If the Roles Were Reversed

by Glon Morski

I: Until he fell down the well and 500 years into the past, Inuyasha didn't believe in legends. His beliefs were challenged when he found himself in a world in which said legends are reality. Problem? He wants to leave that world behind, while it is unwilling to let him go. And so he begins a search for a substitute for a duty, aided by Kagome, his slef-proclaimed hanyo protector.

34. Decision to Live

And here we are for this month's installment. I have to say, I enjoyed writing this chapter. I hope you all will enjoy reading it, too :D

Congrats to a 'guest' for being reviewer number 550… wait. 550? When did we hit the 500-mark again? Two chapters ago, I think. And we're already at 550? Gods, I love you people! :D Thank you so much for all your wonderful feedback :3 I really appreciate it.

Sooo… 600 by chapter 37…? *winks playfully*

Enjoy the read :]

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ANONYMOUS REVIEWERS:

hello-animeXD: Only close to perfect? Bummer… what did I mess up? *laughs* Just kidding, no worries. Thanks for the review, hope you'll enjoy the chapter :3

TheRealInuyasha: First time you left an 'unsigned' review, I think… anyway, thanks, glad to hear you liked it :D

inufan 123: You're too kind :] But your wish is my command, I'll keep them coming :3 Hope you enjoy the chapter :)

animefan 21: Santos? Don't you mean Sango? LOL My lips are sealed about when she makes an appearance, you just have to read on and find out, ne ;) Giving out spoilers kills the fun of it ;) Be patient and you'll know when she comes into it... should be soon, though *smiles*

guest: Thanks, I'm glad to hear you enjoyed it. I will try to keep up the good work – at the very least, I can promise that I'll keep writing this story, if nothing else. I intend to see it through to the end, even if for some reason people will stop liking it… though I DO hope it doesn't come to that :D

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Tracks for this chapter:

The Last of the Mohicans: Top of the World

Metallica:Nothing Else Matters (S&M version)

Dustz:Spiral

Standard disclaimer and Reader's Key apply.

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What happened last time: Kagome and Miroku managed to reach Inuyasha's dream, effectively catching up to the yōkai in the process. While Miroku ensured the Baku would be busy, Kagome brought Inuyasha up to date about what they were fighting against. Once the sun set in the real world and Kagome's humanity was but a fleeting dream, the group managed to get out of the dream alive. Not wanting to stay at the inn another night, Kagome announced they'd leave immediately despite the nightfall.

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Chapter 34 – Decision to Live

"Kaze no Kizu!" Kagome yelled as she swung down the blade, the by then familiar golden light exploding from her blade on command and rushing towards the Baku, instantly tearing it to shreds. The young half-demon blinked at the intensity of the attack, easily realizing that it was the strongest Wound of the Wind she had ever released – although it was definitely not on pair with the one she had seen Sesshōmaru show off with. Still, it was stronger than any other time she had used the technique, willingly or not, and she couldn't for the life of her understand what decided the power behind the light that was now slowly starting to fade.

"The stronger the swing, the stronger the blade."

In the next moment, the light faded completely to reveal nothing was left of the demon and not even a full second later, the dream collapsed and Kagome felt herself fall into utter blackness. It faded quickly, allowing her to see the sky above her again as the memory left her mind as suddenly as it had surfaced. Kagome narrowed her eyes.

Just as she had wanted, they had left the inn soon after awakening, despite the innkeeper assuring them they could stay another night. It was weird enough he didn't question why they slept through the day (although Kagome overheard him saying something about a Baku visiting his dreams and eating all the bad ones so he could sleep peacefully himself, so she suspected the old man was persuaded the same had happened to them, not that he had been far from the truth). After they left, Kagome had made a point of keeping the houshi in her sight, remembering how weird he had been acting after encountering the mantis-yōkai in her dream, but from the way the monk was acting, it seemed everything was alright. Whatever had bothered him, it had been part of the dream and nothing else.

It had been a few hours already since they left the inn, but they hadn't really covered much ground since then, and not only because of the difficulty and danger that travelling during the night implied. No, more than anything, Kagome made sure they didn't wander far because she was well aware that the two humans keeping her company needed the rest. They might have slept during the whole previous day, but it could hardly count as actual rest, really.

That's why they now found themselves near the edge of the forest, sleeping under one of the bigger trees – or in the tree in Kagome's case.

Letting out a breath, her ears twitching at the uncommonly loud sound in the dead of the night, Kagome leaned against the trunk of the tree once again and glanced towards the stars, her mind wandering even as her senses still focused on her surroundings so nothing would surprise her or her companions, should it come from the forest behind them or from the village she could still see not far from where they chose to sleep.

'The stronger the swing, the stronger the blade,' she repeated the words she had heard right before the dream shattered, the half-whispering voice easy to recognize by then, although in the heat of the moment, she hadn't actually registered it had spoken. Her ears have heard it, though, which was why the memory of the words finally managed to reach her, teaching her one more thing about her sword, even as it added on to its many mysteries. 'Is it really that easy, Tessaiga? The stronger I swing as I cut through the Wound of the Wind, the stronger the youki blades you create will become?' she couldn't help but wonder as she slowly brought the sword in question out of its place at her hip and raised the sheathed blade above her head to glance at it. But the sword remained silent. It was as if ever since she woke up, Tessaiga had lost its ability to communicate with her. Either that, or it had decided it had told her enough. Whatever the case, its whispers no longer reached her ears and Kagome found herself wishing they would.

'I wonder why that is,' she pondered as she slowly lowered the blade and rested it on her chest, holding it close to her heart. 'Why could I only hear your voice inside that dream? Why do you remain so dead silent now, as if you weren't able to talk at all?' she asked in her thoughts, the questions directed at the sword she was holding, although she didn't really expect it to answer her. And indeed, it did not, staying silent as it had always been except in that dream. Kagome sighed, although she wasn't really disappointed. Deep down, she knew Tessaiga would not answer her. She didn't know how she knew or why it was, but she did.

Another thing that refused to leave her alone was the memory of the vision Tessaiga had shown her. If what that vision implied was true and Tessaiga truly did decide by itself who could wield it and who could not, like Kagome believed it was, then why did the great fang deny her brother within the tomb, but allow him to wield it the second time around when he had a human arm? It didn't really make sense in her mind. She sighed.

Another question she'd likely never get an answer to, unless Tessaiga decided to talk again. But somehow Kagome knew it would not. It had told her all it had seen fit to tell and would now remain silent until it had more to tell her. If and when she found out was for Tessaiga to decide and she'd do well to accept that fact.

Clearing her mind, Kagome blinked again and focused on the stars once more – the beautiful sight of the star-filled sky which she loved so much and which she had thought she'd never see again.

Considering what had happened not so very long ago, she should be, by all means, dead. She knew that. She had been expecting to die, too. How she ended up alive after all, she still didn't quite understand, but she wasn't about to question it. Ready to give her life for Inuyasha as she was, she wasn't willing to die yet if it could have been helped, so she was not planning on seeking out death when it had kicked her out from its porch.

Allowing a small, although sad, smile to settle on her face, Kagome let her mind wander back to that moment – the moment when she should have died, but by some miracle had not. And surprisingly enough, she couldn't say it was a bad memory at all… although saying it was a happy one would be a lie, too. More than anything, it was bittersweet, and yet strangely comforting.

乗

She was falling down. That was all she knew. She couldn't see anything around her, she couldn't hear a sound or feel a thing. It was all pitch black. There was no up and down, no left or right, there was absolutely nothing, and she was in the middle of that nothingness, falling without end. Or maybe 'floating' would have been a better word to use.

[T]

'Is this what death feels like?' she couldn't help but wonder as she closed her eyes, just because she felt like it. It didn't matter, anyway. Open or closed, the view didn't change, it was the exact same blackness. And yet, it wasn't cold, or scary or uncomfortable. 'If it is, then it feels tons better than I imagined it would…'

That very moment, as if to contradict her, a sudden chill settled in her bones as, in the same instant, someone grabbed her hand. Before she knew what was happening, she could feel herself be pulled upwards. Surprised, she opened her eyes to glance at the one who was pulling her up, but was met instead with the sight of stone as she felt the tell-tale signs of breaking through the water's surface. Acting on pure reflex, Kagome arched her back and threw her head back to throw her hair out of her face as she took a deep breath. Her momentum lost shortly thereafter, she sank back into the water, only her head and shoulders staying above the surface. Glancing around curiously, she immediately recognized where she was. It was the cave she and Kōga had often met at.

