If the Roles Were Reversed

by Glon Morski

I: Until he fell down the well and 500 years into the past, Inuyasha didn't believe in legends. His beliefs were challenged when he found himself in a world in which said legends are reality. Problem? He wants to leave that world behind, while it is unwilling to let him go. And so he begins a search for a substitute for a duty, aided by Kagome, his slef-proclaimed hanyo protector.

45. After-Effects

And here we are, another chapter. Again, a bit longer than usual. While I can imagine you guys enjoy this, please don't get used to it. I don't think the upcoming chapters will be this long. Sorry.

On another note entirely, thank you very much for all your reviews and support. Keep them coming. Pretty please? :)

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ANONYMOUS REVIEWERS:

Guest 1: *sighs in frustration* What's with people and Ayame? I said it before, I don't know if she'll appear in this fic, but even if she does, it'll be AFTER the love-triangle is resolved. Does it look resolved? I don't think so. So no, it wasn't Ayame, just some random, faceless, nameless female. Sorry to disappoint.

That-Other-One: It took you 44 chapters to realize I love messing with you guys? LOL Seriously, I would have thought that was obvious by now ;) As for my hanyō-theory, I would think it makes sense since I'm the type of person who applies logic to almost everything. And that theory was something I had spent a very long time pondering and applying logic to LOL Glad you liked it (I mean the theory AND the chapter). Thanks for the review :3

Elana&NikkiBB: Twins, huh? Small world :) Anyway, Elana, that one-shot wasn't exactly a prequel to this fic, the only connection between the two is Kagome's power to 'alternate-reality-travel'. Still, I know what you mean and indeed, I don't think it'll be a spoiler to let you know that 'canon' Inuyasha and Kagome will remember this other life of theirs once they finally get back to their own reality, whenever that'll be. And NikkiBB, Sadly, yes, you have to wait for Kōga a bit more. But maybe a certain part of this chapter will make the wait more bearable? *winks*

Guest 2: Happy to hear it, thank you (review: 'oh this is good I liked it')

Buyo class o'08: Thank you, I'm happy to hear you enjoyed. As for your suggestion, no worries, that was planned, anyway. Might even be happening sooner than you think, so look forward to it ;)

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Tracks for this chapter:

V6:Way of Life

Metallica:Nothing Else Matters (S&M Version)(link: www. youtube watch?v=qMoZyCL7EzM&feature=fvst)

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Chapter 45 – After-Effects

When the blackness surrounding him started to fade and he sluggishly realized the real world was trying to call him back, Inuyasha tried to fight it. He didn't want to wake. In fact, waking was the last thing he wanted. He knew it was mostly because he didn't want to face reality and the pain it had to offer, the knowledge lay something at the edge of his consciousness, but while usually he would have scoffed at himself and challenged the world to hand him its worst, he couldn't bring himself to do it now. Even if usually he would have wanted to prove, if only to fate itself, that it could do nothing to him, to his spirit, no matter what it tried, this time, he didn't want to. He admitted defeat and even tried to retreat. He just didn't want to have to deal with it. It was too much. He didn't quite recall what the source of those feelings he wanted so much to run away from was, but whatever it was, he knew that this time, fate had won.

But what was it that life had thrown at him that caused him to react that way? What could have managed to make him think like he lost his own, personal war against fate? Inuyasha made the mistake of trying to recall and the memory hit him relentlessly without too much trying on his part.

[T]

He remembered bitter cold. A cold so strong it bordered on physical pain. But that was nothing compared to the wave of emotional hurt, or rather agony, that suddenly seized his whole body and made breathing excruciatingly hard. He gasped, his breath becoming labored within seconds as he tried to fight the pain off by trying to drift back into unconsciousness. It didn't work. If anything, the pain only intensified as he remembered the reason for it.

"Kagome…" he whispered in a pained whisper, barely registering the ghostly feeling of someone's hands wrapping tightly around him as if he was being hugged. Progressively, warmth started to seep into his pores, somehow managing to reach him through the thick layer of cold that lay on him. The pain ebbed away slowly, too, just as a familiar voice reached his ears. It was faint, as if the person talking was very far away, but even through the veil of sleep that still lay on his mind, Inuyasha recognized it.

"Calm down. I'm here. I'm right here," Kagome said into his ear, her soft words making him open his eyes in disbelief. He flinched at first as the light hurt his eyes, but his pupils quickly adjusted and he could open his eyes again. He couldn't see much of his surroundings, though, but it didn't matter. He knew where he was, anyway. And that was Kaede's hut.

When had he gotten here? And why was someone cuddling with him?Last he remembered, he'd been at the well, pondering whether he should go home or not. In the end, he hadn't, although even he didn't know why. Why should he stay? Why would he want to stay now that Kagome was…

He couldn't even think it.

"Kagome," he whispered again, wishing he could see her again, alive and well, if only for a little while.

"What is it?" her voice replied again, sounding so incredibly close as if she were right in front of him. But that was impossible. She was gone, after all. "Are you even awake this time?" she asked next with a sigh and he could feel arms tightening around him, as if it was Kagome who was holding him.

He didn't know what made him move. He didn't know what sliver of desperate hope remained within him that made him act on the stupid thought that maybe this wasn't an illusion or hallucination. No matter the case, he moved and easily removed himself from the warm embrace he had been cocooned in until just a second ago. He sensed the loss of warmth immediately, but he barely registered the shivers that ran up and down his spine or the goose bumps that were quick to appear on his skin, too focused on the face that now came into his field of vision.

It was really her. Her eyes were grey-blue and her hair was black, but there was no mistaking who the girl in front of him was. For a moment, he could only stare at her in disbelief and, for whatever reason, she seemed to be capable of little more as well. It didn't take her long to recover, though, and she was smiling a relieved smile at him soon enough.

"Guess you are awake," she said, not trying to hide her relief in the slightest for once. It's been hours since she had found Inuyasha by the well and brought him to Kaede's. It was well past noon by now, and if she were completely honest, she was starting to worry if Inuyasha would wake at all. His lack of response, however, was quick to wipe the smile off her face as her eyebrows furrowed. "Hey… you're OK now, right?" she asked, her arms reaching for his trembling form in order to try and coax him to respond. He obviously wasn't entirely fine, she knew, his shivering told her more than enough about that, but she wasn't asking for his physical condition, anyway.

"K-Kagome? Is that… really you?" Inuyasha asked quietly, as if fearing that asking the question would make something terrible happen. Kagome's frown deepened. This wasn't looking good.

"Do I look like someone else?" she asked back, trying to lighten the mood. It didn't seem to work though and with a sigh, Kagome pulled the still-shivering priest back towards her chest. "Come here," she said, her arms wrapping tightly around him as Inuyasha fell almost limply against her. Once he was secure against her, Kagome started rubbing his back in an attempt to warm him further. He was already much better than when she first found him, but his body temperature was still a bit too low for her liking. Inuyasha, for his part, didn't seem to mind, or even fully register her ministrations. But he did notice the warmth that started to once again fill his body.

"Am I… dead?" he questioned quietly, more thinking out loud than anything else as his mind tried to wrap around what was happening. He was relieved, even a little happy, but the biggest part of him was doubtful. He wanted to believe this was all real and that Kagome was with him again. He really wanted to believe that. But he knew Kagome was dead, so she couldn't be with him. Not if this was the living world. Which in turn had to mean he was dead as well. Had he frozen to death, maybe?

"If you were," Kagome started, an impressive growl coming from her human throat as she spoke, "I wouldn't be hugging you. I'd be kicking your ass for getting yourself killed when I had tried so hard to keep you alive."

Inuyasha inhaled sharply at her words and his violet eyes went wide when he realized just what the temporarily-human girl was implying. He didn't know what exactly about her words made him believe her, but he now did.

The shock was quickly pushed aside as relief like he had never experienced it before hit him full force. His mind shut down partially right then, making him unable to second guess his own actions and before he even realized what he was doing, his arms were around Kagome's neck and his face was buried in her shoulder. He was trembling, although this time it wasn't because he was cold.

Kagome, for her part, was shocked by Inuyasha's sudden movement enough to let the priest do what he wanted. At first, she had tensed, but had quickly forced herself to relax. It was just a hug, after all. It was nothing more, just a simple hug. It wasn't like he hadn't hugged her before, even if it was only brief and only once.

And yet, on some level, it was different. This wasn't the hug of apology he had given her last time. This time, he wasn't trying to show her through his actions he hadn't meant to hurt her. Unlike last time, now he was trying to show something to himself – namely that she was indeed there, alive and well. And Kagome had to admit, as he was doing it now, he was making her re-evaluate the definition of the phrase 'holding on as if you were afraid the other person would disappear if you let go'.

She didn't think anyone had ever held her quite like that.

But then again, no one else had ever believed, or rather been so sure, that she was dead only to see her 'revived' either.

"You're… really here. You're alive," Inuyasha whispered into her shoulder, his voice still sounding a tiny bit frightened, since a small part of him reminded him that this could be just a dream. A silly illusion his psyche made up to ease his suffering. But it was good he uttered that reassurance to himself, because it also served to reassure Kagome, who finally relaxed fully and allowed her worry to fade completely. Up until now, she hadn't been quite sure if Inuyasha was indeed alright and lucid like he should be. Now she knew that he was and that he was simply having some trouble believing what he was seeing. And all things considered, she couldn't really blame him.

"Yeah," she replied softly, her arms moving in soothing circles on Inuyasha's back without her realizing it. "Yes, I'm here. I'm alright. And I'm not going anywhere," she said, barely noticing what she was saying. She had uttered those soft reassurances to Inuyasha while he was still out of it so many times that she didn't even need to think about the words to say them anymore. But that didn't make them any less genuine.

"I thought you were dead," he whispered into her shoulder, just the mere thought causing a wave of terror and agony to wash over him as the images of her prone, unresponsive body flashed in his mind again. He shuddered. "I was sure you were..."

"I know," Kagome interrupted before he could say anything more, answering in the exact same manner as she did when Inuyasha told her this the first time. She doubted the kannushi remembered it, though. "I'm sorry."

It was surprising that her words didn't anger him like Inuyasha was certain they should have. He had been sure she had died and all she could say to that was 'sorry'? Really? As if that was going to cut it, he wanted to tell her. But he didn't. He couldn't yell at her because he just wasn't angry. He was much too relieved that she was alright despite her wounds and the fact that she was, for some reason, once again human to be angry.

Inuyasha inhaled sharply at the thought, his whole body tensing. Her wounds! How could he have forgotten them? Or better yet, how could she act like she was fine when there was no way in Hell that she was?

