Laxus POV
I continued to feel like shit, but the pain slowly turned to guilt. Bringing up Cornelia had been low. It was entirely uncalled for. I knew how much Gildarts had hurt after her, and bringing it up was a shitty thing to do. Before I could process what I was doing, I had thrown on a shirt and was teleporting to the guild. I stormed in, looking around.
"Where's Gildarts?" I asked Mira.
"Erza… Gajeel…" the white-haired woman called.
"I'm not here to fight. I need to talk to him," I assured her. Gajeel appeared beside me.
"Well, I'm gonna come along anyway," he said with a shrug of his shoulders.
"I won't fight him. I swear," I promised.
"Then I'll get to be part of a fun little conversation. Either way, you both are only going near each other if one of us is around," he insisted.
With the damage we'd caused, I didn't blame him.
"He's in his office, Laxus," Mira said warily. I could feel Erza watching me from across the hall as well.
Gajeel and I went up the stairs and I knocked on Gildarts's door.
"Come in," he called. I turned the handle and pushed it open but didn't enter.
Gildarts immediately stood up, his body tense. Gajeel walked into his office, surreptitiously placing himself between the two of us.
"What the fuck do you want?" Gildarts spat.
"I'm sorry. For bringing up Cornelia. That was a fucked up thing to do. I'm not sorry for beating your ass about Lucy, but Cornelia was low. I shouldn't have said anything about her." I hoped he could hear the sincerity in my voice.
Gildarts's body relaxed and he nodded. "Thank you. I appreciate that," he said. I noticed he didn't apologise for beating my ass either. "Laxus, I-" he continued before I held a hand up.
"We're not friends. I hate that you're sleeping with my girl. I still want to punch you in the face. So don't try making amends. It's not going to happen. I just had to apologise for bringing up shit that I shouldn't have," I said firmly.
Gildarts snapped his jaw shut and nodded. I turned on my heel and walked back downstairs. Gajeel didn't say a word as he followed me. I walked outside and teleported back home, the guilt in my stomach now quieter, but not entirely abated.
Lucy POV
It had taken Gildarts a lot longer than I expected for him to return. Thrice I put my shoes on, ready to go to the guild and find him, only to take them off and slump on my couch in anticipation.
Finally, there was a knock at my door. I wrenched it open and threw myself into Gildarts arms. He carried me inside and we fell onto the couch. I quickly sat up and straddled his thighs, my fingers going over his injuries. His eye was faintly purple and it matched the bloom on the side of his nose. His lip was split and he had a shallow gash on the side of his head. I delicately kissed each injury, tears trickling down my face the entire time.
"I'm sorry, Gildarts," I mumbled. "And I'm sorry Laxus said those things. I swear to you, I'm going to talk to him about that and make sure he knows-"
Gildarts pressed a finger to my lips. "He's already apologised. Don't do anything more," he said with a sigh.
"Wh-what? When?"
"Just before I left the guild. He came to my office and apologised," Gildarts explained. For a moment, my heart soared. Maybe everything would work out.
"So you both are okay, then? All three of us, we're okay? Nothing has to change?" I asked hopefully.
Gildarts laughed without a trace of humour. "No, baby girl. We're not okay. None of us are okay. Laxus apologised for what he said about Cornelia, not about you. And if I'm being honest, I don't regret hitting him either. Well, not too much, at least. God knows I've been dying to sink my fist into his face from the day he kissed you at the guild." Gildarts paused to take a breath. "Lucy, you need to make a decision. You're hurting him and you're hurting me, and he and I are hurting each other. You said non-exclusivity, but you love him. And you love me. And after a point, you can't love us both. Please, Lucy," he implored firmly.
He was the first person to confirm what I knew: I was the reason they were hurting. And though I knew it, hearing it come out of his mouth shattered me. I slid off his lap and onto the couch, burying my face in my hands as I wept.
"I don't want to choose," I cried into palms, knowing I sounded petulant.
"Lucy… Laxus did have a point… I've had my big love. I love you, Lucy. I love you so much. But I can't love someone the way I loved Cornelia. I used up my love on her-" My eyes shot up to meet his.
"You love me. I know you do. I've felt it. You haven't used up your love, Gildarts!" I shook his arm.
"I do love you, but Laxus was right in that Cornelia had been it for me. She was the love of my life and she left and then she died. I lost the love of my life. I'm terrified to love like that again, because I can't be left one more time. I can't. And so I don't love like that anymore. But Lucy, Laxus can. He can give you every ounce of his love-"
I slapped my hand over his mouth. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
"Are you… Are you telling me to choose him?" I asked dumbfoundedly. "Are you just throwing me away like that? Because you can't love me?" My ears were ringing. I felt like I was going to pass out.