She wasn't allowed to survey her surroundings for very long, however, as someone grabbed her from behind and turned her forcefully, giving her no choice but to meet face to face the one who had gotten her out of the water (although she had yet to fully understand how she had gotten there in the first place. Or was this the afterlife?) and she blinked in surprise at the face that greeted her.

"Are you out of your mind, woman?! What were you thinking giving up like that? Do you want to die?!" the man screamed as he shook her lightly, easily riling up her irritation. He was really good at it when he wanted to be, although he usually avoided angering her. Except when he was mad himself, like right now.

"Will you quit shaking me," Kagome snapped in response as she easily forced his hands away from her shoulders, the only way she could think of to make him stop what he was doing. "Of course I don't want to die. Where did you get that stupid idea from?"

"From the way you were acting," he snarled back, his blue eyes seeming to flash angrily as they reflected the moonlight that came into the cave through the imperfect stony 'roof'. "It didn't look like you were trying very hard to get out of this alive to me," he said, the anger slowly leaving his voice as he instead glanced at her with genuine fear and worry in his eyes. For him to show such emotions so openly was rare and it never failed to make her feel guilty and ashamed of her own actions, even if she knew that whatever she had done had been the right thing. Now was no exception and she lowered her eyes and looked away from him, suddenly unable to maintain eye-contact.

"I'm sorry, Kōga-kun," she said softly. "I just didn't think there was a way for me to get out of it alive," she admitted, looking up at him through her drenched bangs. Kōga's expression had visibly softened by then, too, and he slowly swam closer to her again, one of his hands reaching out to make her look up before rising even higher to brush her bangs out of her face.

"Then why did you do it?" he asked softly, his voice sounding just a little sad, as if he were disappointed. Kagome sighed.

"I didn't have much of a choice."

"You did. You could have tried to find another way or just go back to your own dream," Kōga countered, awakening Kagome's anger again, if only a tiny bit.

"No, I couldn't," she replied hotly. "That was the only way to ensure that Inuyasha and Miroku-sama would wake up. They couldn't defeat the Baku themselves and they needed time to break open the only exit. I was the only one who could give them that time. I had to protect them, Kōga-kun."

Instead of getting angry at her, like Kagome half-expected he would, Kōga just sighed before lowering his hand from her head to her shoulder and pulling her towards him almost roughly. With the resistance of the water surrounding them, however, all it did was make her float towards him slowly, allowing the black haired wolf to encase the hanyō-girl in a gentle, albeit somewhat desperate hug. He sighed as he rested his forehead on her shoulder and Kagome couldn't help but relax as she hugged him back with almost as much desperation. Gods, how she had missed him. How could she have gone on so long without going to meet him?

"What good are you as a protector," Kōga's soft voice interrupted her happy moment and her ears twitched at his words, though she did not say anything. She opted to let him finish, instead. "What good are you if you're dead?"

"Eh?" the sound slipped from her mouth before she could stop it, more from surprise than anything else. It wasn't the first time she heard those words, although the last time, it was a completely different person who asked the exact same question.

"How can you protect anyone of you're gone?" Kōga asked again, making Kagome sigh.

"I can't. I know that. But I didn't have a choice, Kōga-kun. Even if it meant my death, I had to fight that demon and I had to win. I couldn't think of later. I had to protect the others in the here and now. As for the future… they'd be able to look after themselves. They can't really expect me to always be there anyway," she said, well aware that like it or hate it, she was speaking the truth. But then why did it feel like she was lying to herself?

"The monk might be able to look after himself," Kōga admitted as she leaned away from her so they could gaze into each other's eyes again, Kagome easily loosing herself in the sky that were his eyes. She still listened to what he was saying, though. "But what of the boy from the future? Would he be able to protect himself?"

She wanted to say he would. There was no doubt in her mind that Inuyasha had gotten much stronger during the couple short moon cycles she knew and trained him. He'd be able to hold his own in a battle against most opponents and definitely wouldn't be brought down easily. But even with as strong as he was, Kagome knew that survival in her era wasn't all about strength – and it was precisely because of that that Inuyasha would never be truly ready to travel through Feudal Japan on his own. He could protect himself from yōkai in a fight, but that was only half of the victory. She sighed, but before she could give Kōga an answer, he continued talking.

"And what about us?" he asked. "What about the real me out there?"

To that, Kagome had no answer. He was right. Her conscience was right. Because that was truly who she was talking to. The wolf in front of her was only a figment of her imagination, and her conscience spoke to her using his mouth.

She had tried not to think about it. She had thought that if she could only protect Inuyasha, then she could die with no regrets. But the truth was, there'd always be at least one thing she'd always regret. And that was to die before meeting Kōga again at least once. To know how he's been. To know if he truly refused to give up on her. To let him know she didn't want him to give up on her, no matter what other obligations separated them, be they hers or his.

"You want to find me, don't you?"

"Of course I do," she finally answered, no hint of hesitation in her voice. The image of Kōga that her mind had conjured smirked at her and as her eyes met his, the familiar effect occurred, once again almost making her forget that he wasn't real. It wasn't only because he was acting just like the real thing, she finally realized. It was also that deep down, she was truly longing to see him. It was a longing which she had denied herself. But it was clear she could deny herself no more and would act just a tiny bit selfishly from now on. She knew Kōga was looking for her. It would only be fair if she started to look for him, too.

"You have to live to find the real me, though," Kōga said seriously as he leaned forward, resting his forehead against hers, never breaking eye-contact with her pools of liquid gold. Kagome smiled.

"I know," she whispered. "Don't worry, I won't die until then… and I won't die right after that, either," she promised. Kōga sent her a cocky grin.

"Unless I find you first," he said, making Kagome giggle.

"We'll see who finds who first, then," she teased with a smile, suddenly realizing that her arms were around Kōga's neck, while he held her at the waist. They were really close to each other, but Kagome could hardly say she didn't like their current position. "I'll have to wake up from this dream first, though," she added and Kōga nodded.

"Let me do just one more thing before you go… my way of saying 'till next time," he half-requested half-ordered, and when Kagome nodded her head in agreement, she found their lips touching again as he closed the little distance that was between them. She didn't fight him. Closing her eyes and allowing herself forget for just a tiny moment that this wasn't real, Kagome leaned into the kiss, her head angling in an attempt to get even closed as her hands held the ōkami's neck in a death grip, only miraculously not snapping it considering the strength with which she held on. Not that Kōga seemed to mind any, holding her just as tightly.

It was one of the few kisses they shared that Kagome knew she would never forget, no matter how many more times their lips would meet – just like she'd never forget their first kiss. It was a hungry kiss, a desperate one, one meant to convey so many emotions Kagome couldn't even begin to discern one from another.

It was one of those kisses that left her gasping for air and hungry for more.

[/T]

But before they could kiss again after breaking apart, Kōga merely whispered a faint 'goodbye' and progressively vanished from her sight along with the cave. As for Kagome, she woke up just in time to hear a single line coming out of Inuyasha's mouth.

"You're so stupid, Kagome!"

乗

The young half-demon huffed indignantly as she remembered the first words she heard after waking up, instead of dying like she was supposed to. Here she was basically throwing her life away so that the stupid boy could live and he was calling her stupid? 'Well, excuse me for caring about your well being more than I care about my own,' she thought, the memory of his words alone riling her up all over again, despite knowing that Inuyasha had only said that because he also cared about her. Whether he liked to admit it or not.

A few feet below her, down on the ground, the kannushi in question turned once again in his sleeping bag, trying fruitlessly to fall asleep. It wasn't like he wasn't tired, far from it. The last twenty-four hours could hardly count as rejuvenating sleep, after all. But despite his tiredness, there was something his mind refused to let go and because of that refused to let him submit to peaceful slumber.

