JJ (II)

Don't walk in front of me… I may not follow. Don't walk behind me… I may not lead. Walk beside me… just be my friend - Albert Camus

Pip slammed the door in Rossi's face and then sagged defeatedly against the doorframe. Suds dripped unheeded from her body onto the floor as her shoulders shook, whether from laughter or something else JJ couldn't immediately tell.

JJ approached her warily. She'd arrived with a pizza about half an hour previously, and presented Pip with the pie as if bestowing a great gift. A proper Chicago pizza, just the way Pip liked it, what could possibly go wrong? She'd opened the box with a flourish only for Pip to take one whiff of the pizza and turn an alarming shade of green. She'd bolted for the bathroom and then kicked the door closed behind her when JJ tried to follow. She'd been in there ever since, and only the sound of running water offered some reassurance that she'd decided to take a shower and wasn't still throwing up.

Rather than waste a perfectly good pepperoni & onion, even if it wasn't her first choice in toppings, JJ had made good inroads on the pizza by the time Rossi knocked on Pip's door. At first, she'd frozen, a bit unsure what to do. Should she answer the door, considering Pip was in the shower? Or would it be better to wait, to make Pip emerge from her retreat and face whoever was at the door?

Before an option had been chosen, Pip flew out of the bathroom, taking the decision away. Having told Rossi something he should have known already: that sneaking around the hotel and offering to spend the night wasn't a good idea, Pip seemed to deflate, like she'd been punctured. She leaned her head on the door and sighed, such a long exhale of sheer desolation that JJ felt tears prickle her eyes.

Pip flinched violently when JJ laid a gentle hand on her shoulder, still a little damp and chilling rapidly in the pumped air of the room. That said enough about her state of mind for JJ to start wondering if she'd bitten off more than she could chew.

"Didn't know you were still here," murmured Pip, casting her a vaguely apologetic glance and heading back into the bathroom. Her eyes were red-rimmed; she had been crying extensively in the safety of the shower with no one to see. "Sorry if you were worried. I'm fine. See you tomorrow."

The bathroom door closed firmly once more, leaving JJ standing there already planning. Pip was many hundreds if not thousands of miles away from being fine, and with Rossi sent packing, it fell to her to deal with it. Somehow. JJ grinned briefly. If Pip thought dismissing her and hiding in the bathroom until she left was going to work, she had another thing coming.

It took two phone calls, a minor bribe to the porter and some swift unpacking, but JJ was ready by the time Pip emerged from her self-imposed exile to the bathroom. The porter had been insufferable actually, winking and grinning at her; the bribe had been for him to keep his unsubtle insinuations to himself - he was so smug and assured that a simple tip would never have worked. He obviously thought the pair of them were having some sort of a clandestine lesbian love affair and that by bringing her bags down to Pip's room he was assisting in some great sneaky plan so they could have sex under their friends' noses.

Pip stopped dead as soon as she saw her. "It's a good job I didn't decide to waltz out here naked, isn't it?" she sneered. "Or were you hoping I would because this is this your backhanded way of propositioning me?"

JJ blushed. She couldn't help it not after the porter's allusions… "Of course not," she managed indignantly before seeing the brief flash of amusement in Pip's eyes. "You heard the porter, didn't you?" she asked ruefully.

Pip rolled her eyes. "Bit hard not to really." She dressed quickly and efficiently, leaving JJ to wonder how she managed to make getting pyjamas on under a towel look dignified. She looked JJ up and down, dressed in her sleepwear and feet already tucked under the quilt. "I don't need a babysitter," she huffed with considerable exasperation.

Recognising the prickly withdrawal for what it was, JJ stood and glared at her, hands on hips. "How about a friend?" she asked pointedly. "Seems like you've already scared off the only other person who offered."

Pip's eyes were shining again, but not with humour. She hadn't meant to put it quite like that, but Pip always had a knack for getting under her skin. JJ sighed. "It was a bad idea of his from the beginning, you and I both know that. I don't mean you've actually scared him off. He cares too much about you to take the occasional barb from the sharper side of your tongue personally."

Pip turned away with a shrug. "I know."

Her disinterest would have been believable if JJ hadn't caught the brief flick of her eyes that sought visual confirmation of the words. She kept her expression open and neutral, knowing that what she'd said was completely true. Rossi knew better than to be offended or hurt by such a minor swipe, and Pip should know that too.

But things were different since they'd arrived in Chicago, although the personality shift had started before the team had even boarded the jet. Pip was quieter, dejected, practically submissive. Cho obviously couldn't stand her and while it was clear Pip didn't like him much either, his was a visceral reaction. Hatred that strong didn't bloom overnight or for no reason and Pip's reaction to returning to Chicago had been to shut down. Instead of the blazing fight JJ had expected when Cho started his campaign of sneering comments, Pip had just battened down the hatches to endure it. It didn't make any sense.

"Why does Cho hate you so much?" she asked, not really expecting an answer.

"Because I survived and so many others didn't," said Pip softly. "I always felt like he thought I hadn't tried hard enough, that because I was the first person who wasn't killed outright by their injuries that I should have done more. That was before I knew about his relationship with Hollis, somehow I'd figured she played for the other team." She shrugged. "I never saw them together, so I didn't pick up the signs I usually rely on for that kind of thing."

Pip sat down wearily on the end of the bed. "You're not going to leave, are you?" she asked resignedly.