Gildarts pulled my hand away from his mouth. "No. No, never. Lucy, I love you. I love you, baby girl. And I would never push you to Laxus. But I want you to be happy, and what if I can't make you as happy as he can?" His voice sounded far away. I wanted to throw up. I pushed myself off the couch and ran to my bathroom, leaning my head against my cool mirror. I turned on the tap with shaky hands to splash water on my face.
"Baby? Fuck, what's wrong?" Gildarts ran into the bathroom behind me.
"Was I just this toy? Getting passed between the two of you until one of you felt bored enough to hand me over to the other permanently?" I hissed. I knew I was overreacting, but the casual way in which he suggested I should be with Laxus had cut me deep.
"Lucy, what…? No! Why would you even think that?" Gildarts yelled.
"Maybe because I love you and you just want to hand me over to him! Maybe because you refuse to believe how much I want you! I am not Cornelia! I'll never be her! I know! I know I will always come second to her, but I. Don't. Care!" I enunciated the last words heavily.
"Gildarts, I want to be with you forever," I cried, clutching his shirt.
"Do you love me more than you love Laxus? Can you spend forever with me, knowing that you lost Laxus in the process?"
"Ye-" I stopped.
"You look so pretty in the morning, Blondie," Laxus whispered. "You also look equally pretty in the afternoon, and the evening, and at night," he winked.
"Stop it," I laughed smacking his arm. We were lying in bed as warm light filtered through the curtains.
"When we have our own house, can we get curtains like these?" I asked him.
"Of course. And a large bed, so that we can fit two dogs."
"We should get a coffee pot for the bedroom, so that you spend less time in the morning being grumpy."
"I am not grumpy in the morning, Blondie," he rolled his eyes. "Of course, if we planned on more than dogs we'd probably need an even larger bed," he suggested carefully.
"What? You want two cats as well?"
"Yeah. Or two little blonde kids," he shrugged nonchalantly. My heart exploded. I leaned over and kissed him.
"They'll have the cutest rooms. Maybe yellow walls? That's a happy colour. But it would clash with their hair…"
"Naturally, interior decor is the first thing you think of, Blondie. Jeez," he chuckled.
"And I can have my own little study to write. And we'll have music playing in the house always," I said dreamily, imagining large windows, sunbathed wooden floors, soft jazz, and Laxus in sweatpants with messy bed head. He was making us breakfast as I sat on our kitchen island, telling him about a book I was reading. It was perfect.
"I love our home, Laxus," I whispered, softly kissing him.
"I love our home," he echoed.
I snapped out of my memory, tears brimming in my eyes. I slowly, hesitantly shook my head. I couldn't lose Laxus. Not after our home, and our dogs, and our children. Because, while they weren't real now, when we were lying in that hotel bed, fingers caressing each other, our little fantasy seemed so real and so tangible, that I couldn't let it go.
"I'm sorry," I choked. I pulled Gildarts to me and crushed him to my chest. "I love you, though. I won't choose him over you either. I'm not doing that. I love you, Gildarts," I wept.
"Baby girl, you want a forever kind of love. You can have that with either one of us, or neither of us, but you can't have that forever kind of love with both of us," he said gently.
"Why not?" I looked at him angrily.
"That's not how it works. What happens when one of us is ready to propose? What happens when you want to start a family. At some point, you're going to have to make a decision. And you may end up deciding on neither of us, but you need to make that call," he said wisely, but I hated every word leaving his mouth. It felt like he was saying goodbye.
"Gildarts, we'll pick this up in the morning, but for now, please, make love to me. Not as your baby girl, but as Lucy. As the woman you love. Please love me, Gildarts," I pleaded. If, after we spoke tomorrow, he still wanted me to go to Laxus, we'd discuss it further then, but for tonight, I just needed to be with him. I needed to feel his arms around me and his lips on my body.
"I do love you, Lucy. I need you to remember that, okay?" He said as my lips crashed into his. I kissed him deeply, letting my tongue wander his mouth. He pulled me back.
"Lucy, you need to listen. Whatever happens tomorrow, you can't ever think I didn't love you. I love you so much, darling. You need to remember how much I love you," he looked intently into my eyes.
I nodded. "I know, Gildarts. I know," I kissed him again. He picked me up bridal style and walked us to the bedroom, where he carefully lay me down. He divested himself of his clothes before carefully pulling my top and shorts off as well. He stood at the foot of my body, gazing at me, as if trying to commit my form to memory.
He kneeled above me, kissing my forehead, my eyelids, my cheeks, and finally, my lips. He kissed down my body, kissing my breasts delicately, kissing my stomach, and then softly kissing my centre. My hips bucked towards his mouth, but he didn't do anything more than simply kiss it.
"Say it, Lucy. Please," he mumbled, kissing my inner thighs. I knew exactly what he needed me to say.
