Lucy POV
"How did you know to come here?" I asked hoarsely. I had finally stopped crying, and Natsu put on a pot of tea for us. He brought it over to the couch, handing me my mug, before wrapping his free arm around my shoulders.
"Gildarts left a note for me with Mira. She gave it to me when I got to the guild this morning," he explained.
"What did the note say?" I asked shakily.
"Just to come and check on you and take care of you. And it said goodbye," he added the last part softly.
"Where is he, Natsu?" I asked, tears creeping into my eyes again.
"He's gone. Mira said he took a mission yesterday, and left early this morning," Natsu said almost guiltily.
"How long is he gone for? Days? Weeks?" My voice was bordering on panicky.
"Years. Two or three. But, according to Mira, he'll be passing through town in a few months. You'll see him again. I'll make sure of it," Natsu promised.
Months. It would be months until I saw him again. My hand trembled, shaking the cup, and scalding tea landed on my thighs.
"Lucy!" Natsu exclaimed, quickly dabbing the tea with the hem of his shirt, but I barely even noticed it.
"Months. He left me. For months. Why, Natsu?" I cried. He quickly snatched the mug out of my hand, placing it on the table, before hugging me.
"I'm so sorry, Luce. I'm so sorry. But you'll be okay. I swear, you'll be okay," he said, stroking my hair.
"I need to see Laxus. I need to see him now," I wriggled out of Natsu's hold, running to my bedroom. Natsu followed me, sitting on my bed. I rummaged through my cupboard until I found what I was looking for. Hidden behind my closet doors, obscured from Natsu's view, I stripped out of my pajamas, and pulled my dress on.
I closed my cupboard doors and swiped on lipstick.
"Lucy…" Natsu began tentatively.
"I'll fix it. This will fix it." I gazed at myself. I was wearing the skimpy white dress I'd worn the day Laxus first hit on me.
"Are you sure, Luce?" Natsu asked, concerned.
"Yes. It has to. It will," I said firmly.
"Lucy, your heart is broken. I think you should take some time to heal. Don't go to Laxus yet. Process Gildarts first," Natsu tried stopping me.
"No!" I shrieked, yanking myself out of his hold. "I have to do this!" I choked, wiping my eyes. I slipped on a pair of flats and ran out of my apartment before Natsu could stop me.
I ran all the way to Laxus's home. By the time I reached, I was sweaty and out of breath, but I didn't care. I pounded on his door until he opened it.
"Lucy, I was just about to come see you," he smiled hesitantly. He looked up and down my body and the hesitant smile turned to a look of confusion.
"What're you wearing?" he asked. He moved aside to let me enter, but I grabbed his hand, pulling him to the doorstep. I sank down onto my knees and looked up at him through my lashes.
"Just like our first time," I whispered. I wasn't feeling like myself. I didn't feel like Lucy. I didn't know who I was or what I was doing and I was staunchly ignoring the tiny voice in my head that was screaming for me to get it together.
"What the fuck? Stand up and come inside Lucy!" Laxus demanded.
"No. We need this. We need to go back to when it was easy," my hands flew to his belt.
He wrenched my fingers away and gripped my wrists.
"What the hell is going on, Lucy?" he yelled.
His rejection hurt. I couldn't handle being rejected again. I pulled my wrists out of his grasp, dropping them to my lap. Tears began streaming down my face.
"You don't want me either. I fucked it up. I fucked it up for everyone and now no one wants me," I sat collapsed on the ground, crying.
Laxus gently lifted me, carrying me in his arms and taking me inside. He put me down on his couch and held me until I calmed down.
"What's happening, Princess?" he asked softly.
"He-He left me," I choked. "Gildarts left me and you don't want me. You'll leave too. I'm sorry, Laxus. I'm so sorry I hurt you," I began crying in earnest once more, hugging him.
"Why did you get dressed up like this?" He didn't comment on anything else I'd said.
"I don't know… I thought- if we could recreate our first time, we could go back to that. Back to when everything was simple", I sniffled.
"Lucy… Lucy, look at me," Laxus gripped my chin and made me face him. "Our first time began with me making you go down on your knees like some common slut before even letting you in. Do you know how many times since then I have wished that I hadn't done that? Wished I hadn't treated you like you were just some girl I was going to fuck and forget? I never want to go back there. I love you, Lucy. It's messy. We're messy. But I love you," he said determinedly.
