Chapter 8: Malignant and Salutary

"True North" by Jillette Johnson

Maria came to Forks after killing Victoria herself. A mate for a mate—that's how our fight with Victoria began, and that's how it ended. Victoria burned like James, and Maria defended her mate, making amends for how she left things with him… with Jasper. Maria and Jasper were mates.

"Wait, what about the psychic pixie?" Jake asked me while we walked along the beach. With Victoria and all related threats gone, I was allowed across the boundary line as long as at least one wolf stayed with me.

"She's Jasper's chosen mate, apparently, not his true mate. I know, it shocked the hell out of me too. When Jasper first told me about her... well, she sounded like a sadistic bitch, but I guess it's more complicated than that."

"That means we form stronger bonds with our imprints then," Jake said, fighting a smile. I slapped his arm lightly.

"Not the time."

"Okay, I know. Doctor Fang called my dad last night, said you're expecting a guest but we shouldn't worry about it."

"That'll be Maria," I said. "Jasper swears she's not staying long. He said he can't just brush her off this time, since she killed Victoria for us.

"This time?"

"Yeah, I guess she does try to contact him every decade or so. She hasn't found anyone else she's happy with, but she and Jasper both know they can't be together. Malignant mates. Like humans, vampires can get trapped in toxic relationships—the love there is real and strong, but they inevitably bring out the worst in each other. Edward and I were true mates, but our bond was salutary… We brought out the best in each other."

"Even I'll admit that's true. I know I was a jerk about it. I still wish you'd chosen me, but I'm not blind."

"Jake, please don't go there. I'm a vampire now! The humans here all believe I'm dead! I don't—"

"Easy, Bella," Jake said. "I didn't mean to 'go there'. I was just—I'm glad to hear vampires can move on, okay? If the pixie—if Alice and Jasper can be that happy together when they aren't true mates, that means you can be happy too. Right?"

I forced a smile and wrapped one arm around my old friend, hugging gently, ignoring the smell and the excessive heat. It had been a while since Edward's last letter, not very long really, but I was still so attached... days felt like weeks, weeks like months. I also couldn't bring myself to tell Jake that I wasn't so sure Jasper and Alice were doing well. They weren't fighting or anything, but that was kind of what bothered me. From the moment I opened these new eyes, Alice had been cheerful as always, but distant. She probably thought I hadn't noticed, easily forgetting I was no longer human. Meanwhile her mate—her chosen mate, I guess—had been spending much of his time with me, and now his ex, his true mate, was just going to drop by for a visit? Jasper was the hardest member of the family to read… So much his immortal life had been spent cutting others off and shutting down so he wouldn't drown in emotion. Had I missed something as a human? Had the two seemed closer than they really were? I could recall taking note of how they were more private than the other couples, their public displays of affection brief and subtle. Had I missed the signs before? I noticed Jake watching me as we walked and I shook my head.

"C'mon," Jake said, pointing up at the cliffs. "Let's jump."

Even after running back from La Push, my clothes were still damp, my hair dried in clumps and soft curls. I could still smell Jake on me too. Naturally, that's how I met Maria. Surprisingly, she seemed to like it.

"You are Bella?" She was direct. She stood behind the house with Jasper. Their rumpled and lightly ripped clothing told me they'd been sparring. Maria was covered in bite scars like Jasper, and she was every bit the curvaceous Mexican beauty I'd imagined.

"Yes, and you must be Maria?" I walked toward her as calmly and casually as I could, extending my hand. She shook my hand a little too firmly, so I squeezed a little harder too. Her eyes flickered down to our hands and then she smiled at me, tightening her grip. I pulled my hand away. "Someone told you my newborn strength is gone. It's true."

"But you still have a newborn's spirit," she said, smiling in what seemed like approval. "Running wild with your wolf friends, enjoying invincibility."