"Inuyasha?" Kagome questioned as the priest slowly pushed himself away from her. One confused blue-gray eye met a pair of worried violet ones, and Kagome found herself wondering just what could have caused such an expression on Inuyasha's face. He was fine, she was fine, there was nothing to worry about anymore. Finally, too. So what was bothering him now?

He let her know before she could ask.

"Your wounds," he said softly, his eyes lowering to glance at her midsection, where the white bandages were most visible underneath the torn kosode Kagome was wearing. Her fire rat haori, Inuyasha realized only now, was wrapped securely around him to keep him warm, as well as to preserve his dignity, since his clothes were drying by the fire behind him. Why and when he had gotten out of his clothes, he had no idea, but now wasn't the time to wonder. One thing at a time. "How… how are your wounds?"

"You're not going to believe me when I tell you," Kagome replied with a sigh, "but they're healed already."

She was right, Inuyasha didn't believe her. The way he looked at her said it all.

"I saw the wounds you sustained, you know," he grumbled at her, his voice annoyed even though he was more hurt than angry. Why did she have to keep lying to him? Just to make sure he didn't worry? If so, she was going the wrong way about it, because her lies only made him worry more, even though, for reasons he himself didn't understand, he tried to hide it. "I don't care if you're not human, those weren't wounds that could heal overnight," he added, knowing he was right. It had taken a while, but he had slowly started to learn a new definition of 'serious injuries', a definition that couldn't possibly apply to humans but one that was applicable to Kagome. And her latest injuries were serious even by that definition.

"I know," Kagome replied with a sigh, causing Inuyasha's eyes to widen in surprise. To be honest, he had expected her usual comeback of 'you keep forgetting that I'm not as weak as you', or something of the sort, as she tended to always say things like that when he worried over her injuries. The fact that she was agreeing with him now was surprising, not to mention confusing.

"If you know that then why are you so obviously lying?" the black haired priest asked before he could stop himself. Kagome shot him an annoyed look, but he didn't flinch or react otherwise at all. He was apparently starting to develop some kind of immunity to her glares and growls… at least so long as she was only annoyed and not truly mad.

"I'm not lying," the hanyō snapped.

"Yes you are. You have to be. There's no way those wounds are healed."

"Do you want me to be hurt that bad?"

"What?! Are you stupid or something? Of course not!"

"Then why won't you believe me when I'm telling the truth?" Kagome sighed. "Look, don't ask me how they're healed. I don't know either. I know they shouldn't be, they were too serious to heal that fast and I have no idea how my system managed to deal with them in just one night. But the fact remains I'm healed," she added as she stood up and easily removed her kosode before reaching for a pocket knife Inuyasha usually had in his pants' pocket.

[/T]

Whatever rebuttal Inuyasha was preparing to voice, it died right then when he saw her remove her shirt, or whatever was left of it, anyway. Not that he could see much more whether she had it on or not, the bandages did a fine job of covering the hanyō's body. Still, that one time he tended to her injuries after saving Shippō and the 'mishap' at the hot spring notwithstanding, this was the first time he could get a really good look at her figure, which was usually hidden by her baggy haori.

Considering her life-style, he had expected Kagome to be unaware that a thing like 'excess fat' could even exist. He had expected her to be well built, with just the right curves and the right sizes where it counted. But his expectations couldn't have possibly prepared him for what he was seeing now.

Despite the fact that she must have been wounded more times than he dared to try and guess, her skin was completely flawless. She was a bit on the pale side, she obviously didn't sunbathe very often, but with the way her skin seemed to glow in the fire light, it only added to her appeal. Her stomach was flat, her waist slim and her breasts had just the right size, not too big and not too small. Her head was a bit lowered and, from the angle he was looking at her from, her eyes seemed closed.

Stunned speechless, Inuyasha could only stare at her and hope she didn't notice it because he had no way to explain his ogling – because that was what he was doing if he were honest with himself. He could feel his cheeks burning with a blush that hadn't been there a minute ago, but for the life of him, the priest couldn't force himself to look away. He was spellbound. He wasn't even seeing Kagome as she was right now anymore. Instead, his memory dragged up the picture of the first time he had seen her when she was sleeping, pinned to Goshinboku with Kikyo's arrow and when the rising sun had played tricks with her face. The two pictures, the memory of then and what he was seeing now were currently overlapping in his brain and Inuyasha could only think of one word to comment the sight, although lucky for himself, he didn't utter it aloud.

'Gorgeous,' he couldn't help but think as he gulped, his reason yelling at him to look away but his eyes refusing to listen. She was giving him this show on her own, who was he to deny himself a sight she was offering? He was just a hormonal teenager, after all, and he surely had the right to react like one when he saw a half-naked girl with that kind of body.

Inuyasha was suddenly ripped out of his blissful trance, however, when he realized Kagome was raising his pocket knife to her side. The 'reaction of a healthy, hormonal teenager' was instantly forgotten as he jumped to his feet and tried to reach for her arm to stop her. She saw him moving, though, and despite not being hanyō at the moment, she evaded him easily.

"What the fuck are you trying to do?" Inuyasha yelled at her and once again reached for her arm, only to be sidestepped once more. Kagome scowled at him.

"Prove that I'm not lying to you," she replied simply and, before Inuyasha could move again, slashed right through the bandages covering her side, though she was careful not to loosen the part that covered her breasts. The fabric fell away instantly and it took only one more slash to create a new end, which Kagome tied at her front with ease. The bandages she had cut off were pooled at her feet and left her stomach completely exposed, but for some reason, Kagome didn't care. Usually, she knew she would. No one from the opposite sex except Kōga had ever seen her in such a state of undress. It was even harder to fathom that she would expose herself like this willingly. And yet, somehow, she didn't mind much this now, anyway.

Then again, that was probably because she refused to see this situation as intimate in any way. She was just proving a point, that was all there was to it.

"Do you believe me now?" she asked as she looked up, her lack of care that she had exposed herself disappearing instantly when she looked at Inuyasha. She recognized the look he was giving her that very moment, Kōga had eyed her that way more than once (clothed or not). But unlike with the wolf-prince, when it was Inuyasha looking at her that way, she didn't feel flattered. Rather, she felt uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable. "Well, do you?" she snapped, willing him to answer this instant so she could dress herself once more.

Inuyasha only managed to nod in response, but that was enough for the humiliated hanyō-turned-human. Turning around, Kagome grabbed her kosode and put it on hastily, cursing its current state and cover it provided, or rather lack thereof. She hoped Inuyasha hadn't noticed the way her cheeks started to burn with humiliation. Really, what had she been thinking? He was a guy, for heaven's sake, did she expect him to remain unaffected?

"Wipe that look off your face," she snapped, still feeling his eyes boring into her back. It was enough to bring Inuyasha out of the new 'teenage fantasy' his mind had lulled him into and he obeyed quickly, the redness of his cheeks deepening. "And by the way, I think your clothes should be dry by now," she added as an afterthought, still refusing to face Inuyasha again.

The black haired priest understood her meaning easily enough and turned to the fire, where his clothes were drying. Without a word, he slipped into his trousers before taking off Kagome's haori and reaching for his shirt.

"Why am I not dressed, anyway?" he muttered under his breath. He didn't expect to actually get an answer, but Kagome had heard him and couldn't stop herself from responding.

"Because I figured staying in those drenched clothes wouldn't do you any good," she replied, her eye still fixed on the wall of Kaede's hut so she didn't see the way Inuyasha froze mid-movement at her words.

"Wait… You were the one to undress me?" he couldn't help but ask incredulously, feeling his face turning an even deeper shade of red.

"Well, what else was I supposed to do? You needed to get out of those clothes so you could warm up and I could hardly wait for Miroku-sama to finish whatever he's been doing at the time," she snapped in irritation as she turned around and grabbed her fire rat robe, only to put it on hastily in order to cover herself. Her mind was calm enough to not tell Inuyasha the exact reason why she had been the one to undress him, though. She figured she could spare him the embarrassment of knowing how he clung to her that morning – because there was no way he wouldn't be embarrassed if he knew how he had flipped each time she so much as put an arm's length distance between them.

"And while I'm on the subject of your condition: what the Hell have you been thinking, you idiot?! Why didn't you just go home if you were by the well?!" she yelled at him, partially in order to change the subject, and partially because she was truly mad. She could still see him the way she had found him at the well at dawn, freezing and barely conscious and the mental image only made her angrier, especially when Inuyasha only replied with a blank, confused stare.

"What in the world are you talking about?" he asked with narrowed eyes while his brain tried to come up with something to make him understand her meaning. He came up empty, though.

"I'm talking about your splendid idea to stay the whole night out by the well. In the rain," Kagome growled back, her temper rising. She wouldn't blame him if he didn't remember anything about how she found him or what followed, but she didn't believe he didn't remember a thing considering the incident. "And you know the best part?When I woke at dawn, the others told me you've been gone the whole night. That you probably went home. That I decided to check for myself was a coincidence. And what if I had believed them, Inuyasha? What if I hadn't gone looking until later? What condition would I have found you in then, huh?"

Inuyasha lowered his head and rested his forehead against his hand as he stared wide-eyed at the floor. It all came back to him, or rather, it all jumped back into the forefront of his mind once more. The anger he felt at Shippō when the kit refused to accept what everyone had thought was reality, the anger at himself for being unable to help Kagome… and the hollowness and pure agony that followed. He could remember going to the well. He remembered entertaining the idea of just going home. And he remembered deciding against it because…

"I couldn't," he whispered in response, his eyes closing as his feelings threatened to overwhelm him again. It was in the past, he shouldn't let himself be affected anymore. Kagome was fine and she wasn't going anywhere, she said so herself. She was in no danger. So why did thinking back on yesterday still hurt so fucking much as if she wasn't standing before him?

"What do you mean, you couldn't? I hardly doubt there was anything stopping you," Kagome replied with a frown, her eyes traveling to Inuyasha's hand. She hadn't noticed it before, as she was too preoccupied with warming him up, but he was injured. Nothing really big and even less life-threatening, but she disliked seeing him injured. Before she could ask him to show her the small injury, though, the black haired priest was talking again and his words caused her to freeze where she stood.

"I was stopping me," he replied as his eyes found hers, willing her to understand where he was coming from. "If I had left, it would be like I was running away. Like I wanted to live like none of this had ever happened. It would be like I wanted to forget and I fucking couldn't do it! No matter what I'd try, there's no way I can possibly forget all that happened while I was here and I sure as hell wouldn't be able to forget you! I don't even want to!"

Kagome could only stare at him in response, hoping her reaction to that particular admission wasn't written all over her face. She couldn't put her finger on it, but there was something in what Inuyasha was saying, and in the way he was saying it, that made her afraid. Not of him, of course, she would never fear him. But still, there was something that put her on edge. She didn't know what it was, though, nor why she reacted the way she did and it frustrated her. She shook her head, deciding to ponder it later. She had another problem on her plate right now.