JJ grinned. "Not a chance."

"Ok," said Pip calmly, and burst into tears.

Completely caught off guard, it took a moment for JJ to realise what had happened. Even when she was upset, Pip seemed to have almost iron control over her emotions and it seemed that persistence had broken through that control. She gathered Pip into her arms and let her have a good cry. Sometimes just letting it all out was exactly what was needed.

When Pip tapered off into sniffles, JJ shifted to reach for a tissue and mopped her puffy face dry, much as she'd do for Henry. "Better?" she asked. "The pizza's probably cold by now, but your half is still in there," she said gesturing vaguely to the box sat on the desk.

Pip swallowed heavily and didn't look in the direction she'd indicated. "That was one of our favourite restaurants," she whispered, her voice still roughened with emotion. "We used to eat there regularly, and they would even deliver to the office if we pulled an all-nighter."

JJ went cold, realising why Pip's reaction to the pizza had been so violent. Flooded with guilt, she tried to apologise; not that she could have known the blunder she was making with the pizza, but Pip waved off her concern. "I can get you something else?" she offered instead. "There's a buffet downstairs, I'm sure they'll have something you like?" They'd have some bacon, surely? If nothing else, bacon would encourage her to eat.

"Not hungry," muttered Pip to her knees, ruining yet another good idea.

"You want me to get rid of it?"

Pip looked away and nodded.

JJ threw her jacket on over the top of her PJ's and grabbed the box, with every intention of throwing it out. She caught a glimpse of Pip's face just before she turned away and stopped, thinking. "I'll just take this with me too," she murmured to herself, grabbing up the keycard to Pip's room. Pip snorted behind her and JJ grinned to herself. Without the key she couldn't get back in the room, and she had a feeling Pip wouldn't have let her in the door for a second time that night.

With the cold pizza disposed of, the pair of them settled into bed. JJ could feel herself dozing almost immediately but was aware that Pip was lying stiffly next to her like a board.

"You going to sleep ok?" she asked softly, already fairly sure she knew what the answer was.

"How does Will feel about you being back in the Bureau?" countered Pip, avoiding the question with far less subtlety than JJ was accustomed to.

"I think he preferred it while I was at the Pentagon," admitted JJ uncomfortably. It was quite bone of contention between the two of them actually. Will was convinced that she'd taken a step backwards by returning to the BAU, and made no secret of the fact that while he didn't mind the extended travelling of her previous role, the unpredictable nature of her movements was more of an issue since she left the Pentagon.

Trouble was, he didn't know what the job at the Pentagon had entailed, how hard it had been, mentally, to manage. He had no idea and she couldn't tell him. She couldn't go back to what she'd been doing even if she wanted to. Their contribution to the hunt for Bin Ladin was over and there was no way she'd be prepared to go back into something similar without Pip at her back.

Which lead her down another line of thought. She couldn't talk to Will about what she'd seen, what she'd done, but she could talk to Pip.

"He thinks I demoted myself by coming back to the BAU. He doesn't understand how the job affected me; how could he? He still still thinks I was just out of state when I was in Afghanistan with you. He has no idea what I went through, and I can't tell him!" JJ warmed to her theme and sat up to make her point clearer. "He still doesn't know about the miscarriage and I don't think I can ever tell him. He got so paranoid about me being in the field when I was pregnant with Henry that learning I'd killed his baby by being blown up…well." She let her breath out in a sharp puff of annoyance. "I'd probably find myself chained to the bed or something."

"Whatever turns you on, babe," quipped Pip. "I've got a scarf in my bag if that will suffice for the evening?"

JJ laughed, brushing away the half-formed tears from her eyes. "I won't try and compete with Rossi, much as it breaks my heart."

They giggled together, and JJ immediately felt better. There was no quick solution for Will's dissatisfaction with her career path, but she had to hope that seeing her happy, back in the BAU with her friends like she belonged would make him happy too. Only time would tell.

"Cho's making me sit at his old desk," murmured Pip into the slightly awkward silence that developed.

That explained the mercurial emotions. It was a mean trick to play, to force Pip to sit at her old lover's desk. Cho's hatred of her ran deeper than JJ had appreciated.

"There's still this little dent from his signet ring," added Pip. "He had an argument with Ade and thumped the desk to make a point, nearly broke his fingers."

"You never talk about him," observed JJ, knowing better than to name the man they were talking about.

"You never talk about Roslyn," countered Pip.

JJ winced. The reminder of her sister still stung, despite the point she knew Pip was trying to make. She fiddled with the heart necklace Roz had given her just before she died, trying to regain her composure. She never took it off, preferring to keep her one remaining little piece of her beloved sister close, even while she slept.

"Sorry," muttered Pip. "I didn't mean…"

JJ rubbed her shoulder reassuringly. "I know you didn't. It's ok. I've blocked out a lot of it, I genuinely don't remember much about what happened. I know I froze for a good ten minutes when I found her, but apart from that…"

"It's all just a blur."

The two of them shared a sad smile. They had both been through the wringer of life, but somehow had come out the other side as strong independent women. Others in similar circumstances had turned UnSub or worse.

"I'm glad you're my friend, JJ," whispered Pip, as they lay back down to sleep.

JJ wrapped her arms around Pip, and let her snuggle into the hollow of her shoulder. "Likewise," she replied.