Giving up on resting until he could get what was bothering him off his chest, Inuyasha sat up with a sigh and looked up into the branches above. He couldn't exactly see the half-demon he knew was nestled there, but he didn't need to see her to know the hanyō hadn't left.

"Oi, Kagome," he called softly, not wanting to wake the monk or the kit, but wanting to get a certain hanyō's attention. He didn't have to wait long to get an answer.

"What?"

"Can you come down? I have to talk to you."

"No. Go to sleep. You need some rest."

"Not before talking to you first," the black haired teen persisted.

"It can wait 'till morning."

"No, it can't. Come down already."

"No."

"Fine then," Inuyasha huffed and got up, his eyes easily finding a branch low enough for him to grab to start climbing up the tree. "I'll just come up then," he said, more to himself than to her, and started to climb.

Intrigued by Inuyasha's persistence, Kagome found herself being actually curious as to what the future-born kannushi might want to talk about. Her curiousness was quickly pushed to the back of her mind, however, when she observed Inuyasha climb. It was obvious he wasn't used to climbing trees, nor to testing branches before using them as support.

"Wait, don't," Kagome started, seeing Inuyasha reach for a branch not very far from her current position – a half-dead branch that would definitely not be able to support Inuyasha's weight. It was too late, though, and in the next moment, that same branch broke with a resonating crack and Inuyasha found himself in a free fall for all of a second before Kagome grabbed his wrist with one hand, her other holding on to the tree trunk so she wouldn't lose her balance. Barely paying attention to the flump caused by the branch hitting the ground or to the monk who had been immediately awoken by the hollow sound only to fall back asleep after assuring himself nothing was amiss, Kagome hoisted the slightly wide-eyed Inuyasha up and only released him when he found his balance on the branch beside her.

"Thanks," he said softly, causing Kagome to stare. He was quick to notice her never-straying gaze and turned to glare at her. "What?"

"Nothing," she replied with a shrug. "I just think this is the first time you've ever thanked me for helping you out is all."

"Keh," was his response as he turned away again, an angry scowl on his face. "Shut up. I'm just not fond of being that high up in a tree."

"If you dislike climbing trees," she retorted with narrowed eyes, "then why climb up here?"

"Because you refused to come down," Inuyasha shot back and Kagome huffed.

"Oh, so now I forced you to climb the tree?" she asked, her eyes flashing almost dangerously, daring him to say that was exactly what he thought. But Inuyasha only sighed.

"In a way. You didn't want to come down and we need to talk. What else was I supposed to do? Yell up from down there? Not happening," he said in a low tone, his words catching Kagome's attention. It would seem what he wanted to talk about was more serious than she had thought at first.

"Fine. What is it you think we need to talk about?" she relented, once again leaning against the tree trunk to get comfortable. She was even more intrigued when Inuyasha's shoulders slumped and his eyes fell to stare at his lap.

Kagome's words from when she woke up at the inn rang in his mind again and for a reason he couldn't explain, he couldn't help but feel guilty. Like he was at fault for her thinking what he thought she thought of herself.

"Back at the inn… did you mean what you said?" he asked her in a low tone. Kagome blinked.

"What are you talking about?"

"When you said… it wouldn't be a big loss if you died… did you mean it?" he elaborated slowly, his head rising so his eyes could meet hers. If he said he didn't care about her answer he'd be lying. He was more scared of hearing it than he liked to admit, actually, and the way Kagome suddenly looked very uncomfortable across of him wasn't helping.

"That was what you wanted to talk about?" she asked disbelievingly. But Inuyasha didn't buy her act and didn't allow her to change the subject. He was afraid of her answer, yes, but at the same time, he wanted, even needed, to know.

"Answer the question," he insisted, although his voice failed to sound as angry as he wanted it to sound. "Did you mean it?"

Kagome sighed and turned her head away to stare at the forest they would start circling tomorrow, changing their current course and heading straight towards the east – towards where Kōga's lands were, although they wouldn't quite reach them. Selfish as she might be, she didn't forget the true purpose of this journey, which was to find someone who could protect the Jewel in Inuyasha's stead. From what she remembered, there weren't many human settlings within Kōga's pack's territory (for various reasons), much less villages where spiritualists lived, so getting too close to the mountains and where the den was was out of the question. But if she got closer to where it was most likely for Kōga to be, it would also be more likely for the two of them to find each other.

"Kagome?" Inuyasha's voice broke through her train of thought. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, but remained silent. Too bad he wasn't about to accept silence as the only response. "Answer me," he said softly, sounding much more like he was pleading than he liked to admit. He didn't even really understand why he needed to know this so much, or why it bothered him so to think she might have meant it.

Kagome sighed again, realizing she wasn't going to get out of this one, but unable to not feel dejected about it. Couldn't he see she didn't want to talk about it? Couldn't he figure out she avoided the answer for a reason? She knew her answer of course, and she knew what she had said back then had been the truth. She accepted it for a fact, too. Didn't mean she didn't dislike having to admit it.

"Yes, I meant it," she admitted softly.

[T]

He had feared such would be her answer. Somehow, he knew she hadn't been joking or bluffing when she had said it. And yet, to hear her admitting that she had indeed been serious made him feel something he couldn't describe. He was angry she would think so little of herself, think her life was worthless, but at the same time, he just wanted to do something to make her see she was wrong. The only problem was, he didn't have a clue how to go about that.

"I thought you didn't hate your mixed blood. You said so yourself…" he started to say, the words coming out in a strangely accusing manner. Kagome interrupted him before he could finish, though.

"I meant that, too," she said softly, her eyes slowly drifting to the side again to avoid contact with his, to not let him see the emotions that could without a doubt be seen in the depths of the twin pools of gold. "I don't hate my blood and I don't hate what I am. What I said isn't about how I feel about myself. It's about how the world views what I am," she continued, her voice taking on a sad note.

When Inuyasha didn't answer her for a while, she sighed. Did she really have to spell everything out for him? Then again, that shouldn't surprise her. He was from a time where demons didn't exist, much less hanyō. She doubted he'd ever fully understand what it was like to be a being in between unless he witnessed it with his own eyes – and she wasn't planning on letting that happen if she could help it.

"I already told you," she started, still refusing to meet his eyes. "I'm a half-demon. A being with the blood of both species, but hated by both. I wasn't exaggerating when I said that, you know," she turned her head to glance at him then, allowing him to see how that truth actually affected her.

"I knew that already," Inuyasha started slowly, but once again wasn't allowed to finish.

"But you don't understand it," Kagome said softly. "You can't even begin to understand," she added softly under her breath, but for once, it wasn't soft enough for Inuyasha not to hear.

"I do understand, Kagome. Better than you think. I'm not stupid," Inuyasha retorted a little harshly, slightly insulted at her implied insult – or at least the one he had heard in her words even if there was none. "I can't even begin to imagine why you say it has anything to do with you thinking your life is worthless, though," he grunted and Kagome sighed.

"Which only proves you don't understand," she replied softly. "I don't think my life is worthless. If I did, I'd seek out death whenever I could. But I don't. I want to live."

"Then why did you say your death wouldn't be a big deal?" Inuyasha asked, a mixture of anger a confusion filling his mind. Kagome wasn't making any sense at all.

"Because it wouldn't be," Kagome replied, her tone much sadder than she had planned for it to sound, revealing her true thoughts on the matter. "I'm just one of many living beings out there. One more, one less, what's the difference? The world wouldn't care," she said before Inuyasha could even utter a single word. He wanted to scoff at her in response. Really, how stupid could she be? But looking at her, all he could feel wasn't anger, but rather sadness… or maybe it was pity?

"Is that really what you think?" he asked her weakly, not really knowing why her thinking so little of her own life made him feel the way it did. He wanted to shake her until she saw reason, saw that she wasn't as replaceable as she seemed to think she was.

"I don't think it, I know it," Kagome replied softly, wishing in her mind he would just stop already. She accepted the truth for what it was, of course she did, but that didn't make it any easier to talk about it. Why couldn't Inuyasha just leave it alone?