"I don't get you," she finally replied as she pinched her nose between her thumb and point finger in an attempt to gather her thoughts and try to understand. "Who ever said anything about leaving and not coming back? You could have just gone home for the night, it would have beaten staying out in the rain and freezing half to death," she added, fighting with herself not to yell. Just thinking about what he had done, and what it could have led to, made her blood boil, but she didn't want to argue with him right now. She just wanted to understand what was going through his head and yelling wouldn't help her with that.

"If I left, what would have been here for me to come back for?" Inuyasha couldn't help but ask tiredly and Kagome raised a brow at the question.

"The funeral pyre?" she offered calmly, as if she wasn't talking about her own potential funeral that could have, but ultimately didn't happen. The black haired priest had told her many times already that he cared about her on some level, after all, and last time she checked, if someone you cared about died then the least you could do was see them off.

Inuyasha didn't seem to think along the same lines, though.

"Like I'd ever want to see that!" he couldn't help but yell angrily at her, his hands fisting at his sides. "God damn it, Kagome, you're my friend! Do you really think I'd want to see your funeral?! Do you really think I want you dead you stupid hanyō-wench?!" he couldn't help blowing up. She was just so infuriating at times.

"I never implied that," Kagome replied with narrowed eyes as she crossed her arms over her chest. "But last time I checked, you usually see the people you care about off if they're dead – it's your responsibility as the living to make sure the dead know you'll be OK on your own, that they can move on in peace. Or would you rather have my ghost roam these lands for all eternity?(1)"

Inuyasha had to admit, he hadn't even thought of that. But he didn't want to. He never wanted to see Kagome's funeral. He didn't want her to die. And the idea that she might because of him was even more sickening. Couldn't she see that? Couldn't she see what the idea of her dying was doing to him?

Apparently not.

But on the other hand, if she did die, he wouldn't want her to be stuck here, either. He would have wanted her to move on in peace, so she could be reincarnated once more, this time in a time-period when she didn't have to fight all the time. Still, bottom line was, he didn't want her to die and he'd be damned if he didn't beat that into her thick skull.

"I wouldn't want that," he said quietly. "But I want you to die even less, can't you fucking understand that?"

"If I didn't understand the feeling, I wouldn't have done what I did back in that cave," Kagome replied easily. "But you still didn't answer my question, Inuyasha. What were you thinking when you decided to stay by the well instead of going home, or at least returning to Kaede's? What were you thinking when you basically decided to freeze to death, unless a demon came by to make the process faster?"

"I wasn't thinking straight, alright?!" the future-born teen exploded, finally much too angry to control what he was saying. "And how could I have?! I was sure you were fucking dead! You are the first friend I ever had and I thought you died because of me! How the hell do you think that made me feel?!" he yelled, his words finally causing Kagome to snap. With surprising speed, considering the fact she was currently human, she neared Inuyasha, grabbed him by the front of his clothes and dragged him towards her until they were nose to nose. Her eyes were narrowed angrily and the hand she was holding him with was trembling while the other fisted at her side as an uncontrolled response to her anger.

"And how do you think I felt after waking up and finding you the way I had?" she asked back, her voice a low growl her human throat shouldn't have been able to produce. "How do you think it made me feel to know that I risked my life, to know that I almost died to protect you, only for you to attempt to throw your life away? Do you have any idea what it was like to realize that if I hadn't woken up and no one would have went to look for you, then my sacrifice would have been in vain? Have you ever thought about that when you threw everything I did to save your life back in my face?" she continued, never giving Inuyasha time to respond to her until she was done. And by that time, he wasn't able to look into her eyes anymore. She huffed as she pushed him away, already knowing her answer. Then she turned her back to him and crossed her arms over her chest, willing herself to calm down. It didn't help much.

"You keep saying you don't want me to die and you assume I don't understand it. But it never occurred to you that I feel the same way and that that's the reason I act the way I do, did it," she snapped, not bothering to phrase it as a question. She wasn't asking, she was stating the obvious.

"It did. I'm not an idiot," Inuyasha bit back, although his voice lacked the anger he wanted to put behind his words. "I just didn't want you to have to do that. I didn't want you to have to protect me, I wanted to protect you," he admitted, barely believing he was actually doing it. Normally, he wouldn't have dared to admit such things aloud, much less willingly tell them to the person who was at the center of these feelings, but right now, something was different. Maybe it was the lingering fear he might not get another chance to tell her, or maybe it was something else. Whatever the case, he was finally able to tell her everything and he wasn't stopping it.

"I didn't want you to get hurt because of me anymore. But no matter what I did… the only thing I ever managed to do was put you in more danger. Like when I first purified you. Like when I refused to try and put up a barrier because I didn't want to risk purifying you again…"

"It was actually a good thing you refused, now that I think about it," Kagome interrupted, partially because she didn't want to hear more (although she wasn't quite sure why), and partially because she really wanted to make him feel better. She knew the feeling of wanting to help someone and how it felt to know you weren't achieving that goal. She knew it better than she cared to admit. "If we had tried and failed, then there would be no barrier and I would have likely been human, in which case I wouldn't have been able to save you the way I have. So it's a good thing you refused."

"But if it had worked, you wouldn't have had to risk your life to begin with," the kannushi shot back, his head lowering to stare at the floor once again. "I'm always trying to make sure you're not hurt, but hurting you seems to be the only thing I'm good at," he added quietly, his fists clenching at his sides in anger at himself and his own uselessness. Kagome's eye softened and her anger faded.

"That's not…"

"Now isn't any different, is it," he interrupted her before she could say anything of importance, his eyes slowly rising so he could look at her through his bangs. "You're not human because it's that time of the month, are you," he clarified, once again not bothering to sound like he was asking. He wasn't, anyway, he was pretty sure he knew the answer. And when Kagome didn't respond, it only served to assure him that he was right. He sighed. "I knew it."

It was Kagome's turn to look away and to berate herself. She had wanted to make Inuyasha realize what he was missing even if it should have been obvious from the start. She had wanted to make him see just how stupid his actions were. But looking at him now and hearing everything he was saying, she wished she had kept her mouth shut. He would have kept infuriating her in that case, sure, but it beat seeing him so defeated and sad. It just didn't fit him. Where was the overconfident jerk who didn't know when to give up or let others help him? Before, she had wanted for him to see that overconfidence could very easily lead to death, his or someone else's. But now, she realized that life in her era did the job for her – and it had done it too well, killing every bit of confidence the kannushi had ever had. And that wasn't good, either. Overconfidence could kill you, but so could lack of thereof.

"It doesn't matter," she said softly as she slowly approached him, wondering what to say to make him feel better, to find at least a shadow of the confidence he had when they first met so she could force him to forget his worries and insecurities. Of course, she didn't want him to go back to being as overconfident as he was before, but she did want him to gain some confidence in himself. But Inuyasha had to make it hard for her.

"It does," was all he said, causing Kagome to narrow her eyes.

"It doesn't," she repeated, her voice harder this time. "I don't mind being human."

"But you can't tell me you don't mind being purified. I saw the burn marks you got because of me. There's no way that's not painful."

Silence. That was all that greeted Inuyasha's reply as Kagome searched for the right words again. He was right, she couldn't deny that. Being purified wasn't exactly something she enjoyed and for most demons, it was the most horrific death that could be experienced. For her, it didn't mean death unless she was hit with a purification arrow in some vital spot, but it was still the most painful thing she had ever experienced, or ever would. Denying that would be a lie and she was no liar.

But then, what should she say? What could she say?

"You're right," she admitted with a sigh, her words making Inuyasha flinch even though he had known before that he was correct. "It is painful. But I know you're not doing it on purpose, so I don't blame you. And I don't care that it might happen again because I know it won't," she continued after a while, hoping she would get through to him.

"How can you be so sure about that?" the black haired teen asked doubtfully, his words making Kagome smile softly.

"Because you promised me it wouldn't," she replied softly as she walked up to him. She easily noticed the way he went rigid at her words, obviously not having expected that kind of answer, but she didn't let him say anything to contradict her. When he opened his mouth to do just that, she put her hand to his chin and closed it before he could utter a sound, then proceeded to pull his head up so their eyes met. When she saw the pain, regret and self-loathing in his violet orbs, she wanted to kick herself. How could she not have noticed how much the latest happening had affected him?

"When I first woke up after our first fight with that yōkai, you promised me you would learn to control your power so it would never leash out at me again. And if there's one thing I've learned about you in the three short moon cycles that I know you, it's that we share one characteristic. And that's never giving promises if we don't plan on keeping them. That's how I know that you'll learn and that something like this will never happen again."

"Kagome…" he whispered in awe as he stared at her, hardly able to believe her words and what she was implying. She believed in him. After everything, she still believed in him. And he wasn't just thinking of their latest battle. Unwillingly, his mind brought him back to battles long past, like the time when Naraku had given him a cursed sword in hopes he would kill Kagome and then die himself. It hadn't worked, not fully, but Kagome had still had a close brush with death as a result of her attempt to save him. There was that wolf-demon who managed to steal the Jewel once, too. She had protected him and taken quite a nasty blow to her back.

Inuyasha lowered his eyes again, unable to meet Kagome's golden one anymore. Was there even one battle since he had first come to his world when she hadn't gotten hurt while protecting him? He didn't think so. At least, he couldn't think of any right now. And yet, she still had faith in him.

"Come on, let me take a look at your hand," the hanyō-turned-human finally said when it became obvious Inuyasha wouldn't respond to her. She grabbed his uninjured hand and led him back to the fireplace, trying not to show how worried she was when he followed behind her obediently without a word. It would seem the young kannushi had been affected by the recent happenings even more than she had thought. There wasn't a shred of confidence left in him and, considering just how much confidence in himself he had until only recently, it was more than just worrying. The young half-demon bit back a sigh as she sat down near the fire, Inuyasha following suit.

Now, taking care of injuries was never Kagome's forte. She never really needed to worry about her own wounds, and whenever someone else needed treatment, she usually brought them to someone more capable than she was. And if she were completely honest, she had expected Inuyasha to offer to take care of the little wound himself. But he did not.

Neither of them spoke as Kagome worked slowly, hoping she wouldn't screw up (not that there was much she could do wrong with that kind of injury, but still). She raised a curious brow when she finished cleaning his hand and got a good look at the wound itself, but refrained from commenting.

Still, she couldn't help but wonder: 'did he punch a tree or something?'

"There, all done," she said after a while and released Inuyasha's hand.

