It had been a dreadful night, following a lovely evening at the new cozy seafood place downtown. They had held hands over the table in the candle lit room and talked about life as Sam's foot had stroked Jack's leg. She had ordered oysters, and quickly declared them to be the best she had ever tasted. This had soon proven to not only be wrong but to be a terrible joke of fate. Once home on the couch the oysters had decided to rebel inside her and make a break for it; violently and repeatedly.
So as the weak morning fall sun started penetrating the blinds, Jack began drawing her a bath, and while the tub filled with warm water he carefully lifted Sam off their bed. His knees protested the added weight to their weak, artificial joints, and he muttered in spite of himself.
"Oh for cryin' out loud…"
Sam's eyes opened briefly and she chuckled.
"Hey! Don't laugh at the elderly, it's rude." " He said in mock sternness, and she nodded obediently in to his chest.
"You're the best husband in the entire world." She murmured sleepily in to his sweatshirt, raising a pale, clammy hand to blindly stroke his cheek. Jack winced and smiled at the same time, putting his foot between the bathroom door and its frame to allow them in. He managed to set Sam down in the tub, and carefully guided her head to rest against the porcelain, placing his hand on her forehead to fixate her position.
"I could do you right now." She said suddenly in an unexpectedly seductive voice, earning her an explosive laugh from Jack.
"Is that so, Colonel?" He challenged.
"That is so, General." Sam responded defiantly as she braced herself to sit up and kiss him.
Sadly, her attempt to ravish her bemused husband caused the world around her to suddenly spin at sonic speed. Her body convulsed powerfully, and an equally powerful projectile of stomach content shot out of her, landing mostly on Jack's sweater.
"D'oh!" She mumbled and leaned back on the porcelain again.
As he began draining the tub, Jack made a dramatic gesture with his hand.
"World saving Air Force Colonel and kickass extraordinaire, Samantha Carter, almost killed by every bad guy in the known universe!" He exclaimed, and then paused dramatically for effect:
"Slain by bad oysters."
I hope you enjoyed my ever so slightly gross story.
Love and peace to you, my friends. Remember to stay healthy, stay sanitized, and to spread the love.