"What of the people you'd leave behind? Don't you think they'd be affected? You can't honestly tell me there's not one person in this world who would care about you," Inuyasha shot back. "There are definitely people who want you to live. To them, your life isn't as unimportant as you make it out to be! Can't you fucking see that already? Just because you're a half-demon doesn't mean your life is any less important than anyone else's, damn it!"

Kagome's eyes widened in sudden realization. So that was what was bothering him. It wasn't just that she had recklessly risked her life, it wasn't only that she had said her life was spendable… it was that she had implied his life was more important than hers that was the root of the problem. She sighed.

"You're right, Inuyasha, there are people who would care," she admitted softly. "But the fact remains that I can count them all on the fingers of one, maybe two hands."

"As if that means anything," Inuyasha grumbled. "You think the number of people matters? What are you, insane? If everyone thought the same way you do, everyone would think their life was meaningless, stupid," he said angrily, hating the fact that he couldn't get through to her. How dense could she be, really? Why couldn't she just understand already?

"I never said my life was meaningless," Kagome answered softly. "But there's a whole lot more of people who want me dead than those who want me to live. Knowing that, it's hard to imagine I'd be missed if I were gone. Sad as it is, it's the truth. The world would be gladder than anything if there was one hanyō less in it."

"Would you stop saying that bullshit, already!" Inuyasha exploded, unable to take anything more. "You sound as if you don't care what happens to you! Well, maybe you don't, but what about the people you'd leave behind? You said yourself there are people who would care! So how can you say the world would be better off without you?"

"I never said that," Kagome started to defend herself, but this time, it was Inuyasha who interrupted her.

"But you fucking implied it!" he all but yelled, frustrated at not being able to make her understand where he was coming from. Unable to control her own frustration by that point, for the first time in her life, Kagome actually spoke words she did not mean at all, letting her mouth get away from her like it never had before.

"So? Even if I did, what's it to you?" she asked, although she regretted those angry words the moment they left her mouth. She knew exactly what it was to him. He was, after all, one of the very few people who cared about her, she knew that, even if he refused to admit it… but then again, he had admitted such back at the inn, hadn't he.

As for Inuyasha, he was stunned into silence by her question. 'What's it to me? What's it to me?! How can you even fucking think to ask me that?!' he thought angrily, no longer caring if he sounded like a fool as he told her straight out just what had really been bothering him as of that evening.

"Has it ever crossed your mind that maybe I care about you? Did you ever think that just maybe I don't want you to die? Every time you fucking risked your life to save mine, did you think about how it would make me feel to know I was the reason you died?" he asked her furiously, now stunning her for a change. He laughed almost bitterly and turned away from her, angry with her and himself – with her because she was ready to throw her life away so easily, and with himself because he always seemed to be the reason for it. There was one time when she had been close to death because of him. That evening, she had actually been ready to throw her life away for him without a second thought, without thinking to ask if he accepted such an outcome! How selfish could she be? She wouldn't care once she was dead, but what about him?

"Of course you didn't. You only think of yourself. Of how you'd feel if you failed. You never stop to think how others feel about what you're doing," he kept on ranting, unaware of just how deep his words reached. Lowering her eyes, Kagome allowed her ears to droop in shame, knowing he was right. But what could she do about it? There were so very few people out in the world that would accept her for who she was that when she met a person like that, she'd do anything in her power to keep them out of harm's way. They could never stay long with her anyway, she'd outlive any human by many years, so she wanted to keep them save as long as she could. She had lost so many people over the years already, she just wanted to avoid losing anyone else before it was truly time. If she died while doing it, she was fine with it. She had never really thought about what her death would do to those she protected, however. She had been selfish. And she was ashamed of it.

"You're right," she admitted softly, cutting through Inuyasha's rant, though she had long since stopped truly listening to him. When silence reigned for a while, as her words had shut him up, Kagome sighed and continued: "I don't think about others. I'm selfish. Which is ironic considering I know exactly how you would feel in such a situation," she admitted softly, her eyes glazing over as her mind wandered off to things best forgotten, memories she wished would leave her alone already. But no matter how much she tried, she couldn't forget and she knew she never would. Those memories were her own, personal, never-ending nightmare. One she would never be free off and she would do good to accept that fact.

"But you know, there's one big difference between you and me, or me and any other person," she continued softly, forcing herself to not think about it anymore. Those memories were best left in the back of her mind. Dwelling on them would only open up old wounds she wasn't planning on ever opening again. "And that difference is that while I have a few people who care, they're only friends or acquaintances. Even if I died, they would grieve, but would eventually get over it. You, on the other hand," she started, her eyes finally meeting Inuyasha's again, a sad, but accepting gleam shining in them and striking the black haired teen to his very core. She just looked so… unexplainably sad it was making something within him twist violently. He hated to see her like that. It just didn't suit her at all.

"You have someone who would never get over it if you left," Kagome said softly, a smile gracing her features, though it did not reach her eyes. "Your mother, your family… they would never accept it if you were to die. I don't have anyone like that, Inuyasha, which is why your life is more important than mine. You have something I don't and will not ever have – a pack, a family."

For a moment, he just sat there on the branch, staring at her, unable to answer her in any way. The way she said all that… she obviously thought her words were the strict truth and she accepted it, but she was also just as visibly affected by it.

[/T]

'How can you be so sure?' he wanted to ask, but refrained from speaking aloud. 'Just because they're only friends doesn't mean they'd move on… I wouldn't, you know.' She was the first friend he ever had. The only friend, at first, too. And then, she started to bring other people into his life. First the kit whom he was starting to treat like he would a little brother, then the monk who was slowly becoming his friend, too. It was ironic how a girl who was supposedly hated by everyone taught him how to make friends. And then she thought no one would be forever affected if she were to disappear from this world? That couldn't have been further from the truth. If no one else, he, at least, would never forget and never forgive whatever it was that took her life.

Too bad he was too proud to admit it aloud.

ξ

Sunrise came all too soon for the black haired teen once he had finally fallen asleep. But just because he had refused to rest when Kagome had told him to at first wasn't going to be enough reason for her to not wake him up for training, since they had the chance to for the first time in a really long while. Not that Inuyasha had anything to complain about, since he had wanted to train before. Plus, she didn't really have to wake him up, his biological alarm clock did that for her.

For the first time, they trained in complete silence, a fact Inuyasha didn't fail to notice. There were no remarks from Kagome about his fighting style, no comebacks about her underestimating him, just the swishing of a blade cutting through air and the soft sounds of two people circling each other with pretended, deadly intent.

Forcing himself to focus again, Inuyasha decided to ponder whether that was a good or a bad thing later, knowing that the most important thing to concentrate on right now was the mock-battle between him and Kagome, who, he noticed the second he woke up, was acting as if their conversation from the night before had never taken place. Gone was the sad, pessimistic and somewhat weak girl from the night before. In her place was the confident, no-nonsense hanyō-wench he had first met. He had only briefly wondered about the change, easily coming up with an explanation for it. One that made him happier than he thought it would.

She had shown him a part of herself she kept hidden from the world most of the time. Even he could figure out that much. And if she showed him that side of her… that had to mean she trusted him more than before, right? He was sure that was the unsaid message between them and he couldn't help but be glad. The trust issues he and Kagome had had have been getting on his nerves the moment he found out such issues were even there and he had wanted since day one to get rid of them. It was good to know he was slowly getting somewhere. The pace didn't matter, so long as there were any results at all. And there were. Although Inuyasha failed to realize just how much the fact that Kagome allowed herself to show weakness in front of him actually meant for the half-demon.