"Thanks," he replied quietly, still not looking her in the eye. Kagome suppressed another worried sigh.

"You're welcome," she said just as quietly as she stood to bring the medical supplies back to where she had taken them from, namely Inuyasha's back pack, only to freeze mid-step when she felt a familiar pulsing somewhere within herself. Frowning, she raised her hand and stared at her palm, which still lacked the claws that should be there instead of her nails. But she knew she was not imagining the feeling.

'Took you long enough,' she thought as she felt the pulse again and saw her nails slowly elongating. She was finally turning back into a half-demon, after a good few hours of humanity. Whether it was as long as the first time Inuyasha purified her, she had no idea, but she did know that her youki took much too long to regenerate each time. And that, in turn, could only mean that Inuyasha was much more powerful than any other spiritualist she had ever met.

"Ne, Kagome," Inuyasha suddenly spoke, effectively snapping her out of her thoughts and bringing her attention back to himself.

"What is it?" she asked while she put his first-aid-kit back into his back pack before turning around to face him. He wasn't looking at her, though, his eyes focused intently on the flames of the fire.

"Can you promise me something?"

"What do you want me to promise?" She was back at the fire place now, sitting down at his side. Inuyasha glanced at her from the corner of his eye, but didn't manage to hold her gaze for long.

"What you did in that cave… promise me you'll never do something like that again," he said and Kagome sighed, her shoulders slumping. He didn't have to elaborate for her to know what he meant. The kannushi was asking her to never risk her life like that again, and while she understood why he wanted her to promise him that she wouldn't, she knew it was a vow she couldn't possibly make.

"You and I both know that I can't promise you that," she replied, not failing to notice the way Inuyasha went completely rigid beside her. When he finally turned his head to stare at her, Kagome had to fight the urge to recoil at the sight, the terror she could see in Inuyasha's eyes far beyond any fear she had even seen in him. It made her own heart jump to her throat as her own fear, which he had tried to push into the back of her mind, flooded her entire being with a vengeance. She could only hope Inuyasha didn't see how scared she was, especially since if he asked, she would be unable to tell what she was so afraid of.

"Why not?" he asked quietly, his arms reaching for her without him realizing it. Kagome sighed as she allowed his arms to grip her shoulders and barely stopped herself from wincing when, in the exact moment Inuyasha's skin made contact with hers, what little youki she could feel returning was mercilessly eradicated again.

"Because I don't give promises I know I won't keep and you know it," Kagome replied carefully, her eye never leaving his face. "I can't promise you that it won't happen again, because I know that if we are ever in another situation like that, I'll do anything it takes to save you and the others without a second thought. And I won't care about the consequences so long as you're all safe."

"But I don't want you to die because of me. Not again. Never again. Can't you fucking understand that?" he whispered furiously, his fear mixing with anger. And the second emotion only kept growing, slowly pushing the fear away as Kagome sighed before responding.

"I just told you, I can understand it. That's why I act the way I do, because I don't want you to die. I swore not to let you die. I vowed to protect you with my life if I have to. So I will. If you are ever in danger again, I'll do anything it takes to save you, consequences be damned," she said, her voice hard and her eye showing all of her determination. But her refusal to give him the promise he so desperately wanted only made him angrier. Finally, he snorted.

"And you say you don't need to be protected," he bit out angrily as he stood up. But wherever it was he wanted to go, Kagome did not let him, her words enough to stop him in his tracks.

"That's because I don't need anyone's protection. I'm not weak," she said icily, the fact that Inuyasha even implied that she might be weak instantly making her blood boil. It didn't matter who said it, any assumption that she might be a weakling was always the perfect way to anger her, although she usually tried not to act on that anger.

"I never said you were," Inuyasha bit back as he turned around to glare at her. She was still kneeling by the fire and had her hands crossed over her chest as she glared right back at him, but she didn't need to stand or say anything more for him to understand that she was angry. Still, he wasn't intimidated by her. Not anymore.

"Maybe you don't need protection from any enemies we face, but you sure as hell need protection from yourself," he continued, his anger rising as he recalled every single time she saved his life, every single time she risked her own. Whether he was truly angry at her for doing it or at himself for being the reason she had to do it, he wasn't entirely sure, but what did it matter? He was pissed at the situation in general, and it was high time he did something about it. She wasn't going to protect him anymore. At least not without him protecting her right back she wouldn't.

"You say you'd risk your life again to save me if it was needed? Fine, I'd like to see you try. Because if you think I'm not going to do anything about it next time, you've got another thing coming, Kagome. I'm done with letting you protecting me and letting you risk your life for me! I'm done with watching you get hurt because of me! From this point onward, I'm going to protect you, too, whether you like it or not. So you better get used to the idea, because I'm not going to let you pull a stunt like you did back in that cave ever again!"

Having yelled those words out, Inuyasha stomped out of the hut without glancing back at Kagome, much less giving her the chance to respond. If he had, he probably would have been surprised at the fear present on her face, fear the half-demon could no longer conceal after his yelled vow – because that's what it was, no matter how anyone looked at it. Inuyasha had just vowed her protection and he wasn't going to let that vow be broken.

Still, there was no doubt in his angry mind that in order to keep the promise he'd just given, he had to get stronger first. And he knew just the right way to get the strength he wanted. Which was why the first place he went to was Kaede's herb garden.

As he expected, the old woman was there. She stopped her work as soon as she heard him approached and looked up, only seeming mildly surprised at his appearance.

"Inuyasha," she acknowledged with a nod. "I see ye are feeling better," she said, although whether she meant just his physical condition or his mental state as well was up in the air. The black haired priest merely nodded courtly in response, his eyes narrowing at the old woman as he stopped right at the fence of the small garden.

"I have a favor to ask," he said slowly, although his voice said it all. What he was going to do was not ask for a favor. Rather, he was going to give Kaede an order, and the old miko obviously realized that, too, if her stern gaze was anything to go by.

"And what would it be?" she asked curiously, her eye never leaving Inuyasha's face as the future-born teen took in a deep breath before responding, his eyes full of determination to such a degree that Kaede was stunned. She had never seen the boy like that, but the moment he voiced his 'request', she knew why he had that kind of look in his eyes.

"My spiritual power," he said slowly, his eyes never leaving Kaede's, "teach me how to use it."

XxX

Back in Kaede's hut, Kagome was still sitting where Inuyasha had left her, staring with wide eyes at the floor while her mind processed all that Inuyasha had said. Or rather, what those words meant, whether the priest himself realized it or not.

'No way… there's just no way. I'm over-thinking it. That has to be it. I'm just over-thinking it, blowing it out of proportion, right?' she tried to reassure herself, but deep down she knew it was nothing like that. And as if to make sure she really understood it, her mind decided that now was the right time to revisit an old memory – possibly the memory of happiest moment in her life, or what would lead to the happiest moment in her life, anyway.

乗

"Why did you come? I told you to never show up again, didn't I?" Kagome growled at the male before her. They were in the forest near Kikyo's village. Kagome had dragged him out here to talk after assuring herself that Kikyo didn't need her immediate help with the villagers and the village itself after the recent attack. Of course, she would still help later. But first, she had to take care of the problem standing in front of her, namely the persistent wolf who kept coming back no matter how many times she told him to quit it.

"I saw the horde heading here from the North. There wasn't really many villages it could have been heading to. You saved my pack. I figured it would be only fair to help you save the village," he replied with an unconcerned shrug, though it only caused Kagome's growl to deepen and turn more threatening. He noticed and took an involuntary step back. Good. He needed to know that no matter how good he was at hiding it, he still couldn't hide lies from her. She always caught them, no matter how good the liar. And even if she hadn't, she was sure she'd always be able to tell when this particular male decided to feed her bullshit.

"Spare me your lies," she growled. "I know that's not why you've come. We both know that. First, I told you many times already that I don't need your help, nor your gratitude. I just happened to be in the area so I helped out, that's all there was to it…"

"How come you always 'happen to be in the area' when my pack is in a fight?" the young wolf growled back, obviously not believing her either. The silver-haired hanyō decided to ignore his comment, though, and went on as if she hadn't been interrupted at all.

"…so there's no need for you to feel indebted to me. And second of all, I hardly doubt you would come all the way here and leave your precious pack behind just to pay back a debt to someone like me. I know what the likes of you think of me and I also know I don't deserve to be indebted to in your eyes, much less to have that debt paid back. So I'll ask one more time and you better answer truthfully: why did you come?"

The wolf glared at her defiantly, his blue eyes piercing her golden ones while he seemed to try and read her, or at least that was the impression Kagome got.

"I said it already, I only came to help you out, because I dislike being indebted to you," he growled at her, causing her claws to flex in warning. She could hear the lie and she could smell it. He wasn't being truthful. At least, not fully. And while she was mildly confused which part of what he had just said could possibly be true, she decided not to ponder it right now.

"And I told you to quit lying. I might be 'just' a half-demon, but I assure you that my nose isn't any worse than yours," she replied. And in fact, she was even quite certain her nose was better than his. She bared her fangs and bent her knees in preparation to attack. He obviously wasn't planning on telling her the reason for his coming, but he didn't need to. Kagome already knew. There wasn't much the wolf could have come for, after all.

"I thought I was being clear last time," she said, almost enjoying the way he tensed at the obvious sign that his time was running out. "I won't let you take the Jewel, and I don't care what reason you have for wanting it."

"I didn't come for the Jewel!" he barked back, his words stopping her in the last possible second from leaping at him. She froze and kept her eyes steadily on him, her gaze telling him more than words ever could just how little she trusted him. But to her surprise, these words were no lie. At least, she smelt none. The young hanyō straightened slowly, although she still remained tense and wary.

"Then why did you come?" she asked for the third time, her patience wearing thin. The ōkami seemed to notice that, too, not that she was particularly trying to hide it."I give you one last chance to reply truthfully."

"I came because I wanted to help," he bit out, once again telling the truth as far as Kagome could tell. So the thing he had been so adamantly lying about was the reason he wanted to help. The hanyō's eyes narrowed further.

"Why?" she asked courtly, her hackles rising in anxiousness. "What's in it for you?"

"Obviously nothing," he growled back, visibly getting angry as well. Kagome didn't care. She wanted answers and by the kami, she was going to get them. Today. Right now.

"Then why bother coming?"

"Because I wanted to make sure you were alright."

"Why would you bother? It should be of no concern of yours what happens to me."

"Well, tough luck, because it is, whether you like it or not. So if I want to come here when trouble is around to protect you, you can be damn sure I will," the wolf replied with bared fangs, his words making Kagome bristle.

"I don't need your help or your protection, ōkami," she growled at him, the sound low and coming from the deepest parts of her throat. "I am not so weak as to need anyone's protection."