"Preparing to say goodbye," I interjected, keeping my tone polite even though something about Maria's words rubbed me the wrong way. "Everyone around here believes I'm dead. I'm an exposure risk. Jacob Black has been my friend since we were toddlers, but he is duty-bound to stay with his pack and protect his people. I already gave up my human family and my human friends. In a very short time, I'll have to leave him too. Far from running wild... well, you could almost say I'm running scared." Maria's smile faltered. Behind her, Jasper took a step toward the two of us, his eyes searching for mine. "If you'll excuse me," I said, avoiding his gaze. "I would like to get my friend's scent off me. It bothers me now, too."

I stepped out of the shower and I could smell Alice waiting for me in my room.

'Avoiding Maria?' I mouthed to her while I dressed. She shook her head and pointed at me. I shook my head. No, I wasn't avoiding Maria... well, I had no plans to actively avoid her. 'Everything okay?' I mouthed as I finished dressing and pulled a brush through my hair. Alice shook her head again. I plopped down next to her on my bed. "Waiting to drag me out on another shopping trip?" I asked aloud, knowing she would know what I was really asking.

"You know we're trying to decide where to move next," she said. "We've narrowed it down to a few properties we already own. One is up in Juneau, Alaska. I thought you might like to see the place in person. Of course, yes, a road trip with me will involve some shopping, but that wouldn't be the sole purpose of the trip."

Just as I let myself relax, liking the idea of some alone time with Alice, I heard a crash and muted growls. I moved toward the door, but Alice grabbed my hand. "It's Jasper and Maria. It's okay." The sadness in her eyes and the tightness of her voice told me otherwise. I pulled my hand free and ran downstairs. My room, Edward's old room, was on the third floor. Jasper's room was on the second floor. The door was open, but I slowed to a stop at the threshold. Jasper and Maria stood across the room from each other. A crack in the wall behind Maria told me she'd been thrown into it. Looking at Jasper, I noticed the top three buttons of his shirt were missing. Had Maria thrown herself at him? No. Surely not. Why would Alice be okay with that? I took one careful step forward.

"Everything okay?" I asked. Jasper remained silent, unmoving, looking at Maria. He wasn't glaring or growling, but he was definitely upset. Maria said nothing, but she looked at me. Once again, it felt like an appraisal. She was sizing me up, trying to figure something out. "What?"

"He can't be swayed, whatever holds him here," she said, giving me another bright smile. "Don't worry about me, cariña. I did not come to start trouble. I'll be going." Maria sashayed past me while I puzzled over her words. Had she just admitted to making a move on Jasper? While Alice was right upstairs with me?

Listening to Maria's departure, I heard someone else jump to the ground and run to the garage. Alice? An engine started, and Alice's car zipped out of the garage and down the road. She'd apparently changed her mind about our road trip. I turned to face Jasper. "What the hell?"

Jasper closed his eyes and sat on his bed, hanging his head, his fists clenched. The house was silent. "Alice told me she would meet him in Juneau," he said at last. "I heard the two of you talking... She told me her visions were unclear, but she knew she would meet him in Juneau. We don't own a house there, Bella. She's going to meet him." I moved closer to the bed, reaching out for Jasper but not quite touching him. As what he was telling me sunk in, I felt like I needed to comfort him, like he needed me to comfort him, but something brought me up short. Alice was going to meet her true mate... Why did she decide to bring me along? And why did she change her mind?

When Carlisle and Esme appeared in Jasper's doorway, I slipped out of the room. Jasper wouldn't be alone. Running back up to my room, I saw a piece of paper on the bed. My breath caught in my chest, but moving closer I saw that it wasn't a letter from Edward, just a note from Alice.

Bella,

I'm sorry I had to leave so suddenly. I was waiting for a decision to be made. I can't take you to Juneau with me, but I'll see you soon. Look after Jasper for me, please. I'm sure he told you... Bella, I'm so sorry. Please trust me when I say it had to be this way. It will all work out in the end. I promise. I love you.

