Asami sat alone on the deck of Varrick's ship and stared out into the night. It was pitch black; the heavy clouds that had hung about the ship for days obscured any moon or stars. A few hooded bulbs set along the wall behind her the cast soft yellow light down onto the deck. Beyond the railing, there may as well have been nothing at all.
Asami felt the bench shift and was surprised to see that Mako had come to sit by her. It was well after midnight and she had assumed the others had already gone to bed. Lost in her own thoughts and the steady hum of the engine, she hadn't even heard him coming.
"Hey," he said. "How's it going?"
"Fine," she answered, not looking at him. She wished he'd go away. She was in no mood for company, least of all Mako's.
"Asami," he said, after a while. "Are you all right?"
"I'm fine," she said. Of course she was fine. She wasn't the one that needed worrying about. It wasn't like she was trapped alone in the Spirit World, or rotting in a dark cell in some military prison, or walking up a scaffold with a noose around her— She made herself stop. No. She was not going to think about that.
"You don't seem fine," Mako said. He took a deep breath, as if what came next made him uncomfortable. "Look, Asami, I'm not the only one who's worried about you. You've been acting weird ever since we left the South Pole. You're avoiding everyone. You look like you haven't been sleeping. I got up in the middle of the night last night, and when I walked by your cabin I swore I heard you pacing." He reached out and took her hand. "We're just concerned, all right?" His red-gold eyes met hers. "I'm concerned."
Asami gave him a blank look and pulled her hand away.
"This isn't about me, is it?" he asked.
"No."
"Good." He seemed to relax a little. "Look. If you say you're fine, okay. You don't have to talk to me. That's not why I came out here. Actually, there's something else I wanted to tell you." He paused. "Korra and I broke up," he said finally. "I think for good this time."
"I'm sorry to hear that." As Asami said it, she realized that she genuinely meant it. Korra and Mako had a lot in common, and at least someone deserved to be happy.
"It's for the best, I think," Mako said. His voice sounded slightly bitter. "For both of us. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry. For not being honest with you, for being an asshole. All of it. I should have told you that sooner, but I didn't know how. You deserve better than that, Asami. You deserve better than… than me." He turned away, instead looking out over the railing of the ship.
Asami said nothing. A few days ago she'd had hundreds of retorts for just such a scene, but now that she was in it she found that it didn't matter. They sat there like that, in silence, for several minutes.
Eventually, Asami spoke. "It's not all your fault, you know."
"Sure it is." He didn't look at her.
"I'm not going to say you weren't an asshole. You were. But don't pretend I met all your needs, either."
"It wasn't you."
"That's your problem, Mako."
"What do you mean?" he said. "My problem?"
"Even when things aren't right, you never say anything," Asami said. "You just try to, I don't know, tough it out somehow. Take it all on yourself. But it only winds up hurting people, and you probably most of all. I don't know what you think you have to prove by suffering through things you don't like."
To her surprise, Mako snorted softly. "Like those neckties," he said.
Asami smiled. He'd looked good in the neckties. "You hated dressing up, didn't you?"
"Completely. And all those fancy restaurants with those spiky little fish dishes? I've never paid so much to feel so hungry. Honestly, I'm more of a bottomless ramen kind of guy." Asami actually laughed at that. It felt nice.
"Well, I love pro-bending, but watching you work out with your brother and Korra is not a date. Neither is a stakeout. I never understood where your work ended and your life began."
Mako turned to her. His smile was a little sad. "Asami, you're wasted on me. I felt like half the time I had no idea what you wanted, and the rest I was just trying to catch up."
"I never knew what you wanted, either. After a while, I just knew it wasn't me."
"I guess we both knew that," he said. "I think I thought that if I didn't say it, I could keep it from being true." The engine hummed. Asami felt the first splatter of cold rain hit her cheek.
"Asami?" Mako asked, after a while. His voice was quiet, barely above a whisper. "Why is this so hard?"
"Why is what hard?"
"Just, I dunno." He let out a frustrated breath. "Just being with someone, I guess. I thought it would be easier. To find somebody and just… be."
"Because you're only half of the equation," Asami said.
"What does that mean?"
"That there's a whole other person involved that isn't you. You can't control everything, Mako. They have their own wants and needs, and they aren't always going to be the same as yours." Asami smiled. "Sometimes that person likes a man in a necktie, for example. And sometimes it's bigger than that, or maybe nothing you can put your finger on at all. You can't do much about it though. All you can be is yourself and hope that's enough." She sighed. "Sometimes it isn't."
The rain was coming down harder now. They'd have to go inside soon or risk getting soaked. Mako glanced aside at her. "You didn't just kiss him on the cheek, did you, Asami?"
She closed her eyes. "It doesn't matter."
"It might," said Mako.
"Trust me, it doesn't."
"Why not?"
"Because he didn't... I'm not… it just doesn't, all right?"
Mako reached over and squeezed her shoulder briefly. "You're going to make somebody so happy someday. You know that, right?" Asami stared at her feet. Water had started to puddle between her shoes.
Mako stood. "Iroh seems like a good man, Asami. Make sure you give him a chance for it to be him."
Then he turned and walked away.