Chapter 6: Strong Enough

"Better to Have Loved" by Idina Menzel

Jasper and Alice were still laughing in the back seat when I pulled into the massive Cullen garage. As promised, they'd let me drive us home from our shopping and hunting trip. I loved every second of it. I had a whole new appreciation for Alice's agile Porsche. The speed and easy handling of the car really were impressive. I found myself looking at the other cars in the garage in a whole new light. I was sure I would never be a real car connoisseur by any means, but I felt some of my old aversion to the speedy vehicles around me dissipating. In fact… That motorcycle Edward ended up giving to Jasper was absolutely begging to be ridden. I decided to ask Jasper about it later.

A familiar booming laugh rang through the garage as Jasper, Alice, and I climbed out of the car. Emmett was just walking in with Rosalie a few steps behind him. Rosalie was laughing softly too. I didn't need to ask what they were laughing at. For one thing, my sudden acceptance of high-speed driving was hilarious to the rest of my family. Jasper and Alice had already explained that much to me during the ride back. Then there was the obvious: I was wearing one sleeve of the blouse Alice had dressed me in as a scarf. The rest of the delicate floral blouse had not survived my wrestling match with a grizzly bear, nor had the skirt I'd been wearing. I was wearing a brand new pair of fitted jeans and a flowy yellow camisole. My boots were still intact, if a little muddy. There were no bloodstains on them, so I'd insisted on wearing them home. I liked them.

"So, did a herd of elk destroy your clothes again?" Emmett laughed. Rosalie slapped his arm and I laughed too.

"Nope. A grizzly," I responded. "Nice and irritable."

"Way to go, Tinkerbella! You bagged your first bear!"

"Stop calling me Tinkerbella!"

"Gonna beat me at another arm-wrestling match if I don't?" Emmett teased through his continuing laughter. Rosalie started to slap him again, but she froze when she heard my response.

"Actually, I'm not sure I can." Emmett stopped laughing.

"What are you talking about?" Jasper asked me. "Of course you can still beat him. It's only been a week since the first time. Your strength will taper off, but not that quickly."

"Are you really so sure?" I asked him. He, Alice, Emmett, and Rosalie all wore the same confused expression. "I was thinking… Before the fight with the newborns, I remember Edward explaining to me that consuming human blood makes vampires physically stronger than consuming animal blood does—newborns are so strong because they're full of their own blood right after their change. So can't you measure a newborn's strength by the color of their eyes?" Watching everyone's faces, I could tell they were beginning to understand what I was thinking. Jasper nodded thoughtfully.

"For the most part, yes," he answered. "If all but the edges of their irises go black when they're thirsty, that means they've burned through all of their own blood and they've lost their initial strength… You're only a couple weeks old, but you didn't feed at all for your entire first week, and you haven't consumed one drop of human blood…"

"I know you've never seen a case like mine, Jasper, but doesn't it make sense?" I prodded. "My eyes have been changing faster because I'm using up all my human blood faster. All that human blood is what made me so strong, but—"

"It's almost gone," Jasper murmured. He was staring at me calculatingly, clearly deep in thought. Alice, Rosalie, and Emmett were silent. I tried to listen for Carlisle and Esme, but I couldn't hear any kind of movement coming from the house.

"Are Carlisle and Esme here?" I asked Emmett and Rosalie.

"We're here, Bella," Esme's voice called from the house. I heard her start to run and I could hear Carlisle following close behind her. They appeared beside Emmett and Rosalie a couple seconds later. "We were listening." Esme explained. I nodded, looking at Carlisle.

"I'm not going to stay strong much longer, am I?" I asked softly.

"You might not retain your newborn strength as long as is normal, no. Your theory does make perfect sense. It's unusual, but completely logical. I suppose…" Carlisle hesitated for a moment and he glanced at Jasper before looking back at me. "We could test it?"

"Arm-wrestling is a go then?" Emmett asked eagerly, already recovered from his brief fit of confusion.