"I love you too," I whispered.
"But we need to talk," he got up from the couch to sit on an armchair across from me.
"I'm sorry he left you. And I'm sorry I said what I said. I'm sure you've heard by now," Laxus began straightforwardly.
"Yeah, I heard. That was fucking shit, Laxus," I pointed out.
"I agree. Not my best moment. But I apologised to Gildarts, and I truly am sorry for saying it," he said sincerely. I believed him. I nodded, encouraging him to go on.
"It's unfortunate that… things played out the way they did," he said cautiously. "But I have a question: Why did Gildarts know about me and I didn't know about him?"
"He saw you kiss me. In the guild. And I didn't tell you about him because you said you didn't want names," I justified.
"I'm not saying that things would have been any different had you told me, but when the other guy you're screwing was a friend and a mentor, you don't think I deserved to know? Lucy, I know you were trying to spare my feelings, and I thought I wanted you to as well, but shit, I fucking regret hitting Gildarts. I hate him, make no mistake. He slept with my girl and hid it from me when he knew how I felt about you. I may never forgive for that. But he was my friend, Lucy. And I fought him. Do you know what that brings back memories of?" he implored, his eyes filled with hurt.
"Fantasia…" I mumbled.
"Yes. Fantasia. When I nearly fucking killed all of you. Do you know how it felt yesterday to look at the broken walls of my guild and know I did that? It hurt, Lucy. It fucking hurt. And it's my fault. I'm not trying to pin it on you. But… I can't help but wonder if maybe things would have been different had we talked about it, rather than me finding out the way I did. With your scent and the smell of sex dripping from his every pore," Laxus said stiffly. He closed his eyes and shuddered at the memory.
"But Laxus… You're not that guy anymore. You're not a bad guy," I tried getting up to go to him, but he held his hand out.
"I know, Lucy. I know. And I know that no one will hold my anger against me, and I know I started the fight, and continued it, despite him giving me several opportunities to walk away. But when the dust settled, I wasn't only hurting because of you. I was also hurting because I fought a man I looked up to. And the fight wasn't your fault. It wasn't. I just wish we could have avoided it," he finished sadly.
"I'm sorry, Laxus," I whispered.
"Yeah, I'm sorry too, Princess."
I got up and went to him, placing myself on his lap. I bent down to kiss him when he leaned back.
"No, Lucy. He just broke up with you. I am not your rebound," Laxus said firmly. I slid off his lap in shock, standing in front of him.
"Rebound? What? No, Laxus!" I exclaimed.
"Lucy, Gildarts isn't here. But that doesn't automatically make us a couple," Laxus explained slowly.
"What? Yes, it does!" I was stunned. "You said we'd be official once I dropped non-exclusivity!" I cried.
"You didn't drop it. He broke up with you. You didn't choose me. Lucy, I can't be the backup choice. I'm not the guy who is just there for you when you're alone." His every word was like a knife to the stomach.
"You're not that guy, Laxus! How can you even say that? After everything? After I told you I loved you?" I was too shocked for any tears.
"You loved him too. You still love him. And if he was here, and he hadn't left you, would you be coming here to tell me we were official? Would you come here and tell me you wanted to be exclusive if Gildarts was still around?" Laxus asked pointedly.
My silence spoke volumes. Laxus and I both knew that if Gildarts was still here, I would be with him too.
"That's what I thought," he said sadly, after a few moments of silence. "Lucy, I love you. I promise that the next week, or month, or however long it takes for you to choose me, isn't going to change that. I love you with my whole heart. I've said it before and I'll say it again, you're it for me, Blondie. But I want to be it for you too. I want you to choose me, not get stuck with me as some sort of consolation prize. I won't be like Gildarts. I won't leave, I promise you. But you need to choose me," his voice trembled a little.
"I do choose you," I tried feebly.
"Don't lie to either of us, Lucy. You haven't chosen me yet," he reached out to hold my hands and gaze at me with desperation in his eyes. "But please, please choose me. Please," he begged.
I nodded, and he brought my knuckles to his lips.
"I should go," I muttered.
"Let me take you," he offered. I shook my head, needing to be alone. Laxus didn't push the matter, but picked a coat off his rack and slung it over my shoulders.
"This dress is truly sinful, my love," he murmured in my ear. I turned and kissed his cheek. I knew he wouldn't let me kiss his lips.