Alice

Everyone else was down in Jasper's room. I could hear them all talking, comforting Jasper, promising him he'd always have a place in the family, that they all loved him. I went back down to join them, slipping Alice's note into my back pocket. Unlike Jasper, Alice hadn't chosen to give her heart to someone else after leaving her true, malignant mate. She'd fallen for Jasper while waiting for her true mate. It was like what happened with Sam and Leah, with Jasper was in Leah's position. He'd been completely in love with Alice, and she with him, but she'd essentially imprinted. Had Maria taken advantage of this? Was it possible Jasper had made the first move? After all, Alice had warned him. What kind of warning was that? You know I love you, but when you hear the word 'Juneau', I'm out of here? We no longer lived under the threat of a violent end, but our hearts were still breaking. When would it end?

Though I returned to Jasper's room, I didn't know what to say, so I offered my silent support, sitting in the armchair across from the bed and doing my best to project my feelings toward him. I sent him love, trust, admiration—I hesitated, then I let myself really look at him, paying close attention to how the light enhanced each shade of gold in his hair, how his wide lips moved above his sharply chiseled jaw, the way his scars made him look rugged and formidable—I let him feel my attraction to him, because there was no reason to hide it. He needed to know there would be others, that he was desirable and he'd find love again. We weren't actually related, and we'd only lived together for a few months. It wasn't weird that I found him attractive. Who didn't?

Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, and Rose trickled out of the room after about an hour had passed. Lost in my own thoughts at that point, I jumped slightly when I felt the light touch of Jasper's gift, sending back the same emotions I'd sent him... including attraction? I ignored that and focused on the gratitude I could clearly identify. Looking up, I meant to tell Jasper something along the lines of, 'No need to thank me, it's all true,' or something like that, but the words died on my lips when our eyes met. Attraction. For a moment, that was all I cold see in his dark eyes. My breath caught. Was he really...? He blinked and looked away, bringing those thoughts to a screeching halt.

"What you saw earlier," he began, standing and walking over to inspect the small crack in the wall, "it wasn't what it looked like." I opened my mouth to tell him it didn't matter, that he didn't need to tell me anything, but he held up his hand and looked in my eyes again. "No, I really do need to tell you," he said. He hesitated, then added almost inaudibly, "I need to tell you most of all. Now." Facing me directly, he finally admitted, "I kissed Maria. I initiated it. Maria had expressed interest, but I made the first move when I heard Alice mention Juneau. I do anger quickly around Maria, and I... I made a foolish decision in the heat of the moment. Bella, I wanted to tell you this because, while you may not judge me for kissing Maria, I was quick to make assumptions about you when you expressed your concerns about your friend. I must apologize, Bella, from the bottom of my heart. Maria was nowhere near me then, and even of she were... I don't want to make excuses. You've trusted me since the day we met, when you were still human. You've shown me nothing but kindness and gratitude, and I was wrong to lash out at you when you were trying to sort out your feelings. I'm am the empath here—I imagine you confessed your feelings because you wanted help." Jasper sighed. "Can you forgive me?"

"I had already forgiven you, Jasper," I said. "Of course I forgive you—you've done so much for me. If something I said or did hurt you, I'm sorry too."

"No, you did nothing wrong, but I know you'll feel guilty unless I say this: Apology accepted. I forgive you as well."

Standing, I decided to let Jasper read Alice's note. I retrieved it from my pocket and handed it over. "If we're all still trusting her visions, this will get better, I guess." Jasper frowned, making the scar on his forehead stand out sharply in the soft light of the room. Handing the note back to me, he nodded solemnly. Alice's scent was still strong on the paper. Walking up to the head of the bed, I thought I might slide it inside Alice's pillowcase. Maybe enjoying her scent a little bit longer would help Jasper cope, like Edward's letters helped me? Jasper was beside me in an instant, taking the paper from me, his long fingers grazing mine. In that moment, I was very aware of the fact that I was boxed in. Jasper's sudden movement had brought him very close and, whether he realized it or not, he'd cut off my only escape. Yes, I could leap over the bed, but that seemed a bit extreme, and such a move might be taken the wrong way. Wrong way as opposed to what? I had no idea. What did I want him to think?