"Don't get distracted. Focus," Kagome spoke for the first time since the beginning of their fight as she was suddenly much closer than she should be, her claws ready to impale him through the stomach. But Inuyasha didn't lose his cool and easily stepped to the side, briefly exposing his back to his opponent as he took another step to get behind her. He hadn't been fast enough to completely avoid her, but the only thing that suffered from it was his shirt, so it wasn't a big deal. His maneuver completed, Inuyasha allowed his sword to follow the trajectory of his movement in a wide arc before her raised it his above his head to gain momentum. Then, he gripped the hilt with both hands and swung down with all his might, for the first time fighting during training like he would fight a real opponent, trusting Kagome to not get hurt. He wasn't disappointed. Without even turning around to glance at him, Kagome threw herself to the same side Inuyasha had walker around her and rolled on the ground to avoid his blade. Missing the target, Seiryuu got stuck into the ground while Kagome got back to her feet and immediately attacked again. This time, her attack would have connected had she not stopped an inch away from piercing the skin of Inuyasha's neck.

Sighing audibly, Kagome retreated from Inuyasha's personal space and waited for him to rip his sword out of the ground before speaking.

"Now I know what's been bothering me when I saw you train last time. Or when I saw you fight in that dream for that matter," she said, rolling her shoulders slightly to force herself to relax. Inuyasha was getting good. In this mock fight, he had actually given her a hard time. It was impressive how much he could improve in such a short time, but she wasn't about to complain about that. The faster he learned, the better for him. 'I guess it's time to turn it up a notch,' the young half-demon thought, but didn't let any of the praise be said aloud, concentrating instead on Inuyasha's mistakes. As always.

"You're putting all of your weight and strength into your swings when you believe the opponent can't dodge or block. Because of that, you throw yourself off balance if he evades in the end. Try to control your swing more," she said calmly even as she slowly bended her knees and took up a fighting crouch again.

"Keh," Inuyasha responded as he finally freed his sword and took a fighting position of his own. He didn't leash out at her, though, like he had many other times before. Kagome couldn't help but be slightly proud of him because of that. He was finally starting to keep his overgrown ego in check. He was finally overcoming his biggest block to growth. "Are we doing it again or not?" he finally asked in a slightly irritated tone. Kagome smirked.

"Whenever you're ready," she taunted, beckoning him with her hand to come at her. He didn't need to be told twice and not even two second later, they were back to exchanging blows as if they were really trying to kill each other – there was no way a simple bystander would ever think of this a mere training. Which was why a few minutes later, Kagome found herself slightly distracted as she heard Miroku wake, only to panic slightly at what he saw. The monk had almost stepped into the middle of things, too, but Shippō had stopped him.

"Don't worry, they're just training. They do that every morning, except when we're in villages," the kitsune said in a bored tone, much too used to seeing them train to find it exciting anymore. Hoping those words would be enough to settle the monk's fears at ease, Kagome re-focused on her trainee.

Her moment of distraction had almost cost her, too, as she barely managed to jump away from Inuyasha's incoming thrust. She landed lightly on her feet a few feet away from him and crouched down as he regained his stance as well, a smirk on his face.

[T]

"Who's getting distracted now?" he asked with a raised eyebrow, making Kagome smirk as well as she flexed her claws. Inuyasha was in for a surprise she was sure he did not expect.

"Don't get cocky," she answered back as she lunged at him, her claws raised. He stepped to the side to avoid her and tried to slash at her with a horizontal swing. Seeing the blade speeding towards her face, Kagome easily ducked and it passed harmlessly above her. Lunging forward again, she was soon in front of Inuyasha and out of the reach of his weapon, claws ready to thrust. Unable to block, Inuyasha did the same trick as in their last spar, getting behind her and positioning his sword to strike at her from above. But Kagome had been expecting that.

"The same trick won't work twice, Inuyasha," she chided as she turned around and swung her hand in a wide arc, her claws meeting Seiryuu's blade and easily hitting it off its trajectory and leaving Inuyasha seemingly wide open. But Kagome knew better than that. Such situation had happened in their previous spar, too, and he had managed to get out of them, so she didn't hesitate to move in for another attack, expecting him to either dodge or block. And she wasn't disappointed. The second she stepped closer, Inuyasha twirled around and crossed his arms while doing so, thus making his following swing even stronger and faster than the twirl alone assured it would be. Without time to complete her attack, Kagome ducked again, but was this time forced to land on all fours on the ground to make sure Inuyasha's blade would bypass her completely.

Quickly realizing the disadvantageous position she found herself in, Kagome propelled herself up on her arms to jump backwards and back on her feet as soon as his blade passed over her. Bending her knees upon landing, she didn't waste time to jump forward again, this time aiming for the black haired priest from above. Seeing her descending on him rapidly, Inuyasha sidestepped her attack and quickly countered, his sword aiming for Kagome's back as she landed. It never made contact, however, as the hanyō swiftly turned around and steel met steel with a resonating clash.

Inuyasha froze for a moment as his mind processed what had just happened. Kagome… she had drawn her sword!

"Don't get distracted, baka!" Kagome yelled at him as she easily overpowered him and threw him to the ground. He had enough reason to quickly roll to the side and get back to his feet, so even if she had continued her assault, she would have missed. But she hadn't, taking up a fighting stance instead. "Don't let what I just did get to your head. Keep in mind that means the enemy is now stronger, so you need to be just as vigilant as until now, if not even more."

"I know that. Quit talking and start fighting," Inuyasha answered as he came out of his shock, a cocky smirk plastered onto his face. He did it! He had managed to make Kagome draw her sword in one of their spars. And what impressed him even more was that it wasn't Tessaiga's sealed form that she was holding, allowing the fang to shine in the sun in all of its terrifying glory, instead. From what he remembered, even as she fought him while he was possessed, she hadn't allowed Tessaiga to transform. But now, things were different. Now, he was in control. Now, they were only training. And now, Kagome was using the full power of her blade as she charged at him.

His eyes widened slightly, noticing she was faster than before. He knew it wasn't just because she drew her sword. Tessaiga didn't make her faster. She just decided to make things harder for him. He wasn't going to complain, though.

Raising his sword to block her blow, he was thrown a bit off guard at the strength she put behind the attack, and he actually had to take a few steps back to not lose his balance. But Kagome didn't stop there, applying more and more pressure on their crossed blades, effectively making him fall to his knees slowly as he tried to keep Tessaiga away from his flesh. He knew Kagome wouldn't actually hurt him, but he wasn't going to give up just because this wasn't a real fight.

There was no doubt in his mind that his strength couldn't measure up to Kagome's inhuman brute force, so instead of trying to push her back, he rolled to the side to get out of the sword-lock. Suddenly no longer supported by Inuyasha's blade, Tessaiga fell hardly towards the ground. It never slammed into the ground, however, as Kagome swiftly turned it and transformed the downward thrust into and upward swing, releasing all of the momentum into the air instead of allowing it to immobilize her sword in the ground. Not expecting such a comeback, Inuyasha barely had time to lean backwards to avoid the blade, evading it by a hair's breath.

Kagome wasn't done, though. Once Tessaiga was above her head, she swung down once again while also taking a step forward towards her trainee. Thinking quick, Inuyasha slashed upwards with his sword, aiming for the two blades to meet and effectively parrying Kagome's blow. She jumped backwards to regain her balance, but didn't have time to take on a stance as Inuyasha moved in again, sword ready for a diagonal downward slash. Steel clashed against steel again as Kagome blocked the incoming blow. But Inuyasha noticed only too late that she was holding her sword with only one hand instead of two, and so next thing he knew, he was pushed backwards as Kagome delivered an open-palmed hit straight to his stomach, effectively throwing him backwards and making him fall flat on his butt. And before he had the time to get back up, Kagome was already looming over him with Tessaiga held at his throat menacingly.

Sending her an annoyed glare, Inuyasha 'Keh-ed'- his own way of admitting defeat – and Kagome sheathed her sword without a word before holding out a hand to help him up, which he begrudgingly accepted.

[/T]

"That was a dirty move," he grumbled under his breath, making Kagome sigh.

"No, it wasn't," she answered back. "Just because I use my sword doesn't mean I won't use my other weapons, too. You have to keep that in mind while fighting other demons. Besides, you don't have only your blade as your weapon, either," she added, giving him a sideways glance. "Punches and kicks may not be effective against demons coming from a normal human, but you're a priest." Her voice took on a note as if she were explaining the obvious as she spoke, but for some reason, Inuyasha wasn't irritated by it and remained quiet. That didn't mean he was entirely persuaded, though. Sure, he had seen already that the powers he had could be useful in battle against yōkai, but a sword still did more damage most of the time, so he figured learning to wield a blade should be his priority.