"Please, Lucy," he pleaded once more. He squeezed my hand before opening the door and escorting me out.
My walk home was sad and lonely. I pulled the collar of his coat up around my face to inhale his scent and imagine that he was holding me as we walked back together. In theory, I understood what he was asking of me. But I didn't know how to show it. Did it mean forcing myself to get over Gildarts? Because I wasn't sure I could do that. How was I to show him that I was choosing him? I wracked my brain, but continued to come up empty.
It was starting to feel like I'd lost both my loves over the course of one morning. My chest was in agony, and though no tears would fall, heaving, retching sobs periodically escaped my lips. I stumbled into my house, finding Natsu still there.
He sprung up and hugged me. "What happened?" he asked.
"He said I had to choose him," I sobbed against Natsu's shoulder.
"That makes sense, Luce," Natsu said while softly patting my back.
"But I don't know how," I wailed.
"Do you love him?" he asked directly.
"More than I can ever begin to describe," I said resolutely with a watery voice.
"Then you'll figure it out," Natsu declared.
"They both left me," I sank onto the couch.
"Lucy, I love you, but pull it together. Laxus hasn't left. He's right here. And Gildarts only wanted what's best for you. You have two men who love you. That's way more than most other people have," Natsu suddenly became serious. He was no longer in the mood for coddling.
"You have coasted by up until now, just letting things happen. But Lucy, you need to take responsibility. All three of you are hurt, and you need to fix that. It's your turn to make everything better. If that means running after Gildarts, then I swear, I will put my everything into helping you track him down. But if it means being with Laxus, then you better figure out how you're going to prove to him that you love him as much as you claim you do. I told you I'd hold your hand through everything, and this is me holding your hand. You needed someone to tell you to stop crying, and fix the shit you got yourself into, because Luce, none of us can fix it for you. Life isn't easy, and you need to do shit that hurts. So take responsibility, make that tough call, and go after the man you want. Or, stand up to both of them and say you want neither. But do something that isn't sitting in bed and crying. You're not some weak, little girl who needs to be taken care of. C'mon Luce, pull yourself together and do something that makes you feel satisfied, even if it hurts a little along the way." He finished with a huff.
I wanted to smack him for yelling at me. I wanted to yell back and throw him out of my house. But when I looked into his eyes, I knew he was right. I stared at him for a while before nodding, silently agreeing with everything he'd said. This was my mess and I had to make it better. I just needed to figure out how.
"Thank you, Natsu," I said, leaning over to give him a hug. He hugged me back tightly, kissing the top of my head.
"You remember the last time I was in this dress? When I straddled you on this couch? You should've just said yes that time. We could have slept together, gotten married, and avoided this entire damn fiasco," I laughed shakily.
"I'll still marry you if you want, Luce. Promise. If you're old and ugly and still single, I will definitely marry you," he chuckled. "As long as you don't mind me having other wives, because I'm not staying single until you're old," he leaned back and looked at me with twinkling eyes.
I whacked his arm with a laugh, and for a brief moment, things felt almost normal again.
Until Natsu left and I remembered just how deep my heartache ran. I reached for a bottle, any bottle, and sipped the burning liquid. One sip would beg me to forget both of them. The second would remind me of Gildarts. And the third would implore me to convince Laxus I loved him. I repeated these three sips until the bottle was over and I could barely walk. I fell into bed, fully clothed, in a deep stupor.
A/N: Okay, so my last chapter got a lil bit of Lucy hate, and I get it. I am completely on board with you guys not liking her, and I'll be honest, I don't like her much either. But, that being said, she isn't a villain. Lucy truly genuinely loves both men, and isn't able to forego one love for the other. Of course, I have never been in this situation, so I kinda wrote it how I imagined it might be like.
But this isn't an Edward-Bella-Jacob thing. Bella loved Edward and toyed with Jacob (even if she briefly considered the possibility of maybe loving him). Lucy is actually in love with both men, and feels that love from the bottom of her heart. She isn't a bad person. Just a deeply confused, flawed girl.
However, I should admit, if you don't like her now, I can say with some level of certainty, you aren't going to grow to love her by the time I wrap this up. I don't intend to redeem her, because that indecision and strife is central to her relationship with both men, in my opinion. But anyway, I shan't give more away. Just don't hate on her too much. Throw the girl a little sympathy.
And throw me some lovely reviews!