous gaze with inquiring eyes.

"Bella, would you please let me show you how to hunt now?" He asked. "I know how difficult it is for me to go a week without hunting, and you're not only a newborn, but you haven't hunted at all since your change. This is getting ridiculous, and Edward told you to hunt in that letter. We'll figure out how he's communicating with you later, but for now we'll just listen to him. Deal?" Jasper extended his right hand to me and I shook it.

"Deal," I grumbled. "Teach me how to hunt, Major Whitlock." Jasper laughed and pulled me up to my feet.

"You know, you're supposed to salute a superior officer when addressing them," he teased, releasing my hand. I brought it up to my forehead in a mock salute.

"Yes, Major Whitlock, Sir," I said, trying and failing to sound like one of the women from Steel Magnolias. "Please teach me how to hunt." Jasper grinned at me.

"At ease, soldier," he said to me in a perfect Southern accent I'd never heard him use before. "I'll teach you to hunt, then we'll work on that accent." I burst out laughing.

"I never heard you use that accent before," I said in my normal voice. Jasper shrugged.

"I'm used to concealing it by now," he said, still letting his accent come through. "It's been almost two centuries since I was a human in Texas. Since I joined the Cullen family, I've often been cast as Rosalie's twin, as I have been since we met."

"I like it," I said. "We won't be in Forks much longer, right?"

"A fair point," Jasper agreed.

"And you just told me you'll help me work on my accent," I reminded him. "Hearing yours more often will help." I smiled at Jasper and he grinned back at me.

"At your service, Miss Swan," he said in an undeniably sexy Southern drawl. "Shall we hunt?" He held out his arm for me and I took it gently.

"Yes, we shall," I tried to mimic his accent again. Jasper just laughed as he led me out of the meadow… and for a moment, I could've sworn I heard Edward laughing too.