"I love you, Gildarts. I'm in love with you," I whispered, stroking his hair. He crawled back up my body and kissed me deeply, romantically.
"I love you too, baby," he said softly. I felt him align himself along my slit. I moaned softly, encouraging him to slide into me. Slowly, agonisingly slowly, he slipped into me. My walls tightened around him, holding him in place.
"Stay with me," I begged, pulling him down for a kiss.
"I'm here for as long as you'll have me," he committed once more.
He thrust into me deliberately, our gazes locked. His hands gently massaged my breasts and my nails delicately raked across his shoulders.
"You're so beautiful," he whispered, staring at me.
"You're perfect," I said in response.
He bent down to kiss me, his mouth devouring mine like I was the last glass of water on a parched planet.
"I love you," he whispered again, his eyes screwed shut as he pumped into me. My release was close and I started swivelling my hips to meet his thrusts.
"God, yes, I love you," I cried as he brought me to the precipice of my release. And then he did what he knew would send me over the edge. He delicately wrapped his fingers around my throat, but instead of pressing down, he just left them there, bending over to kiss me instead.
My orgasm washed over me and I threw my arms around his neck as I convulsed around his cock. He came undone when I did, shooting into me. My walls gripped his cock like a vice, milking him of every warm drop. He rolled off me, pulling me into his side.
We talked in soft whispers. He told me he loved me, we recounted the night we first slept together, we imagined the stars that illuminated the sky on our picnic date. We made love again, not being able to seperate long enough to even eat, and finally, we fell asleep, wrapped in each other's embrace.
I woke up the next morning, and again, Gildarts had left my bed. I knew instantly to look for the note, which wasn't on the pillow like it had been the last time. I fell out of bed, running to the living room to find it. There, on the coffee table, lay a folded piece of paper.
My gut knew that something terrible was coming. I shakily reached for the paper and opened it.
My darling Lucy,
You deserve more than I can offer. I'm sorry you fell for someone as unworthy as me. You have made me so incredibly happy. Never forget how much I love you. I will always love you. But you deserve someone better than this old man.
Please don't be sad, my baby girl. You gave me several amazing days with you. And I hope your days with me were as amazing.
I know I'm breaking my promise to be with you for as long as you'd have me. I'm sorry, baby. I only want you to be happy, and I was coming in the way of that. I'll never forgive myself for the times I made you cry. Seeing you sad is one of the worst things I've gone through. You have the most beautiful smile, baby. Be with someone who makes you smile.
You are so beautiful, and smart, and funny, and magnificent. You should be with someone who'll give you a family and a home. Not with an old drunk who can't hang around one place long enough to give you the life you deserve. I'll never know why you came onto me that night in the bar, but I will forever be grateful that you did.
Choose Laxus. He's a good man, and he'll make you happy. I know he will. He loves you, Lucy. He really does. Be happy with him. And if not him, find someone who will treat you like the goddess that you are.
Lastly, my darling, you need to always remember that I love you. Even when you move on and find a man to love you as deeply as you deserve, remember that I loved you and will always love you. You can't doubt that, okay baby? You were never a toy or a fling. You were incredible. My incredible baby girl.
You be good, okay? And you be happy. Hopefully, I'll see you again soon.
Until then, baby girl.
Love,
Gildarts
I had to read the letter five times before I fully processed it. Tears would blur my vision and I'd have to restart from the beginning. This felt like a bad dream. I couldn't breathe. He wasn't gone. He hadn't left me. No, he hadn't. He'd be back. He couldn't have left me. I loved him.
My tears of denial soon exploded into full body sobs of despair. I couldn't believe he'd left me. I cried miserably, clutching the letter to my chest. My heart was shattering painfully, and I cried until my throat was hoarse. I was in unimaginable pain, and a small part of me wondered if it was possible to physically die from heartbreak. Did Gildarts not know how much I loved him? How much I couldn't live without him? How could he leave me when I loved him with every cell in my body? Everytime I thought I had no more tears left in me, a new wave would crash over me and I'd continue to sob desperately.
It was how Natsu found me soon after. In my pajamas, sobbing uncontrollably, hugging my knees as I sat on the living room floor, Gildarts's letter in my fist. He wordlessly sat next to me, hugging me for ages and ages until my sobs slowed.
A/N: It kinda hurt to write this chapter, not gonna lie. While I was trying to not be biased towards Laxus or Gildarts, I definitely had a little bit of an emotional soft spot for the shit Gildarts had been through. However, not to worry, this isn't the last of him. He will be back, I promise.
Also, while I don't have much of a backlog, storywise, I sense I'm nearing the end. I shall give you lovely people a more conclusive heads up when we're truly down to the last couple chapters, but from what I have planned, we are sadly on the last leg of this story.
But we still have a few chapters to go! So please review, tell me what you thought, show me some love and validation!