"The name's Kōga, I told you already. And you do need protection. Maybe not from the likes of these demons, but should someone stronger show up, you definitely would – you would need protection from yourself."

Kagome easily caught on to Kōga's meaning, as there was little he could mean, anyway. He was obviously speaking about the fact that she was so willing to get hurt if it meant protecting others. Maybe she wouldn't put her life on the line for them, exactly, at least she didn't think so (well, maybe, for Kikyo, she would), but she knew that besides that, there was little she wouldn't do to protect Kikyo's village. Still, what she did with her life was none of the wolf's business, so why would he care about that?

She figured the best way to find out was to ask him.

And the question was all it took for the truth to finally spill as the wolf's anger overran his rational mind.

"I care because I fucking love you!" he finally yelled, the words effectively causing Kagome's anger to disappear as her eyes widened and she took a step back in astonishment. Whatever response she had been expecting, it certainly wasn't that. And what astonished her even more was the fact that she couldn't smell a lie on him at all. Kōga wasn't lying. He was saying the truth, as unbelievable as that seemed.

"I love you, half-demon," the wolf repeated again, the words almost sounding as if he was mad at his own feelings. But that wasn't it. He was mad at her and Kagome was quite certain she knew why – he was mad at her for making him admit it. "Don't ask me why, or when it happened. All I fucking know is that sometime between the first time we met and now, I fucking fell in love with you. And I'll be damned if I let anything happen to you, whether you appreciate it or not!"

乗

The memory faded slowly, though Kōga's words, and most importantly his admission, still resonated in Kagome's mind. She could remember that moment all too well. That was when everything had changed between Kōga and her. Though it wasn't from one day to the next, she had slowly allowed her by then growing feelings to grow further and she had slowly set aside her mistrust. The first step in that had been revealing her name. And then, little by little, Kōga had managed to make her fall in love with him as well and she hadn't even realized when exactly it had happened.

And now, although Inuyasha hadn't said anything close to an admission of love, Kagome couldn't help but realize that everything else he said was damn close to what Kōga had been saying back then. In fact, it was almost word for word the same speech.

Inuyasha had told her that she needed protection whether she acknowledged it or not – protection from herself, from her readiness to risk her life for others – just as Kōga had. He had told her that he didn't care whether she liked it or not, but he would get stronger, he would learn to control his power and, most importantly, he said that he would protect her – just as Kōga had. And he told her to better get used to it because there was not a damned thing she could do about it – just as Kōga had.

And it wasn't only about the words themselves. His tone, the way he held himself as he spoke, his eyes… everything was as close to being the same as back then as it could get with two different people. Which led Kagome to only one conclusion. One that terrified her more than she cared to admit.

Inuyasha loved her. Or at the very least, he was developing strong feelings for her. Feelings that went beyond friendship.

'Don't be ridiculous, Kagome. You're over-thinking it. There's no way, absolutely none, that it's true. It just isn't possible,' she thought while shaking her head in a poor attempt to rid herself of the idea. But it didn't work. It couldn't work because a small part of her, a part that had suspected this before already, though she had not paid attention to it, knew that she was not over-thinking things at all. Somewhere deep inside, the hanyō knew that the possibility of Inuyasha loving her, or at least developing strong feelings for her, wasn't tiny and the idea wasn't ridiculous at all. One only had to look at the way he acted around her to realize that.

'But still… I can't compare Inuyasha to Kōga-kun. They're two completely different people, absolute polar opposites of each other. One is a demon and the other a priest. One is from this period, the other from half-a-millennium in the future – basically a completely different world. I can't compare the way these two treat me and say it's because of the same feelings… right?'

Rationally, she knew she was right and she couldn't compare Inuyasha and Kōga. But her female instincts were a different matter. She might not have caught on easily to the signs before, as she had never expected anyone to fall in love with her, a half-demon, but that didn't make her completely blind. She could see when a man loved a woman when looking at two other people, and she could certainly apply the observations to her own person after Kōga opened her eyes to the simple truth that, hanyō or not, she was still a woman to a man's eyes – and women were there to be either loved or desired… and preferably both.

Unfortunately, it was quite obvious it would have been better if she had been blind in this situation.

The idea of Inuyasha developing feelings for her scared her. It scared her because she knew she didn't feel the same way. The future-born kannushi was a very important friend to her, yes, but that's all he was. He was a friend. And the one who held her heart was someone else entirely.

'Great. What the heck am I supposed to do now?' the young, currently human half-demon wondered. That was one thing she wished she knew, but unfortunately, she didn't.

Of course, one might wonder: even if Kagome didn't think of Inuyasha as anything more than a friend, why would the idea of him doing so scare her? It shouldn't be anything to be afraid of. And yet, she was terrified.

She was terrified because she knew that, if Inuyasha truly was developing feelings for her, she would hold immense power over him. All she did and said would affect him in some way – and she learned the hard way just how much power you held over someone who truly loved you. She didn't even dare to count how many times she had unintentionally abused that power and hurt Kōga. That the wolf still remained by her side despite all of what she put him through at first was a small miracle in itself, but one she was glad for.

Still, form that experience, she knew that if her assumptions were true, then there was no way she wouldn't, at some point, hurt Inuyasha deeply, whether she wanted to or not. And the kind of hurt she'd put him through had nothing to do, and could in no way compare, to any physical wound. She knew that from experience as well, as between Kōga and her, she hadn't been the only one who had yet to learn just how vulnerable love could make you, even if more often than not it made you stronger.

But the problem remained. She didn't want to hurt Inuyasha. The idea of hurting him physically was making her sick, but the mere thought of hurting him emotionally was even worse. Unfortunately, if her assumptions were correct, it was inevitable. Sooner or later, she would do or say something that would result in Inuyasha being hurt. And it wasn't something she could avoid.

'What do I do?' she asked herself again, her fear slowly turning into a panic before she caught herself and forcefully stomped the feeling down. 'Alright, calm down. Panicking will get you nowhere. First of all, I can't even be sure Inuyasha feels that way. I may just be looking too much into things and blowing facts out of proportion,' she thought, although she was well aware that probably wasn't the case. 'And second of all, even if he does feel that way… there's no guarantee he actually realized it himself, so I have nothing to worry about for now.'

The problem was, whether Inuyasha realized his feelings or not, they were still there. That was something she could not deny. But the half-demon decided to ignore that fact.

'So long as he doesn't realize anything, he won't say anything, either. And unless he says anything, I have no guarantee that my assumptions are correct. So the only logical thing for me to do is to act like nothing was going on, like I didn't have any suspicions. It's the best thing to do… right?'

Truly, there wasn't a 'best thing' to do in her current situation, but Kagome had to believe that there was – and that she was doing it. Still, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't forget the fact that sooner or later, Inuyasha would realize his feelings and may even act on them. But she tried not to think of this truly worst case scenario. She didn't even want to imagine just what would happen then.

Although, knowing Inuyasha, it was probably safe to assume that he wouldn't say a word even if he did realize his feelings – if he felt anything beyond friendship for her, of course.

Kami, why was it so goddamn hard to make herself believe that was just exaggerating?

Probably because she knew she didn't. And there wasn't a thing she could do about it.

XxX

Inuyasha cursed in his mind, his eyes snapping open to glare at the ground in frustration. He was sitting cross-legged at the river bank, his back to a rather high waterfall he never knew was this close to the village and with Kaede sitting opposite him. The two of them had been meditating for a while now, or, in Inuyasha's case, fruitlessly trying to meditate. But the exercise had yet to give the expected result.

"Ye need to remain calm. Allowing failures to affect you as much as they do will not help. On the contrary, it will only hinder ye. Learning control is a slow process that asks for much patience and persistence, especially in a case such as yours," Kaede chastised calmly, obviously knowing Inuyasha's thoughts despite him not having voiced them. The young kannushi huffed in frustration.

"Easier said than done," he grumbled under his breath, causing Kaede to glance at him out of the corner of her eye.

"Do ye wish to give up before truly starting, then?" the old priestess asked calmly, as if she didn't care one way or the other, although that was far from the truth. Inuyasha bristled, his anger rising.

"As if. I ain't gonna give up that easily, old hag," he said before he could stop himself. He regretted the words immediately, however, when the image his disappointed mother chastising him for his language flashed before his mind's eye. To his surprise, however, Kaede didn't seem to mind at all, almost as if she had expected him to stop addressing her in a respectful manner sooner or later. Inuyasha didn't know whether to be glad or ashamed if that was true, though.

"Then try again until it works. But ye need to control your reactions before your power. If ye lack the ability to control your emotions, then your power will never yield to your will," the elderly miko said, her words effectively proving that she did not, in fact, disregard Inuyasha's slip of the tongue. He gulped, realizing that she was serious while also not missing the warning she had hidden in those words. The old miko was not one to let lack of respect go unnoticed if she thought respect was due.

"Sorry," he said softly, then repositioned himself and closed his eyes again in an attempt to concentrate like Kaede had told him to. The old miko merely nodded, although she was still glancing at him through a narrowed eye. She sighed as the kannushi slowly calmed his breathing and once again reminded him of what he had to do.

"Seek not within your body. Search your soul, child, for it is within your soul that ye will find what ye are looking for. And once you find it, let its contents out into the open," she said for what must have been the hundredth time. Inuyasha suppressed a sigh of frustration. He knew exactly what he was looking for, he knew exactly what Kaede meant. He had felt it enough times to know, even though it usually didn't happen because he consciously wanted it.

What Kaede had him trying to do was find the source of his power within his soul. And once he found it, he was supposed to reach into it and let his power out. The old miko had told him not to worry about how or how much of his power he used. The whole point of the exercise was simply to learn to call upon his power whenever he wanted to. Controlling the amount used would come later.

The problem was, despite knowing exactly what he was looking for, Inuyasha couldn't find it no matter how hard he looked. He knew exactly where he usually felt his power was coming from, but now that he was consciously looking for it, the core of his spiritual energy remained stubbornly hidden, and it was frustrating, if not downright infuriating. Unable to help himself, Inuyasha growled under his breath, only to be rewarded with a hit to the head from a long, wooden stick Kaede sometimes used like a crutch despite not really needing it yet.

"Hey, what was that for?" he asked angrily while rubbing the sore spot on his head. He managed to catch himself in the last moment before 'old hag' slipped out of his mouth again, though. If his mother heard he even entertained the thought of calling an elderly woman that way, she'd skin him alive.

"For not listening," Kaede replied calmly as she laid the stick on the ground beside her. "I just told ye to look within your soul. Not your body. The core of your power will not be found anywhere in your physical body, Inuyasha. Ye need to look beyond that. And right now, ye are not even trying."