He had yet to realize just how much stronger he could become if only he tried to control his powers, instead of considering them a last resort.

"I have to say, Inuyasha fared really well against you, Kagome-sama. And it didn't look like you were holding back," Miroku pointed out as he walked up to them. Inuyasha blinked in surprise, unused to hearing any kind of praise where his fighting skills were concerned, while Kagome snorted mentally. Of course she had held back. There was no way she'd ever go all out on Inuyasha. Strong as he might be becoming, he was still only human, so if she had used her full capability against him, he'd be dead in no time – if they were to fight a fair fight with only brute force involved, that is. After all, there were humans who could not only hold their own against her, but even potentially kill her, and she wasn't speaking only of spiritualists. These people didn't fight fair, though, and that was what made them all the more dangerous.

"He did do well," Kagome agreed, praising her trainee for the first time and effectively making him stare at her with wide, disbelieving eyes. "But there's still room for improvement," she added, not planning on boosting his already overgrown ego. Inuyasha scoffed at her.

"I would have kicked your ass if you hadn't used that below the belt blow, hanyō-wench," he snorted, actually making Kagome smile for what felt like the first time in ages.

"It wasn't below the belt. And sure you would," she teased. "But your goal for now is going to be trying to disarm me, not kicking my ass. That comes later. You'll start working on it first thing tomorrow. We've trained enough for today," she said lightly, missing another stunned look Inuyasha sent her way. 'That comes later?' he repeated in his thoughts, not believing what he was hearing. Was Kagome actually implying a 'weak human' like him could kick her ass one day?

Somehow, that thought wasn't really unwelcome, he noticed with an inward smile.

"Well then since you're done, how about some breakfast before we set out?" Miroku offered.

"Sounds good," Kagome replied as her nose twitched, as did her ears, the tell tale signs that she was scanning her surroundings. Inuyasha raised an eyebrow.

"You're going to hunt?" he asked, but Kagome didn't really have to answer the rather rhetorical question. "You know you don't have to…"

"I do," the young half-demon interrupted gently, ignoring Inuyasha's frown. "I know you have enough food to share, but I have to get my own food every once in a while. Besides, I won't be doing the hunting," she said with a mischievous grin as she snatched an unsuspecting Shippō by his vest and set him on her shoulder. "He will," she said, pointing a clawed finger at the stunned kit. "With some help, of course."

"I'll… hunt?" the little kit asked, sounding both fearful and hopeful at the same time. Ruffling his hair in an affectionate manner in order to put his mind at ease, Kagome smiled.

"Yup. Unless you don't…" she didn't get to finish that sentence as the young kit bounced off of her shoulder and scurried towards the nearby forest, easily guessing that was where his lesson would take place.

"Well, come on, Kagome, or the food will leave!" he called after her excitedly, earning a laugh from the hanyō-girl.

"Pups," she murmured under her breath as she looked over her shoulder at Inuyasha. "We'll be back in a while. Don't wait up, we'll probably be after the meal when we do," she said and sped off after Shippō before Inuyasha could answer her, leaving him to stare after their departing forms, still spellbound by the sound of her melodious laughter – the first true, carefree laugh he had ever heard coming from her, he believed.

He didn't know it yet, but it would also be the last for a very long while.

ξ

Shippō's first hunt didn't actually last nearly as long as Inuyasha expected it to. Quite honestly, he had thought they wouldn't even set out at all that day. But to his great surprise, Kagome and Shippō had returned a mere couple of hours after leaving, just as Inuyasha finished packing his stuff and they set out immediately afterward.

The only thing the young priest could actually complain about where this whole hunting ordeal was concerned, was the fact that the young kit was now refusing to shut up. And it wasn't because he was boasting about his first hunt ever being a success, either.

"I could have finished it off on my own. Why did she have to do the deed for me? How am I supposed to learn like that," the little kit grumbled under his breath, causing Kagome, who had been listening to him with one ear, to shake her head with a sigh. She couldn't stop an amused smile from spreading on her case, though.

"I wouldn't have if you hadn't chosen a deer of all things to go after," she replied. "Had you chosen anything smaller, I wouldn't have had to finish your job. But I had because that deer was too big for you to handle in one strike. I just shortened its suffering, Shippō-chan." Her explanation had effectively shut the kit's mouth. He had obviously not thought of it that way, not that Kagome blamed him. She ruffled his head in reassurance. "Come on, stop pouting. You'll do better next time, right?"

It was a rhetorical question, really, but Shippō answered with a nod nonetheless. He didn't stay quiet for long, however, his excitement about his first hunt quickly overpowering his will to remain silent, and he was soon talking everyone's ear off again, this time telling proudly how well he had done on his first hunt ever, minus the fact that he hadn't actually killed his pray.

Smiling at Shippō's enthusiasm, Kagome eventually tuned him out and the smile vanished from her face as her thoughts turned to her own first hunt all those years ago, and the thoughts and memories that accompanied it.

The first time she had truly hunted had also been the first time since her mother's death that she had acknowledged her body's needs. It was shortly after meeting that little girl who unknowingly broke her out of a year-long stupor. It had felt like waking up after a very long hibernation accompanied by a few epiphanies that now, after many years have passed, seemed like something obvious to her. But back then, it hadn't been and it had taken her a year after 'that incident' to actually realize them.

During that first hunt, she had also went after animals that would normally be too big for her small body to handle at the time – she had merely been about three years old by appearance, after all. But she had been hungry, and he had known anything small would never satisfy her. It had taken a few times before she had actually managed to even sneak up on her pray, much less kill it without being thrown off like Shippō just a few hours ago, but eventually, the deer she had chosen had exhausted its strength and collapsed, allowing the little three-year-old hanyō to finish the job and eat to her little stomach's content.

It hadn't been the cleanest of kills and not the cleanest of meals, either. Thinking back on it, Kagome was certain that her first true meal since her mother's death had been one of the few instances in her life when she knew she looked like the monster humans believed her to be because of her blood. But that hadn't mattered then to her. What mattered was satisfying her hunger, so that she could have had the strength to go back and say a last goodbye.

In her mind's eye, she could still see that moment, and she knew it would be engraved in her memory forever. The last sight she had of that village. Her village. The last sight she had of the place where she had once had everything… and the place where she had lost everything.

乗

She stood on a cliff above the village, her golden eyes glancing down at what was left of it before she looked away and shut her eyes tightly, willing herself not to cry and to stop her little body from trembling. Enough was enough. It was time to move on. That's what her mother would have wanted her to do… right?

Kagome sincerely hoped she would have. But she couldn't move on without doing one last thing.

Nodding to herself, the little girl sat down carefully at the edge of the cliff before sliding down into the remains of her village. Landing more or less gracefully on her feet and supporting herself with one hand, Kagome then stood up and walked forward, keeping her eyes on the ground and refusing to look around, not wanting to remind herself any more of what had happened here. The overwhelming stench of blood was enough to almost make her turn tail and run. Seeing what her surroundings actually looked like would most likely push her over the edge. But she couldn't leave. She came here with a purpose and she wouldn't leave before the deed she had in mind was taken care of.

Even without looking around, finding the hut that had once been her home wasn't very hard. Biting her lip, the young hanyō slowly looked up at the ruins of her home, though for ruins, it was in actually surprisingly good shape, at least from the outside. The only indication that it had been abandoned was the rotting wood here and there, making the structure unstable and ready to collapse at any given moment, and the open entry, the mat that once served as a door long gone and shredded by a demon's claws.

Looking away again, Kagome walked around the hut and into the small garden behind it, knowing better than to go inside the structure, for it was inside that the true signs of the massacre that had happened here a year ago were visible. And Kagome was well aware of the fact that seeing those proofs of the past was more than she could handle.

Arriving at her destination at the back of the small garden, the little hanyō-child slowly knelt on the ground and forced a little smile on her face, though she didn't feel like smiling at all. But for her mother's sake, she would.