"Did you come to a conclusion?" He asked conversationally, not moving. So close, I could hear his deep voice resonating in his chest, the soft sound drawing my eyes to where his shirt still hung open little, a couple scars I'd never seen peeking out. I blinked and looked back up. Conclusion? "Regarding Jacob? You spoke with him briefly in the meadow and you spent half the day with him today. You were so confused before. How do you feel about him now?"

"I didn't think about it," I blurted out honestly. Realizing my answer could be easily misinterpreted, I tried to reorganize my thoughts. Could Jasper feel what his proximity was doing to me? I'd never found his presence so disarming, so distracting. "I mean, when I was with him, the thought of being more than friends never crossed my mind. I'm not sure how he feels, but I didn't notice any of that old underlying tension. I don't see anything there anymore, so that's good."

"Is it?" Jasper asked, his eyes searching mine.

"Well, yeah. I know I saw nothing wrong with a human/vampire relationship, but shifter/vampire would really be awkward, wouldn't it? I'm glad we're still friends after all that. I'm glad we're done with that."

It was subtle, but I'm positive Jasper sighed in relief. He finally stepped back, giving me room to move past him. I did so almost involuntarily, a knee-jerk reaction after feeling trapped, but stepping clear of him didn't make me feel any differently. I was anxious, expecting something that wasn't happening. Seeing nothing else to do, I headed for the door, but I stopped at the threshold. I couldn't leave without giving him one more chance to speak. Turning to face him, I waited. He looked anxious too, expectant... conflicted? Was he waiting for me to say something? My mind was a complete blank. No words came. Giving up, I turned to leave. I took one step over the threshold and Jasper's hand was on my arm, pulling me back inside and into his arms. He held me gently, his face in my hair, his scent so like my own enveloping me. My arms went naturally around his waist, my cheek coming to rest over his heart. Maria's scent still clung to him, but I ignored it. Rain. He and I both smelled like rain.

"Rain," I whispered. It was the only word that came.

"Rain," he breathed. It was the only word that made sense.

We parted when we heard my text tone. My phone was still in my room. Jasper and I parted slowly, arms loosening reluctantly. I avoided his gaze as we separated. Whatever had sprung up between us felt... intense, and I wasn't sure what to do with that.

Up in my room, I found my phone on the dresser. Jake.

Why is Jasper's red-eyed ex hanging around the boundary line?

"Jasper?" She was his mate, reluctant as I was to involve him in more drama. "Maria's still here," I said as he reached my room. "Jake is asking why she's hanging around the boundary line." Jasper sighed.

"I really should have seen this coming. I'll deal with it."

"No, wait." Jasper paused on his way out the door. "The pack will only allow me across the line with an escort. If Maria crosses the boundary line, only I can follow her. Her comment about my wolf friends earlier—this might be more about me than you."

"I'm not sure I agree," Jasper said, his brow furrowed in thought, "but neither do I believe it's impossible. I'll stay downwind of you while you approach her. Thank you for telling me about this. I don't believe Maria means any harm, but she is—"

"Your mate," I said. "I get it. That's why I called you."

Jasper and I ran toward the boundary line, Jasper following about a quarter-mile behind me. I could still hear him when he stepped on a branch or kicked up too many leaves, but his movements became more stealthy as we approached the border, and he was downwind enough that his scent was overpowered by the wolf scents ahead. I didn't have to search for Maria. Her scent reminded me of the artificial cinnamon potpourri that was sold everywhere around the holidays; even as a human the scent had been too sharp and too strong for my liking. She was also standing out in the open, seemingly unfazed by the three wolves standing a couple yards from her: Jake, Seth, and Leah.

"Hello, Bella," She said brightly, as if this meeting had been planned. "I thought this would be the best way to reach you without involving Jasper or the Cullens."

