The Way It Is - Chapter 5

Ellie's legs were sore by the time they were approaching the dam, the ride here being hard and fast after they had discovered the corpse of the Scar off the side of the broken down highway. As the sun had reached its highest and the day had moved into afternoon, the heat had been even more oppressive than the morning. Her skin was slick with sweat, and it had left even her jeans sticking to her legs as she pulled on the reins to slow her horse as they neared the edge of the treeline.

Her heart began to beat a little faster as she kept one hand on the reins and the other on the grip of her pistol, not sure what exactly they could be riding into. They finally broke the treeline, the stretch of ruined road leading directly to the back gate of the power plant. She had led her horse out a few feet with no one showing themselves on the walls before she looked back at Dina and shared a shrug with her.

A gunshot shattered the air, and Ellie's horse reared beneath her. It's panicked whinny was right in her ear as she clutched around the neck of her mount in order to stay on, balancing herself atop it as it came down with a jolt that went through her. "Hey! We're from Jackson, we're from Jackson!"

It was Dina shouting at the shooter, but Ellie didn't have time to acknowledge her or the person atop the wall as she worked to calm her horse, patting it's shoulders as she quickly looked it over for injuries. It seemed as though the shot had missed her and the animal entirely, leaving her shaken as she slowly trotted the horse in a wide circle to work out its nerves and looked over at the other girl, who was staring at her with a concerned expression.

There was a shouted apology from the other side, almost lost in the other shouts of alarm that could be heard from behind the gate. Ellie glanced away from that familiar look on Dina's face as she muttered. "Motherfucker.."

As they led their horses towards the gate, the doors were opened by a boy a bit younger than her, his sheepish expression and the rifle slung over one shoulder earning a glare from her. There were a handful of men and women inside, holding rifles and other weapons at the ready. Some of their wary features turned to recognition when they looked over her and she answered the scattered greetings with a wave.

"Holy shit.." Dina rode in just behind her, and from what she guessed was addressing the boy at the gate. "Hey, what happened here?"

The reason for their wariness was apparent, with bodies scattered over the courtyard. All of them wore the same brown coats she had recognized, and there was a number of horses there as well. Two were dead, sporting the embroidered saddles, while the others were meandering about aimlessly. One woman came forward to grab her reins as she dismounted, and Ellie jerked a thumb at the Scar laying over the horse behind her. "I'm guessing you guys lost one?"

"Pretty sure Tommy got that one while he was trying to run." She patted her horse's shoulder and looked over the courtyard.

"Where can I find him?"

The woman pointed towards the door that led inside the plant, before gently coaxing her horse off to the side. Ellie turned to Dina, who was listening to the boy who had almost shot her talk about how he hadn't been there at the start of the attack. She didn't recognize him. Not that she knew everyone in Jackson to begin with, but she at least could recognize them.

She tried to figure out why that lack of recognition brought back memories of walking through this place for the first time. So many new faces and the first friendly ones they had seen since leaving Pittsburgh.

Ellie flexed her fingers, not caring how clammy her palms felt in this heat. Dina had noticed her staring, and was walking over to her with that same concerned look in her eyes. Ellie decided to throw her off for now. "Who was that?"

Glancing back towards the boy, who was busy doing a very good job not looking over to match Ellie's angered gaze, Dina spoke quietly. "Marcus. He and his family stumbled across one of our patrols a few months after you.. After I went back to Jackson."

"Oh."

Her desire for conversation died quickly after that, and she turned to head into the building. A glance back told her that Dina was following her, but only until she acknowledged Dina saying she had to get to the control room to install the radio with a nod.

She found Tommy in the room that had been set aside for the crews to sleep in shifts while working on the dam, talking to someone who was holding a fresh bandage on his arm.

There were a handful of other people here too, some injured and some caring for them. No one had noticed her yet.

She swallowed heavily.

Fuck it.

"Tommy."

He had to limp to make a full turn back to face her, his one good eye squinting before realization dawned over his face. "Ellie?" It was only when he began limping towards her that she closed the gap, but he moved immediately to pull her into a tight embrace, and she returned it with an awkward hug of her own. "God, when'd you get back?"

Pulling away, she shrugged and rocked back on her heels. "A week ago. Maria had me come out here with Dina to deliver a radio after the power went out."

"She got that workin' then? Good. These sons of bitches attacked us right as we were gettin' ready to fix the turbine."

She cleared her throat and nodded, looking around and glad for the distraction. "Yeah, what the hell are Scars doing out here?"

"Well, it's a little complicated.." Tommy scoffed and motioned for her to follow him. "This way, I got quite the story to tell you."

Ellie tried not to notice the way he took each stair one at a time, holding onto the handrail. The only comfort she could take was that it didn't seem as bad as it had been, there were no pained grimaces with each step now. He led her down through the turbine area, where some of the crew was already back to work. At the end of the room, he opened a door and stepped in.