"Hello… kaa-san," she said quietly, fixing her gaze on the stone in front of her. "I'm sorry I didn't come by lately… but I wasn't really myself. I hope you can forgive me for it," she continued, hanging her head a little in guild, not only for not visiting, but also for not being entirely truthful. The full truth was, she hadn't been courageous enough to come and find out if her mother even wanted to ever see her again after what had happened. Now, as she sat there and talked to the one grave she herself had dug and filled, she felt stupid. This was her mother after all. The woman had smiled at her even when dying. Wasn't that proof enough that she didn't hate her daughter, despite what had happened?

"I'm sorry for coming in the state I'm in, too… I probably should have cleaned myself up… Sorry," she whispered again, one hand reaching absentmindedly to her hair, combing through her tresses and staining it even redder than it already was. The entirety of Kagome's little body, from head to toe, was stained with blood. It was to be expected, though, she had just finished eating her first true meal since what happened a year ago, and since it had also been her first hunt, it wasn't the most clean of affairs. And once she had eaten, the idea to clean up before coming just hadn't crossed her mind. Talking to her mother was more important. She had to let her know she was done doing stupid things like she had been this past year, because she had to make sure her mommy wouldn't worry about her anymore.

"Mommy… I think… I think I understand what you meant now," Kagome whispered to the grave stone before her, her voice sounding much too old for her three demon-years of age – but what else would one expect when growing up extremely fast was the only way the hanyō child could survive now, all alone in the world? "I understand now what you meant when you said death was the coward's way out."

It was something her mother had often told her. Death is the coward's way out. It takes much more courage to live than to die. Those were the words Hikari had often told her daughter, although the little girl hadn't understood what her mother had meant by that. At least, not back then.

"When you do something you regret but can't ever correct, the only correct way to atone is not to die. When you die, you don't atone. You take the easy way out, allowing yourself to forget as you are sent to be reborn again as someone completely different – a fresh start. You're telling yourself you'll meet your loved ones in death, but that is not true, for they are reborn also. The only way to ever meet your loved ones in the afterlife is when the both of you ascend to Nirvana. But that can take centuries to happen," her mother's words resonated in her young mind, their true meaning only now making sense to the young half-demon, who in the span of the year became mentally older than should be possible for any living being, be it yōkai, hanyō or ningen.

"'Death is the easy way out. It is much harder to live. But it is also the only way to atone.' You've told me that countless times, mommy, remember?" the little girl asked as she rested her clawed hand on the soil where her mother forever rested. "I think I finally understand what you meant," she said with a watery smile, tears filling her eyes though she did her best not to let them fall. She had to be strong. If she showed weakness, she'd die in one way or another. And f she died, she could never atone.

"I'm done teasing death, mommy. I won't dare it to come and take me anymore. I'll live on. I promise you that," Kagome said resolutely, her lip quivering as she tried not to let sobs escape her body. "And I also promise to keep my word, too. I'll live like I told you I would. I'll live by the old ways. I'll learn how to fight and I'll become strong so I can use that strength to protect others. I don't care if they hate and resent me or if they try to harm me afterward, I'll still protect those weaker than me. I promise you that," she said, her voice betraying the tears she was holding back had anyone been there to hear the heartbreaking vow of a mere child – and yet that child was more serious than most adults ever were at that moment. "This will be my legacy… and my atonement."

乗

The wind suddenly picked up and pushed Kagome's back, throwing her hair over her shoulder and making it fly in front of her face as the memory faded. Slowing down and eventually stopping, the now much older half-demon turned her head towards the sky and stared at the endless blue and the few while clouds that traveled over it. 'Kaa-san,' she thought sadly, crossing her arms behind her back as she stood there like a statute, almost completely oblivious to her surroundings, too lost in thought to care. 'Were you reborn? Or did you ascend to Nirvana, I wonder? And if you ascended… could you by any chance be watching me now? Are you proud of who I've become? Do you think… I could be forgiven?' she questioned in her mind, although she didn't obtain any answer – not that she expected any to begin with.

She never doubted that her mother didn't hate her, despite what had happened. Kami knew the woman had been unable to hate anything or anyone. But the question of forgiveness was an entirely different matter. If she were to be completely honest with herself, Kagome had to admit that she really wasn't certain is her mother had or ever would forgive her – because how could she really expect anyone else to forgive her if she wasn't able to forgive herself? And yet, ironically, if she could be sure her mother forgave her, then she would most likely eventually forgive herself as well. And thus the vicious circle turned around and around…

"Oi, Kagome," Inuyasha's voice finally brought her out of her reverie and Kagome shook her head to bring her mind out of the clouds and back to the here and now before glancing towards the one who called her. To her greatest surprise, he didn't seem angry or even irritated. Instead, he seemed a bit worried, although you had to know him well to see that emotion behind his natural scowl. It was easier to find in his voice and words, though. "Are you ok?" he asked quietly, obviously not wanting Miroku or Shippō knowing he had asked. Tilting her head to the side in confusion, Kagome brushed off her thoughts from before and decided to pretend nothing was on her mind to begin with.

"Of course I'm alright. Why wouldn't I be?" she asked as she started walking again. Satisfied by her answer, Miroku easily followed her. Inuyasha, however, stared after her warily before he also started to walk but remained behind the monk and the hanyō, his frown deepening. 'Why are you lying, Kagome?' he couldn't help but wonder as he stared at her back.

The hanyō-girl wasn't alright. At least she hadn't been a second ago. Anyone with two eyes could tell. The way she had slowed down as she walked, the way she had eventually stopped, the way she had looked at the sky, all of that was more than proof enough that she hadn't been alright at the time. Of course, Inuyasha didn't have the slightest idea what she could have possibly been thinking about, but he knew dark, unpleasant thoughts when he saw them – and Kagome's mind had definitely been plunged right in the middle of such thoughts.

But why wouldn't she tell him what was wrong? Why did she always have to try and deal with things on her own? He huffed in frustration.

Suddenly, Kagome stopped again, but this time not due to her wandering mind, but because of her ever-alert senses, her hand immediately reaching out to stop the other two also. Her ears twitched almost madly on her head and her eyes narrowed and she sniffed the air. Easily realizing what her behavior implied, Miroku stood next to her and stared straight ahead with a serious gaze.

"What is it, Kagome-sama?" he asked, although he already knew at least part of the answer. Something was heading their way, and it was something that wasn't necessarily a good thing to meet. What remained to find out was what it was, or maybe even who it was.

"I don't smell anything," Shippō said from his perch on Inuyasha's head, his most favorite place to travel on besides on Kagome's shoulder. But the kit sensed the hanyō's need to be 'alone', so he had refrained from moving there, staying instead in the other safe place where he knew Inuyasha wouldn't dare hit him.

"That's because they're down-wind. I don't smell them, either. But despite the wind carrying both scent and sound away, I can hear them… kind of," Kagome replied, her ears twitching once more before they stilled and turned straight ahead as Kagome focused all of her attention on the incoming beings, trying to figure out who or what they were. But all she could tell thus far was that they were travelling in a group and that they weren't very far off, otherwise, with the wind's direction, she wouldn't have heard them. "Guess we'll find out when we run into them. Stay on guard," the hanyō said lowly as the group continued on their way, their senses on full alert and ready to fight any given moment, should the group in front of them turn out to be demons or bandits.

When the group came into Inuyasha's view, however, he somehow knew that their fears have been for nothing. Sure, the people in front of them weren't normal villagers, nor were they samurai or wandering merchants, but they didn't look like bandits, either and somehow, Inuyasha knew they were not.

Each and every one of them was wearing a tight, black, body-fitting suit with knee and arm-protectors of different colors, blue, green, yellow and one of them even had pink ones. She was a woman, though, so Inuyasha thought it wasn't that weird for her to like the color. She was also the only woman in the group, with long, brown hair tied in a high pony tail and carrying a gigantic boomerang on her back. Looking closely, the future-born teen noticed that every person in the group had some kind of weapon, although most of them Inuyasha had never seen in his life and actually even doubted their efficiency in battle.