"Jasper is a Cullen," I corrected her immediately, knowing Jasper could hear us, "and upsetting the wolves was completely unnecessary. If you wanted to speak to me alone, you should have just asked. Now that I'm here, can we take this elsewhere? My friends don't need to be dragged into this."

"Of course," Maria said cordially, raising her hands briefly in surrender. "I meant what I said, cariña. I'm not here to start trouble."

"Good," I said. Turning to Jake, I gestured to Maria. "Pack, meet the vampire who killed Victoria for us. This is Maria. Maria, the rest of the pack can see you in their pack mind."

Maria smiled and waved, looking directly at Leah for some reason. "Congratulations on your victory against the newborn army. I apologize for causing you alarm. I'll be on my way with Bella." Maria turned and broke into a slow run. Luckily, she didn't run in Jasper's direction. I waved to Jake and he nodded once, leading Seth and Leah away while I followed Maria.

"The female is gifted," Maria told me as I matched her pace. "Had she been turned before she first shifted, she would have developed bond-sight like Marcus Volturi." I almost ran into a tree.

"You have gift-sight?" Edward had told me about their 'cousins' in Denali, Alaska. I knew Eleazar could sense gifts in others, though we had not yet been introduced.

"I have gift-sense," Maria corrected. "Eleazar Denali's gift is a mental gift, so it would not work on you. For that reason, he would surely guess you are a mental shield, but my gift is physical, so I can confirm it."

"I'm a mental shield? So Edward, Aro, Jane...?" Maria stopped abruptly, catching my arm to stop me as well.

"I was told your mate could not read you, but you've been to Volterra? As a human?" I nodded. "And neither Aro nor Jane could break through your shield?"

"I guess not. Nothing happened, and Aro invited me to join the Guard, along with Edward and Alice, but we all declined." Another appraising look. Another wide smile.

"I'm surprised he accepted your rejection. Have you considered going back, now that you've lost your mate?"

"No!" I answered a little too loudly. "I was still in the castle when—I mean, Heidi brought a tour in—" I wanted to gag, or cry. I couldn't let my mind go there again. Maria understood. She nodded, her smile softening.

"You were there when they fed, leading dozens of oblivious, happy tourists to the slaughter." Did she have to put it that way? "You may think it worse, but I think what we did during the wars was better. Yes, we took a thousand human lives without hesitation, but we did not play with our food. The tour around the city and through the castle, greeting the humans like benign, beautiful kings in that throne room…" Maria did look disgusted.

"You had a large newborn army to feed, and your army was discreet enough to escape the Volturi when they intervened. If you didn't lure groups of humans in as they do, how did you do it?"

Maria's smile was broad and brilliant, victorious. I had asked the exact question she wanted to hear. "Jasper brought them in, of course. With his gift, he could make humans come to us eagerly, sedating them if we needed to feed swiftly and silently." I was shocked, but not by Maria's words. I was shocked Jasper had allowed Maria to share something so dark and personal with me. No interruption, no diversion—he didn't try to shield me from the truth. Edward would have—no. I stopped that thought in its tracks.

"Makes sense, I guess," I said, making myself look Maria in the eye. "It's still hard to imagine what he went through, what you all went through… I certainly can't judge. Is that what you were expecting?" Maria's unwavering smile tried to tell me no, but the flash of irritation I caught in her eyes told me yes.

"You're very young," she said, dodging the question, "but you're smart, so I'll be blunt: Anyone can see there is something between you and Jasper, and now that Alice is out of the picture you might be tempted, but you have no idea what you're getting yourself into, cariña."

"Stop calling me that."

"Bella. Bella, it's a shame that you lost your true mate so soon, before you were changed, but Jasper is my true mate."

"You're malignant mates," I gritted out through clenched teeth. "Jasper told me you two agreed you're better off apart. I don't know why you think he and I have done anything, but that's not true."