"I am," Inuyasha bit back. He narrowed his eyes when Kaede only replied with a flat, dubious look, but decided not to push the subject and instead concentrated on finding the core of his power again.

It took a few more tries, but finally, after what felt like an eternity but probably only amounted to about half-an-hour in reality, Inuyasha felt something in his surroundings shift. He didn't know exactly what it was, but something felt different. Before he could ponder it much, though, his attention was stolen by something in the periphery of his vision. Turning his head, Inuyasha easily realized what it was, although it only confused him further. It seemed to be a light of some sort, and yet he knew he shouldn't be seeing it, since his eyes were closed.

But on another note, he somehow knew he was actually more feeling than seeing that light, no matter how ridiculous that sounded.

Opposite him, Kaede watched with interest as Inuyasha calmed completely and his breathing slowed, as if the priest had fallen asleep. He remained that way for a minute or two before a frown formed on his face and he bit his lower lip. Kaede watched him for a few more second before reaching for her stick again and tapping him on the shoulder none too gently. The kannushi's eyes snapped open immediately and one of his hands reached for the offended area reflexively.

"Ow. What the hell? What did I do now?" he asked, not even trying to be polite by that point. That hit hurt and he hadn't even done anything to deserve it. But Kaede's response somehow managed to calm his temper.

"I merely did what I had to in order to bring ye back. Ye were just sinking into the depths of your soul, and I assume ye found what ye were supposed to find. If ye were a trained kannushi, ye would not have reacted or even felt the hit. But since ye are not, the trance is easily broken that way, and ye should be thankful for that," the old woman replied, causing Inuyasha to frown.

"If I did what I was supposed to do, why stop me?" he asked sourly, earning himself a mild glare.

"Have ye found the source of your power?" Kaede asked back, her voice hard and commanding. Inuyasha shrugged, wincing a bit with the motion.

"I think so. I thought a saw a door at least," he replied carefully.

"Have ye tried to open it?" Kaede continued asking and Inuyasha nodded. "And did ye succeed?" to that question, the black haired teen shook his head no, his expression turning to that of frustration once again.

"I tried multiple times but the damn thing wouldn't budge no matter how hard I pulled on it."

"And that is exactly why I forced ye to break out of your trance," Kaede said gravely, a sight escaping her lips. "I was afraid that would happen."

"What are you talking about?" Inuyasha asked, suddenly uneasy. And that unease only grew as Kaede sighed again, her shoulders sagging.

"The door ye found with your mind's eye is most certainly where the core of your power resides. Open it and your power will come to the surface, manifesting in your body and interacting with the surrounding youki, instantly purifying it. However, ye have not attempted to control your power for a rather long time, and thus, it is not willing to obey. Ye will have to force your power to submit to your will, like any other miko or kannushi, yet I fear it might be harder for ye. It is quite possible your power will resist and even try to fight ye off. And if that happens, your body will be put under strain it will not be able to handle. So ye must be very careful in handling your power for now and be sure to not overdo it."

Inuyasha raised a brow at the warning, a part of him wanting to ask if that was it. Really, he didn't see why the old priestess was so worried. So, he found what he was supposed to find and now all he had to do was open that door he found, right? That shouldn't be too hard. Finding it had surely been harder that opening it was going to be. And if Kaede thought his body couldn't take a little strain, then she was truly underestimating him. He wasn't scared of pain or anything like that. Besides, the 'fight', if he could really call it that, would be taking place within his soul, so how could his body be possibly be affected by it? Really, he thought, Kaede was certainly exaggerating.

Though he didn't really see what the fuss was about, he told her he'd be careful anyway before trying to find that door again. It was easier this time and he didn't waste any time in trying to open it. But on the other hand, Kaede didn't allow him much time to try, either, effectively bringing him out of his trance by another hit to the shoulder. He didn't complain though, merely took a few calming breaths and tried again.

It took at least five more tries on his part for his patience to snap. While it became increasingly easy to fall into the 'trance', as Kaede called it, it wasn't any easier to open the door to the core of his power, as Kaede always broke the trance much too quickly, at least in Inuyasha's opinion. Still, he was aching all over and, despite the fact that Kaede had only ever struck his shoulders, and even then the hits weren't particularly powerful, he seemed to think it was because of that. Kaede narrowed her eyes, easily realizing Inuyasha's thoughts and lack of realization of what was happening. Narrowing her gaze, the old priestess laid her stick beside her and put her hands in her lap.

"Very well, I shall not interrupt you this time unless it is truly necessary," she said, although her voice betrayed she was not pleased with her 'student's' attitude. Inuyasha decided to disregard it, though, along with the obvious warning behind the words. Breathing deeply, Inuyasha forced his body to relax as he fell into his soul once more, easily finding the door he was trying so hard to open again.

It was quite huge, at least three times as high as Inuyasha himself and four times as wide. The size aside, however, it was just a normal sliding door without any lock or handle. Inuyasha never really took the time to look at it properly, too focused on the problem of how to open it. Normally, it shouldn't be hard at all, especially since in the case of a sliding door, there was no lock, so it couldn't possibly be locked. And yet, Inuyasha had trouble opening it.

Taking a deep breath, the young kannushi grabbed the wooden side of the door once more and attempted to pull it open. The door didn't budge, but neither did Inuyasha. He was determined to open this door and by the gods, he would open it. Failure wasn't an option.

It felt like hours had passed before it looked like the door slid at least a millimeter open. But then again, that tiny movement could have just been Inuyasha's imagination. Whether he had managed to move the door or not, the kannushi never found out because in that moment, his trance was shattered as Kaede once again struck his shoulder to bring him back into the physical world.

This time, however, the kannushi had no chance to even glare at the old woman for interrupting again, as the moment he became aware of his surroundings again, he doubled over and grit his teeth, his chest suddenly exploding with pain as if someone had tried to push a pole or something of that sort into his sternum. His entire body was shaking and he was panting, only after a second realizing that he was drenched in sweat. And the fact that the pain only seemed to get worse instead of ebbing wasn't helping any.

"What the hell…" he wheezed, immediately regretting talking as the pain in his chest intensified. He grunted, then fell onto his back when Kaede gently pushed him back in an unspoken order for him to lie down. The idea to disobey didn't even cross his mind, as the new position actually helped.

"Do ye understand what I was trying to warn ye about now?" the elderly miko asked kindly, although her voice still had a slightly irritated undertone. Inuyasha wasn't even able to nod, much less to reply verbally, but it didn't seem like Kaede needed to hear an actual response. "There are things ye cannot rush, child. This is one of them. To learn control of your powers at the point you have arrived at will be hard and painful and if ye truly want to control your power, then ye must learn to do so one small step at a time, without rush."

Inuyasha barely heard Kaede's words by that point, though, his mind wandering elsewhere in an attempt to think about something other than the agony he was currently in. The only thing he managed to think about, though, was Kagome, and not in a way that helped him to forget about the pain. But it did help to overcome it somehow.

'Is this… in any way comparable to what Kagome felt when I purified her? Or when she was struck with that yōkai's attack while human?' he couldn't help but wonder, although he was pretty sure the answer was negative and that in fact, Kagome had to go through something much worse. And despite that, she still moved on and didn't allow her wounds or the pain they caused to stop her. Not back in the cave and not any other time, either. So why should he give up just because he was in a little pain? Besides, he swore to Kagome he would protect her from now on. There was no way he could face her after that vow with news of giving up because it hurt a bit. No way in hell. So he couldn't move, big deal, it wasn't like he actually needed to. He didn't need to move in order to open some door that was inside his soul.

Thinking little of the consequences, Inuyasha sunk back into the darkness of his inner being, easily finding the door to his power once more. He didn't care how much pain his body was going to be in afterward, he would open this bloody door. Right now.

It wasn't easy, but he wasn't going to give up. This was a fight between him and a door only he could ever find and open, and he'd be damned of he lost that fight.

Maybe it was his will power and sheer determination, or maybe it was something else, but finally, after what felt like a small eternity, the door yielded. The second Inuyasha managed to slide it open, something came pouring out like a river that had just broken through a dam. At first glance, it seemed to be light, but if that were the case, it should have been blinding, which it was not. It didn't have any sort of physical form, either, as Inuyasha couldn't even feel it brushing past him. Was this his power? This seemingly harmless thing, whatever it was?

It was hard to believe, and yet somehow, Inuyasha knew that it was the case. Pleased with himself, the young priest instinctively found his way back out from within his soul and opened his eyes, wanting to see if he managed to make his body glow like Kaede had when she showed him what he needed to do.

That was a bad idea, though, as the moment he became aware of his body again, the agony he had brought on himself slammed into him without mercy. And it was even worse than before. Gasping for breath, the future-born teen curled up into a fetal position and clenched his eyes shut. His body felt like it was on fire, both inside and out and if he hadn't known any better, he would have thought someone had just tried to crush every single bone in his body with a mallet or something. It hurt. It was fucking torture. He wanted to scream, but he was in so much pain he couldn't utter a single sound.

Then, as suddenly as it assaulted him, the pain started to ebb away reluctantly, if only a tiny bit. Inuyasha slowly opened his eyes again and tried to calm his breathing, but it soon became apparent that breathing normally was beyond him right now, as any attempt at movement at all caused blinding pain to shoot through his body – and breathing implied moving, no matter how slightly.

"Foolish boy," Kaede's angry voice came from somewhere above. It was probably her hand Inuyasha could feel on his forehead, and had he managed to turn his head to glance at the elder miko, he would have realized it was also thanks to her and her miko powers that his pain lessened a bit. "Ye did not listen to a word I said, did ye."

It wasn't a question, it was a statement. And not a very pleased one, either. In fact, this was the first time that Kaede was truly angry, at least in the time Inuyasha knew and spent with the old woman.

"If ye are unwilling to listen to reason, I will make ye obey, just as ye want to beat obedience into your power," she muttered next and moved her hand from Inuyasha's forehead to the back of his neck, where she applied just a little pressure and Inuyasha knew no more.

XxX

Kagome sighed as she leaned her back against the trunk of the Goshinboku. She had come to the tree a little while ago to calm down and think, though why exactly she came here of all places, she didn't know. Sure, the Goshinboku had a certain air around it that always calmed her and helped her to clear her mind, but that wasn't the reason she came here this time. This time, it wasn't the Goshiboku's calming aura that called her here, but something else. She had yet to figure out why she felt the need to be here, though.