Another curious thing was the person right next to the woman – it was a young boy who looked very much like the woman. He also had brown hair tied in a pony tail, although his was definitely shorter. The woman (or rather girl) looker to be around nineteen and the boy was a child of nine, maybe ten years. All the other people in the group were grown men, as anyone would expect of a group of warriors, because that had to be what they were.

"Excuse me, houshi-sama," one of the men spoke as they approached, most definitely addressing Miroku. "I am sorry to bother you, but maybe you could help us. We have been called for work to saru castle, but we seem to have lost our way. Do you, by any chance, know which way we should go to find it, houshi-sama?" he asked politely and bowed his head slightly as a sign of respect. Miroku did the same as he replied.

"I'm afraid I cannot help you. I am a wandering houshi and do not know this area very well. But my friends and I have been circling this forest for most of the day and haven't seen any castle, so maybe it is on the other side?" Miroku said, motioning to Inuyasha and Shippō when he mentioned his friends, suddenly making the kannushi realize that they were one companion short. Just when and where did Kagome disappear to?

The other man nodded his thanks and after a short, but polite goodbye, the group of warriors was on their way again, entering the forest and rapidly vanishing from Inuyasha's sight.

"Hey, where's Kagome?" he asked when the warriors were gone. He didn't need to wait long for an answer.

"Right here," the hanyō replied as she soundlessly landed beside the future-born teen, having obviously hidden in the nearby trees a moment earlier. Inuyasha raised a brow, intrigued by her behavior.

"Why did you hide?" he asked her astonished. It was very unlike Kagome to hide from anything. To hide from humans was simply unheard of – it was something Inuyasha hadn't expected to be possible. He had wanted to tease her about it, but didn't get the chance to as Kagome snorted in annoyance.

"I know better than to stay in plain sight when I see yōkai taijiya approaching," she said, as if it was obvious. Inuyasha blinked in confusion.

"Demon slayers?" he repeated slowly, his violet eyes sending Kagome a questioning look. Of course, the name spoke for itself, mostly, but he'd still like an explanation. Kagome sighed.

"Right, you don't know," she muttered under her breath, more to herself than him. "Demon Slayers are humans who earn money or other living necessities by slaying demons," she replied shortly, considering that explanation enough. Inuyasha tilted his head to the side, now even more confused than before.

"I thought no human except spiritualists had any chance against yōkai," he said, eyeing Kagome suspiciously.

"Well, that's technically true, but it depends on the demon. Demon Slayers can more or less easily defeat lower lever demons. When it comes to demons able to take on human form, they tend to try and avoid those fights if they can, at least as far as I am aware," Miroku replied and Kagome nodded.

"Can't say I blame them. They wouldn't be able to tell demon and human apart in that case until it was too late," the young half-demon said slowly, her mind obviously wandering elsewhere already as her eyes narrowed. 'There's something else that worries me, though…'

"That still doesn't explain why you hid from them," Inuyasha pointed out.

"Are you stupid?" Shippō asked from his spot on Inuyasha's head, causing the priest to glare up at him to the best of his abilities, though he didn't try to hit the kit for his mild insult, wanting to avoid hitting himself on accident – a thing the young fox was very well aware of. "She just said those people earn their living by slaying demons. They'd have to be blind to look at Kagome and not see she ain't human. So why wouldn't she hide?"

"But she wasn't doing anything. They wouldn't have a reason to attack. And even if they did, what could they possibly do?" That was about the closest Inuyasha would ever get to admitting aloud that Kagome was strong and that most humans could never even touch her, he was sure. But for the first time, Kagome actually contradicted that idea, stunning Inuyasha into utter silence.

"They could do a lot," she admitted quietly, not meeting anyone's eyes as she stared straight ahead. "I said they're slaying demons, not fighting them. There's a reason I said it that way," she explained, though her explanation only made sense to one of the people in the group.

"They're human, like Inuyasha and I, so they can't exactly fight 'fair' to finish their job and expect to live through it," the monk said slowly, his voice sounding almost accusing to the hanyō's ears as she sighed.

"I'm not antagonizing them. I'm just stating the obvious. I know most demons don't exactly fight fair, either. The slayers only do what they have to do to stay alive while doing their job. But it doesn't change the fact that they use what I consider dirty tricks to win and because of that, they are a force to be reckoned with. If there's a human other than a spiritualist of Kikyo's level or stronger who could ever hope to kill me, it would be a taijiya," the silver haired girl said gravely.

Tense silence followed her words, each member of the group silent for his own reasons. Miroku because he was pondering something, Shippō because he had nothing to say, Kagome because she was suddenly occupied with something else and Inuyasha was trying to digest the fact that Kagome had actually admitted that there were regular humans out there who could actually kill her.

"I think they're at a safe distance now. Let's follow them," Kagome suddenly said, her eyes trained on the forest the slayers have wandered into and her eyes twitching on her head occasionally. Inuyasha stared at her with disbelieving eyes and opened his mouth to protest, but Shippō beat him to it.

"Follow them? Why? You just said yourself that those people could kill you, Kagome!" the kit yelled, his voice a mixture of fear and anger.

"And the way you said it implied they wouldn't hesitate to do it, either. Are you out of your mind, hanyō-wench?" the black haired teen agreed, only to be waved off like an annoying bug.

"Don't care," Kagome replied nonchalantly. "I said we'd follow them, not catch up and ask for a fight."

"But why do you want to follow them?" the future-born teen asked, now somewhat curious. Kagome wasn't one to chase after someone for no reason, after all, even Inuyasha knew that.

"Because something feels off. Suspiciously so," Kagome replied lowly, causing Miroku to nod.

"I agree. Our run in with these people may have been short, but I am surprised they seemed not to notice the oddity of the situation," he said. "Unless they noticed it and decided to ignore it."

"I doubt it. Taijiya don't ignore anything suspicious. They'd die if they did. So my guess is they didn't realize, for whatever reason. But that makes it stink even more of a trap. What I can't figure out is what they want to catch in that trap… or who is it that wants to catch them, whichever the case. And for what reason," the silver-haired half-demon said, narrowing her eyes in thought.

"And just what makes you two so on edge about that little encounter?" Inuyasha asked, he himself not having noticed anything out of the ordinary. Kagome sighed, fighting the urge to face-palm.

"Think about it, Inuyasha. What were they looking for? A castle, right?" she asked, but didn't wait for a reply. "A castle is usually big, isn't it? Even passer-bys like us would know if there was one nearby, not to mention the villages close to it. Plus, if they have work to do in the castle, it's suspicious enough that they're being called somewhere they don't even know the exact location of without some kind of guide to bring them there – and it's obvious they don't know the exact location of the castle if they're lost."

"They might have thought the castle's 'disappearance' might have been the work of the demon," Shippō piped up. There were demons who could seemingly make something disappear into thin air, after all. But the kit's idea was easily shot down.

"If that had been the case, then we would have already heard about it, Shippō. A castle disappearing into thin air isn't something people would easily ignore," Miroku said with a frown.

"Neither would a castle appearing out of nowhere if it was not supposed to be there," Inuyasha grumbled under his breath, causing Kagome's ears to twitch as they caught the sounds.

"Which is why this situation is suspicious, don't you think?" Kagome deadpanned, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "Something tells me we should look into it. And I know my instincts are rarely wrong."

"I agree with Kagome-sama. We should follow those taijiya and see what is going on. It does not seem like some minor yōkai the slayers commonly deal with," Miroku added, glancing at Inuyasha meaningfully, as if trying to make him agree as well. He didn't need to, however. Inuyasha was already plenty intrigued as it was, without any further simulation.

With a silent nod at each other, the group turned away from the path circling the forest they had been following up until now and disappeared between the trees, following Kagome and her never-failing ears and nose in the same direction the group of demon slayers had left not long before them.

---

Well, I was saying that the next arc would be one most of you have been waiting for, right? Now, I suspect you all know why. And I also hope I won't mess it up LOL

That's it for this month. I hope you enjoyed. Reviews are welcome :D See ya all in four weeks :]

Reading recommendation: When We Awaken by Ai Kisugi. Great characterization, original plot-line and just the right mix of mystery/suspense, action and sweet romance :)