"If Bella is willing, yes," Carlisle answered.

"But no bets on the results, Emmett," Esme interjected. Emmett's grin faltered slightly but held its place.

"Okay, let's—" Emmett was already out the door before I finished speaking, but that gave me another idea. "Wait just a minute, Emmett," I called out to him. "Someone race me," I called over my shoulder, "down the driveway and back." I heard someone following me as I sprinted down the driveway and I checked the air for their scent—cotton, oats, pine—Carlisle. With Edward gone, Carlisle was the fastest runner in the family. Jasper was a close second. I pushed myself as hard as I could to stay ahead of Carlisle, but I could hear him gaining on me.

"It's okay, Bella," Carlisle encouraged from a very short distance behind me. "Just go as fast as you can. Keep going." I heard Carlisle pick up his pace slightly.

"Are you running as fast as you can?" I called back to him. "Don't throw this race to make me feel better." A couple strides later, Carlisle was running level with me.

"I am now," he said softly. I nodded and kept running as hard as my legs would carry me. Carlisle never passed me, but I wasn't able to move ahead of him again. He and I stayed even all the way down the driveway and back up to the house. None of the others seemed to know how to react when we returned to them. Esme was wringing her hands fretfully. Rosalie looked a little disturbed. Emmett seemed to be sizing me up, probably still thinking about arm-wrestling. Jasper and Alice both wore unreadable expressions. I didn't look up to see Carlisle's reaction.

"Okay, Emmett," I said as I stepped around Esme and approached what was left of the boulder we'd used before. I planted my elbow on the boulder opened my hand to him. "Don't hold back." Emmett nodded mutely and took my hand, planting his elbow three inches from mine.

"One, two…" Emmett started counting it off, but he hesitated. I gripped his hand a little tighter and I looked him squarely in the eye. He nodded again. "Three."

I lost an inch right away. I pushed back against Emmett's hand as hard as I could, but I couldn't overpower him. When his hand suddenly moved back a little, I growled, "Stop it, Emmett! I already lost an inch! Don't throw the match now!" It was a slow death after that. He wasn't able to pound my hand to the rock quickly, my strength almost matching his, but I had no chance of winning. I focused all my strength on keeping my hand elevated, but after ten agonizingly long seconds, it touched down.

Everyone around me was silent, including Emmett. He let go of my hand and waited for my reaction, but I didn't know how to react. I didn't know what to say. I tried to give over to my most basic instincts. I tried to let myself act like a normal newborn… and nothing. I wasn't a normal newborn. My newborn strength was already declining rapidly, I was able to control myself around humans… I wasn't normal, so I had to fake it. I launched myself at Emmett and had him pinned in less than a second. That wouldn't do.

"Would you fight back, already!" I growled impatiently. "I may not be a normal newborn, but you could act normal! Act like Emmett! Laugh at me for acting so ridiculous! Tease me about it! Gloat about beating me! Fight back!"

"Bella," Jasper warned, but I ignored him. I was waiting on Emmett. I continued to stare him down and I didn't have to wait long. Emmett rolled and threw me off him. I flipped and landed on my feet, finding Emmett crouched to spring. Grinning, he came at me directly, trying to tackle me and landing a couple body punches, but knocked him back with a solid kick, bracing myself for his next attack. My body wanted to fight on instinct, my mind had other plans.

'The two most important things you need to remember are, first, don't let them get their arms around you. Second, don't go for the obvious kill. That's all they'll be prepared for.' I was aware of Jasper silently watching me, but I was trying to remember the blurred, expert movements of Major Whitlock as he trained everyone for the newborn battle. 'As long as you come at them from the side and keep moving, they'll be too confused to respond effectively. Emmett?' Right on cue, Emmett lunged at me from the side. I ducked under him and grabbed him from behind when he landed, throwing him into the arm-wrestling boulder and destroying what was left of it.

There was a stunned silence. Emmett stood up and stared at me, looking perplexed.