Closing the door behind her, Ellie let out a breath at the heat in the building. It was a few degrees cooler than outside, but only a few. "Tell me they aren't coming after us."

"They ain't, don't worry." Tommy chuckled as he sat down on the far side of the table in the middle of the room. "Check this out, been working on this the last few months."

He laid out a map on the table and turned it to face her. It showed all fifty states, major cities and roadways, but it had been drawn on. A lot. "See, we've had more and more traders and stragglers coming through here, and with things bein' how they are, I've been offering them some supplies for information. Makin' sure we know what's out there, yeah?"

She kept her left hand on her leg as she sat down, running her right over the map to smooth it out a bit. Boston was marked clearly with 'Fedra QZ', Pittsburgh with 'Hunters'.. Ellie narrowed her eyes a bit when she looked to Washington. Both WLF and Scars had been written there, but both were now crossed out. "They're gone?"

"From what I've been told by a few Stragglers, they burned most of the goddamn city down with 'em." Tommy shook his head, scoffing. "Way I heard it, 'round the time we were there the Wolves were gearing up for some big attack on the Scars. It all went to shit, and most everyone on both sides died in the fighting since."

Ellie took a closer look, seeing smaller writings of 'Scars?' and 'Wolves?' in a dozen places all branching out from the city. "Former Wolf came through here a few weeks back, said what little food production they had left was taken out by the Scars. Far as he could tell, wasn't nobody staying in Seattle after that."

"Holy shit." Tommy nodded as she leaned back. "So they're coming this way?"

"Seems like they're just scatterin' out, but Maria was worried about it, too. Wanted us to do the usual we do for Stragglers, despite our.. History with them. Make 'em an offer, don't engage first, that sorta thing."

"What the fuck happened outside, then?"

"From what Houser told me, they had a couple kids come out to the gate, looked like they weren't armed. Attacked in force when he opened it." Tommy shook his head, the distaste clear on his scarred face. "They got a couple of us, and Houser was stabbed in the arm by one of those fuckin' kids, but their group paid for it."

Ellie grimaced, looking down as she picked at her fingernails. "Yeah."

"So." She closed her eyes and forced herself not to mutter 'fuck' under her breath. "Did you find her?"

It would be so easy to lie.

He didn't get it, he wouldn't understand.

Ellie felt like this was probably a bit of what Joel felt on that bluff above Jackson, years ago. It would be so easy.

She opened her eyes and looked up at Tommy, at the neutral expression he held.

"I.. I did."

"Seein' as you're back, I can assume she's no longer with us?" She stared at him. "Well, come on girl, don't keep me in suspense."

Ellie looked away for a moment, steeling herself. "I let her go."

"Excuse me?" There it was, the anger she had been expecting since the moment she had sat plucking away a guitar she couldn't play anymore and decided to come back instead of just staying away. Maria had been understanding, if not okay with her. Dina had been indifferent, cold. This is what she had expected. "You're gone for months and you come back with 'I let her go'?"

This is what she deserved.

"When I found her, Tommy, I.." Ellie tried to put into words what she had seen, how Abby looked tied to that pillar. Words failed her. "It just wasn't worth it."

"Wasn't worth it? After all he did for you?"

Her hands shook as she finally met his furious gaze, a sudden realization dawning on her. "You knew, didn't you?" He had lost much of his aggressive posture then, surprise crossing his face. "How long?"

"Look, Ellie-"

She smashed her fists down on the table, rattling it on its shaky legs. "How long?!"

"He told me a few days after you guys came back from Salt Lake, and he-" His good eye flitted down. "Christ, Ellie.."

Anger left her as she realized what he was looking at, and she unclenched her fist. The two stubs where her fingers stood out so plainly, and she could feel the bruise that was going to form on the bottom of her palm.

"Everything that I've done."

Did she say that out loud?

She stood, suddenly and without really knowing why. It felt hard to breathe, like she was the one being held underwater.

Tommy's mouth was moving, but the words were lost in the pounding of her heart, the chill running through her limbs and making her shiver in sweat soaked clothing.

Like a pane of glass with cracks spreading through it, she felt the break coming, she felt the need to get away.

She was drowning, and all she could see was his face as he told her what had happened in the hospital.

All she could think about was the fact that he was gone.

He was gone.

And she could never try again.

The door slammed shut behind her.

Marcus hadn't said a word when she grabbed her horse and took off. Or he might have.

Ellie hadn't been able to focus until she was halfway into the woods and the air felt as though it was becoming lighter around her. Hadn't processed anything until her heart had stopped pounding so hard it had deafened her.

She had rode until the memories stopped coming up, until she felt the heat of the day again instead of a deep chill that didn't leave her numb. She hadn't known where she was going.

Well, she hadn't realized where she was going, until she had reached the fence. The place she had many memories of warm days repairing the posts and putting up stronger wire, all while Dina had complained that she could totally lift those posts despite a massive belly.