"I didn't say you've 'done anything'—dear little thing, you're still a virgin, aren't you? I said anyone can see there is something between you. Yes, we did agree we're better off apart, but look at me, Bella. Think about me. What does it say about Jasper that I am his true mate? What can be said about you, the true mate of Edward Cullen? Jasper and I have changed for the better, but we were cunning, ruthless warriors when we met. You and your Edward were two innocent angels by comparison. I'm just warning you: If you're entertaining the notion of you and Jasper... don't. A shield you may be, but you still need protection."

If that were true, why had Jasper still not revealed himself?

"You killed Victoria for me, and I do thank you for that, but you know nothing about me. Being able to tell who's gifted and who isn't has clearly gone to your head. Edward had the same problem—after a century of hearing everyone's every thought, he considered himself an expert on all things, three steps ahead of everyone. It drove him crazy that he couldn't read my mind, but I think my shield protected him more than it protected me. With his gift rendered useless, he had to wake up and pay attention. He learned to see things from a different perspective. He saw what his own gift had done to him. We're true mates because I was insecure and he was overconfident, because I needed to feel special and he needed to learn humility. I'm not sure what you and Jasper gave each other, but if anything does happen between us, I won't doubt myself again. I'll remind myself I have something he needs, something only I can give to him, something you lack. I may be young, Maria, but don't insult my intelligence."

A rustle in the trees gave Jasper's position away. Maria, looking both angry and flustered, stepped away from me. When Jasper leapt over a dense cluster of ferns and landed between us, he immediately took up a somewhat defensive stance in front of me, knees slightly bent and one arm reaching back to keep me behind him. Taking in his stance, Maria also shifted into a partial crouch. Was there a serious threat or was this just what the two of them did when angered? I stepped to the side, taking Jasper's extended hand in mine instead of hiding behind it. He immediately straightened and turned to look at me, momentarily ignoring Maria. "Thank you," I said, "but I think we were okay."

Maria and Jasper needed a moment to cool off after that, but there was no fight, not physically.

"No more games, Maria," Jasper told her. "You took your shot and you lost. Retreat with some dignity." Maria hissed in irritation but nodded, running off into the sunset alone.

Jasper and I ran back home in silence. He'd said nothing to me since he came to my defense. I didn't think anything of it at first. What did I expect him to say? Each time I looked in his direction, however, his eyes met mine, the bright gold telling me he found something to drink while shadowing Maria and me. As we got closer to the house, we moved closer to each other. I'm not sure who moved to close the gap first, but soon we were both inching closer and closer together, my hair whipping his shoulder by the time we reached the house. The house was empty. Had the others assumed we were out hunting and gone out as well? I slowed to a stop in the entryway. Jasper stopped right behind me, and I do mean right behind me. I turned to face him, turning my face up to meet his eyes as he stood so close.

Attraction. He was definitely attracted to me, and under his searing gaze I couldn't deny I was attracted to him. I needed more time—I missed Edward too much to give anyone my whole heart, but I could absolutely see myself growing to love Jasper. What did I have that he needed? What did he have that I needed? I couldn't come up with answers in that moment, and logic quickly gave way to instinct and emotion. Desire—I felt a gentle wave of it washing over me, coming from Jasper. He was testing the waters, silently questioning. I couldn't bring myself to make the first move, so I sent desire back.

Cupping my face in his hands, Jasper bent to press his soft lips against mine. I kissed him back gently at first, the experience so foreign. I was certainly less experienced, but when Jasper deepened the kiss, taking my lower lip between his and threading his fingers through my hair, I found myself responding enthusiastically. My fingers found their way into Jasper's golden curls and I pressed my body into his, moaning softly as Jasper loosed a low growl. The tip of his tongue ran along the seam of my lips and I shyly touched it with my own. Jasper's hands slid down my back, holding my body even closer to his... and I thought of Edward again, of Alice. I thought of Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, and Rose catching us like this. Sensing the dramatic change in my emotions, Jasper moved to hug me instead, much like he had earlier. Once again, I struggled to think of the right thing to say. Once again, Jasper seemed to be having the same problem, but his gift touched me again. Love. General love—not platonic, not romantic, just... appreciative. Breathing in his scent, I sent the same back.