"'As long as you come at them from the side and keep moving, they'll be too confused to respond effectively'," I said. "I remember Jasper's instruction. You all moved too fast for my eyes to follow, but I was still paying attention. I expected Emmett to come at me from the side, so I did respond effectively." There was another beat of silence, and then everyone was laughing.

"You'd better be careful, Emmett," Jasper laughed, sounding both incredulous and a little smug. "You're only slightly stronger than she is, and I taught her to fight without even realizing it."

"You said she had trouble fighting!" Emmett growled back at him. "Doesn't seem like she's shutting down to me!"

"Don't ask me," Jasper said, holding up his hands in mock surrender. "Looks like she's over that. Well done, Bella," he said to me. "Maria would be envious of such a quick-study newborn." Jasper smiled proudly at me and I grinned back, pretty proud of myself. Emmett growled again, and I wasn't fast enough to dodge his next attack.

Emmett and I both hit the ground. His arms were locked around me from the side, pinning my arms to my body as I tried to wrestle out of his grip. I broke free briefly and rolled, but Emmett tackled me again. He ended up on top of me, pinning my arms down, but I planted my feet and pushed my hips up off the ground with all my might, sending him tumbling forward, up and over my head. We both sprang to our feet. Emmett was grinning even as he growled again. He was having fun. "Now you're acting like the Emmett I know," I said, grinning back at him.

"Right, the big oaf who can't even keep his little sister pinned," Jasper taunted. Emmett growled and turned on Jasper. Jasper turned and darted toward the river. Emmett hurtled after him.

"Are you okay?" Esme asked me, and I knew she wasn't asking if I was physically hurt.

"I don't know how I feel about it," I answered honestly. "My strength is obviously declining rapidly, but my eyes are lightening faster too, and that's a plus. I was afraid of what this newborn phase would be like… I guess part of me is relieved it's going to end soon. Still, it does bother me a little. All these ways I'm so different from the norm… it makes me feel defective."

"You are not 'defective', Bella," Alice responded immediately. "You're just different, but we're all different from most of our kind. We keep a stable home and we live among humans without ever feeding on them. Being different makes you fit right in with us." Everyone was smiling at me, and I tried to smile back. Looking to distract myself before I could get too emotional, I turned to Rosalie.

"Are you ready to go to Port Angeles?" I asked her, glancing up at the silvery sky overhead.

"I need to change clothes," she said. "Emmett and I just got back from hunting too." Not wanting to change again, I dusted off what I was already wearing.

"Jacket," Esme warned. "It's cold out tonight, as far as any humans are concerned."

"Try the white corduroy blazer," Alice recommended, but I really wasn't in the mood to play Bella-Barbie.

"I was going to go with the black leather bomber jacket," I said as I turned to go inside. "Something with a little more edge." I picked up my speed and ran before Alice could argue, darting upstairs and grabbing the short jacket. Rosalie was ready less than three minutes later. I met her in the garage and I was glad to see she wasn't overly dressed either, still stunning in curve-hugging jeans and a fitted red sweater with a deep v-neck and a black leather belt cinched around her waist. She was also wearing strappy stilettos with a very high heel, but her jeans were long enough to mostly cover them. She was definitely dressed down compared to her usual. Rosalie gestured toward her convertible and I leapt lightly into the passenger seat. She slid in smoothly behind the wheel.

"So… Have you thought of anything specific we can do?" She asked tentatively as she drove out of the garage.

"Not really," I said. "Maybe we can see a movie, or…" I couldn't believe I was saying the word, "Shopping?" Rosalie laughed knowingly.

"Of course, the latter would be a last resort," She laughed.

"Only if we're desperate," I agreed.

Rosalie didn't drive quite as fast as Edward, Jasper, and Alice did, but she by no means drove slowly. We still tore down the streets at well over the speed limit. It only took us about seventeen minutes to get to Port Angeles. Darkness was just beginning to fall when we parked on the side of a fairly secluded street. We were in a largely industrial area, but I thought we might be able to jump up on some rooftops to enjoy the ocean view. I started walking toward the tallest building I could see, just to get moving. Rosalie followed along at my side, but as if I was borrowing Jasper's gift, I could tell she was feeling awkward in the situation.