When she had left Kaede's hut, she had run into Miroku and the miko Tomiko. She had to admit, right then, she had been thankful that Inuyasha had purified her. Dealing with a miko so soon after her miraculous recovery without really being prepared for it didn't sound very appealing, after all, and while Shippō had been able to hide the fact that he was in fact a demon until that morning, the priestess had recovered enough of her strength by now to no longer fall for his tricks. So for their own safety, both Shippō and Kirara have retreated to the edge of the forest. Kagome, on her end, had used her temporary humanity to find out where the miko had come from, and after she gathered sufficient information, she had found an excuse to leave. And just in time, too, as shortly after she left the village, her youki started to regenerate once more.

It was the no-longer-mysterious miko that currently occupied the hanyō's thoughts. While some might think Kagome was wasting time pondering the girl, since she was going to leave the village soon to bring the children that weren't from Kaede's village back to their parents and then continue on her training journey, the young hanyō knew better. She had, after all, promised Inuyasha to help him find someone who could take the Jewel from him, and even if she hadn't believed that would ever happen at the time, a promise was still a promise. One she couldn't keep if she didn't take every single spiritualist they happened to come across into consideration.

From what little she knew, there was a possibility Tomiko could actually cut it – which in Inuyasha's current predicament would be a godsend, really. Of course, Kagome had still to make absolutely sure before she said anything, but she was at least certain the miko couldn't be brushed off without being spared a thought.

'She has potential. She has power. There's no two ways about that,' Kagome thought, easily recalling the multiple waves of lesser yōkai fleeing the den at random times. Tomiko had said she had awoken and tried to fight the yōkai multiple times, as well, and Kagome seriously doubted the yōkai were trying to escape the illusionist. So the only other explanation would be that they sensed the holy energy Tomiko possessed (or rather the danger it represented) and wanted to escape its immediate surroundings. It was common sense, pure instinct: if you sense danger you can't hope to defeat, you flee. And quite a lot of spiritualists could actually lead a quiet and peaceful life because of that, if they only didn't decide to live the life of miko, kannushi or monks. Kikyo and Inuyasha were the only exceptions, being strong spiritualists who attracted yōkai to themselves, instead of scaring them off. It was most likely because of the Jewel than anything else, though, unless the demons were so scared of the threat spiritualists of such caliber represented, that they wanted to make a suicidal attempt to destroy it. The silver haired half-demon seriously doubted any demon was that stupid, though, even the lesser vermin.

At any rate, while most spiritualists were the perfect demon-wards just by existing, few could cause such large amounts of lesser yōkai to flee. These creatures were stupid and if there were enough of them, they tended to think that they can take out one measly human, spiritual power or not. But for a miko to be able to scare of such large quantities of demons was rare, or at least that's what Kagome believed. It was possible she was wrong, sure, but better overestimate a potential future guardian of the Shikon than underestimate one and miss the perfect opportunity to allow Inuyasha to leave this world behind and live life as he always should have in the future.

Still, power wasn't everything. The guardian of the Shikon needed more than just raw power. She knew that now, although she had at first thought anyone with enough spiritual energy would cut it. After traveling with Inuyasha, however, she learned otherwise. Power wasn't all it took. To protect the Shikon, a spiritualist also needed control, vigilance, reflexes… basically, all any person needed to survive in her time, but on a whole different level. And there was only one way to test if a miko had it all.

Kagome sighed as she gracefully jumped off the branch she'd been sitting on, her mind made up. She would follow Tomiko at a safe distance when the priestess decided to leave the village, and when the opportunity presented itself, she would test her. It wasn't like she could do much else, anyway.

With one problem sorted out, Kagome's mind immediately turned to Inuyasha. The half-demon winced mentally when her previous thoughts about the priest and his feelings assaulted her and she forcefully pushed them away. Thinking too much on it now wouldn't do her any good. Besides, she could still be wrong. And even if she wasn't, there wasn't a goddamned thing she could do about it. So why worry now, when the only thing she could do was pretend nothing was wrong, anyway? If Inuyasha ever started showing unmistakable signs of being in love with her, then she'd worry. If he ever realized his feelings, then would be the time to wonder what else she could possibly do. And if he ever decided to come out and say something to her about it? Well, she'd have to cross that bridge when – if – she ever got there.

Pushing those thoughts aside, Kagome leaned against the Goshinboku and closed her eyes in an attempt to clear her mind once again. She failed miserably at it, however, as just then a faint scent reached her sensitive nose. Her eyes snapped open immediately and she roughly pushed herself away from the tree, her head turning every which way while she tried to pinpoint where the scent was coming from. Just as suddenly as she caught it, however, it was gone once again, carried away by the wind.

Kagome's shoulders slumped in disappointment and she fell against the Goshinboku again, her head lowered and her ears pulled back towards the crown of her head. She really should have known better, but for a second there, she thought he was near, that he was coming. It was a foolish hope, though. There was no way he was still around, after all. Their meeting was supposed to take place days ago and while it wasn't really a long time, she knew Kōga couldn't stay away from his pack for too long. He was their leader, after all. If he left, that not only put the entire pack in danger, but also Kōga himself – or at least his position. For if someone were to take his place while he was gone, there would be no fight over who is alpha; Kōga would be automatically considered defeated and not only would he lose his position, but his entire pack, as well. A fallen leader could only expect banishment from the group (that is, so long as he survived the fight against a challenger but still lost), and while it might seem like a harsh rule to outsiders, it seemed only natural to both Kagome and Kōga. It was part of who they were, how they lived. It was just part of being a demon. A defeated alpha had his honor tainted for eternity, and even if the pack didn't banish him, he would leave on his own – the banishment was really only a formality, something done only so it wouldn't be too obvious that the defeated wanted nothing other than to leave, disappear as though he'd never existed to begin with, even if everyone knew it. And it was also a precaution, for should the defeated remain, there was a possibility he would challenge the new leader to regain his position and his honor – and no victor who just became alpha was willing to risk losing the position again to his predecessor.

That was why Kagome was certain there was no possibility of the wolf still being around. He might have waited a day or tried to find her to help her in her hunt – in fact, she was quite certain he did just that, even though she didn't have any actual proof. It was more of a feeling, but she still knew she wasn't wrong; if anyone asked, though, she wouldn't have been able to say where that certainty came from. Still, Kōga couldn't possibly spare more than that on the search before he had to head back. The wolf prince might be one of the fastest demons she's ever met, but he still couldn't fly or teleport himself, and the journey from his lands to Kaede's village took time. Still, for his scent to linger by the tree this long, no matter how faintly, he had to have spend here quite a while.

Slowly, the young half-demon allowed her knees to bend and slid down the bark of the tree until she was sitting among the roots – or rather the rests of the roots that had kept her there only three moon cycles ago. The hanyō sighed at the memory of how she freed herself from the tree once the arrow was removed.

"I never really apologized for that, did I," she whispered, laying a hand on one of the destroyed roots. "I'm really sorry for hurting you."

Some might consider it foolish to talk to a tree. And with any other plant, Kagome might have agreed. But the Goshinboku was different. It was ancient, it lived through many, many years and remained unchanged through it all. Some people believed it was inhabited by a kami or was otherwise sacred, and while Kagome wouldn't go quite that far, she certainly believed the tree was special.

[T]

She barely finished her soft apology when, as if in answer, the root under her hand broke and collapsed entirely. Kagome frowned and drew her hand back, well aware of the fact that she hadn't applied nearly enough pressure to destroy the remains of the root, no matter how fragile it was. The fact that it collapsed anyway seemed like a proof to her belief that Goshinboku was special and different – it was as if the tree was answering her. But of course, that begged the question what this kind of answer was supposed to mean.

Intrigued, the silver-haired girl put her hand on the ground to support herself as she leaned forward to look into the niche the collapsed root had revealed, and which was made of a few other root-rests. There was something there, hidden from curious eyes of people who weren't supposed to see it. It was lying innocently on the ground, blending so well with it that even Kagome with her superior eye-sight needed a second to spot it. Her frown only deepened when she did, though, but she uncertainly reached for it, anyway. It was soft to the touch, a bit like silk, but not quite. Tilting her head to the side curiously, Kagome grasped it and pulled it out of its hiding spot to get a better look. Her eye widened as soon as she did.

What she held was a piece of material, seemingly large enough to make even a kimono if one wanted. It was brown and soft, yet resistant. The young half-demon knew just by looking at it that it wouldn't tear easy – maybe it wouldn't be as resistant as her fire rat robe, but still quite good. It wasn't the looks of it that had her speechless, though, but the scent coming from it. The cloth emitted Kōga's scent as if it was a part of him. And after a closer look, Kagome realized that it was, for the cloth was made of a wolf's fur.

'A cloth made of Kōga-kun's fur?' Kagome wondered, hardly believing what she held in her hands. She knew for a fact that Kōga didn't use his fur to make clothes, nor would he allow anyone else to take even one hair of it for any reason. His fur was part of him, it belonged to him and no one else. To make a cloth of it would be like taking a part of himself and separating it from his body. She was essentially holding a part of Kōga in her hands.

She went rigid at the realization, a sudden thought striking her. If Kōga gifted this to anyone, it would be like telling them that he always wanted to be with them. And if he couldn't in person, then at least he'd want a part of him to always remain with that person. For such a thing to be hidden here, beneath the frail roots of the Goshinboku where they were supposed to meet… had the wolf prince been planning to give this to her?

It seemed almost impossible. Kōga and her loved each other, yes, but doing something like this meant even more than that. Up until then, though they were in love and tried to meet whenever they could, they both knew and accepted the fact that each of them had responsibilities they couldn't walk away from, nor drag the other into. But to do something like this, to give a part of himself to her as he apparently had… Kōga might have as well said that he cared little for those responsibilities and any other things that might get in the way and would eventually get his woman – truly and completely.

Her hands were shaking and she was hardly able to believe what all this meant. Kōga might have as well been here in front of her and vow on his life that he would never give up on her, never let her go considering what this offering meant. And she saw no other explanation than him leaving it here on purpose for her to find. Closing her eye, Kagome hugged the gift to her chest, taking comfort in Kōga's scent from it as an almost unbearable wave of longing hit her. Kami, how she wanted to hunt him down and see him again. How she wanted to just throw everything else to the wind and race to his lands. She just wanted to see the wolf prince again.

But she couldn't. With Inuyasha unable to control his powers the slightest bit, the kannushi would need protection now more than ever. It was quite likely he'd be able to hold his own better than ever before once he learned to control his powers, which he was obviously very determined to do, but until then, he'd need someone to look out for him. And on the off chance that something happened, she had to be here. She couldn't just leave him because she wanted to meet Kōga. It would be selfish… and it would mean breaking her promise, which she could never do.

'Kōga-kun,' Kagome thought a bit sadly, her ears drooping. 'Of course you knew that it would end like this. Even if we had met, you would have to return to your pack soon enough. And you knew I'd still be unable to go with you. That's why you left this here, why you planned to give this to me… so a small part of you could still be with me even when we were apart.'

