Not a sister

by AGayMess

I am making this into a one-shot collection! Give me any ideas/prompts you would like to see. It will be made up of one-shots that are LESS than 100 words long. The ONLY Alexander ship/John ship in this is Lams. I am not doing any other main ships, but there might be some other minor ships. I will post as many chapters as possible as often as possible.

45. Talk Less (again)-Part 2

Tap. Tap. Pause. Tap. Tap; pause. Tap. Tap. Pause. Tap; pause. Tap. Tap; pause. Tap; pause. It's amazing how much John has to memorize just to say three simple letters; to send one simple message that, a month or so ago, would've been said and done. But it's worth it.

As he waits for Alex to look up from whatever he's doing, to get up from his desk, his letters and documents and all those other things he's working on, he can't help but look back at the past month and realize how much more time they've been spending together. With the exception of the three days since General Washington started running out of supplies, of course; during that week, Alexander had been rarely coming out of his room in the little cottage they shared, except for food, water, and the necessities.

When he hears the scraping of a chair against the wooden floor, the sound of footsteps on the planks, he can't help but smile; the door swings open, and before Alex can say anything, John's pulled him into a bear hug. Alex yelps in surprise, then tries unsuccessfully to push his husband off of him.

Tap; pause. Tap; pause. Tap; pause. Pause. Tap. Tap. Tap; pause. Tap. Pause. Tap. Tap. Tap; pause. Tap. O-F-F. John releases Alex and instead takes him by the shoulders, holding him at arms length. His long hair is disheveled, and he looks tired and weary. "What's wrong?" John asks. It's the first time he's spoken to Alexander in a week, instead of finding some other way to communicate. Alex shakes his head, and John feels nothing but a desire to make the hurt in Alex's eyes go away, to make the shock and confusion easier to bear. It would make so many things better if he could just carry some of Alexander's burden.

But that's not how disabilities work, is it, he thinks remorsefully. He wishes the duel had never happened; that Alex had never become his second; that Lee had been able to just keep his mouth shut.

You can't change the past. It shatters you, and then leaves you to pick up the pieces.

Notes:

So, I was rereading my old chapters, and I decided that this one was pretty sequel-worthy. So here we are.

This was seriously transformative to write. It's based off a lot of what I've been feeling lately, and getting it out felt amazing. If you're feeling this way, my Discord is always open ( juliette56#3435 ) or you can DM me on Tumblr ( agraysexualmess ) or on Wattpad ( claireon56 ). I know what it feels like to never feel safe, to hate yourself for things out of your control. Please don't ever keep these feelings in the shadows. You are loved, and it is not your fault that bad things happen.

Keep calm and carry on,

A_Gay_Mess