"That jacket was a good choice," she murmured, trying to make small-talk. "It looks good on you. It suits you more than that white blazer. The day she bought it for you, I couldn't really see you wearing it.

"Thanks. I like your sweater," I replied. "I've never seen that one before."

"Actually, you have," Rosalie said. "I wore it for your eighteenth birthday party, but it's understandable that you don't remember…"

"Oh." Absolutely pathetic response, but it was all I could manage. Mercifully, a new conversation idea came to me quickly.

"So, should I be prepared for a surprise attack from Emmett anytime soon?" I asked. Rosalie laughed freely and I breathed a sigh of relief.

"I don't know," she said. "Maybe. You know he doesn't take losing well."

"He won the arm-wrestling match," I said.

"After watching you race Carlisle, he was expecting to win that," Rosalie argued. "None of us expected you to win a real fight."

"But I didn't win," I countered. "Not really. He took off after Jasper before we really finished."

"I think that was a deliberate play on Jasper's part," Rosalie said thoughtfully. "I got the feeling he was trying to spare you Emmett's retaliation for your little stunt. Emmett can be very creative when he's seeking revenge. You probably should stay on your toes for a while."

"Jasper and Alice will protect me," I said.

"As will I," Rosalie promised. "Don't worry. It's certainly been entertaining seeing Emmett bested by his once-fragile little sister." Rosalie laughed lightly at the thought and I smiled back at her. I was finally doing something that pleased her.

"What the?!" I heard a man's voice exclaim. "Is that…? Tell me that's not the same girl!"

"Fuck," another man cursed. "I think it is!"

"Damn, she's lookin' hot," a third man laughed.

"Who'd let them out of bed?" A fourth man groaned. At that point, Rosalie and I were both scanning the darkness for the owners of the voices. I already had a bad feeling about what we would see, and Rosalie seemed to sense it too. She moved a little closer to me and I felt the back of her hand brush against the back of mine.

And there they were, lounging in an alley beside a vacant old bar with boarded up windows. The same four men from my muddy human memories, back in high-definition. Leave it to me to run into them again. "It's them," I whispered to Rosalie, barely moving my lips.

"All four of them?" Rosalie whispered back.

"Yes," I murmured even softer. Rosalie and I hadn't stopped walking, and we were almost in earshot of the human men. "I'm sure of it." That was when a light breeze carried their scents toward us… and I refused to even let my mind register them. These men were not innocent humans, but they weren't food. They were just despicable. Even if I was unable to keep myself from killing them, their blood would not pollute my body.

The wolf-whistles broke out. Rosalie and I both growled too softly for them to hear. They'd picked the wrong women to screw with.

"Hey babe, where's your boyfriend?" The tallest man in the group called out to me. I vaguely recognized him, but my eyes were locked on the heaviest man in the bunch. It was at that moment that he had the nerve to speak to me.

"Not gonna try to run us over again is he, sugar? What was up with that anyway? He the jealous type?" I felt a fire inside me that had nothing to do with thirst. I saw red and I wanted nothing more than to rip the man and his friends apart. I craved the feeling of their bones cracking under my hands. I tensed to spring… but I couldn't do it. Rosalie was standing close to me, but she wasn't holding me back. Was she going to intervene or was she ready to join me? She had killed her attackers after her change… Did that make it okay for me to do the same?