Knowing this made her happy, but strangely guilty at the same time. She was happy because, in a way, she could already feel Kōga's presence. She knew he wasn't there, but through that little bit of his fur in her hands, it felt as if he was. But she felt guilty because he had nothing like that from her and now, she wished she had given him something as well.

Lowering her hands to deposit the cloth at the ground, Kagome sighed regretfully and turned to kneel in front of the gift, her feelings warring inside her. On one hand, she really didn't want to not accept the gift and leave it here, much less to give it to anyone else, if only for safekeeping. Even Kaede didn't seem to be an option. But on another hand, taking it felt wrong when she had nothing to give in return. Her head lowered to stare at her lap while one of her hands moved to her side without her thinking about it and reflexively brushed against Tessaiga. The young half-demon almost jumped when the sword pulsed at her hip in response, the reaction somehow triggering a memory in her brain.

乗

"Take it," she said simply, her tone commanding as she handed Yougo over to Kōga.

"Why would you give me your sword?" he asked perplexed, but obediently raised his clawed hands to accept the weapon and she deposited it gently in his palms.

"I'm not giving it to you, I'm lending it," she said calmly as she released the sheathed blade, her hand slowly rising to his cheek next to make him look up to her again. Their eyes met and a small fire seemed to erupt within her at that point, the heat quickly spreading through her whole body. She knew that feeling and she didn't resist it. Titling her head to the side, she closed her eyes and closed the small distance between them, effectively surprising him, although he was quick to respond to her advances. Smiling into the kiss, Kagome allowed it to last until she couldn't take more and leaned back to allow some air into her lungs, panting slightly along with him.

"I'll definitely be back for it," she whispered as she leaned her forehead against his, a smile dancing on her lips at his dazed expression. How she managed to get him into that state with just a kiss, even she herself didn't know, but then again, he had pretty much the same power over her. "It better be in good shape when I do," she warned finally, then jumped back into the water before he could respond and swam back out the tiny cave to the larger part of the Moonlight Lake and the exit.

乗

"Yougo," Kagome whispered to herself, remembering how she entrusted it to Kōga all those years before (even if it felt like just a few moon cycles to her). Still resting at her hip, Tessaiga pulsed again and Kagome bit her lip while her mind raced in an attempt to understand. She knew already that the pulse of power was Tessaiga's way of communicating with her. But she had yet to figure out how to understand further than on a solely instinctual level, how to hear its words like she had but a few times up until now. "What about Yougo?" she whispered to herself, frowning once more.

Yes, she had gifted Yougo to Kōga – or more like gave it to him for safekeeping in an attempt to reassure him that they would meet again. But Yougo wasn't a part of her. At least, not in the same way as the cloth in front of her was a part of Kōga.

As if hearing her thoughts, Tessaiga pulsed again and as if on cue, more memories flashed through Kagome's mind. Memories of her fights with Yougo in her hands and of the time she spent polishing it after a battle. A weapon needed maintenance, after all, otherwise it would become rusty. Actually, now that she thought about it, Tessaiga could use some taking care of, too. It might be a demonic blade made of her father's fang, but it didn't mean it didn't need polishing every now and then.

Tessaiga interrupted her thoughts again as it pulsed once more, stronger this time. And once again, the pulse made Kagome's mind drag up a memory from long ago. It had been long before she met Kikyo or Kōga, shortly after Tsurugi, the great-grandson of her uncle, became a father to Michiru, and only slightly longer since Tsurugi decided there was nothing more he could teach her when it came to swordplay. She had been in quite the number of fights one after another and had had little chance to clean her sword after each one, something Yougo definitely hadn't appreciated. With the blade starting to rust and even crack in a few places on the edge, Kagome had went to the only person she knew who knew a lot about swords to ask him for help.

Of course, Tsurugi hadn't been very happy at the sight of the state of her weapon, and had been even more disappointed she had allowed it to get that bad. Kagome hadn't even tried to excuse herself. But she had promised to never let her blade be in such a state again, if Tsurugi only agreed to tell her what to do so it would be in perfect shape again. He had agreed and had renewed it – or more like had Kagome renew it herself under his watchful eye. Thankfully, the blade hadn't needed to be re-forged, so even after the 'repairs', Yougo had remained exactly the same as it had been when she had first accepted it, at least in Tsurugi's eyes. A human would have never noticed any change. But Kagome had noticed it. Yougo hadn't been quite the same after that, but the change only made it easier to fight with. She had felt closer with it, more like it was an extension of her arm. She felt like it was truly a part of her somehow.

The young hanyō smiled briefly as the memory faded. Tsurugi would have wanted her head if he were here to see Tessaiga. Even that one time when she neglected it, Yougo hadn't been in a state as poor as Tessaiga pretended to be when untransformed. But the smile was quick to vanish as Kagome's eye snapped open in realization, only now after many years realizing what had changed in her old sword. Back then when she had renewed it, it might have only entailed just polishing and sharpening it, but even by doing just that something had changed. Tsurugi hadn't commented on it and Kagome had thought it should have always been that way, but after she was done renewing it, the blade was more reflective than it ever had been. In fact, if she hadn't known any better, Kagome would have thought the sword had been made of a mirror.

That had proven more than just handy in battle. The young hanyō had easily realized that the way it was, Yougo could both blind her enemies and act as a pair of eyes at the back of her head. Trying to attack her from behind during a battle had become impossible from then on. With how well Yougo always warned her of danger coming from her should-be blind spots, the sword might have as well yelled at her verbally when something approached. And it was only now, after many years, that Kagome understood that it was exactly what the sword had been doing. No amount of polishing and sharpening should have turned the blade as reflective as it had become. The deciding factor had been that it had been her who had done the polishing and sharpening, because while doing so she had somehow turned her blade from ordinary and human-made to a demonic sword. Somehow, she had infused her sword with her youki, with a part of the very core of who she was, had essentially made the sword a true part of herself. That was why she had been able to fight so well with it after that.

And then, she had lent the sword to Kōga. She hadn't realized it then, but she had given a part of herself to him. He had probably realized it, though, at least Kagome suspected as much. Although demons couldn't exactly sense each other's youki like priests and miko could, there was no doubt in her mind that Kōga had known, even when she herself hadn't. And it was probably part of the reason why she now had his fur in the form of a cloth sitting innocently in front of her. Kōga had a part of her always by his side, and he evidently wanted her to have a part of him, too.

Kagome smiled to herself, carefully taking the cloth again and running her fingers over it.

'Kōga-kun,' she thought fondly, her longing to see him increasing briefly before it faded into the back of her mind. He wasn't here with her, not physically, but with this gift, she felt as though he was. And not only that, now she also knew that no matter how long it took and what would try to get in the way, Kōga was just as determined to see her again, and to be with her, as she was. It was something she hadn't been sure of up until now, as there were definitely plenty of females trying to get Kōga's attention – wolf females who were accepted by his tribe. Knowing that despite not knowing when (or even if) she would wake up Kōga still waited for her made her heart flutter and caused happy tears to form in her golden eyes, although she did not allow them to fall.

It took only a second to make up her mind from there, and only a moment to make sure there was no one around. When she was certain she was alone, Kagome carefully placed the cloth in her lap before removing her haori and what was left of her kosode. Then, she picked the cloth Kōga left for her up again and brought it close to her torso to see how well it would fit. The second it touched her skin, though, the cloth seemed to gain a life of its own. Before Kagome could blink, the fur attached itself to her shoulders and wrapped itself tightly, but comfortably over her arms, down to the wrists. It came together a bit below her neck and hugged her body, stopping barely above her bandaged chest to hang loosely until it reached her waist. Kagome raised a curious brow at that and carefully reached under the cloth to unwrap the bandages she no longer needed anyway. The second she did, Kōga's fur wrapped itself tighter around her body, though it still just reached her waist. Looking down at herself, Kagome easily realized the cloth had formed a skin-hugging shirt, much like Sango's leather slayer-outfit. She barely felt it on her, however, and it didn't restrict her movements in the least. Really, she could have been naked for all she felt – in fact, if she didn't see the fur covering her, she would have thought she was.

As soon as the fur settled fully against her, Kagome also felt something else. Something akin to relief and happiness, but not as she usually felt them. It was as if what she was feeling weren't real feelings… or as though they were not her own.

As soon as the weird feeling appeared, it vanished again before the half-demon could ponder it. But even if she could have, she wouldn't have spared it a thought. She was too focused on the warmth that filled her entire being. It was a warmth she knew well, she had felt it more than often enough to recognize it. It was a warmth she felt whenever Kōga was near, a warmth that always got stronger whenever they hugged or kissed, a warmth she had been missing ever since she had come to the Gekkou no Mizūmi two moon cycles ago and realized Kōga was still waiting for her.

As she slowly put her fire rat haori back over her new shirt, Kagome couldn't help but wonder if Kōga felt the same way whenever he touched Yougo. She hoped he did. She wanted him to feel like she was with him even if she couldn't be at this particular moment. She wanted him to know that she wanted to see him again just as much as he longed to meet her once more.

When Kagome stood and turned to head back towards Kaede's village, or at least the edge of the forest so she wouldn't be spotted by the other miko who was still there, she was smiling and her heart felt lighter. Her worries were currently forgotten as she allowed the warmth and happiness Kōga's gift provided her with to chase them away, only one thought circulating in her head while she walked.

'Kōga-kun… I love you.'

[/T]

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(1) – What Kagome means here is related to one of Japanese beliefs about the dead. According to that, if the dead have a strong attachment to the world of the living, be it because of hatred, need for revenge, love or whatever, then death can't stop them from getting what they want. They do not reach the Sanzu River, but remain in the world of the living. Most of the time, those alive are afraid of the ghosts of the dead, so during the funeral and also many days after that, they have some sort of ceremony for the deceased, both to appease their spirits so they don't come back out of anger or something, and to assure them that the living will be alright on their own, so the dead don't linger out of love and need to help them, but move on, instead. The more time passes after the death, the rare those ceremonies become (remember the belief that after 49 days, a soul is reincarnated), until it's just once a year for all of the deceased ancestors of the family. So basically, Kagome says that if Inuyasha were to not be present at her funeral, her spirit would be so worried about him that it would roam the lands until it found him to make sure he was alright and safe, and thus not find peace.

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And this is it. I hoped you liked it. And for those who dislike the KōgaXKagome moments, deal with them. I'm being easy on you right now, anyway. It could be worse. I WILL be worse *laughs evilly* That being said, this IS and InuKag fic, so don't despair yet.

Next Chapter: Training and Testing

See you then! :D