Now Ellie was in the room she had left a week earlier, sitting on the floor against the wall. It was the only room that wasn't grey and lifeless now.

It was filled with her failure.

But at least it wasn't empty.

She had no real plan for what to do here, but her dream from the morning plagued her enough that she had dug through the closet until she found an old backpack still littered with pins, one of its straps torn from the top of it.

The letter that had been inside the pack lay between her legs on the floor, carefully opened and still yellowed with age. The bloodstained handprint still there, bringing a weird comfort to her. Something that hadn't changed.

Her wrists were resting on her knees, and her eyes were glued to the small metal pendant that spun as she twisted the chain this way and that. It's face was rusted, stained with blood as well. She'd never tried to clean it.

It would've felt like a betrayal to wash that off.

Her name was softly called from downstairs.

Kind of like how being alive still felt.

Footsteps up the creaking stairs. Hadn't she told Dina she was totally gonna fix those steps?

How many times had she woken her up in the middle of night by stepping on them, desperate to get some air.

Another twist and the pendant danced in the light of the evening sun coming through the window, the same light that cast a long shadow of the guitar she had left there.

"Ellie?"

There was a soft knock at the door, which slowly swung inward. She didn't need to look to know it was Dina, she could see every beautiful line and freckle. Even if she was blind, she could have seen that. Even now, even after all she had done, the fact that she was here made her feel better more than anything else could.

That felt undeserved on her part.

She had to close her eyes and grip the chain tight between her fingers as the comforting presence sat down next to her, their shoulders nearly touching. Minutes passed, the silence between them not as awkward as it had been back in Jackson. It felt normal.

It made her feel like she wasn't suffocating under all that she had done.

Ellie swallowed, and it sounded like thunder through the stillness of the room.

"Hm." The noise came from beside her, and she risked a glance to find dark brown eyes focused on the pendant she was fidgeting with. "I remember when you showed me Joel's collection of those, I didn't know you had one."

It was classic Dina to ignore so many things hanging over them and just ask a question so casually without actually asking it. It almost made her laugh.

Instead, she wound up the chain before reaching over and pressing it into the other girl's palm. Dina took it, flipping it over and running her fingers over the bloodied metal. "Riley Abel. Wonder who she was."

It was hard to keep her heart under control, but she couldn't have ever hoped to stop the pang that ripped through it at the sound of that name. It was like a beast inside her, rearing its head and demanding that she speak.

"She was my best friend." Ellie finally looked over at Dina, hoping beyond hope that she had wasted all her tears on the ride to the farm. "Back in Boston."

"Oh." The pause there as Dina looked back down at the pendant. "Do you want to tell me about her?"

'No.' seemed like the obvious, instinctual answer to Ellie. But that didn't stop her mouth from moving. "You would have liked her. She was strong, she watched out for me, hated anyone telling her what to do."

A shoulder bumped against hers. "Reminds me of someone."

She smiled for a brief moment. "Yeah."

"She was a Firefly?"

"Yep." Ellie closed her eyes, trying to recall those simple days of the school. Of worrying for a month that her friend had gone off and gotten herself killed. "She was gonna leave them, though. For me, I guess."

Dina was smirking, and she could hear it in her voice. "Now that is not surprising."

The mirth lasted for a moment before Ellie opened her eyes and looked over, turning over her right arm and looking at the acid burn. "When I was bitten, Riley was there. She got bitten, too." It was still so raw to her. "We decided to wait it out, you know, just lose our minds together."

Her hand was gently taken, fingers threading through her own and holding it. It anchored her thoughts, allowed her to break from the swirl of images that talking about it came with, and let her take in a steady breath. "You're the only person I've told about her, except for Joel."

"There's a lot you haven't told me."

"Yeah."

"I am." She looked over with a confused expression and Dina chuckled. "Happier now, I mean. You.. Asked me earlier." The other girl gave a long, weary sigh and leaned a bit more into her. "It didn't feel like home without you, Ellie."

Ellie sat paralyzed for a long moment, letting out a slow breath before she leaned her head down against Dina's. "I know."

"Just.. We have a lot to work through. A lot to talk about."

"I know, I'm a huge fucking mess." That brought the laugh Ellie wanted, like music to her ears.

"Well you do smell like a hot piece of garbage." She smiled at the playful insult, knowing full well she had practically sweat out every ounce of water she'd actually drank today. She didn't have to sniff to know Dina was right.

"You love it."

Author's Note: Finally some progress for them, right? Here's the second half of what I had before, hence the quick update. Thank you again for all the support, love to hear how much people are enjoying this! One thing that bugs me is the line from Dina about having a lot to talk about, but I felt I should include it so people don't get a "Yay everything is fixed!" feeling, 'cause it ain't that easy! 'Til next time! -Fox