'I thought I would be exempt from the... depression... that accompanies a conscience,' A memory of an old conversation with Edward erupted from my muddy memories and filled my mind. 'Because I knew the thoughts of my prey, I could pass over the innocent and pursue only the evil. If I followed a murderer down a dark alley where he stalked a young girl… If I saved her, then surely I wasn't so terrible.' Memory-Edward's voice was remarkably clear. Clear and absolutely beautiful, as it should be. 'But as time went on, I began to see the monster in my eyes. I couldn't escape the debt of so much human life, no matter how justified…'

Edward was right. As much as I felt these men deserved a slow and painful death… I couldn't be the bringer of such a death. I could do it, but I wouldn't. No one but Rosalie was there to witness it. No one but she and the rest of my family would ever know, but I would know. A part of me would always regret murdering these foul men before me, and they did not deserve my eternal remorse. I would not kill them, nor would I allow Rosalie to kill them for me.

"Don't, Rose," I whispered to her. "They aren't worth it," I murmured softly. Rosalie stared at me for a brief moment, and then she smiled knowingly... proudly.

"Hey, who's your friend, sugar?" The portly man called out to me again. Rosalie and I had stopped moving, so he and his friends started walking toward us. Big mistake.

"My girlfriend," I replied, unleashing the full force of my velvety vampire voice. I took one of Rosalie's hands in mine and looked up at the bulky man from under my eyelashes, trying to dazzle him. It worked. Rosalie shot a smoldering glance at the other men and all four of them stopped dead in their tracks. Rosalie and I both let up for a moment, letting them recover, and they all whistled and laughed again. Typical horny male reaction to a girl-on-girl allusion. Oh well. Their fantasies of us would quickly turn into nightmares. I looked behind them and saw a shiny red sports car that resembled Rosalie's.

"Is that yours?" I asked them in honeyed tones. I pointed to the car and they all nodded eagerly.

"It's mine," the tallest man answered me. Perfect.

"That's ours," I purred, gesturing back in the direction of Rosalie's convertible.

"Great minds think alike, huh?" The heavy man said suggestively. Oh was he in for a surprise. I smiled and stepped around them, slinking toward their car. Rosalie followed, still holding my hand, playing along. The stupid men shadowed us like lost puppies.

"I don't know," I purred as I ran my free hand lightly over the leather seats inside the car. "What are you guys thinking about now?" Four different heartbeats were pounding like war drums behind me. They were all about to skip a beat.

"Oh, we'd better not answer that unless you like dirty talk, babe," One of the men said huskily. Stupid, stupid human.

"I'm more of an 'actions speak louder than words' kind of girl," I said silkily. I let go of Rosalie's hand and murmured a quiet aside to her, "Get ready to stop them. Pull the boards off one of those windows and we'll toss them inside before we leave." Rosalie nodded infinitesimally, a faint smile curving her red lips. "Instead of telling you what I can do to you," I continued to address the four men behind us, "I'll show you."

With no more warning than that, I reached under their car and lifted it clean off the ground. I held it over my head and turned to face them directly. They were frozen like a herd of deer in the headlights. I flashed them my most innocent smile. "This won't be a problem, will it?" I asked, and then I tossed their car across the street. It landed upside-down, screeching to a halt as it hit a dumpster on the side of the road. One more beat of stunned silence, and then the men collected themselves enough to scream.

Rose and I both pounced before they could even begin to run. We grabbed one of them in each of our hands and effortlessly hauled them over to the rundown bar, careful not to hurt them too badly. Rose kicked in one of the windows and tossed her two captives in. Mine followed close behind the first two. All four men were still screaming, but there was no one around to hear them. I used some old nails on the ground to fix the boards back over the window with my fist while the men watched in horror.

"Aren't you glad we didn't do that to you?" I purred through the spaces between the boards.

"You might want to save your voices until morning, boys," Rosalie said silkily. "No one is going to hear you tonight."

"And even when some one finds you, no one is going to believe you," I added coolly, letting my sweet pretense fall. I turned and walked away.

"Pleasant dreams, perverts," Rosalie hissed in farewell, and she quickly caught up with me. The men continued to scream, despite our advice, but I didn't really care, nor did Rose. We both climbed casually back into her car and she drove off. For a minute, we just enjoyed the feeling of the wind in our hair as we tore down the street, and then we started laughing victoriously.